Old Don Juan in need of a little advice here...

[keyforit]

first off i just want to say hello to all of you out there... i'm glad to see this website/forum is still running in optimum condition. I respect all of you for taking the time out of your busy lives to help others just as i once use to do.

i'm currently 21 and when i was 16 till about 19 or so i visited here and posted here to help fellow dj's... i recently got into a 2 year relationship with the girl i thought was "the one" and well found out at the end she definitely wasn't. alot of you know exactly what I mean... and have been in my shoes before... you already know where i'm coming with this and i'm just here to ask "what's next?". i'm completely heart broke and hung up on this woman who flat out used me... and to be honest i have lost all desire to even meet new women. i want to but i've just been so out of the game for so long that i don't even know how to approach it anymore... i'll admit i lost my ability to pick up women and possibly date them. i'm asking all of you right now to help an old DJ'er in need just as i once helped one of you... what do i do and where do i start? i need to get back on my feet here for the past week i've limited myself to 2 meals a day at most and no ambition or desire for anything anymore. my words are brief here only because i'm in a time constraint i'm really hoping for more than just a "just post on the boards and read articles". maybe there are some books you could recommend? thanks in advance to anyone willing to take time out of their busy schedule to help me out.

 

[onyx]

how about doing a boot camp

 

[keyforit]

do a boot camp? military boot camp? explain please

 

[rocky_mtn]

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

half way down the page.

 

[Desdinova]

Always nice to see someone who's been here longer than me. Since you probably were one of the ones who helped me back in the day, I'll be happy to return the favor

i recently got into a 2 year relationship with the girl i thought was "the one" and well found out at the end she definitely wasn't.

I personally have completely eliminated the idea that "the one" and "soulmates" exist. The world is filled with women, and to find "the one" without dating thousands upon thousands of women from all over the world is completely rediculous. I prefer to believe in the "ideal woman". It's a much more realistic view than a single soulmate.

you already know where i'm coming with this and i'm just here to ask "what's next?".

There is always life after women. While we need them to procreate, we don't need them to live our independent lives. Women should not be the source of our happiness, they should only add to it. YOU should be the source of your happiness.

and to be honest i have lost all desire to even meet new women.

Trust me, it's only temporary. When you get used and abused by a woman, it tends to ruin our trust in them. Just look back to all the things that caused her to treat you like 5hit and learn from them. Did you allow yourself to be used and abused? If you did, you must avoid repeating your mistakes in the future. Sometimes experience is the best teacher.

i want to but i've just been so out of the game for so long that i don't even know how to approach it anymore

Approach women when you're damn good and ready to move on with your "love life". Right now, I want you to remember all the things that you did before you met this ex of yours. Remember how you used to fill your time with your passions and your hobbies. It's time to go back to them. They are the things that will never leave you, so why should you abandon them? Forget about the women for a while and take some enjoyment in the things you enjoy the most about life. The things that don't have to include a woman.

i need to get back on my feet here for the past week i've limited myself to 2 meals a day at most and no ambition or desire for anything anymore.

You're experiencing heartbreak. It sounds as if you've build your life on the foundation of your ex's happiness. Once she took that foundation away, your life came crumbling down. It's time to build yourself a new life, one that is built on the foundation of YOUR happiness. Women should only be bricks in your life, they should NOT be the foundation. If a brick happens to fall out of your life, it can be easily fixed. But once the foundation goes, you need to start from scratch again. Doing this for years upon years is tiring. It's time to do something different.

maybe there are some books you could recommend?

Not sure if you were here when the DJ Bible was concieved, but there's a link at the bottom of the page to it. Give it a good read if you haven't done so already.

do a boot camp? military boot camp? explain please

I'll quickly get you up to speed. The DJ Bootcamp was created by Master Of The Universe (or MotU) sometime around 2002 (which we both pre-date). It's a crash course in approaching and dating women.

Try not to see this as a closed chapter in your life, try thinking of it as the start of a new one! You've got lots of time to yourself now, lots of women to date, and there's lots of fun to be had! Go out, get yourself some new clothes, a new hairstyle, and basically anything that says "I'm on a new path of life, and I'm moving on!" I understand that grieving needs to be done in a situation like this, but when you spend too much time doing it, you'll look back on the months and years and say "Damn, I can't believe I wasted so much time grieving over one woman, and she's not even dead!"

There's a whole world out there to discover. Good luck on your new journey!

 

[Nighthawk]

To misquote the new New York Dolls record, one day it will please you to remember even this.

Also, many a tear has to fall, but it's all in the game.

And maybe even a

Oh how you tried to cut me down to size
Telling dirty lies to my friends
But my own father said give her up don't bother
The world isn't coming to an end

(he said just) Walk like a man
Talk like a man
Walk like a man my son
No woman's worth
Crawling on the earth
Just walk like a man my son

Good-bye baby I dont mean maybe
I'm gonna get along somehow
Soon you'll be cryin on account of all your lyin
Oh yeah just look who's laughing now

(I'm gonna) walk like a man
Fast as I can
Walk like a man from you
I'll tell the world to forget about it girl
And walk like a man from you


As for getting back in the game, there's a lot to be said for taking a break and slowly dipping your toes in the world of women. And then there's the school of thought that says you need to bang the first half-decent chick you can find to get your confidence back.

 

[penkitten]

i recently got into a 2 year relationship with the girl i thought was "the one" and well found out at the end she definitely wasn't. alot of you know exactly what I mean... and have been in my shoes before... you already know where i'm coming with this and i'm just here to ask "what's next?".

although i hate to see you go thru this, i dont feel that you are in as bad of shape as you fear you are. sure you admit to being hurt and heartbroken , however you can admidt that she wasnt the right one. thats very profound in itself.

i'm completely heart broke and hung up on this woman who flat out used me... and to be honest i have lost all desire to even meet new women. i want to but i've just been so out of the game for so long that i don't even know how to approach it anymore... i'll admit i lost my ability to pick up women and possibly date them. i'm asking all of you right now to help an old DJ'er in need just as i once helped one of you... what do i do and where do i start? i need to get back on my feet here for the past week i've limited myself to 2 meals a day at most and no ambition or desire for anything anymore. my words are brief here only because i'm in a time constraint i'm really hoping for more than just a "just post on the boards and read articles". maybe there are some books you could recommend? thanks in advance to anyone willing to take time out of their busy schedule to help me out.

by reading your post, i do not feel that you are as hung up on her as that. i think you just dont feel like being used up by any one else right this second. who the heck would? it really does sound like you would like to move forward with your life again however you are afraid to jump in there and start looking around from one girl to another to find the next one you wanna be with.

so give it some time. do your own thing for a while. dont worry about women until you decide its really time to go out and frolick around and look for another that you like again.

since your post did not scream "help! how do i get her back cause i can not live without her one more day" then i think that you are a very mature guy who really will bounce back on his feet again when hes ready.

my advice is to have fun with your buddies for a change again.