OK this is the situation and I need some advice.

[seethehoop]

OK this is the situation and I need some advice.

I am married but separated since May of this year, I am getting a divorce. My wife currently lives with me whilst we are sorting out the divorce and the financial details.

She has put an offer in on a house and it has been accepted. It is anticipated that she will have moved out by the middle/end of January.

I have started seeing someone else, it happened about 10 weeks ago so I was already in the middle of divorce.

The girl I am seeing, let’s call her S, and I are going to an event in December and we are then going to go for a few drinks before/after the event in the City.

Now here’s the problem, my wife has informed me she is also going out in the City and she is going to be in the area where the event is. This poses the problem that there may be a chance that she would bump in to me and S out and about in a bar near by etc. The city is in the UK so its not like NYC or anything, there is a real chance we could bump in to each other.

So my dilemma is this:

Do I be upfront and tell my wife that I am going out and that I am seeing someone. Maybe say I am seeing a “friend” but not give gory details she doesn’t need to know.

Or

Do I say nothing, tell the girl I am seeing that we can’t really be seen displaying any sort of public affection whilst on the night out. I have already discussed this with S and she does see why I would do this but is understandably unhappy about it. The situation with S is the same as mine, she is also married, getting a divorce but living with her husband whilst they sort out their situation.

My main concern here is I do still care about my wife and her feelings, the relation is definitely over but I am still going to have to live with her for another 2 months so if I tell her I would have to deal with the aftermath.

Alternatively, if I don’t say anything and she sees me out with S she will be more hurt and it would cause potentially more problems.

Or am I over thinking this, the chances are that we may not even bump in to each other.

Any help would be appreciated.

 

[betheman]

the rules of engagement will change once she finds out and not for the good. if you tell her or she finds out, the gloves may come off and the cold war will begin. she will find out, even if not directly, you will be spotted at some point and word will get back. you have complicated ths by continuing to live together

 

[seethehoop]

You're not wrong but the situation kind of dictated the living together situation. She had now bought a house but we are waiting for the paperwork to go through then she can move out. Then if she finds out then so be it, I won't have to live with her or deal with the aftermath.

I never intended to get into another relationship whilst she still lived at home but this new girl is a girl from my past and we have a lot of history so I don't want to miss this opportunity, we have a good thing going on.

 

[seethehoop]

I was the one that ended the marriage, if she ended it I wouldn't care if she found out. I ended it because we had drifted apart, we had become like best friends but then that's all we were. Our sex life had become non existent, she wanted to try and resolve it but I'd come to a point where I was no longer attracted to her. This is why i still care for her very deeply but more like a sister/friend. It's sad but I felt I had to let her go before things got any worse.

I've already hurt her so I really don't want to hurt her any more. This is part of the problem.

 

[alpha_ash]

I was the one that ended the marriage, if she ended it I wouldn't care if she found out. I ended it because we had drifted apart, we had become like best friends but then that's all we were. Our sex life had become non existent, she wanted to try and resolve it but if come to a point where I was no longer attracted to her. This is why is still care for her very deeply but more like a sister/friend. It's sad but I felt I had to let her go before things got any worse.

Ugh, why would you end something like that? Just work on the sex life, talk, and explain the situation. I don't mean to make this worse for you, but I think you ended something truly incredible that is very hard to find in this day and age.

The greatest love in life is one that you're best friends with.

Where do you live and how old are you two?

 

[seethehoop]

@alpha ash i ended it cos I wasn't attracted to her anymore, we split up in Feb but then got back together to try and work things out. Believe me, if I had a choice in the matter i would have chosen to be attracted to her again but things had gone too far.

@pairplus. Thanks man. That's my thoughts. I don't believe she would have cheated on me but if she had i wouldnt regard her feelings at all. As the case is i don't want to hurt her any more than i already have, also if she finds out she'll assume I've cheated even though i haven't.