older guy dating younger girl

[Twisted_switch]

Hello fellow DJ's

I have what i beleive to be a slightly unique case, but not unheard of. Unfortunately, finding any advice seems to be limited.

I haven't read the DJ Bible as such, but i've been reading on this site for some weeks now and seen the summarised versions, and coinciding with other information i've read, i udnerstand the basis for how a man is required to be to create worth and to be of value to the woman.

A lot of the advice helps you get the girl. I think i can say that this part of my game is of a decent quality. My concern if you will, lies in two different areas.

1. In maintaining the relationship, do any of the rules now change?
2. In LDR (long distance relationships) do the rules also change?

I am in my later twenties, the girl in question is in her early twenties. We've been dating for about a month or so now. She has just started university, and during our time together, disclosed that she would like to see how things go. To me, this is completely understandable, she's going to Uni, she's going to enjoy herself and want to explore new thigns etc and enjoy life, and even though she may have enjoyed being with me, she may decide while she's there that she doesn't want a relationship.

I like to think i'm a reasonably good judge of character, and she doesn't come accross like a slag, and has a good head on her shoulders and asked that while we're sleeping together, that we remain monogomous, and that if one of us feels it isn't working or want to see other people that we just be honest with one another. I have no reason to not trust her right now, so as it stands, i'm cool with that outlook, she'll be back every 3 weeks or so, and if she rings me and i'm available or if we sort out plans or whatever and it continues to go well, then i would continue to enjoy it.

Now. The simple fact of the matter is, i do like this girl. Preferably, it would be nicer if we were closer in age but that is not the case. So if the possibility of making it work is there, i enjoy the time i spend with her, so i would like for that to continue, but i am under no false pretences that this might not happen.

After taking the time to think about things in my own mind and trying to apply the things i've learned, i think i know of the best way to handle this situation, but i'd like advice from others just to see what everyones opinions are.

I looked up a little advice about LDR's, and a lot of people reccomend advice that goes VERY much against the rules of the DJ bible. For example; telling them how much they mean to you and that you miss them etc. I understand that LDR's must require a certain amount of effort and creativity, but as it stands we've only been seeing each other for 5-6 weeks max, so that would be stupid right now no? In my head the most logical steps appear to be retaining mild contact until i next see her (fun easy flirting texts etc), and then establishing wether or not we want to go forward as an item. If i like her, and i want her as a gf, applying the things i've learnt, would it at that point be best for me to voice that opinion (if she doesn't) that i want exclusivity between us, and that if she doesnt, that it's best we go our seperate ways. Not to force her into it, but to be decisive in my own wants and needs. I'm not possesive, i'm not a jealous person (unless i'm being taken the piss out of) so it's not a motive of control, but like i said, applying what i've learnt, would it not be an attractive trait that i'm saying what i want? (just in case i didnt put this accross properly, im saying to let her get a month of uni out the way before i initiate a conversation like that).

This post has become far longer than intended, it it's likely i've left certain details out, so please feel free to ask me anything.

Just to add one last point. In my own analysis of what she must think of me. Is that she must like me to have continued seeing/sleeping with me and to say she'd like to see how things go, she's probably got her own concerns of it interfering with her uni work so just wants to take it easy.

And one last final thing i can think of; should i still be trying to get other girls numbers/talking to other girls? I don't want to sleep with other girls, because of what i've been through in my life, i'm trying to be a better more honest person, and if i've made this agreement with her, i don't want to betray my word, but that's even more so for myself than it is for her.

Anyways, i'd like to see what you all think.

 

[Desdinova]

1. In maintaining the relationship, do any of the rules now change?

To maintain a LTR, you need to avoid supplication, putting her on a pedestal, and you need to remain confident and fun. Those are the basics. Women rely on their men to keep them from driving off the road of life and into the ditch. You need to guide her on when to turn and where, but NEVER take the wheel.

