Odd Situation

[Kailex]

So, for the past 2-3 weeks, I've been dating this incredible girl. And by incredible, I mean, she has a career, she is independent and has a sense of humor, just like mine. We've been out on 3 dates so far... but the dates are odd, in the sense of non-typical.

You see, she lives in NY and I live in NJ. We're at least an hour away from each other, so it basically limits the amount of time we can see each other. We pretty much go out once a week, but the dates turn out to be a lot longer than most usual dates... as in 8 to 9 hours long. We have a ridiculously good time together. I've never had that much fun just being around someone, and she's let me know the same.

After our first date, she told me that she loved being with me and that she felt safe with me. Everything I've done or not done for her, she's appreciated. There was plenty of kino the first date and the attraction is definitely there. It was like that raw animal attraction where we just knew that we liked each other and didn't want to hold back.

So the first date ended, lots of fun, lots of making out.

Second date rolls around. Dinner, dancing, and then sex. I was staying at a hotel for the weekend. And well, ever since I picked her up, the sexuality out of both us was on display all night. She knew I was at a hotel and well, we couldn't contain ourselves.

The sex was amazing. She could not stop climaxing. Everything was great. As I took her back home, she let me know that she guessed that I might not call again, because, being a man, I had achieved what I wanted. I just laughed and shrugged it off with a "Maybe".

Third date.
Lunch, movie, dinner. She wasn't feeling well, but we definitely made out. I wasn't at a hotel and unfortunately we can't go back to her house (She's living temp with her parents). She's just relieved I'm still calling, still going out with her.

To be honest, I really like her. She's older than I am by 2 years. I'm 29. I like that she has her own life, and that I'm not her focus, but that she has moved mountains to spend time with me. But she did talk to me about the sex. She just wanted to make sure that I wasn't confusing things because of it and thinking that we were "steady"... I told her that I wasn't thinking about anything, not planning ahead, and just taking everything one day a time.

She really likes me so far. And we hit it off so well. I'm trying to avoid being dragged down into AFC territory constantly. She's said she's missed me, to which I respond: Oh yeah, just a little? I've never directly said it to her. I've definitely been alpha male, but the lack of knowledge of her territory within NY has led me to do things that she only knows about (I mean locations), but we pick mutually.



So... now the reason to my post. I don't even know why I am posting. I have been trying to spin additional plates... but anything else looks... pale in comparison. I've talked to other women in the past few weeks and they just don't seem as interesting, as fun, as appealing.

And I know you all say: Don't put her on a pedestal. Don't make her feel like she's the prize and you aren't.

To be honest, I haven't displayed it. I've just kept in check. But when I'm home alone, like right now, I do kinda miss being around her. But I won't text her or call her just because I miss her.

As someone said on these forums: Give her the gift of missing you.

And I do everyday. I'm either busy or I act busy, but she's getting to me. I know that at any point in time, this could end, and I've prepared myself mentally for that... for the fact that next week, I might not see her again.
I thought having sex would alleviate the pressure on the situation, make things easier, but it's actually been counter productive. It's given me a deeper connection to the situation.

And to be honest, I don't know exactly what I am asking with this post, but I just wanted to put it out there. This "relationship" has definitely broken any standards on dating. The first date was 7 hours too long, that WERENT too long. We just simply didn't want it to end...

Same goes with second date and third date... We can't run out of things to say even if we tried. The sex was ridiculous. The level of attraction between us is off the charts...

Everything I've read on these forums so far, applies to a typical level of interaction between a male and a female... and my case is far from typical. Of course, you guys only get the perspective from what I'm typing...

But how do I avoid screwing this up?
Should I ALWAYS be spinning plates, regardless of whether they pique my interest or not?

If this girl and I stopped talking today, I know I'd be perfectly okay and able to move on, but I just don't have the time/energy/money to invest on side projects, between work, gym, misc...

Feedback, questions, comments are more than welcome.

