Not sure what you demand from life? Look at your father!

[George Gordon]

Hush! George Gordon speaks. You sit there at the sosuave round-table and listen intently to the simplicity and declarativeness of his words.

I ask you fellow Don Juans, how often do we stop to consider the truth behind the statement, Like father, like son? And unless we take deliberate action, will we not become a version of our father? Will our essence not be the same? For don’t we, after living with one man for our formative years and onward, mold to his essence by default?

Sure. When you were younger, you had a spirit that seemed your own, but as you grow older, don’t you start to notice the similarities the two of you share? The traits he’s given to you. Surely, all learning draws into you through an unconscious plane, through a permeation of experience. Don’t his habits become your habits, UNLESS you know what you DEMAND from life?

“But George,” a young DJ says. “I don’t know what I want from my life yet. I have no idea. How do I discover that?”

The answer begins in our father’s ‘failures’. Image your father. Call those memories to mind. Draw upon those pictures and impressions. What is it that you detest in your father? Which of his traits irk you? What does your father do that you swear you’ll never do?

Remember those things! I assure, you will manifest these very habits. If not now, in time, UNLESS you turn it around in your head. Do you look at these traits and say to yourself, “I’ll never do that,” or, “I’ll never be like that”? And then what do you do? Leave it at that, and allow life to pull you in those directions? If you do not take purposeful action and effort away from that, it will find you!

“George!” you, a bright Don Juan, pipe up. “But aren’t you also sure to get what you don’t want if you are concentrating on moving or staying away from it? Where’s the true north?”

Exactly, wise Don Juan! You are already on your way to manhood. So why not, instead of moving away from your father’s habit, give yourself a destination? Even if you haven’t noticed this particular trait in yourself yet, know it, and start asking yourself what could take it’s place?

“My father is a poor man,” a humble and brave Don Juan admits. “He’s constantly struggling financially. I don’t want to be poor. Are you saying that instead of saying, ‘I don’t want to be poor’, I should ask myself what I want instead?”

Yes. We all know what we don’t want. Why focus on it once we've identified it? So what do you want instead?

“I want to be free. And not concerned about money.”

Did you know that you wanted this before you sat down here today?

“…No,” he says, solemnly.

Bravo! Now. What are you going to do about it? Where could you begin?

“Well. I could start by educating myself in finances.”

Yes. And don’t you think you’ll find that that idea, like a seed, will germinate and start to grow? From that seed sprouts a sapling that continues to grow. Eventually, this process leads to branches. And finally, one day, the fruits appear. For does not ‘outcome-education’ command and expand specialized knowledge?

Now that you have a direction, forget what you don’t want! Focus on the process of movement to toward your desire.

And even though you have inherited this adversity from your father, thank him! This is his silent way of INITIATING you into manhood. For what you learn will be your greatest assets. What you learn will become a part of you. It will teach you the essence of masculinity. And in turn, these new habits will be inherited by your sons one day.

Teach those sons what I am telling you. Allow them the opportunity to tighten the circle of your essence—of YOUR NAME! For does not a line of great men start with a good father, a great man?

“Excuse me, George,” the humble Don Juan states. “I must go!” He gets up from the table courageously and goes in search of financial knowledge.


You are a man! Not because George Gordon tells you that you are, but because you know now what you DESIRE and you are climbing the mountain. You can see the summit, and you have FAITH that you’ll get there in time.


!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[hardwork]

EB White once said,
"I teach my child to look at life in a thoroughly materialistic fashion. If he escapes and becomes the sort of person I hope he will become, it will be because he sees through all the hokum that I hand out."

