okcupid : what am I doing wrong ?

[stardust]

Hello,

I have created a profile in okcupid two days ago and so far I've had about 11 replirs from my messages (I don't know if it's any good I have sent something like 38 messages in total) the problem is that for some inexplicable reason, most of them disapear after we exchange 2 or 3 messages,I don't know what I am doing wrong.

here is an example (I used NN's opener that I modified)

her : hmm...tell your buddy he's short $30

Me : good ! because it was just an excuse to talk to you how is your okcupid experience so far ?

her : Aww how sweet...not very original though...that technique has been used before
Okcupid is okcupid...i've stopped taking this site seriously. what about you?

Me : it's been used before because they all stole it from me
actually i'm just starting this okcupid thing, and you ? In what kind of bizaro world a girl like you finds herself in okcupid ?

and no reply.... I wonder what I did wrong

 

[Falcon]

On my smartphone, can't type much.. But things I noticed:

If you're going to used canned openers, be creative and make some on your own.

You asked the same question twice. You are boring her.

Your wording with the last message you sent was a little weird. You also put her on a pedestal. You implied she is too good for that site.

 

[LongLostFriend]

Actually, you implied that she was slumming it for being on OkCupid. You insulted her (and not in a "negging" kind of way), and, by association, demonstrated low value yourself by implying that you "have to use" OKC.

OkCupid is an AW paradise and a place for uglies to get a skewed perspective on their own sex rank, so don't expect much. But, if you are going to use it, don't be apologetic about it.

 

[TheLoner]

Picking up girls on the internet will get you made fun of by your friends!!

 

[Hydrak]

Picking up girls on the internet will get you made fun of by your friends!!

You care too much about what other people thinks. Why do you insist on sharing that notion?

 

[Zarky]

FFS don't use somebody else's canned line. That's ridiculous.

Me : good ! because it was just an excuse to talk to you...

her : Aww how sweet...

Soooo weak. Any time a woman tells you you're "sweet," you're done.

"It was just an excuse to talk to you?" That's about as omega as you can get.

In what kind of bizaro world a girl like you finds herself in okcupid

Another really weak omega line.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Hello,

I have created a profile in okcupid two days ago and so far I've had about 11 replirs from my messages (I don't know if it's any good I have sent something like 38 messages in total) the problem is that for some inexplicable reason, most of them disapear after we exchange 2 or 3 messages,I don't know what I am doing wrong.

here is an example (I used NN's opener that I modified)

her : hmm...tell your buddy he's short $30

Me : good ! because it was just an excuse to talk to you how is your okcupid experience so far ?

her : Aww how sweet...not very original though...that technique has been used before
Okcupid is okcupid...i've stopped taking this site seriously. what about you?

Me : it's been used before because they all stole it from me
actually i'm just starting this okcupid thing, and you ? In what kind of bizaro world a girl like you finds herself in okcupid ?

and no reply.... I wonder what I did wrong

What are you doing wrong???

Being a weirdo... who has no business even attempting online dating because you don't even know how to interact with women...



And...

In what kind of bizaro world a girl like you finds herself in okcupid ?

WTF is this? Seriously... WTF IS THIS?

 

[cordoncordon]

What are you doing wrong???

Being a weirdo... who has no business even attempting online dating because you don't even know how to interact with women...



And...



WTF is this? Seriously... WTF IS THIS?

Transform this: In what kind of bizaro world a girl like you finds herself in okcupid?

To: In what kind of bizarro world would a girl like you find herself on okcupid?

And you have a winner!

 

[pdx1138]

canned or not, you will get MANY that will go ghost even after a fun interesting conversation.

It might even make it to the part where you ask her out then she goes ghost.

Happens all the time. Get used to it.

Just remember most of them are TOO FVCKING STUPID to notice a good/decent guy when they see one.

move along....

 

[Desdinova]

I never found NN's stuff to work.

This is my initial message:

Having fun deleting messages from horny, desperate guys who are trying to seduce you by calling you 'pet' names? You should see the fun stuff I get to delete.

It usually gets a response out of them. However, if you find something unique in one of her pictures, you can neg her on it. Let's say she's wearing a green hat. Message her with this simple message:

"A green hat? Why?"

She will automatically think you're disqualifying her on her choice of hat, and will either act offended or attempt to validate her taste. You then let her know that you just thought it was interesting or unique. Remember, SHE is the one who came to the conclusion that you didn't like it.

When it comes to messaging women, I find it takes between 30-50 messages to get one date. Your odds are better out in the real world.

 

[stardust]

What are you doing wrong???

Being a weirdo... who has no business even attempting online dating because you don't even know how to interact with women...



And...



WTF is this? Seriously... WTF IS THIS?

Thanks for your constructive advice, it really helps....