 

[n00bPimp]

It depends on what your relationship goals are. spinning plates is for guys who are trying to sleep with all the women they can, not for those who are looking for the right woman to settle with. If your goal is to settle for the right woman then I recommend to relax with plates spinning and stay with this one. You dont want to have a 'player' attitude when you think you've found wifey material. Unless you goal isn't to settle with someone, in which case spin those plates man!

 

[Kailex]

To be honest... I was spinning plates just to make sure I wasn't afflicted with "oneitis" but at this point of my life, I'm also keeping my eye out on someone I could settle down with. I'm almost 30, with a steady career, and no drama from the past... this girl, MAYBE, I could see myself getting settled with.

I just don't want to jump to any conclusions yet.

None of the other plates are as appealing anymore. She COULD be wifey material, but it's obviously WAY too early to even tell. And we both feel the same way after the "after-sex" talk. No rush needed, just taking it a day at a time.

 

[sodbuster]

You may have found the elusive good woman. As SOON as you give up on looking for better,she'll be able to sense it in your demeanor, so keep looking,make her WORK for it[and you]. You may not find a better,so she may be the one-just DON"T make that decision easily. NEVER let up on the DJ attitude-even when married. As long as she knows you could find a woman in a day,she'll be easier to handle. If you go AFC and weak in the marriage,she will think she can push you past your limits.

 

[bukowski_merit]

So, for the past 2-3 weeks, I've been dating this incredible girl. And by incredible, I mean....

If i had a dime for every thread that starts out with a similar message (about how different the girl is) - i'd be quite wealthy. You do a lot of justifying your attraction throughout your post. Don't worry man, it's not such a big deal if you're more attracted to this woman than a typical woman. That happens. Just don't start building monuments to her man.

We pretty much go out once a week, but the dates turn out to be a lot longer than most usual dates... as in 8 to 9 hours long.

This isn't that uncommon for LDRs.

The sex was amazing. She could not stop climaxing. Everything was great.

By my count - you had 16-18 hours or mental foreplay (+ whatever time you spent on phone with her). I would hope it was amazing after that much time =)... Be careful not to let amazing sex cloud your judgment though... amazing sex is probably more addictive than an amazing body...

As I took her back home, she let me know that she guessed that I might not call again, because, being a man, I had achieved what I wanted.

This is of some concern. It indicates that she's been used a good bit. And woman who get used a good bit don't find themselves in that position on accident.

She's just relieved I'm still calling, still going out with her.

This is really a sign of low self esteem! Nothing new, most women these days are LSE. I'm just warning you to play careful. Her saying things like this are showing that she doesn't feel worthy of being appreciated. Don't buy the "i've just been burnt by a lot of guys" thing that women say when acting "cautious"...

But that she has moved mountains to spend time with me.

As she should if she's really into you. This should not get her extra points.

She just wanted to make sure that I wasn't confusing things because of it and thinking that we were "steady"... I told her that I wasn't thinking about anything, not planning ahead, and just taking everything one day a time.

She's mind-fvcking you a bit here (please believe anything i say here is not done intentionally on her part; it's just the way things are). This is an early frame announcement on her part... "just because we are fvcking does not mean you have any control over me"... you kind of took her bait with your easy-going response back to her...

And we hit it off so well. I'm trying to avoid being dragged down into AFC territory constantly.

Well unfortunately, you're already heading down there. Not only because of things that are said, etc. But also because you can't be alpha or gain much leverage as long as she's not on your territory. You're going to visit her on her terms (when she can "move a mountain" to see you), in her city, in her world... You are not bringing her into your world; you're being a citizen in hers.

On your 3rd date - you let her not feeling well dictate how you treated her. I'm assuming you made no attempt to have sex with her because you felt it was the wrong thing to do?

She's said she's missed me, to which I respond: Oh yeah, just a little?

Careful, even if said in a ****y tone - that can come off as approval seeking.

I've definitely been alpha male, but the lack of knowledge of her territory within NY has led me to do things that she only knows about (I mean locations), but we pick mutually.

You cannot be true alpha until she is in your world.

I have been trying to spin additional plates... but anything else looks... pale in comparison. I've talked to other women in the past few weeks and they just don't seem as interesting, as fun, as appealing.

