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Not sure what's going on with her

Joshski

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Sup everyone, haven't posted here in a while but any advice is appreciated. Short version at the end.

I'm a 20-year-old in college. I met this girl in January through a friend and thought she was cute. Due to my previous experience in dating (or lack thereof ) I didn't think about making a move or anything since it's not really in my repertoire.

Anyway, it was my guy friend (Tom) and these 3 girls we always hung out with. One day after we chilled Tom said to me "Hey, that one girl was laughing at everything you said."

I didn't really take notice until after he mentioned it. I got her # from a group chat and started texting her. Text for a while and then I invite her to go play basketball with me. She agrees and we play for an hour or so. Then a couple days later I say screw it, I call her and ask her out to dinner Saturday night. She agrees. Dinner goes great, we get back and she invites me inside. I was super super nervous, but we eventually kissed (my first).

We continued hooking up for 2 months, from March 1 til the end of school (May 6 or so). We got breakfast together at least twice a week every week, we went and hiked together, played bball together, watched movies, etc. Eventually we agreed to become exclusive, but she said she didn't want a relationship. I'm not exactly sure why not. I know she was in a 9-month relationship in HS (2 years ago) that didn't end well.

In my mind, everything was great. We were going on dates, holding hands in public, meeting each others friends. She introduced me to her sister, we told our parents about each other and things like that.

However, it seems like everything has changed since summer started. She texted me the first day of summer. Then we didn't talk for a few days so I snapchatted her. Basically, she no longer initiates any conversations, whether through Facebook, text, snapchat, phone call, FaceTime, etc. She herself said she wanted to talk over summer, but after I initiated 10+ snaps/texts, I thought I would let her initiate.

Well, that lasted over 30 days before I eventually broke down and texted her. The convo actually lasted for quite a while and she genuinely seemed interested. As of today, it's been another 2 weeks since we didn't talk for over a month.

A large part of me feels like I just need to stop talking to her all together and move on since it's clear that's what she's done. I suppose this is a case of oneitis. The other part feels like this is happening because it's summer and things will be normal when we go back. (She lives in Mass., I'm in NY)

Short Version:
>Met girl in January, hook up from March-May
>We go on dates, watch movies, hook up, hold hands, etc.
>She says she's exclusive to me
>We tell our parents about each other, I met her sister
>She says she wants to talk over summer, but isn't ready for a relationship even though everything we were doing is what a relationship is
>Now that it's summer, I've initiated every convo, she only has once since May and that was when my grandfather passed away

Prepared for the worst, I guess. Any and all advice/criticism/feedback is appreciated.
 

VladPatton

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She's just a FWB, that's all, so treat her accordingly, and don't put your sex life on hold for her. Fück her when she's in the vicinity, forget her when she isn't.
 

SeymourCake

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Joshski said:
>She says she wants to talk over summer, but isn't ready for a relationship even though everything we were doing is what a relationship is

She is seeing someone else.
 

Lotus Effect

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^^This^^

I'll also quote nismo-4 in this one mate.

Your princess is in another castle.

If you don't bail and seriously go cold turkey on this chick, you should better be prepared for worse.
 

MattTheW

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I think you're just a FWB - sounds like she's getting tapped by some other guy(s) and you're just there to fill on for any of the nice stuff she doesn't get from them

Two options -
See it as it is and do the same = use her when you need some - nothing else
Next her and go NC

If you expect anything more than this out of her then you will be disappointed
 

pyros

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I did not ready anywhere they had sex...
 

Luscious

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You know it, it's obvious from the way you've written this.

She's just not that interested in you.

Not a big deal, it's unreasonable to expect everything to work all the time. Cut your losses and give yourself some attention, then get back out there.
 

JNil

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This is a very simple one, you should of banged her.

Now my personal advice is go no contact.
If she contacts you make her jealous if possible.
Act like you DGAF about her.
Tell her your having someone else "come over tonight".
Make her feel like your the catch,
and you never hooked up with her because your too good for her.

WARNING: Do not make this your main goal of constantly thinking about her and trying to get her back. But there are steps to make it possible.


In the mean time, move on, meet other women, if its meant to be she will come back around.
 

Joshski

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VladPatton said:
She's just a FWB, that's all, so treat her accordingly.
That's sure what it seems like. Thank you.

SeymourCake said:
She is seeing someone else.
Lotus Effect said:
^^This^^
Your princess is in another castle.
If you don't bail and seriously go cold turkey on this chick, you should better be prepared for worse.
That's the vibe I was getting. Just not sure if there is someone else or she just wants to keep her options open IF she meets someone else. When we texted a couple weeks ago she told me she had been going to some parties. I'd like to think she hasn't been getting any, but that's just wishful thinking. Thanks for the assistance, fellas.

MattTheW said:
Two options -
See it as it is and do the same = use her when you need some - nothing else
Next her and go NC

If you expect anything more than this out of her then you will be disappointed
I'll probably go with the latter. Thanks buddy.

pyros said:
I did not ready anywhere they had sex...
Yeah, we haven't. I know, I know, you're all probably thinking 'WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.' Should have made that clear, sorry.


Luscious said:
You know it, it's obvious from the way you've written this.

She's just not that interested in you.

Not a big deal, it's unreasonable to expect everything to work all the time. Cut your losses and give yourself some attention, then get back out there.
Yeah, I was kinda just wishing someone could talk me out of it haha. Unfortunately, it seems 200% true that she's not. Thanks man, I appreciate it.


JNil said:
This is a very simple one, you should of banged her.

Now my personal advice is go no contact.
If she contacts you make her jealous if possible.
Act like you DGAF about her.
Tell her your having someone else "come over tonight".
Make her feel like your the catch,
and you never hooked up with her because your too good for her.

WARNING: Do not make this your main goal of constantly thinking about her and trying to get her back. But there are steps to make it possible.

In the mean time, move on, meet other women, if its meant to be she will come back around.
Thanks, I appreciate the advice. In the rare chance she apologizes and does come back around, what has your experience, or anyone's experience here, been with second chances? Seems like a no-no to me, but I could be wrong.
 

JNil

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Second chances work for me, I'm a fvcking pro at fvcking up the first of everything. So to me my second chances are gold mines because it gives me time to think and change up my game.

Play women like you play chess.
 

Joshski

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JNil said:
Second chances work for me, I'm a fvcking pro at fvcking up the first of everything. So to me my second chances are gold mines because it gives me time to think and change up my game.

Play women like you play chess.
Alright, thanks. So I won't contact her in any way, shape, or form. I move back on to campus the 23rd and our dorms are close by so we'll likely run into each other...that's going to be interesting.
 

The_411

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Just be chill and keep in mind that unless you're having sex with a girl someone else is.*

*Even if you are having sex doesn't mean she still isn't going elsewhere.
 

Joshski

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The_411 said:
Just be chill and keep in mind that unless you're having sex with a girl someone else is.*

*Even if you are having sex doesn't mean she still isn't going elsewhere.
Yeah. Just hurts a little that she was able to drop it & move on so quickly. Probably because she was my first everything. At least I know for next time.
 
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