 

[Desdinova]

As for taking 30 to 50 messages to arrange a date, that's absurd no way in hell should it take that many. 5, maybe 10 tops. If it takes more than that, you're wasting your time.

I meant sending messages to 30 - 50 different girls. With actually setting up the date, I find around 10-20 messages to be average. It really depends on the girl. I try to get a good rapport going to avoid having her flake.

 

[Zarky]

I find it takes between 30-50 messages to get one date. Your odds are better out in the real world.

hmm... not so sure about that. I could see some "day game" guy approaching 30-50 chicks and only getting one real date out of it. And keep in mind how long it takes to fire off a cut-and-paste email. A few seconds, perhaps? Whereas doing live approaches you have to spend time and money (gas, etc) to simply go to the right places to chat up chicks.

 

[Desdinova]

hmm... not so sure about that. I could see some "day game" guy approaching 30-50 chicks and only getting one real date out of it. And keep in mind how long it takes to fire off a cut-and-paste email.

The problem is that a lot of the women on online dating sites are there to socialize rather than actually get a date. I find maybe half of them respond to my initial message. Another half of them drop off the face of the planet after I've initialized conversation with them. Women respond much better to me in person because they can see my body language, my facial expressions, and my voice tone. With online dating, all of that gets taken away.

Guys love online dating because there's an overabundance of women and it's easier to message women rather than approach. There's very little fear of going outside the comfort zone.

 

[pdx1138]

Guys love online dating because there's an overabundance of women and it's easier to message women rather than approach. There's very little fear of going outside the comfort zone.

Absolutely.
Prior to getting over my approach anxiety/afc days it was very helpful in my growth/improvement.

between 2008-2011 I could message 10 and get responses from 4 and date 2, then F close 1.
Now you're lucky to get 1 response in 40 messages.

There's now an overabundance of men out weighing the "underabundant" level of women.

 

[HalfAddict]

Dude the problem is it's internet dating...

I get messages from chicks and they still flake.. it's whatever... go out.

 

[HedoRick]

I would be careful to lump all internet dating into the same category. Okcupid chicks are dtf.
Alot of them are attention whoring, though. It's a free site so it will attract alot of low quality people.

I will probably catch alot of flack for this, but I prefer match.com and eharmony. I am closer to 30 and a corporate stiff, so it makes sense for someone in my situation.

The fact is, the chicks on match and eharmony are PAYING to meet you. This weeds out the attention *****s for sure.

I met my current girlfriend on match and she's a good person. Not crazy at all. Volunteers to help the homeless and those with disabilities on the weekends. Doesen't drink. Doesen't party. Doesen't act like a *****. Knows how to cook. Italian. There are some normal chicks online, just have to try out some different options..
I've had success but I feel like online dating is a waste if you don't meet certain criteria. Tall, white, educated, etc. etc.

 

[pdx1138]

Agreed. HedoRick.

The level of quality from my experience:

Match / eharmony
OK Cupid
POF - equally DTF possibly moreso than okc.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Me : it's been used before because they all stole it from me
actually i'm just starting this okcupid thing, and you ? In what kind of bizaro world a girl like you finds herself in okcupid ?

and no reply.... I wonder what I did wrong

You are surprised that a girl wants to have nothing to do with you after that line? Seriously???

You have much learn from this site.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Having fun deleting messages from horny, desperate guys who are trying to seduce you by calling you 'pet' names? You should see the fun stuff I get to delete.

It might get a response, but it's unlikely to lead to a good interaction. Right off the bat, you are talking about something negative...Personally, I prefer to start on a positive note. Also, you are kind of putting her on a pedestal and giving her an opportunity to b!tch. On a side note, it has been my experience that there is a very strong correlation between girls who make a point of complaining about their experiences with 'creepy' men online and girls who turn out to be flakes and attention wh*res. In fact, the correlation is so strong that I treat such complaints as an instant red flag.

In my experience, to get the best results on okcupid you need to:

1) Have good pictures (the most important factor...by FAR)

2) Have something in your profile that would attract attention (i.e. your job, if it's a good one). But don't go overboard with your profile...no need to put your entire life story in it.

3) Send simple messages to test the waters. Ideally, you'd a make a humorous remark in response to something written in her profile. But don't sit there wrecking your brain trying to come up with something funny. If a girl likes your pics, it won't matter much that the message is unoriginal. Even something simple like 'Hey there!' will suffice. Do not send canned openers, pick up lines, long thoughtful messages, etc.

4) Keep your interaction light and playful. Do no discuss 'deep' topics like politics, religion, philosophy, etc.

5) Don't ask a girl out after 3 messages. At the same time, don't spend weeks corresponding back and worth. Talk to her for a bit to establish some rapport and if she appears responsive, ask her out. If she gives you one word responses and doesn't ask you anything, drop her.