You are under this girls spell right now. Chemicals are rushing through you body just thinking about her. This is common, and required in nature. If people didn't feeling like one person was more special than the rest - humans could possibly become extinct.

Don't put her on a pedestal. Don't make her feel like she's the prize and you aren't.

Well, yeah obvious stuff here. Especially when dealing with a woman that doesn't expect it. The worst thing you can do to a woman who doesn't feel special is... tell her she is.

To be honest, I haven't displayed it. I've just kept in check. But when I'm home alone, like right now, I do kinda miss being around her. But I won't text her or call her just because I miss her.

Just because you're not telling her you miss her or that she's special, doesn't mean that your actions aren't saying it. It's ok to feel the way you do, but it's best to stick with what is known to work.

As someone said on these forums: Give her the gift of missing you.

And this is known to work. =)

I thought having sex would alleviate the pressure on the situation, make things easier, but it's actually been counter productive. It's given me a deeper connection to the situation.

Well, yeah... it's supposed to. Even more so since you both enjoyed it so much.

Same goes with second date and third date... We can't run out of things to say even if we tried.

Keep in mind what you've said previously about the gift of missing you. As long as you're being alpha the whole time - it's not a huge deal. But maintaining your alphaness in another womans world for 7-8 hours is very much impossible.

The sex was ridiculous.

And there in lies the power of a woman who reacts like she's being stabbed with a knife in bed. I've tons of times seen men come on here talking about the 'special girl" and almost everytime in the post how "the sex was amazing". I don't think this is coincidence. Either your level of attraction is so high that it makes you try harder and enjoy it more. Or her sexual pleasureability is so high that she forces the attraction to skyrocket even further.

Everything I've read on these forums so far, applies to a typical level of interaction between a male and a female...

Not really, there's tons of threads about "that special girl that the other girls don't match up to." Hell, i even have one who just does it for me like no other girl (and there's tons of "other" girls in and out of my life). But the fact remains the same - you should not change your approach. In fact - if you REALLY like this girl - you need to be a little more strict. With a fling or something, once i have the attraction and sex - i pretty much don't care about the rules because i don't care if it works or not.

But how do I avoid screwing this up?

You're not doing bad. Just keep it up and don't fall into revealing too much too early. You kind of sound like you'd say "i love you" to her if she said it to you first right now.

Should I ALWAYS be spinning plates, regardless of whether they pique my interest or not?

I'm not ALWAYS spinning plates. But i am normally keeping myself busy with some kind of endeavor in life. The reason you spin plates is to keep your mind occupied so you don't become too needy. It also allows you to keep from getting fully addicted to one woman.

My suggestion is to do what you can to bring her into your world and your territory. Get her to where you live.... show her your world and make her want to live in it.

Regardless, it's best not to start an actual relationship with her. Unless one of you is willing to relocate. It's nearly impossible to lead a woman properly from a distance.

 

[Kailex]

Thank you for your detailed response, sod.

We didn't have "sex" on the third date, because we simply didn't have a chance to. And by sex I mean, full on intercourse. I live in NJ and she lives in NY with her parents, so it's a big tougher to find something.

She did say that she will be coming to New Jersey in the following weekends since it was only fair for her to come down a few times as well. Definitely, my territory.

And trust me not having sex with her has nothing to do with it being the wrong thing. We both want to do it and again.

We just took advantage of a situation where I had a hotel room on the second date, while on the third, I didn't.

And yes, she does carry some emotional baggage from previous dating experiences, she is over the age of 30, so it's expected.

I try to sustain the alpha attitude within her territory by picking stuff I want to do with her, although she knows where to go for them.

My whole point of this post I guess, was to in hopes that I'm NOT like everyone else who comes in here and says: OMG She's the one, I want to die for her.


That's not my train of thinking. If she called me today and said she can't see me again, I'd be okay, and move on, but I do realize who she is and who I am around her and it feels great. I will not build shrines to her, I will not leave my life on hold for her, nor will I make my life a world centric to what she may or may not be doing. My life will go on with or without her.

I'm just having trouble grasping this particular dating situation because it's so different from than the norm for me.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

I'm either busy or I act busy, but she's getting to me.

