Ok,well....

[CapedCrusader08]

This is going to be the first in a series of self improvement steps,with the help of another poster,vypros. Aside from the obvious,this thread here,http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156608, it got me thinking alot. With it's talk of social conditioning,it makes me wonder,how do and can I break my own? How do I break all this when I have felt this way for so long?

Another question is,what is the best solution out there to try and solve these? There are many,nlp,therapy,etc. What with so many,where do I begin?

 

[WC2]

I'm waiting for the day one of the MODs ban you for your own good.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

what good would that do? I try to start something more positive,and you attack me.

 

[horaholic]

You're not starting anything more positive, you're just asking the same questions again, which have been answered for you time and time again. If you wanted any positive feedback from us, you would have posted something like:

"I saw a therapist today, and Im starting meds, blah, blah, blah."

Or maybe:

"I joined a gym today, and started a workout regimen. Boy am I sore, but I feel good." or even "i did 100 sit ups today, and three sets of 15 push ups."

Or:

"I cold approached 5 girls today, and got rejected, but I'm totally ok with that"

Or:

"I vow, to be more positive. Today I will ban all negative thoughts from my mind, and tell myself how valuable I really am."

I would even settle for this one:

"last night I went to a bar, made some friends, got totally wasted, and had a great time."

Do you see what you aren't doing here? If you want to make a progress report, start with some sort of progress. And no, making a progress report, really isnt progress, until you've added something of value. I'd love to see you do this, I really would, but you need to do it, and not talk about it.

We all had hope, when you 'claimed' to call a therapist, three weeks ago. That was obviously a lie. Thats really the first thing you need to do. I want to see you post "I have an appointment on thursday for my therapist." Then , I want to see you post "went to appointment, so, and so, happened, going back next week"

Dont post anything, unless you've actually accomplished something. No more questions, or 'realizations', or 'maybe its because..." unless you write "I did this..." people will attack you, cuz we all think you're full of shyt. Prove us wrong.

 

[SuavePlaya]

Horaholic, he is too dumb to see that we want to see him succeed.

 

[DonJuan11]

With it's talk of social conditioning,it makes me wonder,how do and can I break my own? How do I break all this when I have felt this way for so long?

What with so many,where do I begin?

Since you are rich and live off your rich parents, you begin by getting a job and stop living off them because they are rich.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I have a job,it's not the ideal job,but right now,it's what I have. I always had high goals,career wise,educationally,but due do to setbacks educationally ,it has caused me to have to put some things on hold.

I have called a therapist,but have not gotten a response. The negative thoughts one is the one I need help with the most as of now. All the other stuff,should be easy. Obviously,a therapist can help me with some of these issues. My way of seeing things is off. As you know. Allright,I will stop now,and will not post until I can come back and say,today i did this....

 

[SharinganUser]

I am CC08's Therapist. I'll tell you how that phonecall went and why I haven't called him back

cc08: Hey doc, I need to see you.
Me: OK what seems to be the problem?

CC08: The problem is that everyone hates me.
Me: That's not true!

CC08: How do you know?
Me: Because you haven't MET everyone!

 

[DonJuan11]

I have a job,it's not the ideal job,but right now,it's what I have. I always had high goals,career wise,educationally,but due do to setbacks educationally ,it has caused me to have to put some things on hold.

If you are not smart enough to get a degree and well paying job, and move out of your parents house who pay for everything you own, then we can't tutor you to study better so you can make more money.

You have to live within your means if you don't have enough money to be rich, unless your parents pay for everything, which they do.

 

[Vypros]

Is this your thread? Sorry I missed it. I've been kinda busy.

Anyway, here's the deal. Your first task, and I want you to take some time and really think about this, is very simple:

1. I want you to make a list of long term goals (think in terms of things you can acheive in 5 years). Stuff like get a degree, buy a house, and even, yes, find a wife. Those are just some ideas, and I want you to think about what YOU want out of life in the next 5 years and make a list of them in this thread.

