Oh SH!T, rockbottom!!!!!!!!!

[zemaj]

As the title suggests, I have totally hit rockbottom. AGAIN.

This place is sort of like an online rehab for afc's...and despite working hard, I feel I have lost all my hard work, and gone backwards.

All you have to do is read my last couple of threads about a girl who I was set-up with. We only txt'd, arranged to meeet and she flaked (due to work). She was supposed to pick another day, never did...I txt'd her a few days after making small talk, she replied once, but then never replied since...and that was at midnight today..its now 16.30 where I am.

What scares me most, is how dependant/desperate I am of this chick. She was the only promising girl in my life atm (how pathetic is that!!!), and I have found myself obsessing about her (despite never meeting her!!!), checking her facebook page obsessively...and just craving a text msg from her...and when she does txt, its like a quick fix..i will send another one, and then go crazy waiting for a reply from her!

I must say guys, the majority of the problems have been in my head...and suprisingly, I dont think I have really done that much to turn her off of me..a part of me does still think we will end up meeting up etc...but thats beyond the point...I shouldn't be obsessing about it!!! I mean, she certainly isn't, shes out and about socialising, hanging out, no doubt fvcking some other chump!!

I turned 24 a couple of weeks ago. Im a virgin. never had a girlfriend...but honestly, externally I am not a weirdo as you might start to imagine in your mind. I just seem to have these ridiculous problems in my mind where I over analyze etc etc etc...

This is not the kind of thing a guy should be depressed about..but I find myself really down at this moment.

Im losing it, losing the will to keep going when all I ever do is get knocked down and hurt.

 

[Interceptor]

zemaj,
youre only hurting yourself. YOU are the one creating the hurt.
And that hurt is taking away your masculinity, decisiveness, control and discipline, spark for life, and peace of mind.

This is very BAD Oneitis you are experiencing.

This one woman is not perfect, nor can she save you or fix you.

You barely know her so you cannot be so emotionally invested in her.


You need to disconnect and pull the needle from your arm and let her go.


You are not well. Do you understand??

Your own health and wellbeing are much more important than this random stranger you barely know.

Get yourself together and respect yourself, honor yourself and have some dignity.

You havent yet discerned what this woman can offer you, yet your obsessing over 'getting' her and 'losing' her.

Look up Pook's Kill that Desperation.


This post may help:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137740

Good luck.

 

[DJ Miquelo]

Yo zemaj,
Yeah i saw your other threads and i know exactly whats going on with you as the same thing happened to me ages ago. The good thing is you seem like the type of guy who knows what hes doing wrong and knows its wrong. That is a very good thing for you! Makes it much easier to correct the problem cos u know it exists.

Now, what u must do is realise it doesnt matter a sh!t if ur a 'virgin' or ur this or that. Forget those trashy labels. You're not one to be pigeonholed are you?If uve read the DJ Bible and uve got a clue what kinda guy u want to be then my only advice is to GO AND DO IT MAN!!!! you know u want to and theres nothing stopping you!!

And yes, you're right about it being a stupid thing to be depressed about cos IT IS STUPID! You should concentrate on bettering yourself in all ways as once u have, things will get better for you naturally. Take some time to sort yourself out and get a clue what u want out of life!

Getting knocked down and hurt is an INTEGRAL part to getting stronger and growing as an individual and as a man. Every time you get fvcked over just think 'damn that sucked BUT i know how to avoid that next time or whatever' THUS it was infact a very BENEFICIAL thing for you. But yeah dont be disheartened about it all because YOU KNOW u can overcome this trash and one day be whoever the sh!t u wanna be. You gotta fall a few times before u can walk.

 

[Igetit!]

As the title suggests, I have totally hit rockbottom. AGAIN.

This place is sort of like an online rehab for afc's...and despite working hard, I feel I have lost all my hard work, and gone backwards.

All you have to do is read my last couple of threads about a girl who I was set-up with.

So this "hitting rock bottom",it's happened as a result a date failing to happen? And this is the same girl from your previous thread,right?

Interceptor was right when he said that you are the one creating the hurt.

It is you.

You said that one date got cancelled because she had to work.

You mean her having to work,that contributed to you "hitting rock bottom"? Her work schedule?



Imo,you're not in any condition to be dating right now.

Women want a man who is strong,vibriant,secure,someone who can be their shield and protector. If all it took for you to breakdown/hit rock bottom was a date being cancelled due to her job,then I don't think you qualify as the type of man I described above.

If you can't handle a cancelled date,what if something more serious comes along?

We only txt'd, arranged to meeet and she flaked (due to work). She was supposed to pick another day, never did...I txt'd her a few days after making small talk, she replied once, but then never replied since...