{snip}

Everything I've read on these forums so far, applies to a typical level of interaction between a male and a female... and my case is far from typical.

It's very typical. A gigantic red flag that you need to make sure you keep your **** together because you're on the verge of screwing things up is whenever you see in a post "but this is different". It's in almost every post where someone has a situation that's either going wrong or about to. You don't see it in posts where it's about general advice.

That said, it sounds like a great deal man. However, I'm sure you can feel inside yourself that she's getting to you a lot more than what you've typed.

Keep your head and do all the right things you logically know you have to do.

Keep your head and you can have an awesome relationship.

 

[Joe Stud]

QUOTE: But she did talk to me about the sex. She just wanted to make sure that I wasn't confusing things because of it and thinking that we were "steady"...

So this incredible woman had to stop, and make sure that you understand that shes bangin other guys?

 

[Kailex]

The way I understood it was that she wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to turn AFC on her just because we had sex.

Neither of us is ready for a serious relationship after just the second date. I'm not even convinced 100% that we'll make it to that point, so I'm taking everything in stride.

And when I say she is different... I mean the situation is different as a whole. Everything was not "standard" in the way the dating has gone. Everything has been spontaneous, exciting, non-awkward and without any of the dating BS that goes on within dating.

I'm used to the "3 days after" calling rule... out the window.
Use kino at certain points... out the window, the kino started since Day 1.
Amongst many other things. Let's just say that I've dated 100 people... 99 of them followed a certain protocol... a certain method of dating and post-dating. Everything with her is different, thus throwing a major wrench in the system as I am used to it. It's THIS what is throwing me off-balance.

And whether she is screwing 10 other dudes at the same time... that's entirely her business... I could just as easily be screwing 10 other girls, can't I?

I'm just not used to this standard of a woman. I know I've passed most of her sh!t tests because of her responses, because let's face it, even a woman deemed this amazing by me, CLEARLY is throwing out tests.

I'm just not used to this non-routinal version of dating.
Someone mentioned "This is the case with LDRs" and maybe that's what's so different?

I don't fawn over her in the sense that I am sending her cute texts nor calling all the time nor any of that attitude, I just am having trouble adjusting to such a situation. I'm trying my damndest to not show it while I'm in front of her and always try to take control as much as I can.

 

[Igetit!]

First of all,I 100% agree with Sodbuster.


He was RIGHT ON THE DOT about this girl sensing things from your demanor,and in fact,she ALREADY has.



It doesn't mean things are over,just that you need to tie up a few loose ends.

We pretty much go out once a week, but the dates turn out to be a lot longer than most usual dates... as in 8 to 9 hours long.

NINE HOURS? That's waaay to long for a date. I understand the "time flies when you're having fun" thing and if this had happened ONLY ONCE it'd be cool. But to have multiple dates go like this isn't good no matter how much you two enjoy them.



It'd be better to cut the dates off after 3 or 4 hours WHILE THINGS ARE GOING GOOD than to max them out to where she's "had enough" and ready to leave...or WORSE,ready for YOU to leave.

After our first date, she told me that she loved being with me and that she felt safe with me.

She told you she "felt safe" with you.

Hmm. Something's just...I don't know...weird about this.

Logically,yeah,this seems good,but for some reason...this makes my spider sense tingle.

Everything I've done or not done for her, she's appreciated.

Yeah,things seem to be getting a bit clearer now.

You say she appreciated the things you've done for her. That's IRRELEVENT. It means absolutely NOTHING.

This thing you need to look at isn't if she appreciates what you do,but YOU doing things for her.


You doing things for her indicates YOUR INVESTMENT in her,and although you've had the time of your life on these dates,you shouldn't be that invested after only 2 or 3 dates.




If you really want to measure her interest in you,don't look at if she appreciates what you do,but rather if SHE DOES THINGS for YOU like you do for her

There was plenty of kino the first date and the attraction is definitely there. It was like that raw animal attraction where we just knew that we liked each other and didn't want to hold back.

It's good you two have this kind of attraction for one another,but don't let your attraction for her CONTROL you.


