Not sure if this is the right forum. Mental wellbeing for a good guy

SpeedDemon

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I was out to drinks with a couple of friends I've known for a many years. One of them was explaining to us, after a few drinks, he's not doing so well socially. We think it because he feels his holdbacks lower his SMV so much, he's just given up. He was married and he held on because he didn't think any other woman would give him a shot. He finally pulled the plug after he heard her complaining he cannot stand to be with him, but since she's the best she can do, she's staying. He also wanted to have kids as did she, but they talked about it for the last year or so and he actually said, yes, I want kids, but I do not know if I want them with you. Anyways, he's now divorced and having a really hard time socially. He's not an incel and both of us see women looking at him during the night out earlier. He just said it's said, nah, once they learn about my medical problems, they'd pass. He's an above average attractive guy, good jaw line, muscular, not overweight, makes a sh-t ton of money, but isn't flashy at all. He can hold a conversation with anyone, goes to social events, not shy and talks to everyone. You'd never see him at an event hanging off the walls on the sides or by himself. We even saw women approach him to talk, and they gave him their business card, he just adds it to the stack. When you talk to him, he's very confident vivacious and lively. Always very positive.

But, he suffers from a stomach disorder when he was younger her had a tumor in is colon. They removed it, but it caused many digestive issues and severe back pains at times. He's basically in chronic pain all the time. Unless you are a close friend or family member, you'd never know he's in pain. When he's with familiar people he trusts, he let's his guard down. The medical marijuana has helped a lot, and he did share his issues to one woman he met two years ago. She ghosted after he told him about six months into dating. He did the same thing again and shared now with a women about a year in, she couldn't handle it either. Both crushed him, so you add that along with his ex-wife, he's just so guarded and afraid, well, they'll leave too, so what's the point. He just says, he doesn't need anyone. Sex is nice, but what's the point. All pvssys feel the same. I'm prepared to go it alone for the rest of my life. He took a few swigs of Johny Walker and said, though, he can say he can't rule out offing himself over time. He's only 39, but he said what's the point. I have money. Big deal. I have status, big deal. These damn medical issues have dropped my quality of life to near zero. I can't travel that much because of the altitude and the pressure it places on my organs. I'm basically useless to all but gold diggers and sex workers.

We're both very concerned about him. He's a 7 in looks, maybe 8 all together. Not sure how much the medical issues effect his value, but he things he's at the level of a - 2. Though, outside of females social issues, solid 9, "because no one is a 10).

What do we do here?
 

markfromeurope

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I can kind of understand this guy.

I have really strong attacks of IBS sometimes (stress related), it literally feels like my guts are killing me. Any holidays together = I'm like "phuck". My ex couldn't handle it.
 

Kotaix

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That's a ****ty hand to be dealt. Are there any medical procedures that can help him that he hasn't tried? If he's thinking of offing himself then it might be worth all the money he has to fix the problem.

Otherwise, he heeds to just bear it and deal with it. Funny how women are fine with him until he admits his weakness.
 

markfromeurope

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If it's that serious, I'd be rather open about it really. There's a lot of women with caring personalities (some are great looking) - if he is handsome, he may find great woman. Otherwise he will send this upper-beta/lower alpha vibe that will scare some caring women off.

Faking being Alpha all the time will phuck him up if he is sick. He shouldn't do it - he should be rather open about it.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Are we saying he gets in good with females and opens up and starts revealing info that turns them off? Why not just not open up?
 

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Medina

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I have a serious disease called Sarcoidosis

In pain & tired 24/7

You battle through it. You keep it to yourself. There's nothing else you can do.
 

markfromeurope

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Are we saying he gets in good with females and opens up and starts revealing info that turns them off? Why not just not open up?
Because it's impossible to hide this affliction in close and personal situation - amount of energy he put twice to fake feeling well costed him a lot - it's double amount of investment really - imagine amount of painkillers that guy took to have a decent weekend experience with his GF.

I do speak from experience - I faked I feel good in front of my ex many times. It's really tiresome. Better to say you cannot attend from time to time.

It's too much effort imo. I'd be rather open about it rather soon than pretend you're okay - once you reveal such a serious health issue so late (man 6 months is s lot, not to mention a year) women feel cheated into relationship with him. It's obvious.

I'd probably choose to spin plates for life if I was him (you can manage your health alone properly and date from time to time only showing you don't have a lot of time for personal life).

This way you can maintain somewhat okayish relationship w/o need to lie all the phockin' time. There's plenty of women that like when man is rather unavailable.

I'd say he can be ok with women - he just needs to be more open about his condition (meaning 'being open about feeling like s.hit sometimes' but with positive attitude about it - w/o going into details - better to change story about colon tumour to something less 'deadly' as women screen through health issues as well obviously).

Being available from time to time only and not living at her place = best option for sick guy. Other than that and you will kill romanticism in relationship.

Better be busy mysterious lover with some health issue than burden to manage in the eyes of women.

Verdict: spin for life or keep tactical distance ("I'm busy") in LTR. However you need to tell woman that you gave some health condition because she will notice that something is off about you sometimes for sure.

Better to use white lies than to tell the truth sometimes of fake there's no problem when there's obviously some problem.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Because it's impossible to hide this affliction in close and personal situation - amount of energy he put twice to fake feeling well costed him a lot - it's double amount of investment really - imagine amount of painkillers that guy took to have a decent weekend experience with his GF.

I do speak from experience - I faked I feel good in front of my ex many times. It's really tiresome. Better to say you cannot attend from time to time.

It's too much effort imo. I'd be rather open about it rather soon than pretend you're okay - once you reveal such a serious health issue so late (man 6 months is s lot, not to mention a year) women feel cheated into relationship with him. It's obvious.

I'd probably choose to spin plates for life if I was him (you can manage your health alone properly and date from time to time only showing you don't have a lot of time for personal life).

This way you can maintain somewhat okayish relationship w/o need to lie all the phockin' time. There's plenty of women that like when man is rather unavailable.

I'd say he can be ok with women - he just needs to be more open about his condition (meaning 'being open about feeling like s.hit sometimes' but with positive attitude about it - w/o going into details - better to change story about colon tumour to something less 'deadly' as women screen through health issues as well obviously).

Being available from time to time only and not living at her place = best option for sick guy. Other than that and you will kill romanticism in relationship.

Better be busy mysterious lover with some health issue than burden to manage in the eyes of women.

Verdict: spin for life or keep tactical distance ("I'm busy") in LTR. However you need to tell woman that you gave some health condition because she will notice that something is off about you sometimes for sure.

Better to use white lies than to tell the truth sometimes of fake there's no problem when there's obviously some problem.
Ive had a similar situation where im good until i complain about an ex. Had i not brought it up things would be fine.
 
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