 

[Marcopolo]

In my case, and I think in some other peoples cases, my dad is a tough act to follow, and I feel like a loser next to him. He was appointed to the Naval Academy, and he later became a U.S. Navy Seal as well as an officer and was in command of a significant portion of the SEALS in South Vietnam. He also designed much of the training regimen that modern navy SEAL candidates follow. Later, the navy paid for his masters degree in physical oceanography. He also started investing in real estate when he was in the navy but eventually left and started investing in comercial real estate which of course he was successful at.
He is now a multimillonaire. His other accomplishments include climbing the highest mountain peaks on various continents (I climbed one of these with him, both because he thought it would be good for my self esteem and partially because I wanted to prove something to him, and it is the most difficult physical thing I have EVER done in my life).
He has also sailed halfway around the world at age 61, as well as participating in swimming and bicycling marthons in his 50's and now his 60's. Oh, and he also served on the State Legislature and has a lot of influence in local and state politics. My mother, on the other hand, is over protective and unintentionally encourages feminimity, and has probably subdued my father somewhat (think Hillary Clinton). Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike my mother, but she is just being a typical mother really. She is also strong willed in her own way.
I also think my dad was a real DJ in his time. Even now when I go skiing with him or sailing and we go to a resort he knows how to talk to the ladies, and I notice much younger women eyeing him all the time. What is even scarier is when I have shown girlfriends old photos of him, or even newer ones, they actually drool over how good looking they think/thought he is and have told me this.
My problem is that I have to work through not feeling like a failure next to him, and perhaps this is one of the reasons I have had such an inferiority complex. I also notice more than others when I look at GW Bush his tendency to be this way and to subtly try to prove things to his father.

 

[alnite]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
...alpha dad...

I am quite the opposite, I have a loser dad.

 

[Julian]

Hmm. I get what your saying. but i honestly look up to my dad more then any other person on this earth. he is a dedicated man and is a better father then i could have ever hoped for.

For real.

 

[George Gordon]

Hi Marcopolo.

What was your grandfather like? What was your dad's relationship with him like? And how possible do you think it is that your father felt like you do now compared to his own dad? You said that you feel like you have something you need to prove--maybe your dad felt the same next to his dad? And maybe that's why he's pushed himself to have an 'image' of success. I don't know your dad, but what do you think?

I think the most important thing in a man is how he thinks. And this can get very deep. There's surface thinking (outside skill), and than there's 'core', self thinking (inside 'skill', oneness of self. integrity). Don't you think that if you're trying to prove something to someone, you care about what they think? And really, what does that matter? What does it matter what anyone thinks about you? You know where you're at, and hopefully you also know where you're going.

I'm roofing houses at the moment, and I've made it a priority for me to figure out where the client is at, if they come outside the house, and I get a chance. Yesterday, this guy had a large house, huge yard. I thought, maybe this guy is aware of what he's doing. When I mentioned that I liked his yard, and asked what kinds of plans he had for it, he replied by complaining about the weather, and all sorts of garbage. I opened the conversation to my boss, and got the hell out!

Later, as I was working, I noticed this guy was constantly moving from one task to the other. Not finishing any of them. Using all these different gadgets.

Can't appearances be decieving: material and 'title-achievements'? Look at the great men of the ages, the truly great leaders: Jesus, Gandhi, Buddha, etc. These men's value lies in self. There are no attachments. Everything comes from within. They don't rely on an kind of 'attachments' or 'titles'.

A couple ideas...


Julian.

That's truly awesome if you have a great dad and a great father! You're one of the few. This post was aimed at the guys (like myself) with a mediocre dad.


!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[diablo]

My dad and gpa were both pillars in the community... My dad pulls in 6 figures, not a fortune when you have 4 children (me, and my triplet brothers who are all 17), but it's enough... I hope that I can be like him. His list of civic associations, pro-bono work (he's an attorney.. communications law), boards he sits on, etc etc goes on about 2 pages. Very religious, very bighearted. The only thing I'm worried about is NOT living up to how he lives his life.

 

[DJBen]

My father will talk to anyone. He isnt always positive, but he's a good man. When he has a job to do, he'll do it 100%. He's got a crap job and works 50 hours a week atleast.

He always told me to do well in school and college. He really drums that in to me to this day. It's where he went wrong, and we both know that he could have been a lot more if he applied himself.

I dont live with him anymore. Sometimes I wish I did, sometimes I'm glad I dont cause I have more where I am now than I ever would have.