Otherwise she'll sense that all she has to do is simply be in your presense and you loose all sense of self-control. And if she sense that,SHE WILL try to exploit it,then once she sees you can't contain yourself,her attraction for you will decrease.

As I took her back home, she let me know that she guessed that I might not call again, because, being a man, I had achieved what I wanted.

(Spider sense again) I don't know if this was a joke,or some sort of test,but I'd treat it as a test,but you seemed to handle it ok.

Third date.
Lunch, movie, dinner. She wasn't feeling well, but we definitely made out. I wasn't at a hotel and unfortunately we can't go back to her house (She's living temp with her parents). She's just relieved I'm still calling, still going out with her.

She's "relieved" that you're still calling/going out with her? Hmm.


So you're still calling her. Does she ever call you,or is it mostly you who does the calling?

But she did talk to me about the sex. She just wanted to make sure that I wasn't confusing things because of it and thinking that we were "steady"

Now this is weird. This type of conversation should NEVER have happened,ESPECIALLY with her bringing it up.


If she said this to you,then that means something about you (either something you did,said,or are saying and doing) is giving her the impression that you are more into her than she is into you.



And that's NOT good.

I told her that I wasn't thinking about anything, not planning ahead, and just taking everything one day a time.

This is what you SAID,but something about you is giving off the impression to her that you want more than just what you two currently have.

And I know you all say: Don't put her on a pedestal. Don't make her feel like she's the prize and you aren't.

To be honest, I haven't displayed it.

Well,you've displayed something.

When I read this,I get the feeling as if you've just started on a long journey.
You started off ok,seem to have made a wrong turn somewhere,but don't know it yet.


And all these little comments and behaviors from her are like hints that something's not right,but since you've just started out,you haven't gone far enough yet to know what actions to take to get back on track.

As someone said on these forums: Give her the gift of missing you.

This isn't enough.

Containing and controlling yourself while you're with her is just as important as making her miss you,perhaps even more.

I know that at any point in time, this could end, and I've prepared myself mentally for that... for the fact that next week, I might not see her again.

FREAKIN' BINGO. Here's your problem.


You're somewhat needy/clingy. This is like someone taking a dump in the bathroom,then trying to cover up the smell with air freshener.



You're needy,but you're trying to cover it up with "acting" busy and DJ rules.


The problem is that she still "smells/senses" the neediness. That's why she keeps making those odd comments. She hears what you say to her,but she "senses" something else.

Everything I've read on these forums so far, applies to a typical level of interaction between a male and a female... and my case is far from typical.

No it's not either. It's NOT far from typical.

In fact,it's pretty standard. It may be new to YOU,but this is actually common.


Out of all the billions and billions of people who have ever lived,don't think that you've stumbled upon some scenario never seen before in the history of mankind.

But how do I avoid screwing this up?

Imo,you've already started to screw it up,but you CAN head it off before things get too out of wack.


For one,STOP SPENDING 8 OR 9 hours on dates. That's ridiculous.

I don't care how much you two are enjoying the date,end it after 3 or 4 hours.

That's a full shift of work for most people,lol.


Also,don't "lose yourself" when you two have sex with her. Be in control of yourself. Don't let her see you being control by your desires.

I just don't have the time/energy/money to invest on side projects, between work, gym, misc...

So let me get this straight....



You don't have time/energy/money to invest in "side projects",right?

That's BULL,and YOU KNOW IT.


You don't have the time and money to invest in pasttimes and hobbies,but you can spend 8 to 9 hours out on dates?


Get real dude. That's an excuse and you KNOW IT.



If you're SERIOUS about wanting to make things work between you and this girl,you better stop making excuses and invest more time and energy into YOURSELF/YOUR LIFE than your putting into these all day dates.

 

[bukowski_merit]

She did say that she will be coming to New Jersey in the following weekends since it was only fair for her to come down a few times as well.

Who's idea was this?

And trust me not having sex with her has nothing to do with it being the wrong thing. We both want to do it and again.

You gave two reasons for not sexing her. You said you didn't have a place and that she wasn't feeling well.... I'm just saying be careful of caring about such things at this point. I'm hoping you weren't babying her because she wasn't feeling well.

