On a mission to improving my self confidence

[Viper]

Hey, Mike here and I'm here seeking assistance on improving myself confidence. I'm your average guy, 5'9, light brown skin, I weigh about 194 pounds and I work out. Although one thing I'd like to improve is my self confidence, because I think it will help make me a happier person and it will improve my luck with the ladies. First of all, I'd like some help on becoming a better conversationalist. Remember that topic I posted about a month ago? Where I approached "Tina" on the bus? If you didn't I'll quote the important part of the post here.

[I engage in eye contact with her]
Me: Hey, Tina.
[Tina looks at me]
Me: Hey, Tina is it okay if I sit with you?
[Tina Smiles]
Tina: Sure!
[I sit down]
Me: So... how was school today?
Tina: Oh, good.
[Pause for a few seconds]
Me: So... what are you listening to?
Tina: [She stated a band name, but I can't remember the name of it.]
Me: Oh, that rock music?
[Tina nods]
Tina: Yep.

And for the rest of the ride, we didn't talk at all. I just sat there wondering why she was interested and Tina just basically sat there looking out the window, listening to her CD Player.

Then I realized that, the girl was very bored. However, even if I ask open ended questions, I always happen to run out of things to say to keep the conversation moving. Which I why I want to become a conversationalist and not just with girls too, I want to become that guy, that everyone knows they can have a nice, long, interesting chat with, the guy that people know can always give them a good laugh. Tips on how to improve these things and an example of a good convo with a girl would be great.

Now, I'm good at C&F in general, even around girls that I do somewhat know. The problem is, when I approach girls that I don't know, I'm afraid that if she's takes a joke the wrong way or thinks I'm an ******* or something, that pretty much blows my chances of dating her. When using C&F, what are some good things to comment on? How do I draw the line between funny and just being an *******? An example of good use of C&F would be good too.

Recently, I asked Tina and her friend to come to our Schools yearly carnival, since my band had a show there. To my surprise they said they would be there and guess what? They actually showed up. Since alot of other people who said they would come to the show, didn't show up, it really meant something to me that those two girls came to see me play. It's been going pretty well so far, not like the other girls I asked to sign my yearbook, these two girls actually wrote something that MEANT something.

One girl wrote this for instance.

Hey, Mike,
I hope your band continues to do good performances.
You guys were pretty good at the school carnival, keep it up!
Good luck next year, I hope you have a great summer.

Well, that's basically it.

 

[Viper]

Ignore this post.

 

[Viper]

I think you need to read more articles from the bible. As far as improving your conversational skills I suggest you talk to as many people as you can. You'll learn as you go. From what I read there, it seems like you need to avoid the questions that have one word answers. Your trying to get them to talk. If your actually interested in what the person is saying it should flow nicely. It just takes experience. By the way, I don't mean to be judgemental, but the whole thing about the band and the girl who wrote in your yearbook is pointless man. Your looking for confidence and conversational skills, but bragging really turns people off and makes you look more inconfident.

Well, when I try to ask people more than one word questions, it comes to a point where I kind of run out things to say or I'll just get really bored and try hard to look like I'm interested. I don't think that one of my weak points is actually starting a good conversation, but more likely keeping the conversation interesting. Take this convo I had a few monthes ago for example:

Me: Hey, Rebecca, how's it going?
Rebecca: It's going pretty good.
Me: So summer vacation is coming up. You doing anything?
Rebecca: Uh.. yeah, I'm going to camp actually.
Me: Ah, that should be fun.
Rebecca: Yeah.
Rebecca: You?
Me: Oh, I'm going to Virginia this summer to visit my relatives.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, I've been down there before.
Me: Oh, what did you go down there for?
Rebecca: Oh, I've gone vacationing down there before. Virginia Beach.
Me: Oh... Well, see you later.
Rebecca: Yeah.

We were having a good conversation and all, but I was more worried about staying awake, than actually getting to know the girl.

 

[upcomingDJ]

yea u need to work on your convo skills... i use to have a problem with this.. wut u need to do is stop thinking too much in what else to say/ask but start LISTENING... cuz u could have easily expanded those convos.. for example:

Me: Hey, Rebecca, how's it going?
Rebecca: It's going pretty good.
Me: So summer vacation is coming up. You doing anything?
Rebecca: Uh.. yeah, I'm going to camp actually.
Me: Ah, that should be fun. ----> (ask what kind of camp, how long, what will she do there,etc.. get her talkin about it w/out asking each in detail)
Rebecca: Yeah.
Rebecca: You?
Me: Oh, I'm going to Virginia this summer to visit my relatives.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, I've been down there before.
Me: Oh, what did you go down there for?
Rebecca: Oh, I've gone vacationing down there before. Virginia Beach.
Me: Oh... Well, see you later----> (should've said.. "gotta get going.. give me your number.. lets hang out sometime)
Rebecca: Yeah.


*note: everyonce in a while i will run into a girl who is either really shy or intimidated by me or something so she seems uninterested judging by her short answers... always test interest level by gettin digits, then date, etc...

 

[Viper]

Originally posted by upcomingDJ
yea u need to work on your convo skills... i use to have a problem with this.. wut u need to do is stop thinking too much in what else to say/ask but start LISTENING... cuz u could have easily expanded those convos.. for example:

Me: Hey, Rebecca, how's it going?
Rebecca: It's going pretty good.
Me: So summer vacation is coming up. You doing anything?
Rebecca: Uh.. yeah, I'm going to camp actually.
Me: Ah, that should be fun. ----> (ask what kind of camp, how long, what will she do there,etc.. get her talkin about it w/out asking each in detail)
Rebecca: Yeah.
Rebecca: You?
Me: Oh, I'm going to Virginia this summer to visit my relatives.
Rebecca: Oh, yeah, I've been down there before.
Me: Oh, what did you go down there for?
Rebecca: Oh, I've gone vacationing down there before. Virginia Beach.
Me: Oh... Well, see you later----> (should've said.. "gotta get going.. give me your number.. lets hang out sometime)
Rebecca: Yeah.


*note: everyonce in a while i will run into a girl who is either really shy or intimidated by me or something so she seems uninterested judging by her short answers... always test interest level by gettin digits, then date, etc...

Ah, I think can understand that. Basically just listen to what she's saying and try to expand on that by asking questions, but with too much detail -- doesn't sound too hard. Now, I have a question about this number close thing, you mean, you can go up to any random girl, have a good convo with her and ask her for her number, then actually get it? Wow, that sounds easier than I thought.

 

[shadowfox]

if shes bored try ****y and funny? search it on the board... if you do this and she reacts the right way she wont be bored for much longer, and i find that its much better than an 'average conversation' that she could have with anyone.

 

[Peace_Out]

The bloke above me is right. Try ****y/funny it really helps, and it really makes her laugh. She said she's going to camp right? Well a great response would be "so how much weed you gonna smoke there?" and MAKE sure you have a smile on your face, otherwise you'll come off as being an a$$

~Peace Out

 

[upcomingDJ]

Originally posted by Viper
Ah, I think can understand that. Basically just listen to what she's saying and try to expand on that by asking questions, but with too much detail -- doesn't sound too hard. Now, I have a question about this number close thing, you mean, you can go up to any random girl, have a good convo with her and ask her for her number, then actually get it? Wow, that sounds easier than I thought.

to answer your question: it depends. it depends on the context especially the time and place.. i mean it would feel awkward for HER if you do it in front of an unwanted audience (reason why my biggest problems is ****blocking)... anyways, trust your instincts, especially when u feel there is something else you need to do (ie: number close, etc.), make it natural (doing it consistently) and it will be easy