Oh man, I feel like a huge chode. I met this girl a few weeks ago and up to now I think I've been handling it properly, she really did seem interested. But this weekend I think I screwed up royally. I went out clubbing with her and half way through the night she stopped hanging out with me to chill with this guy that was basically buying her off with drinks. This is when I became a big chode (and I realized it), I hated it but I didn't know how to shut him down and get her away from him (this is something I really need to learn how to do). In the end it all didn't matter because when the club closed she ended up staying with me (although she did reluctantly give him her number). I don't know if I've ruined my chances with this girl, I didn't get to escalate with this girl (haven't even kissed her yet) and I've noticed she hasn't been as eager to contact me since that night. I plan to ask her out for a 1 on 1 meeting; not at a club, probably some chill bar with a bunch of pool tables (I have one in mind, it's awesome). You guys have any advice that could help me?
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Oh man, I really choded out this weekend
- Thread starter Kal0051
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
She sees you as a friend and you acted as a weak beta male.
It would take more effort to reverse her opinion of you as a sexual interest then for you to go and chase someone new.
What I would have recommended is for you to:
- go hit on other girls in the bar/club, she would have noticed that
- not care what she was doing, you were out to have fun. Even if inside it was eating you up she was talking to another guy. Outside you should have acted otherwise.
- tricks could only take you so far, begin to evolve into an alpha male with high value for your life rather then chasing and changing other people's opinions.
It would take more effort to reverse her opinion of you as a sexual interest then for you to go and chase someone new.
What I would have recommended is for you to:
- go hit on other girls in the bar/club, she would have noticed that
- not care what she was doing, you were out to have fun. Even if inside it was eating you up she was talking to another guy. Outside you should have acted otherwise.
- tricks could only take you so far, begin to evolve into an alpha male with high value for your life rather then chasing and changing other people's opinions.
you have become her friend...the fact that she was flirting with a stranger in front of you means that she doesnt find you atractive (sexually)..
give her another try and if you dont get to kiss her then forget about her.
go out and get other girls numbers and start all over again.
and no, she didnt give the other guy her number reluctantly..... she did it willing it.
give her another try and if you dont get to kiss her then forget about her.
go out and get other girls numbers and start all over again.
and no, she didnt give the other guy her number reluctantly..... she did it willing it.
sodbuster
Master Don Juan
Never take sand to a beach. There's always a guy with a better line at the club,so until she knows who and what you are and has invested time and energy in you, you need to find other things to do during the "getting to know you phase". IF you went there to dance,you needed to keep her on the floor. She should have been closed off to the rest of the bar-dancing,conversation etc,not able to get drinks from another guy.
I had it happen once to me. The next time we went out in a group, I danced with a different girl. came back and talked to the group. Asked my"date" to dance-she said no. Grabbed another girl. Rinse and repeat about 5 times. We broke up that night,but her friend checked up on me to see if I was interested about a year later.
This one is probably over,so you may as well play hard to get and see if she comes back in your life.
I had it happen once to me. The next time we went out in a group, I danced with a different girl. came back and talked to the group. Asked my"date" to dance-she said no. Grabbed another girl. Rinse and repeat about 5 times. We broke up that night,but her friend checked up on me to see if I was interested about a year later.
This one is probably over,so you may as well play hard to get and see if she comes back in your life.
I know this is gonna sound really chodish (I know it's not a word) but she wasn't flirting with him. And I did see a difference between when she gave me her number to when she gave it to him. When I got it she took my phone from me without me asking and dialed her phone so that way she had my #. But when she gave this guy her number it took all his friends to push her into giving it and she didn't even try to get his. I think ppl on this site can be pretty negative, you think if a girl's not fvcking you after the second meeting you have no chance at all. Not really want to sound like I'm whining, but I just wanted to get that last part off my chest.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
well, you can call it pessimism but I prefer to call it realism.
in my case, if I dont kiss the girl within 30 days its game over for me. her interest falls to 0 and then I dont have a chance with her.... it is also the case of all of my friends..
what are you waiting to kiss her?
in my case, if I dont kiss the girl within 30 days its game over for me. her interest falls to 0 and then I dont have a chance with her.... it is also the case of all of my friends..
what are you waiting to kiss her?