And yes, she does carry some emotional baggage from previous dating experiences, she is over the age of 30, so it's expected.

It's expected for the typical woman, yes. But, as i said - women who are weary of getting used and/or abused - are that way because they have got in a lot of situations like that. And, that doesn't happen by accident. And it's entirely possible that she will lose attraction eventually if you do not repeat what she's used to experiencing from guys who have "loved her" in the past. How much of this emotional baggage has she already dumped on you?

I'm just having trouble grasping this particular dating situation because it's so different from than the norm for me.

Well, just take an easy man. Don't rush things. Let them happen and LEAD EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

So this incredible woman had to stop, and make sure that you understand that shes bangin other guys?

Pretty much the same way i felt about it. Either that or she's unsure of where this is heading and leaving options open. A very dirty early frame announcement, because it can be used for a long time and it's hard to say anything to it.

Tread ahead, but tread with caution...

 

[Kailex]

Buk, I had mentioned it first, and she agreed. She definitely wants to come down to New Jersey a few weekends and spend time with me.

And no, I wasn't babying her when she didn't feel well.

She's dropped almost no emotional baggage on me. We've stayed away from talking about ex's and the such.

"Either that or she's unsure of where this is heading and leaving options open."

This is the most likely to me.
Like I said earlier, we could stop seeing each other today, and I'd be fine with that. I've learned a lot being around her and dating her, but it's not the end of the world, nor would I crawl up into a corner, rocking back and forth.

 

[Kailex]

Igetit!

This is exactly why I am posting this here.

It FEELS like I took somewhat of a wrong turn somewhere, but I just don't actively see where it was.

She's done most of the calling/texting. I honestly just don't have the time during the week to sit there and text... so we call some days, and keep it brief at 15 - 20 mins.

When I meant I didn't have time/money/energy to invest on side projects... I meant "spinning plates".

I do have hobbies and pasttimes when I'm not at work and this takes up a fair amount of my time. I just don't feel like investing a lot of time trying to take out a bunch of women. I don't know if that makes sense or not???

I do promise that my next date with this girl will end short of the 4 hour mark, I definitely agree there.

 

[Reyaj]

Nothing wrong with clicking with someone. I also know how refreshing it is to find someone who is affectionate and doesn't play games (at least as much as the usual girls)

The only thing that I would be wary of is the fact that she had sex with you but in essence was telling you not to get attached. Most girls want the sex to mean something and hope it leads to a relationship.

Don't be surprised if she gets bored 1 day and starts going cold...

 

[Kailex]

I thought I'd update this.
And this message goes straight to "Igetit".

Everytime I read one of your messages, "I get it" but for some reason, this one just RUBBED me all sorts of wrong, and after a day or two, I realized WHY. Because you were right.

I took TWO days off from calling her/texting her... and sure enough, I get a phone call about how I went from hot to cold in no time and if why it seemed like I wasn't interested anymore. My answer: I was busy.

And I was, to be honest.

I have been hitting the gym, doing many other things, and I even started spinning plates again. My IL dropped in her because I started realizing that she was controlling the frame even though at times I thought I was.

We still talk, but not as much. We were supposed to go out this weekend but she had a bout of food poisoning (RIGHT). She tried to reschedule for Sunday and I said I already had plans. This drove her bananas, specially since she will be in DC this weekend for some law convention and she won't get to see me for another week...

To be honest... I just stopped caring. Last night she was supposed to call me... and she never did. I haven't called, nor texted, nor will I. She has my number. She can come to me, if she wants.

Meanwhile, I've been spinning another plate, and doing everything by the DJ book, and not allowing myself to walk into THIS situation that I posted. Everything is so much better.

So I guess, to all of you who sit here and think that people are giving you the wrong advice... trust me, it's the right advice, you just aren't ready to hear it yet.

I am now much happier than when I posted this OP. I'm not gonna worry anymore about dating situations.

 

[Igetit!]

I thought I'd update this.
And this message goes straight to "Igetit".