He;s a great man. He wasnt always a good father, but he really tried. He gave up a lot for me when my parents divorced and I believe him to be the best guy I've ever met. The only person I could ever trust with my life.

I think we can all learn something very important from one of our parents - if we spend the time to evaluate what they've done.

 

[George Gordon]

Originally posted by DJBen
My father will talk to anyone. He isnt always positive, but he's a good man. When he has a job to do, he'll do it 100%. He's got a crap job and works 50 hours a week atleast.

He always told me to do well in school and college. He really drums that in to me to this day.

DJBen.

Do you think that our father's always give us the best advice? Look at your dad. Sure, he's a good man. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be grateful for that. What I am saying is this: He has a crap job working 50 hours a week.

Do you want to be in that position when you're his age? Is that what you want your life to be like?

Even though he has good intentions when he advises you, do you think it will really get you a good job? Do you even want a good job, or do you want something else?

That is fulcrum of this post. How do you not want to be like your dad? And figure out how to do it differently, or you'll end up in his shoes. The environment may be different, but the atmosphere in the mind will be the same.

Cheers!


!GEORGE GORDON!

Always look at a man's results when taking his advice! Did he achieve what you want to achieve? If so, listen to him and make a judgement call. Slowly allow him into your confidence as he reveals and demonstates his 'authority' in that particular achievment. But if his results differ from what you want, refuse to allow his thinking into your reality! Period. Walk away!

 

[Hypoxia II]

Hmmmm.
interestic topic. I however look up to my dad. At times I feel as though I will never be his equal. He has a beautiful house, been married for 38 years with no divorces, and has provided for me and my sister well. He is also retired and living well at 58.

Other times I feel as though I have surpassed him in areas.. He seems to think negatively sometimes and is quite stubborn. Traits I notice early in life and fought hard to free myself of.


HYPOXIA II

 

[rhsarrow17]

My dad is in his early fifties working as the manager of a nonprofit classical music organization. He was always a fantastic student in high school and college and has worked his butt off in whatever job he's had since. He's very wise and well-rounded, opinionated to the point of sometimes being a bit snobby. He's a great leader and a great dad, a great decision-maker and a great husband. Through all this, I can't find many holes in his character I'd want to fill in and avoid during my lifetime, and at the same time I don't really know his 'core' or 'drive.' He just works hard, which is something I've never been good at. I make decent grades (3.3-3.8 GPA usually) and dont work very hard. He's always always always on my case about that.

I'm not sure what I demand from life, but I think I want to be known as a courageous (perhaps heroic) leader in whatever career I may choose, whether it be professional baseball or law (my two top choices, as of right now).

Thanks in advance for any help or advice on interpreting all of this.

 

[DJBen]

Originally posted by George Gordon
DJBen.

Do you think that our father's always give us the best advice? Look at your dad. Sure, he's a good man. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be grateful for that. What I am saying is this: He has a crap job working 50 hours a week.

Do you want to be in that position when you're his age? Is that what you want your life to be like?

Even though he has good intentions when he advises you, do you think it will really get you a good job? Do you even want a good job, or do you want something else?

That is fulcrum of this post. How do you not want to be like your dad? And figure out how to do it differently, or you'll end up in his shoes. The environment may be different, but the atmosphere in the mind will be the same.

Cheers!


!GEORGE GORDON!

Always look at a man's results when taking his advice! Did he achieve what you want to achieve? If so, listen to him and make a judgement call. Slowly allow him into your confidence as he reveals and demonstates his 'authority' in that particular achievment. But if his results differ from what you want, refuse to allow his thinking into your reality! Period. Walk away!

My fathers only big mistake was not finishing college. So you're trying to say that because he made a mistake, and is now too old to correct that[60 in two years time], that I - for some unbeknown reason, want to not do well? do you think that he doesnt really want me to do well? I have no idea what you're trying to say here. If I didnt want to be a success, then tell me why I'm getting top marks at degree level?

