Not sure how to read this girl

[DDG]

Hey everyone. My friend led me to this site, since I’m facing some confusion in regard to a girl I’m seeing. I’m not sure how much information you guys need, so I’ll give what I think you need. But if you need more then I’m more than happy to share. I’ve made enormous changes in my life the last 1,5 years, now I just need to get my game together.

About her: 20 years, ambitious, stunningly beautiful, very caring for family and friends, seems to be in control of everything in her life and she’s very flirty. At least with me; I have not had the option to watch her around other guys.

About me: 26 years, ambitious, fit, interested in personal development, interested in people and how people interact with others and themselves.

I just came out of a 1 year relationship 2,5 weeks ago, had been pondering the decision for 1,5-2 months before breaking it off (note: this girl is by no means a rebound, I’m at peace with being single and was actually in some way looking forward to it. But with a girl like this presented to me, I thought I might as well go for it.). One week later (Friday) I went out with friends, ended up just being me and one (male)friend going to a club. This girl was there, I’ve known her for a few months, she works at a place I go to every 2nd week (business related). Always talking to her when she was there, never paid attention to any signals she might have sent. But when I went out, I ended up dancing with her a lot that night. I was very drunk so sadly, much of the night is lost in the void. I wrote her the day after, we then started texting for the next few days. Met her on the following Monday, we talked for 2,5 hours. We continued to text for the next few days. She came to my place on the Friday, now we’ve talked for 1 week. She was flirty and happy as usual, and she had been talking to people she knew about me. I still don’t know all she knows, but that doesn’t matter. When she didn’t have that much time left, she made us end up really close face-to-face, so I went in for the kiss which she returned. She said “so.. that girlfriend in -country, that’s not true?” I replied “we broke up a while ago”. She smiled. When she left a few minutes later, we ended up that close again and I went in for the kiss again and got it. - Both times, she slightly avoided the first attempt, but both times I persisted through. She came by again later that evening to pick up something she forgot. Again; ended up that close, but I decided to not go in for it, even though we both obviously wanted to.

Didn’t text that much over the holidays, though I did do one mistake - we talked about when we should meet up again, she proposed 2 dates; today(Monday) or Friday. She had to figure out if she could do today or not, so I said “well we could also lock Friday and then see about today”. Big mistake, I know, I knew it the moment I clicked send. (That’s one of my main focus points I think. When I’m able to make time for the people I want to make time to, then I do it. And my holidays are nice and clear of things to do, so I wanted to do that. I’ll pack that right away when it comes to dating.)

So today I went to her place for 1 hour. She was packing her bags (going away until Friday), so she was busy bee’ing around all the time. Definitely making sure, next time we meet, that she is actually free and not squeezing me in while doing another task. I walked around asking questions about her things, make her laugh as much as possible. I feel I did pretty well in general. She was very flirty as always, and at one point she grabbed me by the point and led me to a room to show me some stuff (relevant to the conversation). We ended up in that very close face to face situation again and she told me that she was going to move far away this upcoming summer (3 hours transport), I said that wasn’t long, then she said she might move longer away later on - as in, other countries. I said that sounded interesting, truth be said I don’t know how my body or tone language was at the moment, but I actually meant it, while I thought in my head “hm.. would I leave my country?”. I leaned in 1/4th of the way for a kiss and she retracted.

Bit later on she was still packing and she said some arguments that would further strengthen any faith in why she wouldn’t be with me; no pets (I have 2) and something else. That was a monologue on her part.

When we said goodbye, we ended up close again and stayed that way for the following conversation. I went in for a kiss and a conversation like the following ensued. Her in “. “If it’s a kiss you’re fishing for, forget it” why? “Why should we?” You want to “”Then why would I reject you?” To see my reaction. “I’m too controlling to do that. If I want to kiss someone, I will. .. Ouch” I could imagine that.
There was also a mentioning from her about her moving away, no idea where in the conversation that was.

I then put on my shoes. My voice shifted a bit in the conversation when I answered “to see my reaction”, but I kept my cool as best I could, and I was out of words in the end. I have not met a girl who plays like that before. 2 years ago I wouldn’t even have been able to talk to someone as pretty as her. So no matter what, I’m happy. I don’t believe in coincidences, she’s in my life for a reason. If not to be my partner, then it’s to prepare me for the next girl who, no doubt even though I can’t fathom it right now, will make her and her personality seem mundane.

My current plan of action is to not write her until she writes me. And to read the SoSuave Guide to women and dating and everything useful in the forums (tips are very welcome).

I thank in advance for your help and hope I haven’t written too much unnecessary filling.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

She's a flirt.. You gave her all the power. I suspect you gave off a BFF vibe. She came round to your place and you waited for her to make the moment obvious that you should kiss her. She liked you and wanted to see if you were confident enough to go for it sexually. You weren't. You friendzoned yourself.

The way you did go for it just seemed a little ..um.... inept.
Had you been touching her earlier on in any way? Had there been ANY sexual vibe apart from flirting by her? I am going to guess not. She also controled the dates. You were too needy IMHO and she was playing with you. You then ignored all the "I am not interested" clues she gave you. This girl has ZERO interest in you as anything but an orbiter.

