NOTE: I'm 18 years old, which is rather young in the big scheme of things. This means I have notably less life experience than many people on these boards. For that reason, I want to make it clear that everything I'm about to say is what I've learned from what experience I do have, and also from what I've seen going on in other people's lives. In other words, it's an "educated" opinion. If it sounds like I'm trying to pass this stuff off as fact, I apologize.
We all know that there are some women who are addicted to being in destructive relationships where they get abused and mistreated and the like. We also know about the whole "jerk vs. nice guy" paradox, where guys who act like a$$holes pull chicks like crazy while the kinder, more nurturing guys get no play at all. One reason attributed to both of these things is that women love emotional rollercoasters, and therefore stay with the a$$holes because they provide that rollercoaster (there's obviously more to the jerk vs. nice guy thing, but I'll touch on that later). However, I think that this notion is often misinterpreted and misapplied, and trying to create an emotional rollercoaster within a relationship is totally unnecessary for a woman WITHOUT serious emotional issues, or perhaps a mental disorder.
One flaw that I see in the usual analysis of an emotional rollercoaster (ER from now on) is that these women are looking to add something negative to their lives in order to make things more exciting. Again, a woman with emotional issues or a mental disorder might actually WANT to do this, but I don't think that's the case with the rest of them. Most people's lives are already ERs, and most of the time they have more downs than up (there are different downs for different "stages of life", but the point is that the downs are always there). Any mentally healthy person (including a woman) would want to add more UPS to his/her life. A quality, fulfilling relationship is a good way to do that.
Let's face it: most of us know (or at least see) MANY more couples that are HAPPY with each other and have a mostly healthy relationship than couples where the woman is abused but still stays with the man, and these relationships where BOTH partners are happy (*gasp*) often last for a considerable amount of time and can eventually lead to a lasting marriage. This is because their relationship is an UP in a world where we experience many DOWNS, even if they aren't all major downs. It's a source of HAPPINESS and makes them feel GOOD. And you know what? Even though I'll admit that women are kinda ****ed up, you can't say that any mentally and emotionally healthy woman would opt for misery and degredation over happiness.
Of course, this brings up the issue of attraction, and also brings me back to the nice guy vs. jerk issue. People say that nice guys (i.e. NOT the kind of guys that foster abusive relationships where the woman can experience her "quintessential" ER) are unattractive to women, while jerks attract women like crazy. The typical flaw that appears when people explain this issue is that they use the term "nice guy" to describe an AFC, and use the term "jerk" to describe a PUA/DJ. They do this as if being a nice guy = being an AFC and being a jerk = being a PUA/DJ, no matter who you are. This is just blatantly wrong. I've known plenty of nice guys who pull WAY more chicks than any jerk ever could, and the reason for this is because they are confident, carefree, determined, bold, etc. In other words, they have STRENGTH OF CHARACTER.
This is, in my opinion, they key to real attraction, and also the reason why nice guys can still pull chicks. Women are attracted to strong men. In our primitive days, physical strength was the measure of manliness. In modern society, that kind of strength, while nice to have, is less practical (and therefore less important) than strength of character. The nice guy PUAs I've known are the ones who have this quality. Nice guy AFCs don't. Same with jerk AFCs (they do exist). Jerk PUAs do exhibit this kind of strength, but they do it in a different way than the nice guy PUA does. And of course, let's not forget the whole embracing your sexuality aspect. But that's been talked about tons of times before, so I won't say much more on it here.
So, how does all this tie together? Well, the point I'm trying to make is that the way many of us were raised, to be respectful, kind, courteous, and generally good citizens, is not necessarily bad when it comes to getting women. Sure, being a jerk can get you women, but you can be a nice guy with strength of character and be just as successful. Sure, you can keep a woman by being abusive and giving her an ER, but only if you want to have a relationship with an emotional time-bomb (by female standards
). There is an alternative, though. Be a quality guy who is respected and makes others feel good, who has a strong central character, who embraces himself as a man and as a sexual being, and you'll be able to get a girl for whatever purpose you want, be it a quick lay or a LTR.