Just because someones father wasnt academic doesnt mean that he isnt wise. He has more life experience than you, me or almost anyone else on this board. I'm not saying that cause hes older than anyone else here, I'm saying it because I'm certain he does.

He told me to do what I wanted to do, but to see it through. He also told me to have a back up carreer if my first choice goes down the ****ter.

So right now I'm studying I.T and Business at degree level, and I'm half way through a qualification in plumbing - and despite what people say, you'll always need a plumber/bricklayer etc. The way things are going, there will probably be about as much money in either of those two than a standard job in computing.

So really, I think what you've wrote there is absolute bull****. No, really I do.

Even though he has good intentions when he advises you, do you think it will really get you a good job? Do you even want a good job, or do you want something else?

Yeah, I want to be almost exactly like my dad. I dont know why I shouldn't. He has all the characteristics of a 'Master Don Juan' so to speak. A job doesnt make a man. Right or wrong doesnt make a man. What makes a man is making choices, and learning from your mistakes. What makes a man is appreciating what you have and getting on with life regardless of what bad choices you make. What makes a man is having balls to go against what the majority might think, and follow through with YOUR oppinions and YOUR actions.

So thank you for that inspirational post of yours. By the way, your 'influential' posts are written very much in the way that pook writes his.

 

[George Gordon]

DJBen.

I am not bashing your father. Don't get that impression. I don't know him and I don't know you.

In fact, I agree with you on most of what you said. I don't look up to academics, either. They can be misguiding. And I agree with your take on what makes a man (though I'd take it a little bit deeper).

However, I disagree with you on one thing. I wouldn't consider someone not finishing school a mistake. Of course it depends on a person's direction. Do you want to be an emplyee or an employer? A lot of the richest men in the world never went to college, and some didn't even finish high school!

When you're in school, you follow the education's system. When you follow your SELF and your VISION, you have the freedom to create your own system.

I'm a university drop-out myself. I couldn't understand why I kept dropping out, as it happened a few times. Then, it hit me one day!


What was I implying? Your father cares about you. My father cares about me. But, do our fathers have the knowledge and the skills that we will need to fulfill our dreams? If they don't, we have to go elsewhere. That's what I am saying!

Often, this means their advice will be meaningless to us. Why? Because their thinking is geared toward what they have. And if we don't want that, we have to search for new ways of thinking--thinking in terms of what we truly want.

But if you want to be a replica of your dad, go for it! I don't. And I'm sure there are many others that don't either.

So thank you for that inspirational post of yours. By the way, your 'influential' posts are written very much in the way that pook writes his.

I wrote in dialogue, Pook writes in dialogue; therefore, I write like Pook. Tolstoi wrote in dialogue, Pook writes in dialogue; therefore Pook writes like Tolstoi?

Cheers!

!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[DJBen]

"I wrote in dialogue, Pook writes in dialogue; therefore, I write like Pook. Tolstoi wrote in dialogue, Pook writes in dialogue; therefore Pook writes like Tolstoi?"

Yes

I was a little pissed off when I wrote that, I'll admit.

My father only ever gives me insights. Never advice.

Nah, I dont want to be a replica. But I'd want all his qualities plus a few more.

Yes, being a man does go deeper than that... and education is important in this day and age

 

[Marcopolo]