Everytime I read one of your messages, "I get it" but for some reason, this one just RUBBED me all sorts of wrong, and after a day or two, I realized WHY. Because you were right.

Well it's like someone once said,"The truth will set you free,but it'll p!ss you off first",lol.

I took TWO days off from calling her/texting her... and sure enough, I get a phone call about how I went from hot to cold in no time and if why it seemed like I wasn't interested anymore. My answer: I was busy.

And I was, to be honest.

Wow. It's rare that I see the "I'm busy" line tossed back at a girl.

I have been hitting the gym, doing many other things,

Now this...I like. This is what I meant when I said that you needed to invest more time and energy into YOURSELF and YOUR LIFE.

And I knew you had the time and resource to do this because of those 9 hour dates. You could take half of that time and invest it into YOURSELF,and still enjoy the dates with this girl.

My IL dropped in her because I started realizing that she was controlling the frame even though at times I thought I was.

Women don't think like we do. They don't talk about negs,DHVs,and frame control. Therefore if she controlled the frame,it was by DEFAULT.

She controlled it simply because YOU DIDN'T. Hey,if you're in a car,somebody has to have their hands on the steering wheel.


She did it because YOU DIDN'T. If you had stepped up to be a MAN and control things,she would have let you. A woman wants a man to lead and be in control,but if you don't do it either because you refuse to,or out of negligence,then she'll do it out of NECESSITY.


Somebody has to grab the wheel,or the whole thing will get out of control and crash.

To be honest... I just stopped caring.

And this is the key right here. Before you said that you were "preparing" because you knew that this thing could possibly end at any moment,and THAT WAS WHAT SHE WAS SENSING FROM YOU,the anxieousness,the fear of losing her. It's like I keep saying....


Women are EMOTIONAL. She picked up on the EMOTIONS OF anxiety and the uneasiness of you preparing for this relationship to "end at any moment".


That's where her "We're not going steady because of sex" comment came from. She saw through the "dj" tricks straight to the EMOTION you were giving off.


People don't "get" what I mean when I say that women are EMOTIONAL.

They think I mean that women cry easily. That's not what I mean.

So I guess, to all of you who sit here and think that people are giving you the wrong advice... trust me, it's the right advice, you just aren't ready to hear it yet.

BINGO.

I am now much happier than when I posted this OP. I'm not gonna worry anymore about dating situations.

There are a couple of thing I want to highlight about this last sentence you wrote...

1)"I am much happier"
2)"I'm not gonna worry anymore"


These two things right here are the ticket to success. So now the next time you're around this girl,she'll "sense" these things coming off of you,and if you can sustain this,don't be surprised if "magically/suddenly" she does want to go "steady" with you.

 

[Kailex]

It's funny, but since Monday, when she hung up on me and said she'd call me right back... I never talked to her, until last night.

She called twice and I picked it up on the second time, simply because I forgot to look at the number. She said she was picking up her sister at the train station (which is only 10 minutes away from her house). So she basically called me while she was waiting for her sister (Probably to have some filler while she waited) and told me that she missed talking to me but she knew both of us were busy.

We barely talked and she cut the convo short by saying: My sister is here, I will call you when I get back home.

Of course, she didn't call back. I neither texted, nor called. I did get a little frustrated for THIRTY SECONDS because I knew what she was doing. She was trying to pull me into AFC land and to get me mad for her not calling back.

So what'd I do? Called up one of my plates for 10 minutes, talked about the plans we have for Saturday and that was that.

The feeling was gone. So, today this girl emails me hoping that I am staying warm and "singing" some of the lyrics of a song we both really liked... and I know she was doing that so I could respond with the second half of the lyrics...

I deleted the email.
I'm a man, at work, I'm too busy with work and on the DJ forum to answer such emails (*cough* tests *cough*).

I'm pretty much done with this. Any dating scenario that has this much drama in the first there weeks, is doomed to fail in a LTR setting. She is not that amazing, she is not unique, she is just a prettier face that thought she could game...

But it was unfair for her from the beginning. I had the Bible and the forums. I'm dropping to total NC. This is one plate I no longer want to spin.