2. In LDR (long distance relationships) do the rules also change?

IMO, LDRs are a waste of time and energy. You cannot maintain a LTR with a lack of touch, sex, and presence. The only thing a LDR is useful for is an occasional lay.

she doesn't come accross like a slag, and has a good head on her shoulders and asked that while we're sleeping together, that we remain monogomous, and that if one of us feels it isn't working or want to see other people that we just be honest with one another

I wouldn't commit to that and would have told her that I'm not ready for anything serious yet, but would like to see how things go. Being able to get laid once every three weeks would NOT qualify the woman for a LTR. At the very least, I need to see the woman once a week.

 

[Twisted_switch]

PairPlus

I don't disagree or agree with your statement. But i do have questions regarding it.

Do you think someone of her age, going to uni, only having been with someone for a month should do more than wanting to see how both parties feel after 2-3 weeks? Rather than just diving in and saying lets be together... She hasn't left any confusion about ****ing other men. I already said we had agreed to remain monogomous while we're continuing to sleep together. It seems more to me that the confusion is based on wether or not she wants a relationship while she's at uni, and just wants to see how it goes and if it has a negative effect on her studies, or maybe even that she will want to sleep with other guys, whichever it is.

I'm not arguing against your point, i'm trying to come to a better understanding

 

[Twisted_switch]

Des

I agree, i generally avoid putting the ***** on a pedestal (thankyou 40 year old virgin for making that a more common saying), and like i said, nothing i ever say to her is controlling or jealous or whatever, and everytime we speak or text or see each other, it's never controlling or impeding and generally easy and fun as you said

I've never experienced a LDR before, i guess i'll find out if it's for me or not over the next month. She'll be back for long periods of times over holidays aswell, so it's not ALWAYS going to be once a month or every two weeks or whatever, and her Uni is only an hour away...... with regards to both of your comments, what i said about asking her to be in a relationship and ending it if she doesnt (like i said, not to scare her into it, but because a man should stick to what he wants and be decisive) after she's been there and settled in... is that the right approach?... it's interesting, when you're involved with someone it's harder to know the right decisions than when assisting a friend like on here.

I haven't really commited to anything yet, i jsut agreed that while she's starting at uni i'd be happy to remain monogomous until we talk further about where it's going (which i wouldnt leave longer than a month)

 

[Twisted_switch]

Okay... so i got a little update for you all. I haven't discussed any of the dynamics here about how we get on or what kind of attention she shows me or anything like that, it's just been fun and flirty and exciting really... anyways

Seeing what you lot said above, i decided to give her a call and just say out right to her, 'look, we agreed this monogomous thing, but i know what i want, and rather than it being a waiting game, i want you to be my gf' .. she sounded quite giggly and excited and accepted and then i said i had to go now, and we could chat another time.

Haven't spoken to her for a couple hours since i rang her up to say that, but she just text me saying "you made my day you know =D"

it seems as though me not discussing how i feel, but just saying what i want was the correct way to move forward, as i was feeling a little anxious with just not knowing exactly what was going on.

unless anyone else knows what dynamics change when dealing with a LDR it seems sensible to follow the basics that desd said -

To maintain a LTR, you need to avoid supplication, putting her on a pedestal, and you need to remain confident and fun. Those are the basics. Women rely on their men to keep them from driving off the road of life and into the ditch. You need to guide her on when to turn and where, but NEVER take the wheel.

i am waiting for a reply though that says .. YOU ****ING DOUCHE, SHE'S ****ING EVERY GUY BEHIND YOUR BACK SUCKING ON THAT **** LIKE A LEECH IN HOOVER hahahaha

 

[Twisted_switch]

damn man, how could i miss that ****. it's almost like being decisive goes against another rule of not asking for exclusivity.

penis smorgasboard - that made me laugh - you are right though, i'd rather be open up to the what ifs and not letting myself fall for something that's just lining myself up for self masturbation crying in the shower in a curled up ball.

Like i said above, i'm open to what everyone says and taking the information in and using what i can, but today my friend, i think i'm going to take away the following

Why not just enjoy it for what it is rather than force it to be what it isn't? Things might change over time if you keep your frame and keep your options open. Yes that means dating women in your area code.