Older DJ's, can you relate to my rant?

[white sox bill]

Ok older DJ’s here’s my DJ biography condensed as much as possible:

First off, I’m a SWM, 45 and self employed for 23 years. I’m an ex competitive bodybuilder who still has that distinct bodybuilder physique. I’m tan year round and many people say I look 5-8 years younger. I’m 5’8” and weigh 212 LBS and am approx. 12% body fat. I have 95% of my hair unlike a lot other men my age. Both women and men tell me that I’m nice looking and they wish they had my looks/body. So physically, I’m where I want to be.

In my 20’s it was pu**y galore in the forms of steady GF’s and/or short flings. Getting a date back then was easy as falling off a log. Seems like ONE date w/a gal meant the next day I had a steady. I could just stand in a bar and women would approach me.

In my 30’s, esp. early 30’s same thing. I uses to fvck 18 year olds! When I began my late 30’s, the scene began to change. The 19 year old now call me “Sir”. L The pu**y seems to be drying up @ a considerable rate.

Now in my 40’s, it’s a 180 degree turn for the worse. Gone are the younger girls who used to chase me, replaced by 30 something women who either are:
1) Been beaten
2) Divorced
3) Been screwed over by many men
4) Are bitter and cautious

In the past 3-4 years I’ve had dud after dud for women. Seems I can’t win for losing. A few examples:
1) Tried getting ex GF back that hates men, hasn’t had sex in 5 years and I suspect a lesbian. This ex BTW got stood up @ alter by her finance
2) Dated a blonde who has MAJOR head problems. Alls she did was go back and forth between me and another guy for 8 to 12 months of hell.
3) Had a 2-month fling w/married woman who spoke of leaving him for me. 2 years later, she still married
4) Casually dated a divorced woman who FROZE the minute I even touched her. I lost interest after a while.
5) Had a brief fling w/woman who left to go back to her husband(they were divorced). She was a spin who lost custody battle of keeping kids. No loss for me.
6) Got rejected by a 28 year old who I went to a wedding with. See ya!
7) Tried hooking up w/ex from the 80’s with for casual sex—was a no go!
8) I posted recently about my latest failure recently—thread about Great date but no return phone call—another flake who even @ 49, plays games. See thread for update.


Seems my losing streak will NEVER end. But I know now what I have to do—
*Realize that demographics have changed. I must change too. As I stated above, I wasn’t good at hitting on women because they always hit on me!! Now I’m older, they are older; they don’t come on so strong. I’ve really got to learn my inner game now. This will force me out to field and talk it up
*Seems like I’m always rehashing my past failures w/women in my head. My self-talk turns to WHY they did what they did and if I had anything to do with it. This must end if I’m to break loose.
*I always appear to be confident, but my self-esteem needs a little work. Heres what bugs me about this:
I make decent $$, but live simply. My house is small, 2 bedroom, 950 square feet. My vehicle is a 1989 but in mint condition. I keep it clean, same with my 1988 Ninja motorcycle. My self-talk is always saying: “What will she think of my small house and older Jeep Wrangler. I’m supposed to be a businessman making good money. Aghh!”
So down goes my self-esteem.

But heres the equalizer—I’ve got a vacation home also investment property that worth a fortune! It will be worth close to a million within 5 or 6 years at current rate if I can afford taxes. I could sell it right now, but new home, new car, pay off small loans and still have $ to boot. I just believe in investing in right area.

Sorry so long, but I have to vent frustration esp. after my recent failure w/the older one. That really stung! Can anyone out there relate to any of this? Don’t go and tell me I’m a loser, I know I’m not. Just in a nasty dry spell. Theres NO reason I shouldn’t have women crawling to get to me. Every one thinks I should too, men and women, So I know I’ve got what it takes. Is it possible that you can have TOO much going for you that these low self esteem women avoid me? Appreciate any comments and/or support! Thanks!

 

[Oblivious]

I am thinking that he is a testament of how life can go awry when you think you don't need women and go about using them and getting out of them what you want. He probably had the opportunity to get with some nice chick who would be with him today. Yet he squandered those opportunity for more p**y.

As for advice...I guess you would have to evolve with your current conditions. You definitely have alot going on as far as financially. I guess you are still just looking for more P**y though and could care less about having someone to be there with you for the long haul. If p** is all you are after, you shouldn't have a problem. Just have to step up your game a bit.

Shame though....

 

[Lost In Translation]

i hope this helps you

read my post on this thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=79348

similar discussion. i think it is the root of your problem.

IT'S NOT YOU

women have changed. the game has changed.

and no matter how much you better yourself and offer them as a man you will not get anywhere unless you tap into their brainwashing

i know it's messed up. i don't like having to have a " theme " so that the b*tches open up but it's what i am faced with until i can find a non brainwashed woman.

problems is 99% of them are gone in the head. ESPECIALLY chicks under 25.