2. The second thing I want you to do is make a list of mid-term goals. Things that you can acheive within the next year. This could be things like getting an application to college and gettting enrolled in school or building a new social network.

3. Finally, I want you to make a list of monthly goals.

The idea here is that you make a master plan of where you want your life to be in 5 years, and then you start breaking that plan down into smaller, more manageable goals until you get to a place where the task doesn't seem so daunting.

A good monthly goal, for me--since I am a writer, is to say that I am going write 30K words this month. No that's not a complete novel, but I know that if I continue that for 3 months I will have a finished first draft. I could then set a goal to have the book ready for submission in the remainder of the year, and that within 5 years I could have a published book on the shelves.

You see what I'm saying? You figure out what you want out of life and list the goals (in their respective categories) in this thread.

You have 3 days from the time I post this to complete it. If you don't, I'll consider that strike one towards our three strike and I give up on you deal.

Don't worry about it being perfect, because when you post it (and please don't just throw it together in like 5 minutes) I'll go over it with you and help you work it into a more manageable set. Especially when it gets down to monthly goals, because I'm sure that's where you are having your trouble. You know what you want in the long term, but really have no idea how to get there. So if you struggle with the smaller goals, I'll (and others) will help you.

 

[horaholic]

Vypros, hes started three or four new threads since this one, and has not even attempted anything. He wont even see a therapist, or anything. Here is the link to his latest pity party:http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156716

As you can see, nothing has changed. I've said the same shyt to him as you have, many times. Its absolutely futile.

 

[Vypros]

Vypros, hes started three or four new threads since this one, and has not even attempted anything. He wont even see a therapist, or anything. Here is the link to his latest pity party:http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156716

As you can see, nothing has changed. I've said the same shyt to him as you have, many times. Its absolutely futile.

He PMed me recently and told me that he was going to take me up on my offer a few weeks ago to guide him. I'm giving him a three strike/three chance deal.

So, let's just see how it goes. Maybe you guys can back off for a while and stop hammering him so much and give him this chance. If he doesn't follow through, then have at him.

 

[CaptainJ]

I wish him the best of luck in his endeavours then, but tell him to get the **** off these forums.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Well,I read the proposition,and am going to take you up on it.

Long term goals: This isn't something I just threw together in 5 minutes,it's pretty much always been my desired outcome of things. But for many reasons,things haven't been going that way. That is to go to school,get a degree,something in writing/film/filmmaking,and possibly even history. Get a career going,and get married. All of that feels it has been put in jeopardy over the years for educational,and even social setbacks. What I want out of life is to be happy,and get rid of these nagging anxieties,insecurities,and frustrations. I want to feel complete and whole,loved even. But I also feel that in some ways how I see the world at times interferes with alot of that.

2.More short term goals. Well,school I am working on,I have done a few semesters at a local community college. But even then, I still feel empty,alone,distant. Whatever you want to call it. Social network has seemingly been the hardest over the years,which is where I feel most of these problems come from. It stems from past experiences,and long terms of isolation,loneliness,and lazyness as well. Work right is the one thing that keeps me going,on days off,I feel more frustrated and depressed than usual.

3.Monthly goals. This is where I am going to need some help. The little things as they say. See,my whole thing is I have always looked at things on the big scale.I have always had high goals,high standards and aspirations.

I still have these nagging anxities,frustrations and insecurities. They are all cenetered around my own,well,it's a mix,of sexual/romantic inexperience,or not feeling complete,feeling like a man even. I mean,reading this, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156912, makes me feel even more awkward. I mean,do I lack some sort of knowledge,or effort,or have I just always been unatractive,not necessarily physically,but more attitude or behaviorally? I started to feel this way rather young,and it has stayed with me since. It's all these other questions. That aside,I think this is off to a good start.

 

[Warrior74]

this guy is still here spouting the same stuff?

