On motivation: not sure if you really want it

[Huffman]

Hey guys, let me vent and whine a bit.

Today (same as many nights) I don't have any plans. So I was going to go alone, to a bar that I know. I've been there before, solo, and sometimes had a good time, sometimes not.

But my head was saying "nah it's not gonna be worth it". "You'll waste your time". "Probably no interesting girls there today". "I hate talking to boring guys while secretly hoping for a girl to appear".
Even so, I could then go to a different bar just the same. "I know that other bar, not many targets there either". Then how about danceclubs? "I hate the music, it's too loud to talk, unless you quickly find a girl to dance it'll be boring".

So I stayed home. Crap.
Usually my mantra is: Do I really want it? If yes then go for it 100%. But now I'm not even decided if I want to go out alone. I guess me bitching about it means that I did want it after all.

How do you guys deal with this kind of motivational problems? My mind is playing tricks on me, I can't force myself to do something if I'm not convinced that I want it.

 

[Huffman]

In this particular case, obviously my expectations of the night were low so I didn't want it enough. But I didn't have anything other lined up so I am somehow disappointed at staying home.

Maybe the answer is to see "going out when there's low expectations" as a challenge to have fun, and less as a chore. I'll start pre-drinking again and see if that changes my outlook.

 

[ubercat]

Bit unsure about this post. is your point that you had plans to go out and pull chicks tonight and we're just feeling a bit under motivated. or do you wish you had other things to do instead of going to the bar? Either way I'm a bit surprised because you're an experienced DJ so maybe it's just an off night.

 

[logicallefty]

I think you made a wise choice in your specific situation. Here is my take on these kinds of choices:

Give up going out alone to instead sit home alone - good choice, save the money!

Give up going out with friends to instead sit home alone - it could mean you are depressed

Give up going out with friends or alone to instead go to the gym - good choice, work on yourself!

Give up going on a date with a woman to instead sit home and beat your meat - that depends on the woman. Sometimes I'd rather beat my meat lol

 

[SeymourCake]

Motivation is temporary. If you want something permanent in your lifetime, then you need to develop discipline and make it a healthy habit that can be incorporated into your daily routine.

 

[Billtx49]

If you feel it, do it. Results, no matter who is there will be better.
If you don't go and get some alone time, enjoy that too.
Bottom line, don't try to over rationalize any situation. Make choices and enjoy life, that's what it's for.

 

[grayclif]

When you get in that state just go to the gym then go eat a nice big healthy meal then go to sleep. Keep your TV, tablet and phone out of your bedroom.

 

[Huffman]

Bit unsure about this post. is your point that you had plans to go out and pull chicks tonight and we're just feeling a bit under motivated. or do you wish you had other things to do instead of going to the bar? Either way I'm a bit surprised because you're an experienced DJ so maybe it's just an off night.

Not that experienced at all. My recent successes are mostly a combination of improved looks + recognizing an iron when it's hot. I'm actually a really passive guy. Sometimes things just fall into my lap, and at other times I go through huge dry spells and feel I'm too weak/unmotivated to make things happen.

Let's sum it up, that night I wished I had other things to do. Had there been a meetup with girls - I'd never hesitated to go. Had there been a tryout dance class - I'd have taken a fancy dress shirt and went.

Thanks for reading my rant. I'll go out solo tonight after training and see how I feel about it.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Find a hobby or thing you like too do if you don't go out. I'm in to making music

 

[ubercat]

Yeah u need some interests. Guitar and mbikes seem popular around here.

I kind of plan around my motivation levels. it's like your job or a relationship with a chick there should be hard days and easier days. if it is all hard days it ain't working. so I have big and small projects planned. if it's a low motivation day I work on a tiny project. E.g. yesterday I had a mighty battle getting my laptop setup again. left me pretty brain dead.

This morning I went over a couple of Chinese lessons while I was doing my domestics. But I went over old lessons I've already learnt for a bit of a refresh. That's the good thing about hobbies and interests you can normally engage in them at different levels. E.g.
if tennis is your thing and you're feeling a bit sore or unmotivated, go hit up against a wall or go to a meet up where you will be playing with beginners. You are still getting practice just at a lower level. people often adopt an all for nothing attitude. baby steps are OK as long as you keep moving forward it all counts

 

[Huffman]

Good call, I need more interests where I can be social. Technically I have enough hobbies, I play various instruments, work out etc. but usually do it alone. One thing which I've picked up that keeps giving is rock climbing. There's lots of fit girls (and cool dudes as well), and I enjoy the sport alot.

On motivation: I don't know man. I keep on stagnating. I can start a day and literally not feel like I'd want to do anything. I try to be impulsive and just do whatever seems awesome, but often I can't think of anything. Doing or planning anything seems like so much work and hassle. Hence my habit to force myself... trying to kickstart my lazy ass into whatever.

Well, whatever. At least I work out regularly which keeps me fit and gives me instant feelgood everytime. So I never fall too deep. This thread just started because I felt I should be more, I could do more, be more proactive, I want to approach more hot girls, have my pick, some day find a great partner.