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[al77]

Originally posted by white sox bill
*Realize that demographics have changed. I must change too. As I stated above, I wasn’t good at hitting on women because they always hit on me!! Now I’m older, they are older; they don’t come on so strong. I’ve really got to learn my inner game now. This will force me out to field and talk it up

You pretty much summarize dit all: you are used to women who hit on you because of your looks... older decent women are more concerned with personality... moreover if you still look very good, they could be just scared of you since they know they don't look good in their 40s....

Demographics: what kind of single never married women you expect to find in their late 30 to 40s? RIght.. a bit crazy women: who got issues, and that's why they are have never been married. I.e. look at some divorced women, women with kids.

And of course if you dont approach women much, they would not approach you - I guess they are just intimidated by you looks and wait for you to approach them.

Home & car: if you aim at women who ern 6 figures, then...dont.
It is not going to work out. Women tend to marry, go out with guys who earn more than they do. I.e. if she has a fancy car, huge home and super great job - she is not for you. Maybe a fling - yes, not she is not a LTR material anyway. Choose sombody from your league...

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Oblivious
I am thinking that he is a testament of how life can go awry when you think you don't need women and go about using them and getting out of them what you want. He probably had the opportunity to get with some nice chick who would be with him today. Yet he squandered those opportunity for more p**y.

Please...you assume all decent men should be married 3 times by this age? What kind of mindset it is?
You have no idea how hard it is to find a decent woman: most are into endless bars\clubs\fvck thing.

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by white sox bill
Ok older DJ’s here’s my DJ biography condensed as much as possible:

In the past 3-4 years I’ve had dud after dud for women.

Seems my losing streak will NEVER end. But I know now what I have to do—

*Realize that demographics have changed. I must change too. As I stated above, I wasn’t good at hitting on women because they always hit on me!! Now I’m older, they are older; they don’t come on so strong. I’ve really got to learn my inner game now. This will force me out to field and talk it up

*Seems like I’m always rehashing my past failures w/women in my head. My self-talk turns to WHY they did what they did and if I had anything to do with it. This must end if I’m to break loose.

*I always appear to be confident, but my self-esteem needs a little work. Heres what bugs me about this:
I make decent $$, but live simply. My house is small, 2 bedroom, 950 square feet. My vehicle is a 1989 but in mint condition. I keep it clean, same with my 1988 Ninja motorcycle. My self-talk is always saying: “What will she think of my small house and older Jeep Wrangler. I’m supposed to be a businessman making good money. Aghh!”
So down goes my self-esteem.

I'll toss in some general comments. First, I can relate. I'm 37 at the time of writing this. I'm in a position where I find that anything under 25 is really a write off. I'm "Sir" to them. That's just the way it is. Remember being 19? Did you contemplate ****ing 40 year olds? That's just the way it is.

You DO have to work on your inner-game. Not so much for them, but for you. The kind of man that you are determines the kind of women who will be attracted to you. The more-at-peace you are internally, the better quality of women you will get, mainly, because as you start to value yourself more, you start being more selective automatically.

And guess what? ALL of us, male or female at any age needs to work on our inner game. The smart ones do it until they are dead.

About reviewing past "failures". How do you define "failure" How do you know that it wasn't simply another way not to invent the light bulb? My approach is usually to consider that I succeeded, but she wasn't up to my standards. Whenever I get flack from a woman, I simply next her and IMMEDIATELY shift my focus to "what do I want?". Do you know what you want? Do you have it written down? If not, make a long list of qualities that you are looking for in a woman. In point form: she looks like a, b, c. Her personality is d, e, f. Her financial, sexual, mental, emotional, physical, social state is like x, y, z. Then, prioritize each category. Take list 1 and take the top two and ask "If I could have ONLY on of these two, which is more important to me?" Then do the same with 1 and 3, then 1 and 4, eventually, 2 and 3, 2 and 4, 2 and 5, etc...

You must have a clear vision of what it is that you WANT. Then go out of look for someone who seems to have most of your list. None will ever have it all, and be perfect. Each time you see someone, go over your list and ask yourself if you've forgotten something, or maybe something you want to add. When a date or a relationship ends, go though your criteria. INSTEAD OF REHASHING THE PAST, KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE FUTURE. Learn from the past to SERVE your future.

About your self esteem. Never mind about what you own. You are not your possessions. You are not your Khakis, you are not the car you drive, you are not the balance of your bank account.

Write down a list of the things that you fear. Write down everything you hate about yourself. Write down every situation in which you freeze up, become insecure, get mad. Write it all down. Then look at each, and ask your self what you would rather have in X situation?