Sure you can have second chances, if you know how to play the game right.
You didn't. Go ahead and pursue how you see it, but you are emotinally invovled and don't see the subtle behaviors that detachment sees.
But also, it doesn't change that you should man up in your aspects of life.
I do hope that everything turns out fine for you man. Just make decisions without being attached.
You didn't. Go ahead and pursue how you see it, but you are emotinally invovled and don't see the subtle behaviors that detachment sees.
But also, it doesn't change that you should man up in your aspects of life.
I do hope that everything turns out fine for you man. Just make decisions without being attached.
not really waiting for anything, I just hadn't escalated enough for there to be no resistance if I went for the kiss. I've only know the girl for 2 weeks and that night was only the second time we met. I probably could have kissed her (maybe should have done that when that guy was hitting on her) but for whatever reason I couldn't (and this is why I choded). Though I'm stating this right now, if she goes out with me again I will kiss her no matter what and if I don't I'll just call it quits with her.
Sorry, but what do you mean by this?AGBourne said:But also, it doesn't change that you should man up in your aspects of life.
"she stopped hanging out with me to chill with this guy that was basically buying her off with drinks. This is when I became a big chode (and I realized it), I hated it but I didn't know how to shut him down and get her away from him (this is something I really need to learn how to do)"
Just pointing out that when you realized and became aware of this you should have acted differently. She sensed you as weak and indecisive. That is why she stopped hanging out with you and went to hang out with another guy.
She came there with you, when you didn't do anything she wanted a reaction from you. That is why she did what she did and went to hang out with another guy. To get a response from you.
Nothing happened. You sat around till the place closed.
So her perception of you changed.
Just be the man, take no excuses and go for what you want. and then let the chips fall where they may.
Just pointing out that when you realized and became aware of this you should have acted differently. She sensed you as weak and indecisive. That is why she stopped hanging out with you and went to hang out with another guy.
She came there with you, when you didn't do anything she wanted a reaction from you. That is why she did what she did and went to hang out with another guy. To get a response from you.
Nothing happened. You sat around till the place closed.
So her perception of you changed.
Just be the man, take no excuses and go for what you want. and then let the chips fall where they may.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Hmm, I see what you mean man. There were other reasons why she left me and hung out with him but what you said may have played some part of it. I guess I really just need to step it up and be aggressive and go for what I want. Up until now I've been aggressive with my interaction with her, so I don't know why I stopped that night.
Thats allright, take it as a learning lesson.
It could have been the venue and the vibe. She may also have had a off day. Regardless.
I think you know what it takes to take it to the next level. If you keep that in mind you will do just fine.
keep us updated.
It could have been the venue and the vibe. She may also have had a off day. Regardless.
I think you know what it takes to take it to the next level. If you keep that in mind you will do just fine.
keep us updated.
Yeah, it may have just been the wrong place, wrong time. I'll try to forget about it and move on with her like nothing happened. I'll let you know if anything good happens.AGBourne said:Thats allright, take it as a learning lesson.
It could have been the venue and the vibe. She may also have had a off day. Regardless.
I think you know what it takes to take it to the next level. If you keep that in mind you will do just fine.
keep us updated.
well, you can call it pessimism but I prefer to call it realism.
in my case, if I dont kiss the girl within 30 days its game over for me. her interest falls to 0 and then I dont have a chance with her.... it is also the case of all of my friends..
what are you waiting to kiss her?
in my case, if I dont kiss the girl within 30 days its game over for me. her interest falls to 0 and then I dont have a chance with her.... it is also the case of all of my friends..
what are you waiting to kiss her?