loving
Senior Don Juan
I sit here dutifully ashamed to be writing you this abomination of a FR and yet something inside me says I must have at it. Please note I already feel like **** enough about how bad this went so do your worst if you decide your response'll be at least in part tearing into me, because the mild comments won't work. Another side note is you will hear a few references to marijuana, but do not be worried more than you should be, as I chose to quit that(last) very night.
Important Note: The next few paragraphs may be very boring for most of you, as not much actually happens. If you'd just like to help answer my questions without looking deeper into the situation, I've got them at the bottom of my post and would really appreciate your input. Otherwise, I hope you do take the time to read and post your insight into my troublesome situation. Thanks.
There's this girl at my school who goes to one of my classes. I'm in grade 12 now and she's repeating it for the 2nd or 3rd time. Anyway, the attraction is amazing. This is the 2nd (and halfway through) month of school, and just yesterday I decided to do something about it. I began to talk to her a little during class, but nothing personal. We were having a class debate and half of it was me and her just talking to eachother. The moment I first spoke to her I noticed another of the 2 other girls in that class I find attractive perk up and begin to pay attention to me. I looked over her way a few more times during that class and she held my eye contact completely each time. I also walked out once and on the way back in while I passed her seat I turned to ask the teacher to repeat what he said, said "What?" and as I turned my hand lightly hit her on the back. I appeared to pay no mind to that but knew it happened. Anyway just a little side story of attraction I think(story of my life though as you'll soon see) Back to the main girl, I'm aware of the IOI where girls imitate your behavior, and I can tell you nearly every time I shifted position she copied it to the tee. I was sitting beside her and would notice her head turning right to me very often, although I only looked back once or twice and those times she was staring right at me.
So I'm my usual no-action self, and right after I smoke a little bit of this spliff I see her again on the bus later while im with 2 guys trying to sell 1 of them shoes they wanted, and the other guy is on the higher level of the bus behind us. She comes on in and says hi to the other guy, I say hi to her. Nothing back. I finish explaining the shoes to him and he shuts up. Doesn't even respond. So I'm like "I dunno what to tell you man." and she laughs and repeats what i said back after and laughs again. I give it a chuckle back. Then I basically shut up, I'm really nervous as **** and have been high all day but just tell her I'm stoned and zoning out. She tries a few times to start convo's with various subjects but I was just so damn nervous about what the other 2 guys would think that I can't say anything. There's actually times when the guy sitting beside me (her not-so-good-friend, the one she said hi to) doesn't respond either, so she says something and no one replies. I can't help think to myself now how stupid that **** was but hindsight is 20/20. At one point she says being high makes her really talkative or really hungry, and a voice in my head goes "thats perfect, because all I wanna do is listen and cook" but I don't say it. Then right after she says My (mutter) is making me steak. I'm like "your what?" and very softly compared to how she had just been talking she says her boyfriend is who would be making her steak. After a little more time she moves from in front of me to the side of me by the door. Then we get to the bus terminal and I get up to go out. After a bunch of other people leave she's still there, seemingly like she was waiting. I can't think of anything despite my best efforts so I just say "Right now I'm practicing not giving a ****" I don't know why. She gives me a "Oh yeah, you should" in a nastier tone. And so we're walking beside eachother I ask where she's going, she says she's taking the train. I wasn't, though I could've (its so damn hard for me to think properly with girls around) and so I'm just like alright later. She says "I'll see you later Chris", and we leave without hugging or anything, though something was pushing me to. As she leaves my side and goes up the stairs I keep walking and in what I'm sure was a projection, this guy was looking at me and all I could think of him thinking was "How the **** could you just let that happen like this?" And then I start beating myself up over all that. I hope you guys understand some of this. We're in the same class and I can barely even concentrate because of the feelings I have for her. I want to further our relationship romantically somehow or just end my beautiful experience with her forever. I definitely prefer the former, and I honestly don't think I could be friends with this girl, the sexual tension would drive me crazy. Please help me out!
Realizations & Lessons:
1. Approach Anxiety is just stopping yourself from making the choice to say the first thing. Such an insignificant thing that first thing is, that you are not actually afraid of saying it, but of all that which may come from it. The solution is to reduce the bloated value you have placed in others and equate it to yours. (I used NLP, how big is the pic of other people vs you? [submodalities etc but I noticed size is most important].. Then make them the same. How big is the pic of someone causing you trouble? Make those people turn to a smidgeon that just isnt even there the next moment.)