Example: "When I get dumped I feel worthless"

Ask "How would I rather feel when I get dumped?" Relieved? Wizened? Thrilled with the open door of possibilities? Peaceful. Solid, peaceful and philosophical?

I recommend always coming from the point of view of having infinite choice. This one dumped me, her loss. Then you immediately think of the 20 or so women that you KNOW what to be with you, and decide which of them you want to give the opportunity to get to know you to.

Low self-esteem is usually built on one of two things: comparing yourself to another's criteria (hers, your dad's, marketing agency's) or comparing yourself to an internal self-image that was originally designed to combat some internal hurt.

Do your internal work. Do it. Your direction is not "How do I fix this unpleasant thing?" but ALWAYS to aim in the direction of "how can I make my life better?"

If I were how I want to be, how would I live? How would I think? What choices would I make? What would my outlook be?

Answer the questions, then learn to do it. Keep living in the world, while learning new responses and feelings.

2 cents from someone who has had to do more internal work that the average person, and has found a good place to be. You can live the way that you want to, have the experiences, relationships, adventures that you want. You simply need to commit to and make the choices that lead you to where you want to be.

[End of rant-response ]

 

[Oblivious]

Zeph

That was great!

 

[Oblivious]

al77

Yes it is difficult to find quality men and women these days. But it seems like for a good part of this dude's life he has just been chasing a**. And now he is down and out cause the older he gets, the a** well is drying out. I don't think its a matter of him lowering his standards at all. I think its a matter of coming to the plate with more than his investments and muscular body. How can one expect to attract someone quality if thats all they have to reel them in. Thats what the shallow women care about who is all about putting out to get what she wants. A girl about something isn't looking at that. She is looking at the total package. Just like men, if you are looking for a quality woman I am sure the line doesn't end at good looking. She's got to have something else to make you want to stick around.

But Zeph's advice was dead on. You are never too old to work on your inner self. Although it would be nice to get it together before you are good and 50 though.

 

[allan976]

"Theres NO reason I shouldn’t have women crawling to get to me."

Bill,

Overall, you have many, many achievements to be proud of. You are financially independent, own two homes and have taken care of yourself physically. Having said that, the aging process does accelerate in your forties and fifties and this is the point in your life you find yourself at. In five years, you'll be in your fifties. Is it realistic to think that you'll be attracting girls in their early twenties at that point, or even now?

The question is, given this reality, how do you adjust? Do you still want to keep playing the game well into your fifties? How much time and energy do you want to invest on what clearly are diminishing returns? If you had a bad stretch of a month or even six months, yes, that's a "dry spell." But four years? This seems more like a long term trend which you ignore at your own peril.

I don't want this to be a rant and I don't want to sound harsh, but I agree with some of the other posters who state or suggest that you might be living in the past, and that you now need to make plans for the present and future. On the one hand, you want us to believe that things will right themselves and turn themselves around. However, all of the evidence you present suggests the very opposite. Age brings us wisdom and perspective; at the very least, it teaches us that our time is now scarce and we must use it wisely (efficiently). Attempt to duplicate your results in your twenties and early thirties at your own peril. Find a new life strategy, my friend.

Allan

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by allan976
"Theres NO reason I shouldn’t have women crawling to get to me."

I don't want this to be a rant and I don't want to sound harsh, but I agree with some of the other posters who state or suggest that you might be living in the past, and that you now need to make plans for the present and future. On the one hand, you want us to believe that things will right themselves and turn themselves around. However, all of the evidence you present suggests the very opposite. Age brings us wisdom and perspective; at the very least, it teaches us that our time is now scarce and we must use it wisely (efficiently). Attempt to duplicate your results in your twenties and early thirties at your own peril. Find a new life strategy, my friend.

+1

While I suggested that you make a list of what you want in a woman, some of the things I perhaps could have mentioned are:

What kind of relationship am I looking for?

What will this do for me in the general context of my life?

What kind of life do I want to live, in which women play this part?


While Allen suggested finding a new life strategy, I'd like to offer that a strategy serves a direction.

The underlying question is always "What do I want?". If I may add, I noticed that the way your post was written, that it implied that a lot of the things that you discuss might revolve around your sense of identity.


Perhaps it's something worth taking a look at. It's not about fixing a problem, it's about living the life you want to live. What is that life?

 

[white sox bill]

Gentleman,
Thanks for all replies, they are much needed and appreciated. Yes, its true that I once had all the a** I could stand. Now, it few and far between. The higher the perch, the harder the fall LOL!

But those were days gone by. I really have to get my act together I know. The past is in my rear view mirror. But the problem starts when I go out w/my friends to bars or wherever.
I feel like I stand there and freeze instead of conversing it up. I just look at the women and think "C'mon I'm white sox Bill, your supposed to be hitting on me!" Obviously it doesn't happen now!

