"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Ok is it me or is this how its supposed to work?

O

Outofexile

Don Juan
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Ok 35 yr old male divorced a little over a year now after being married six years. Was a complete AFC during my divorce. I mean, they make doormats now with my initials on them in reference.

So after the divorce, I took some time off and worked on me. I shed 50 lbs and got back into the shape I used to be pre marriage. Saved some money, got a new wardrobe (losing 50lbs makes that necessary anyway), and basically rebuilt me.

I dated some pretty girls after a while but it seems that it has been one reoccurring complaint theme with them all...that I am too self absorbed. Not enough time with them. Not giving and caring enough. That I put too much into the gym and my son and my hobbies and not enough into the relationship.

So what is it? DJ principals is to love your passions and never let a woman take them away. Also to never change yourself for a woman. Ok did both of these but still went sour because I was too self absorbed and wouldnt change. I wouldnt bend over and kiss their asses and revolve my life around them. Im not crying grapes here because everything is a learning experience and it wasnt like they were keepers or I was in a position to want to keep anyone.

Just trying to figure out for future when it may count one day in the future. Is it that they were like three bad apples who I oddly got in a row or what?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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PEPE LE PIU

Don Juan
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Outofexile said:
I dated some pretty girls after a while but it seems that it has been one reoccurring complaint theme with them all...that I am too self absorbed. Not enough time with them. Not giving and caring enough. That I put too much into the gym and my son and my hobbies and not enough into the relationship.
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Besides the complaints what else is there? Did they dump you? Did you dump them?
 
S

SharpGame

Don Juan
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I'm still learning, but I'll give this a shot. No healthy woman should want you to stop living your life or to start putting them at the center of it. If you're living your life well, this is probably what attracted them to you in the first place. My guess is that their real complaint is that you don't include them enough in this great life you've created.
 
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Outofexile

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It was always a mutual thing. They would be like you are so self absorbed and dont do this or that and I would be like, well thats not me at this point in life...sorry. We agreed to disagree and cease seeing each other. No huge drama.
 
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