Well,this type of situation can be fixed. Just seems like her interest level was low. However,you'd have to post your conversation with her so it can be examined to see where (if anywhere) you got off track...and I mean WORD FOR WORD,to the best you can remember.

Kal0051 has a thread titled something about "I almost give up with women,I'm doing something wrong with women,and I don't know what".

TWO TIMES I asked him to give an example of what he says to women when he tries to approach them/gain their interest,and he couldn't do it.

So I'm asking you: If you can give an example of what it is you normally says to women,of how an interaction generally goes,we should be able to help speed up your recovery from this "rock bottom" phase you're in.

Remember,it has to be how you generally speak to them. Don't pick out an incident where you decided to try something new.

What scares me most, is how dependant/desperate I am of this chick. She was the only promising girl in my life atm (how pathetic is that!!!), and I have found myself obsessing about her (despite never meeting her!!!), checking her facebook page obsessively...and just craving a text msg from her...and when she does txt, its like a quick fix..i will send another one, and then go crazy waiting for a reply from her!

You need a life dude. You need to have other things to occupy your time and energy. With the way you describe yourself here,even if you had been able to go out with her,you'd of screwed it up.

All you would have been was another problem in her life.

I dont think I have really done that much to turn her off of me..

At this point,it doesn't matter. You need to read the thread Interceptor suggested. I can "feel" the nervousness,the desperation coming off of you from over the internet.

AND I'M A GUY!

If me being a guy can sense the negative energy coming from a post,then what do you think about women,who are like 10 times more sensitive to people's emotions,what do you think this girl felt from one on one texting with you?

It's always dark before the sun comes up.

Maybe this "darkness" you feel now is what you needed to help you become a better man,to push you into the light.

I went through something similiar to this a few years ago. Rejection after rejection,hurt after hurt,girl after girl.

And it ALL pointed back to ME,changes I needed to make within myself.

New behaviors I needed to learn,old ones to throw away.

New thoughts to be entertained,old ones to be discarded.


In fact,I still remember the first time I approached a woman after this so-called awakening.

I was at a retail store buying something,and as I was paying for whatever,I said something to the lady at the counter,and she had the BIGGEST SMILE I'd ever seen. The reaction I got from her was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from any previous one I had ever had.


It was like night and day. I thought that women were somehow different,but they weren't.

It was me who had changed.


You CAN BE HELPED and this CAN BE CORRECTED...however, it will require you doing some things and saying some things that you've never done or said before. You can't just keep doing the same things over and over again and expect things to change because they won't.

Like I said earlier,once you give a VERBATIM description of how you interactions generally go,we'll be able to give you some direction.

 

[zemaj]

Thankyou for your kind words and advice Interceptor, DJ Miquelo and Igetit!

I have skimmed through the suggested threads Interceptor...I will read them both thoroughly a bit later when its a bit quieter where I am.

I think you are gith Dj Miquelo..I need to stop letting there trashy labels affect me psychologically.....

Igetit!....I will post the complete interaction from start to finish I have had with this latest girl. It will take me a bit of time to write it all down word for word (luckily I have ALL the messages sent and received) so it will be 100% accurate. I will definitely get it done in the next couple of hourse. I just have an errand to run first. I'm a bit uncomfortable posting it on the open forum, so I might PM you....having said that, I will probably just post it in this thread....

be back soon

 

[youbaby11]

Thankyou for your kind words and advice Interceptor, DJ Miquelo and Igetit!

I have skimmed through the suggested threads Interceptor...I will read them both thoroughly a bit later when its a bit quieter where I am.

I think you are gith Dj Miquelo..I need to stop letting there trashy labels affect me psychologically.....

Igetit!....I will post the complete interaction from start to finish I have had with this latest girl. It will take me a bit of time to write it all down word for word (luckily I have ALL the messages sent and received) so it will be 100% accurate. I will definitely get it done in the next couple of hourse. I just have an errand to run first. I'm a bit uncomfortable posting it on the open forum, so I might PM you....having said that, I will probably just post it in this thread....

be back soon

in for updates. we got your back

 

[Mr_rogers]

Don't worry about posting it in public. The chances of anyone you know stumbling upon this is next to zero. The internet is a big place.

 

[zemaj]

This Is It

sorry deleted because of paranoia

 

[zemaj]

THIS IS IT part 2

likewise..deleted

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Oneitis, Oneitis, somoeone has oneitis!

Better kill that bro, and I mean quick... because even if your oneitis has some interest in you, your gonna fvck it up anyways due to the fact you have put way too much emotion and emphasis on this one girl and you will come across as desperate and needy.