We all know that there are some women who are addicted to being in destructive relationships where they get abused and mistreated and the like. We also know about the whole "jerk vs. nice guy" paradox, where guys who act like a$$holes pull chicks like crazy while the kinder, more nurturing guys get no play at all. One reason attributed to both of these things is that women love emotional rollercoasters, and therefore stay with the a$$holes because they provide that rollercoaster (there's obviously more to the jerk vs. nice guy thing, but I'll touch on that later). However, I think that this notion is often misinterpreted and misapplied, and trying to create an emotional rollercoaster within a relationship is totally unnecessary for a woman WITHOUT serious emotional issues, or perhaps a mental disorder.
One flaw that I see in the usual analysis of an emotional rollercoaster (ER from now on) is that these women are looking to add something negative to their lives in order to make things more exciting. Again, a woman with emotional issues or a mental disorder might actually WANT to do this, but I don't think that's the case with the rest of them. Most people's lives are already ERs, and most of the time they have more downs than up (there are different downs for different "stages of life", but the point is that the downs are always there). Any mentally healthy person (including a woman) would want to add more UPS to his/her life. A quality, fulfilling relationship is a good way to do that.
Let's face it: most of us know (or at least see) MANY more couples that are HAPPY with each other and have a mostly healthy relationship than couples where the woman is abused but still stays with the man, and these relationships where BOTH partners are happy (*gasp*) often last for a considerable amount of time and can eventually lead to a lasting marriage. This is because their relationship is an UP in a world where we experience many DOWNS, even if they aren't all major downs. It's a source of HAPPINESS and makes them feel GOOD. And you know what? Even though I'll admit that women are kinda ****ed up, you can't say that any mentally and emotionally healthy woman would opt for misery and degredation over happiness.
Of course, this brings up the issue of attraction, and also brings me back to the nice guy vs. jerk issue. People say that nice guys (i.e. NOT the kind of guys that foster abusive relationships where the woman can experience her "quintessential" ER) are unattractive to women, while jerks attract women like crazy. The typical flaw that appears when people explain this issue is that they use the term "nice guy" to describe an AFC, and use the term "jerk" to describe a PUA/DJ. They do this as if being a nice guy = being an AFC and being a jerk = being a PUA/DJ, no matter who you are. This is just blatantly wrong. I've known plenty of nice guys who pull WAY more chicks than any jerk ever could, and the reason for this is because they are confident, carefree, determined, bold, etc. In other words, they have STRENGTH OF CHARACTER.
This is, in my opinion, they key to real attraction, and also the reason why nice guys can still pull chicks. Women are attracted to strong men. In our primitive days, physical strength was the measure of manliness. In modern society, that kind of strength, while nice to have, is less practical (and therefore less important) than strength of character. The nice guy PUAs I've known are the ones who have this quality. Nice guy AFCs don't. Same with jerk AFCs (they do exist). Jerk PUAs do exhibit this kind of strength, but they do it in a different way than the nice guy PUA does. And of course, let's not forget the whole embracing your sexuality aspect. But that's been talked about tons of times before, so I won't say much more on it here.
So, how does all this tie together? Well, the point I'm trying to make is that the way many of us were raised, to be respectful, kind, courteous, and generally good citizens, is not necessarily bad when it comes to getting women. Sure, being a jerk can get you women, but you can be a nice guy with strength of character and be just as successful. Sure, you can keep a woman by being abusive and giving her an ER, but only if you want to have a relationship with an emotional time-bomb (by female standards
). There is an alternative, though. Be a quality guy who is respected and makes others feel good, who has a strong central character, who embraces himself as a man and as a sexual being, and you'll be able to get a girl for whatever purpose you want, be it a quick lay or a LTR.