Oh well, just learned a lesson the hard way. Long distance does not work

[The_Reaper]

Whoa, "kill him?" Ooooo, he could probably tell that he got his dig into you. Consider this, he didn't do anything to you directly, the woman did. She didn't have to go through with it. Just something to consider.

But yep, he sounds like one of those "nice guys" who was lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time to take advantage of a situation, and your ex allowed him to do it. He was there to fill an immediate need that she had. Who's to say that she'll stick around after getting that immediate need filled? Only her actions will tell.

One thing though, a person who cheats in a relationship doesn't necessarily have the predisposition to cheat again. They're similar to people who cheat on a diet, cheat at sports or cheat on their taxes. There is an immediate need that they have to fulfill.

Now, if the underlying deep-seated need is fulfilled, the craving that they have to cheat will be greatly reduced, possibly eliminated. The key is finding that underlying need and taking care of it. In a relationship the need is to fortify that foundation. In a new relationship distance inhibits that fortification.

Yeah I wanted to kill him. I was just after reading a message of his on her computer which read: "I hope my lovely queen has shaved her p.... that causes trouble for nose"

He did not write p.u.ssy, but "p....."

This ignited a spark of rage, and I sort of felt lightheaded. And he was actually only 60 seconds walk away down the corridor, sitting by his computer. I could have stormed over there, but that could have gotten nasty. So I counted to ten, over and over in my head, telling myself to calm down.

Then, beep: he comes online and says hello on the computer (thinking he was talking to her), while she was actually somewhere else and had not come back yet.

So what was I to say. "Oh hey, what's up bro?"

 

[The_Reaper]

Yes, of course.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. As long as it's done with proper precautions against biohazards.

What if she said, "Bonhomme, I'm pregnant!"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

..So what was I to say. "Oh hey, what's up bro?"

How about "Sorry to hear about your nose problems."

 

[The_Reaper]

How about "Sorry to hear about your nose problems."

Yeah, that would have been good. Except for the fact that I was angry as hell and only able to see red.

Anyway. Fck it, it's over now.

 

[Bonhomme]

What if she said, "Bonhomme, I'm pregnant!"

Then we would have another issue that is known to be deadly to LTRs: stupidity.

I wouldn't go into such an arrangement unless we both agreed to take maximum precautions against pregnancy and disease, including "morning after pills" for her in case of condom breakage.

 

[The_Reaper]

Then we would have another issue that is known to be deadly to LTRs: stupidity.

I wouldn't go into such an arrangement unless we both agreed to take maximum precautions against pregnancy and disease, including "morning after pills" for her in case of condom breakage.

Have you ever had this arrangement before?

What if you are planning to have kids - does the arrangement then suddenly just go out the window?

What if she fell in love with the other man she is having sex with? Or prefers him to you?

Or, you call her up, "Hey Michelle"
"Hey Bonhomme"
"What's up?"
"Just taking it up the ass from a well hung, gorgeous guy. After, I'll suck his penis. So what's up with you?"

 

[Rata Blanca]

The Reaper, you learned your lesson, now turn around and don't look back.

 

[blueguy]

You sound a little jealous.

Maybe she's wasn't the perfect girlfriend and you didn't want her for the long haul, but it sounds like it's still a little blow to your ego. Don't worry about it. Jealousy happens for a reason. Usually it sparks ambition. The last thing you want to do is tip the guy off that you're the least bit jealous by warning him about her or getting angry at him.

Maybe she will eat him alive... maybe not. Whatever happens, if you focus on yourself, the jealousy will eventually fade once you have better. Like Jerry Seinfeld said, the best revenge is living well.

 

[knglerxt]

Yes, of course.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. As long as it's done with proper precautions against biohazards.

There's no way I could do that. What's the point of having a relationship at all if you're going to go with other people? Why not just date around?

 

[Bonhomme]

Have you ever had this arrangement before?

Nope. All my LTRs have been with one-man women. So that's the way I've played it, too. None have given me so much as an excuse to engage in extracurricular activities. Oh, well.

But I do know people in "open" relationships that have worked out jolly fine for them.

I don't think of love in possessive terms, really. The women I've been involved with would rather have me than Kid Rock or Brad Pitt, anyway, and they've expressed amusement at how women could be so much into these "stars" while they're all over me.

Anyhow, if a gal wants to be with you, nothing anyone else can do will change that; if she doesn't, bloody little you can do to change that, except change yourself.

 

[Bonhomme]

There's no way I could do that. What's the point of having a relationship at all if you're going to go with other people? Why not just date around?

I can see a lot of points to having a relationship aside from sexual exclusivity.

 

[Dark Chivalry]

I'd say open relationships are good for short term set-ups, maybe also for poeple who don't want kids. I've never seen swingers have a 50th anniversary.

But if you do that, just let every girl be a friend that you happen to tap every now and then. A lot of girls are okay with a few weeks/months of casual sex but will be hurt if you have a GF and they are reduced to a sidemeat.