It is a tough, tough disease to kill... I know, and I am fighting tooth and nail, because like that early sneeze or that dry throat that comes with the onset of a cold, I can feel it coming on in me right now (the bank teller is my example... I have a serious thing for her and yes, I can feel it coming on)

How to cure it? Well, there is the whole GFTOW idea... not great for guy like me who has no other plates.. I guess you can use escorts and kill the desperation, but that's a mixed bag too (you may feel like a loser, expensive, etc...) Another thing is to put her out of your mind as quick as you can by concentrating on other things in your life... the best way of course, is to go out and meet other girls.

Really, that's all I can advise.

 

[zemaj]

Oneitis, Oneitis, somoeone has oneitis!

Better kill that bro, and I mean quick... because even if your oneitis has some interest in you, your gonna fvck it up anyways due to the fact you have put way too much emotion and emphasis on this one girl and you will come across as desperate and needy.

It is a tough, tough disease to kill... I know, and I am fighting tooth and nail, because like that early sneeze or that dry throat that comes with the onset of a cold, I can feel it coming on in me right now (the bank teller is my example... I have a serious thing for her and yes, I can feel it coming on)

How to cure it? Well, there is the whole GFTOW idea... not great for guy like me who has no other plates.. I guess you can use escorts and kill the desperation, but that's a mixed bag too (you may feel like a loser, expensive, etc...) Another thing is to put her out of your mind as quick as you can by concentrating on other things in your life... the best way of course, is to go out and meet other girls.

Really, that's all I can advise.

Haha, tell me about it man! I had oneitis real bad once before..but after coming to this site, didnt think I would get it again...especially not with a girl I never met!!! god im fvcking sad!!! lol

 

[Igetit!]

Wow dude. You weren't playing around with that conversation breakdown.
I think I bit off more that I could chew with all of that. :crackup:


Alright,let's get started...


This conversation you had with this girl,this is typically the way you talk to girls in general when trying to gain their interest,right? Because if so,the problem is clear...

There's nothing there dude. There's no substance,nothing for the girl to grab on to. It's all fluff talk. Just jiving,joking,and playing around.

There was no sexuality there. Women are attracted to men. Well,(emotionally speaking),there didn't seem to be one there.

Other than when you asked her what she was doing one weekend,(and that attempt lacked masculine energy),there wasn't any "maleness" present.

She even searched for some by being forward and asking you DIRECTLY about taking her on a date,and instead of being forward back,you made a joke.

You should be happy. If this is how you "game" girls,then the solution is simple.

Stop joking and playing around,and be serious.


I don't mean to walk around like you have a sour lemon in your mouth,I mean be serious about what you seriously want.

Do you want a date? Well,be serious when you ask a girl out.


You wanted to date this girl. I read the whole exchange,and not once did I see you seriously ask her out. You talked about anything and everything other than the two of you.

I heard nothing romantic or sexual. It was all about how her day was,plans for the summer,Mac computers and webcams,being sick and having a cold,kickboxing,blah,blah,blah.

And you wonder why she doesn't feel any sexual attraction for you.

Let's say I want a pay raise. Now,if I go into my bosses' office and start to talk to him,in order for me to get the raise,what subject do you think I should bring up? The weather? His days off? Who won the game last night?

If I want a pay raise,I need to talk about a pay raise.

If you wanted a date,then you should have been talking about the two of you going out. Your conversation was fluff,fluff,fluff,fluff,fluff,what are you doing sat. night,fluff,fluff,fluff,fluff,fluff,etc.

Of course she couldn't feel any attraction for you,there was too much fluff and irrelevant talking in the way.

You're not speaking to her like a man.

You call her a "lucky charm" and say "little o' poor u".

There's too much playing around for her to take you seriously.


You said after looking at everything you wrote down,it didn't seem like you did anything wrong. Frankly,I didn't see anything you did right.

Or to put it more accurately,you did do one thing right,but the timing was off. That attempt at asking her out should have come way,waaaaay back in the beginning,long before all the fluff talk.

Let me give you an example of how I approach a girl.

One of my ex-girlfriends,I had seen her at a fast food restaurant,but I never asked her out. Then one day a few months later,I was at a retail store and I saw her there at a register. So once I finished shopping,I walked over to her register to check out. Here's how the conversation went:

me:How you doin' today?
her:Fine,and you?
me:I'm ok. Hey,didn't you used to work at so and so place?
her:Yeah. god,I hated that place. How did you know I used to work there?
me:Because everytime I went up there,I wanted to talk to you.

her: (surprised look on her face.)
me:Are you married?
her:No.
me:You got a boyfriend?
her:No.
me:Good,then we can go out.

There,you see that? I was attracted to her. I wanted to date the girl. So what did I talk about? I talked about us dating.

