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Obsession with detachment

firstbornunicorn

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Am I the only one around here who thinks attachment is great? Isn't that the whole point? The detachment obsession seems to come from guys who haven't heard of healthy attachment styles and adopt an avoidant one to cope with unresolved stuff and/or compensate for their anxious attachment style.

It's totally possible to get attached to someone but still respect yourself and have boundaries.

Am I tripping here?
 

Pan87

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Women hate guys who get attached. This is the only reason guys focus on staying detached.

Women reward aloof, confident, arrogant and c0cky men with sex.
Women punish attached, needy, invested and "in-love" men with divorce-rape.

Guys who are "obsessed with detachment" understand what women truly want.
Guys who ignore it and focus on what they want, which is getting attached to a woman, find out the hard way.

....And no, you can't get attached and have boundaries. It's an oxymoron.
 

Georgepithyou

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Women hate guys who get attached. This is the only reason guys focus on staying detached.

Women reward aloof, confident, arrogant and c0cky men with sex.
Women punish attached, needy, invested and "in-love" men with divorce-rape.

Guys who are "obsessed with detachment" understand what women truly want.
Guys who ignore it and focus on what they want, which is getting attached to a woman, find out the hard way.

....And no, you can't get attached and have boundaries. It's an oxymoron.
This is it, most men qant to be attached but ee can't because of the way womens brains work. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to play these childish games.
 

Pan87

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This is it, most men qant to be attached but ee can't because of the way womens brains work. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to play these childish games.
Yep. Just gotta accept it, man. We can't change what women are attracted to and you'll drive yourself crazy if you try.
 

LARaiders85

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Am I the only one around here who thinks attachment is great? Isn't that the whole point? The detachment obsession seems to come from guys who haven't heard of healthy attachment styles and adopt an avoidant one to cope with unresolved stuff and/or compensate for their anxious attachment style.

It's totally possible to get attached to someone but still respect yourself and have boundaries.

Am I tripping here?
You are correct. Having said that, it's good to not put all your eggs in one basket early on.
 

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Sir FB

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I’m rather new here but notice the same thing as the OP. I’m listening to Corey Wayne audiobook and he asked us to write down what we want in a relationship. If I want a committed monogamous relationship, I’d seems that entirely avoiding attachment is not a very fulfilling way to accomplish that. There’s some folks who want a Hugh Hefner lifestyle and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m beginning to think that this particular venue is more suited to and caters to the type of man who prefers that type of relationship. I was married 20 years. Sex was always great, we were good partners and accomplished things together that we could have never done alone. 18 out of the 20 years were very good. Sure it hurt like hell when it was over but for me, the solution is not to remain entirely detached in all future relationships... That is an emotionally bankrupt way to live for me and I don’t think I have to completely avoid attachment forever to have a satisfying rewarding intimate relationship.
 

Pan87

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I’m rather new here but notice the same thing as the OP. I’m listening to Corey Wayne audiobook and he asked us to write down what we want in a relationship. If I want a committed monogamous relationship, I’d seems that entirely avoiding attachment is not a very fulfilling way to accomplish that. There’s some folks who want a Hugh Hefner lifestyle and there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m beginning to think that this particular venue is more suited to and caters to the type of man who prefers that type of relationship. I was married 20 years. Sex was always great, we were good partners and accomplished things together that we could have never done alone. 18 out of the 20 years were very good. Sure it hurt like hell when it was over but for me, the solution is not to remain entirely detached in all future relationships... That is an emotionally bankrupt way to live for me and I don’t think I have to completely avoid attachment forever to have a satisfying rewarding intimate relationship.
Social Media and Online Dating has changed everything. Women have the global male population at their fingertips, and this has massively escalated hypergamy.

5-10 years ago attached and monogamous LTR's were more viable. Now, the risks outweigh the rewards. It's dangerous to emotionally invest and attach to a woman who will drop you like a hot potato the minute a better deal comes along. Attaching to a woman is precisely what causes her to monkey-branch because she takes you for granted, you inevitably soften because you "love" her, and she's surrounded by new, interesting d!ck 24/7.

Women don't value male love and a woman can never love you the way you want her to (unconditionally).
 

Hank Moody

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Women don't fvck guys that validate them.

Women fvck guys they're seeking validation from.

Let it sink in.
 

Pan87

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Women don't fvck guys that validate them.

Women fvck guys they're seeking validation from.

Let it sink in.
....And if you attach and invest in her, then guess what? She's validated.

That's boring for her after a while, and she'll seek a new guy that she can chase the validation from.

Women don't want to be part of a club that accepts her membership, because she sees herself as worthless at core. So if you accept her into your club you are communicating that your club is low-value.
 
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firstbornunicorn

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....And if you attach and invest in her, then guess what? She's validated.

That's boring for her after a while, and she'll seek a new guy that she can chase the validation from.

Women don't want to be part of a club that accepts her membership, because she sees herself as worthless at core. So if you accept her into your club you are communicating that your club is low-value.
You have the wrong idea of what attachment is, and seem to have been around very low quality women. We all have at one point or another, so I get it.
 

Pan87

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You have the wrong idea of what attachment is, and seem to have been around very low quality women. We all have at one point or another, so I get it.
You're both projecting and clinging to beta bluepill fantasies. You're a classic case study of the Weak Modern Man who wants a mommy, and doesn't care what women want. You just want a teat in your mouth and a pat on the head.
 

firstbornunicorn

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You're both projecting and clinging to beta bluepill fantasies. You're a classic case study of the Weak Modern Man who wants a mommy, and doesn't care what women want. You just want a teat in your mouth and a pat on the head.
:rofl: Sure, Jan.
 

Ricky

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I talked to one of my neighbors about this. He understands the game and made a good point. He said "Men are generally the more romantic ones, we bought into the Disney fantasy about romance more than women. Women aren't wired the same way of course and we think they will respond to the more romantic love the way movies show, but its men who are the romantic ones"

I think women while not acting logically have to be practical. Someone (Perhaps Rollo) mentioned the War Brides phenomenon where women end up marrying the enemy combatants post war sometimes. As men that idea would be entirely distasteful, but women may be doing it for evolutionary survival reasons.
 

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Sir FB

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I don’t disagree with anything you wrote in principle, however your reasoning seems to be very black or white.

It's dangerous to emotionally invest and attach to a woman who will drop you like a hot potato the minute a better deal comes along. Attaching to a woman is precisely what causes her to monkey-branch because she takes you for granted, you inevitably soften because you "love" her, and she's surrounded by new, interesting d!ck 24/7.
Starting a business is dangerous. Climbing mountains is dangerous. Starting ones own business has been the financial ruin of many men and nobody has ever died falling off a mountain by pointing at the fools climbing from below. You say the risk isn’t worth the reward. What exactly to you define as the risk? What have you got to lose? And what do you view as the reward of a monogamous, attached relationship?
 

Pan87

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I don’t disagree with anything you wrote in principle, however your reasoning seems to be very black or white.



Starting a business is dangerous. Climbing mountains is dangerous. Starting ones own business has been the financial ruin of many men and nobody has ever died falling off a mountain by pointing at the fools climbing from below. You say the risk isn’t worth the reward. What exactly to you define as the risk? What have you got to lose? And what do you view as the reward of a monogamous, attached relationship?
Starting businesses and climbing mountains aren't women. It's a bad comparison.

Starting businesses and climbing mountains play into logic and strength, which men naturally have.

Dealing with women is an emotional game and most men are ill-equipped for it.
 
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