My grandfather, my dad's father, was nothing too out of the ordinary. His parents immigrated from Norway and he was a Lutheran Minister, so my dad was what they call a PK, or pasters kid (so was Hugh Hefner BTW). On my mothers' side, however, her father was more out of the ordinary. He had an advanced degree in Geology and started a petroleum consulting company after the war.
Basically what that means is that he would consult for big oil companies and help them to find oil reserves. when he found the reserves, the payoff was usually in royalties from the fields that he discovered. Aside from his business, he was quite a character, both good and bad. His work required him to travel extensively in places like the Middle East and South America.
This meant that he was gone all the time, and by my mothers' account was not a good family man even when he was at home. I have even heard stuff from a couple of my uncles in a drunken state that he likely had other women in his life when he was married to my grandmother, and they eventually got a divorce because of his cheating(then he remarried a woman literally half his age!- and I detest her to this day, but that's a whole 'nother story). He made lots of money and lived an interesting life but apparently did not make the best father in the world for my mother.
He was a much better grandfather than he was a father, however. He was very exciting and entertaining to be around. He knew all sorts of magic tricks and told stories about his travels that you woudn't believe, like Indiana Jones type stuff. Even then I realized that they were somewhat embellished but they were so fun to listen to it didn't matter to me if they were. And i am sure a lot of it was true. One funny thing that he told me is that on the airliners in the Middle East, in the 1940's and 50's anyway, any hijacker would have had a tough time, because virtually all of the passengers were heavily armed themselves! This guy when he was growing up in the midwest would go up onto the roof to watch tornadoes instead of go to the safety of the basement! So my dad's father was pretty average but my mothers' father was definitely not.
On the education thing, my dad has a master's degree but he could be doing what he does now as a high school drop out. i think that education gives you options that you would otherwise not have. And it is more a matter of what specifically do you want to do with your life than just if you want to generically be successful. For instance, if you have always dremed of being a doctor, there are easier ways to get rich, but if it is your heart's desire to be a doctor you are not going to be one until you complete medical school. And I believe that it is important that you do something that is personally fufilling to you even if it is not the quickest way to riches. My .02

 

[dietzcoi]

Consider this:

Some father's failings are CAUSED by being a father!

WHat do I mean? Well, many men get women pregnant "by mistake"

THis both makes them a father and often changes their lives for the worse... i.e. they may have to drop out of school, take a lower-paying job, etc, etc....

It is a vicous cycle.. how can somebody be blamed for being a so-called bad father when they never wanted to be a father to begin with?

Dietzcoi

 

[George Gordon]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Consider this:

Some father's failings are CAUSED by being a father!

WHat do I mean? Well, many men get women pregnant "by mistake"

THis both makes them a father and often changes their lives for the worse... i.e. they may have to drop out of school, take a lower-paying job, etc, etc....

It is a vicous cycle.. how can somebody be blamed for being a so-called bad father when they never wanted to be a father to begin with?

Dietzcoi

dietzcoi. Hi.

How can a father's failings be caused by being a father? You gave some reasons, but don't these excuses seem to come from outside a state of self-acceptance? Don't these reasons seem like justifications to take the blame off of the father's failings as a father?

I have suffered from anxiety from a twisted upbringing. Did I ask for that? Did I want that? It caused me a lot of frustration and setbacks, but is complaining about it going to do anything for me? Will it change the fact? Will it bring positive energy to my life? No.

We all have our own individual, personal setbacks, but how does it help us by not taking full responsibility for it, and by blaming others for what has happened. Maybe ourselves. But shouldn't we accept it, and change our thinking to adapting our life to it, and continually searching, exploring for solutions.

The interesting thing about my anxiety is that if it wasn't for it, I would not be as successful as I am right now! I wouldn't have thrown myself into situations if I hadn't had it. And a lot of these situations have literally changed my life to no small degree.

Isn't it on our attitude. That attitude of acceptance? I've read of men with a wife and children walk out onto the street with $20 and turn their worlds into great empires of wealth! So how can a man who accidentally had one child blame that pregnancy for his settling for a low-paying job?

Is it possible that he is just using that as an excuse to mask his failings as a man? For isn't a man's world in his thoughts? What's the difference between a man knocking up a chick unexpectedly, or a man losing an arm, or a man losing an business, or a man losing a wife? NOTHING! A man sees all these the same way: ADVERSITY. He may have different feelings attached to each, but he approaches each setback from the same frame of mind...

ACCEPT. ACCEPT. ACCEPT. "Now, what can I do about it? How can I tranform this seeming tragedy into my greatest asset?" (Looking at this board, you'll probably discover that the most inspiring, insightful posts comes as a direct outcome of this frame of mind.)

A man's failings are caused BY HIM ALONE! If he thinks it something other, you know why he failed.

!GEORGE GORDON!