It really is just that simple. This thing is this:I wanted her to see me as a sexual interest,so I brought up a sexual conversation. I told her I wanted to talk to her,which shows interest. I asked her about her status,if she was married or had a boyfriend,which shows interest as well.

You can't just talk about "sex",you have to make it personal,pertaining to you and her.


You have to stop trying to play it safe and put yourself out there.

Trying to avoid rejection = avoiding success.

Just come flat out and say,"Hey if you're not married or belong to anybody,then I WANT to see you". Flat out,just like that.

It's not that the fluff talk you had was bad,it was just out of place.

You have to get the romantic/sexual connection established FIRST.

Once that's done,then you can play and joke around...but not too much.


I'm tired man. That's a lot of typing for me.

Just try to directly show your interest EARLY ON in the interaction.

Peace man.

 

[zemaj]

HAHAHA, thanks for the reply Igetit!....I see your point! it seems quite clear now...

So, do u think I can try going direct with this girl one more time? is it too late with this girl? did I blow it?

 

[Igetit!]

HAHAHA, thanks for the reply Igetit!....I see your point! it seems quite clear now...

So, do u think I can try going direct with this girl one more time? is it too late with this girl? did I blow it?

It depends.

If all the laughing,joking,and playing around has been going on for a while,then you're probably already friendzoned.

The way you talked to her in the conversation examples you gave,if that's been going on for like the past three or four weeks,it's probably already over with.

You've been joking so much with her,she'd probably think you were joking if you did finally ask her out.

But hey,go ahead and try. Just be firm when you speak.

More importantly,you need to learn to be serious when necessary.

Next time you meet a girl you like,get the sexual/romantic connection first,then you can fluff and play around afterward.


My best guess would be you're in the friendzone,but go ahead and ask her out and see what happens.

 

[zemaj]

ok man..thanks for taking the time to read through it all and give your insight!!!!!

We only been talkin for like just over one week.

I think I will send her a more mysterious message to "hopefully" suck her back in...

maybe along the lines of "guess what I had on my mind 2day?" and if she replies proceed that I was thinking how I really want to take out a attractive girl out 4 dinner....u free tonight?

LOL

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

Igetit... Once again man you blew me away... Honestly, I've learned a ton reading your replies. You are absolutely bang on again.

 

[Igetit!]

ok man..thanks for taking the time to read through it all and give your insight!!!!!

We only been talkin for like just over one week.

A week? That's it?

You've only known her a week? Wow. That's actaully good news.

Hmm,maybe you're NOT in the friendzone yet,but if you stay on the present course you're on,you will be.

For some reason,I was under the impression you had known this girl for a while. Nevertheless,the less time you've known her,the better.

I think I will send her a more mysterious message to "hopefully" suck her back in...

maybe along the lines of "guess what I had on my mind 2day?" and if she replies proceed that I was thinking how I really want to take out a attractive girl out 4 dinner....u free tonight?

LOL

DON'T SAY THAT.

You don't get it yet,you're still trying to play it safe.

Stop sticking your toe in the pool,and just jump in.

You're the man,so you're the prize. Dude I swear,we're going to have to take a baseball bat to that nice guy still lurking inside you.

Don't tell her she's attractive. That's putting her on a pedistal.

Don't tell a girl she's hot or attractive. The way you comment on her looks is like this: I like the way you look in (this or that).

Throw in a slight neg: "That's a nice shirt you're wearing,although you might want to iron it the next time you wear it out".

The look on her face will be priceless.

I think you're oneitis is acting up again. You're going to try to see her tonight? Why don't you chill out and read the post Interceptor told you to read. This girl isn't going anywhere.

If you've only known her a week,there may still be hope,but you need to calm down,and stop trying to rush her into dating you.

Donjuanapprentice01...Thanks bro!

 

[donjuanapprentice01]

ok man..thanks for taking the time to read through it all and give your insight!!!!!

We only been talkin for like just over one week.

I think I will send her a more mysterious message to "hopefully" suck her back in...

maybe along the lines of "guess what I had on my mind 2day?" and if she replies proceed that I was thinking how I really want to take out a attractive girl out 4 dinner....u free tonight?

LOL

Here is a better way... Bear in mind I have not tried this but I think it should work.

Send her a message that goes along the lines of this:

"I was out today and I came across something that made me think of you, and now I have a really cool nickname for you! Its so good, that I have to tell you in person so you have the chance to laugh your ass off, or slap me in the face lol"

She will be so intrigued that she will contact you. When she does, tell her you have to say it to her face to face (like you said in your message). Her interest will be so piqued that she is very likey to agree.

Try it out.