The thing is that I'm very well educated and am very knowlegable on lots of things. I can easily keep up my end of a conversation, its just breaking the ice and getting one started in the issue. My personality is great also, I have been told that many times.

I think it boils down to my fear of rejection, which I know is silly. I always think, if she shoots me down, I must be undesirable, when in fact, that is far from the truth. Its just my mind playing tricks on me..

I have made a pact with myself to flirt every possible chance I get whether I feel like it or not. Be it with a 9 or a 5. This includes the women I work with (which are probably at least 50 different ones a day since I own a company that is ALL female), the check out girl @ the grocery store, the gas station attendant etc. I know sooner or later I will get good at it.

But that still doesn't directly address the problem of a cold approach. Anyone here have a link as to best handle such a difficult thing?

 

[Good_ol_boy]

I can totally relate to your situation. The thing that brought me here a couple of years ago is exactly the same. When I was in my 20's and 30's it was all "beauty queens" the Miss "This city" and the first runner up to the miss "That city" the college homecoming queen, and the hottest strippers. Things started to dry up in my later 40's and in my early 50's blech!

Now, I have this major (no games, classy, experienced) HB and couldn't be happier. Most of the young guys (we're both older than most here) here would call her an old hag (she's 62 and soon to be a great grand ma), but she is constantly being hit on guys in their late 20's and early 30's, not to mention 40's 50's and 60's.

So, hang in there and know things will improve.

 

[white sox bill]

Originally posted by Good_ol_boy
I can totally relate to your situation. The thing that brought me here a couple of years ago is exactly the same. When I was in my 20's and 30's it was all "beauty queens" the Miss "This city" and the first runner up to the miss "That city" the college homecoming queen, and the hottest strippers. Things started to dry up in my later 40's and in my early 50's blech!

Now, I have this major (no games, classy, experienced) HB and couldn't be happier. Most of the young guys (we're both older than most here) here would call her an old hag (she's 62 and soon to be a great grand ma), but she is constantly being hit on guys in their late 20's and early 30's, not to mention 40's 50's and 60's.

So, hang in there and know things will improve.

Good ol boy
Congrats on your "MILF" LOL! Hope your right, I know I need to make changes

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Oblivious
al77

Yes it is difficult to find quality men and women these days. But it seems like for a good part of this dude's life he has just been chasing a**. And now he is down and out cause the older he gets, the a** well is drying out. I don't think its a matter of him lowering his standards at all. I think its a matter of coming to the plate with more than his investments and muscular body. How can one expect to attract someone quality if thats all they have to reel them in. Thats what the shallow women care about who is all about putting out to get what she wants.

That sounds right. Though we you assume he was chasing only a**??? There are so many problems in dating: hot women tend to ugly personality because they are spoild with men's attention,
not so hot ones - tend to have attractive personality but what would do with teh personality only if you are not attarcted to her?
And there are tons of average Janes.. who look ok, have probably decent personality but they similar to country bumpkins to me. Maybe there is a similar story with men, I dont know.

Anyway, what happened I guess is he used to women who chase him! That doesn happen to guys often... moreover, if you only go to bars to pick up women, there are only not so high quality... those of high quality who come there are already drunk.
Bars are not the good places to get somebody decent.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

Originally posted by white sox bill
Good ol boy
Congrats on your "MILF" LOL! Hope your right, I know I need to make changes

THANKS, but it's "G MILF" :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

 

[iveyleeger]

Three steps:

1. Sell the vacation home. Real estate is not going up 20%/yr for the next five years. Cash out while you can.

2. Get a _new_ bike. That will bump up your self esteem. 1988 anything is old -- and makes you feel old. Bikes are not that expensive.

3. Find something meaningful to do.

Do that, and the self-pity should start to evaporate. Then women might be interested again.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Bill wrote:

Anyone here have a link as to best handle such a difficult thing?

Dude, I can help with this. Either send me a PM or visit the following website and learn from a buddy of mine who gives workshops on this every topic.

www.fidentia.org

 

[Derek Flint]

Originally posted by iveyleeger
Three steps:

1. Sell the vacation home. Real estate is not going up 20%/yr for the next five years. Cash out while you can.

2. Get a _new_ bike. That will bump up your self esteem. 1988 anything is old -- and makes you feel old. Bikes are not that expensive.

3. Find something meaningful to do.

Do that, and the self-pity should start to evaporate. Then women might be interested again.

Don't know where this guys vacation home is, but homes in the SF bay area are appreciating by about $8,000 per month.

That is not a typo.

8K per month.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/07/20/HOMES.TMP

 

[iveyleeger]

I know. It's a bubble. When it goes

<pop>

there goes your future. You can't plan on this valuation being there in five years.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Good_ol_boy
THANKS, but it's "G MILF" :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Good one!