Questions for myself:
1. Why does what other people think of the things I think of to say actually stop me from saying it?
2. How come these things come into my head first and are not just said? Because I'm not in a mood to "just say them"
Questions:
1. When a girl laughs at something you say and you laugh back after she starts, is it a good thing or bad? (obviously attraction-wise)
2. (in regards to Q#2 to myself) How do I get into such a mood so as to dictate my actions to receive the best response from her and in and of themselves cause me the most happiness? (i.e. bringing all the wisdom of hindsight and foresight into "currentsight" so as to bring myself fully to the table)
3. What else do I need to fix in my situation?
Thank you all so much
Important Note: The next few paragraphs may be very boring for most of you, as not much actually happens. If you'd just like to help answer my questions without looking deeper into the situation, I've got them at the bottom of my post and would really appreciate your input. Otherwise, I hope you do take the time to read and post your insight into my troublesome situation. Thanks.
There's this girl at my school who goes to one of my classes. I'm in grade 12 now and she's repeating it for the 2nd or 3rd time. Anyway, the attraction is amazing. This is the 2nd (and halfway through) month of school, and just yesterday I decided to do something about it. I began to talk to her a little during class, but nothing personal. We were having a class debate and half of it was me and her just talking to eachother. The moment I first spoke to her I noticed another of the 2 other girls in that class I find attractive perk up and begin to pay attention to me. I looked over her way a few more times during that class and she held my eye contact completely each time. I also walked out once and on the way back in while I passed her seat I turned to ask the teacher to repeat what he said, said "What?" and as I turned my hand lightly hit her on the back. I appeared to pay no mind to that but knew it happened. Anyway just a little side story of attraction I think(story of my life though as you'll soon see) Back to the main girl, I'm aware of the IOI where girls imitate your behavior, and I can tell you nearly every time I shifted position she copied it to the tee. I was sitting beside her and would notice her head turning right to me very often, although I only looked back once or twice and those times she was staring right at me.
So I'm my usual no-action self, and right after I smoke a little bit of this spliff I see her again on the bus later while im with 2 guys trying to sell 1 of them shoes they wanted, and the other guy is on the higher level of the bus behind us. She comes on in and says hi to the other guy, I say hi to her. Nothing back. I finish explaining the shoes to him and he shuts up. Doesn't even respond. So I'm like "I dunno what to tell you man." and she laughs and repeats what i said back after and laughs again. I give it a chuckle back. Then I basically shut up, I'm really nervous as **** and have been high all day but just tell her I'm stoned and zoning out. She tries a few times to start convo's with various subjects but I was just so damn nervous about what the other 2 guys would think that I can't say anything. There's actually times when the guy sitting beside me (her not-so-good-friend, the one she said hi to) doesn't respond either, so she says something and no one replies. I can't help think to myself now how stupid that **** was but hindsight is 20/20. At one point she says being high makes her really talkative or really hungry, and a voice in my head goes "thats perfect, because all I wanna do is listen and cook" but I don't say it. Then right after she says My (mutter) is making me steak. I'm like "your what?" and very softly compared to how she had just been talking she says her boyfriend is who would be making her steak. After a little more time she moves from in front of me to the side of me by the door. Then we get to the bus terminal and I get up to go out. After a bunch of other people leave she's still there, seemingly like she was waiting. I can't think of anything despite my best efforts so I just say "Right now I'm practicing not giving a ****" I don't know why. She gives me a "Oh yeah, you should" in a nastier tone. And so we're walking beside eachother I ask where she's going, she says she's taking the train. I wasn't, though I could've (its so damn hard for me to think properly with girls around) and so I'm just like alright later. She says "I'll see you later Chris", and we leave without hugging or anything, though something was pushing me to. As she leaves my side and goes up the stairs I keep walking and in what I'm sure was a projection, this guy was looking at me and all I could think of him thinking was "How the **** could you just let that happen like this?" And then I start beating myself up over all that. I hope you guys understand some of this. We're in the same class and I can barely even concentrate because of the feelings I have for her. I want to further our relationship romantically somehow or just end my beautiful experience with her forever. I definitely prefer the former, and I honestly don't think I could be friends with this girl, the sexual tension would drive me crazy. Please help me out!
Realizations & Lessons:
1. Approach Anxiety is just stopping yourself from making the choice to say the first thing. Such an insignificant thing that first thing is, that you are not actually afraid of saying it, but of all that which may come from it. The solution is to reduce the bloated value you have placed in others and equate it to yours. (I used NLP, how big is the pic of other people vs you? [submodalities etc but I noticed size is most important].. Then make them the same. How big is the pic of someone causing you trouble? Make those people turn to a smidgeon that just isnt even there the next moment.)
Questions for myself:
1. Why does what other people think of the things I think of to say actually stop me from saying it?
2. How come these things come into my head first and are not just said? Because I'm not in a mood to "just say them"
Questions:
1. When a girl laughs at something you say and you laugh back after she starts, is it a good thing or bad? (obviously attraction-wise)
2. (in regards to Q#2 to myself) How do I get into such a mood so as to dictate my actions to receive the best response from her and in and of themselves cause me the most happiness? (i.e. bringing all the wisdom of hindsight and foresight into "currentsight" so as to bring myself fully to the table)
3. What else do I need to fix in my situation?
Thank you all so much