CC here's a hint. everytime you go to type about your "problems" don't. The more you dwell on them the longer you will have them. Don't even type them out. We all know them, so we don't want to hear them anymore.

Glad to see your making some goals for yourself. Good first step. Continue on with some action, but stop the drivel about your problems. Just don't write it man. Don't do it. I know you can at least do that. You are on your way to fixing your problems. and remember. F.E.A.R. = False Expectations Appearing Real.

How about this for a goal. Stop spewing the whine fest. If you can stop doing that...you'll be on your way to getting what you want. I promise you. I have no reason to lie to you. It's a big turn off. Nobody likes a whiney man, women hate a whiney man even more then men do. Suck it up and fix it bro.

 

[Vypros]

Long term goals: This isn't something I just threw together in 5 minutes,it's pretty much always been my desired outcome of things. But for many reasons,things haven't been going that way. That is to go to school,get a degree,something in writing/film/filmmaking,and possibly even history. Get a career going,and get married. All of that feels it has been put in jeopardy over the years for educational,and even social setbacks. What I want out of life is to be happy,and get rid of these nagging anxieties,insecurities,and frustrations. I want to feel complete and whole,loved even. But I also feel that in some ways how I see the world at times interferes with alot of that


2.More short term goals. Well,school I am working on,I have done a few semesters at a local community college. But even then, I still feel empty,alone,distant. Whatever you want to call it. Social network has seemingly been the hardest over the years,which is where I feel most of these problems come from. It stems from past experiences,and long terms of isolation,loneliness,and lazyness as well. Work right is the one thing that keeps me going,on days off,I feel more frustrated and depressed than usual.

3.Monthly goals. This is where I am going to need some help. The little things as they say. See,my whole thing is I have always looked at things on the big scale.I have always had high goals,high standards and aspirations.

I still have these nagging anxities,frustrations and insecurities. They are all cenetered around my own,well,it's a mix,of sexual/romantic inexperience,or not feeling complete,feeling like a man even. I mean,reading this, http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=156912, makes me feel even more awkward. I mean,do I lack some sort of knowledge,or effort,or have I just always been unatractive,not necessarily physically,but more attitude or behaviorally? I started to feel this way rather young,and it has stayed with me since. It's all these other questions. That aside,I think this is off to a good start.

I applaud you on your quick response, but this isn't going to help you dude. I mean, you've got your goals intermingled with a bunch of excuses and bullshyt as to why you haven't. This is not a strike or anything, but I need you to redo this list in a more constructive way.

Structure it sort of like this:

Long term goals (5 yrs):

1. Goal 1 only (no excuses or explanations)
2. Goal 2
3. etc.

Mid term goals (1 yr):

1. Goal 1
2. Goal 2
3. etc.

Short term goals:

1. Goal 1
2. Goal 2
3. etc.

The idea is to have a list that you can print out and put up somewhere and even at a glance you can see exactly what you want out of yourself in the next 5 years.

Here's an example of my own goals:

Long term goals:

1. Become an established writer
2. Buy a home
3. Change careers from Engineering to something in Teaching/Counselling
4. Be ready/in a long term relationship

Mid term goals:

1. Write a novel
2. Edit my novel and get it ready for querying
3. Eliminate the remainder of the debts leftover from my divorce
4. Establish an investment/savings plan
5. Build a social network

Short term goals:

1. 1500 words per day on my novel
2. $50 per paycheck into savings
3. Visit one new social venue per week
4. Check out volunteering opportunities and try one


******

Do you see the difference? I'm simply listing what I want so that I can see it. And each of my goals feeds up into the higher level. I know that if I contniously complete my short term goals, my mid term goals will automatically be completed, and as my mid term goals are completed, my long term goals will automatically be completed.

So, please, redo your list and put some structure to it. This is your life we're talking about. This isn't something you want to half ass and make excuses for. Do it again this time, and cut the shyt from it.