You seem like a nice guy and everyone has to start somewhere.
Next time, with someone else, you choose the dates.
Without being creepy, make it clear that you are interested in her, for more than just friendship. That is what Kino and eye contact are for.
If a woman comes to your place that translates as "I will have sex with you IF you can convince me you are confidently sexual"
Do NOT wait for cues from her. She WANTS to see you be confident and go for it. She wants you to be successful at seducing her. She doesn't want to have to hold your hand and draw diagrams.
Be confident, be sexual, don't be a douche, don't be a p-ssy.

 

[DDG]

Ah. My good old habits coming right back. I appreciate the feedback. Can you point me to articles I can use before my next dates with whoever comes?

And I have to ask..
Is there a way to turn things around by being confident next time and go for it, or would that end up being creepy?

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Judge this girl by her actions. In femspeak she told you to get lost. Her actively avoiding kissing you and telling you she is moving away are a pretty clear message. It would seem completely fake if you came back more confident for another try.

The only way that you MIGHT have the tiniest hope of getting her back would be to get a great social life and for her to see other girls are interested in you.

Read anyrhing about inner game.
How to get more confident? hmmmm that is either a book worth of answer or a sentence.

Just be more confident.

The world is made up of 51% women. They fart, sh-t, pick their noses and range from great to crappy just like men. There is no special perfect one designed just for you waiting in her magical tower, saving herself just for you. If she exists she is probably being slammed by some cromagnon who doesn't give a f-ck about respect or waiting till the 3rd date or any of that polite crap but she knew when she met him he wanted to shag the heck out of her and was confident enough to go for it.... And she loves it.

"But I am not that guy. I am not like that. She would probably laugh at me. I really like women. I couldn't treat them like that" I hear you say.

Women don't laugh at men for being confident. They don't laugh at men for wanting to have sex with them (unless the guy has completely misjudged how attracted to him she is AND he comes across as awkward or inept or desperate).

You are educated, you are capable of having sex, you are not unnatractive (because initially she did flirt with you) and you have some social skills because you managed to engage her in conversation. You don't sound very old so you probably have an adequate level of fitness.

My man, you are a catch, whether you can see it or not.

Next time BEFORE you go on a date make sure that you and whoever seem to like each other. Don't just ask a girl because she is hot. Making a girl who is ambivalent about you crazy for you is masterclass stuff little grasshopper, and you aren't there yet.

Ok.. Next step. Tell her (the girl you have been chatting to and felt a good vibe off) that you would love to take her out sometime. What's her number? Text a stupid message to her straight away if she gives you her number. "nice shoes" "hi" "awesome". Whatever. This confirms it is a real number.

Say bye and leave. This is to minmize the chances of saying something stupid and ruining it all.

Pick a fun activity that YOU like to do and a time to do it and ask her. Choose something that is easily affordable and doesn't go on too long (in case the date is awful). Do not go to the movies or a restaurant. Both are awful first dates.
If she says yes. woohoo. If she says no, but gives reasons and suggests or accepts an alternative, woohoo.
If she says no but does not suggest an alternative, then either she is not interested or has no imagination or higher brain function. Lucky you found out now. Never call her again.

The big date. Here are the reasons to be confident. She obviously likes you.
She has had three chances not to go on a date with you (when you started talking to her, when you asked for her number and when you organised the date) but she didn't.

Let that sink in. SHE ALREADY LIKES YOU. You don't need to impress her more. She already likes you. If she likes you she is already attracted to you. Women know straight away if someone is someone they will sleep with.
Why wouldn't you be confident?
Books have been written about going from date to sex. It is not that difficult.

If you are heterosexual and like sex then let her know without being too caveman about it. That is more masterclass stuff.
You know she likes you. Look at her directly. Let her know by the way you look at her with boldness that you are not her new BFF. Don't be embarassed to be caught looking at her body. If she catches you just smile. Start escalating a little touch. Not creepy and furtive or potential rapist, full on booty grab when she walks through the door. Just be confident and bold. She already likes you and is attracted to you. She wants you to touch her. It doesn't have to lead to couch mambo straight away and there are lots of ways to start touch that aren't completely creepy. High 5's, taking her hand to lead her somewhere, puting an arm around her if she is cold. BTW she knows what you are doing and doesn't mind. Even if she does pull back a little all she is saying is "slow down a little. I may be up for it later though if you show me you aren't a douche". She likes you and is attracted to you.

Ok. She knows you are interested in her sexually and probably knew from the first time you looked at her. Why be shy about it. It isn't fooling anybody.
She likes you, is atracted to you and knows you want to f-ck her. Why be subtle. Just be confident. You have lots of reason to be.

Sometimes dates just don't work. Boohoo. You mighta done something retarded. She might be a flake or a *****. It might have been nothing at all. Meh. Cross her off the list. It is still a victory. You got her to go on a date with you. She was attracted to you a little. Now you can use what you learned and if you feel like it try again.

See. Lots of reason to be confident

 

[DDG]

Thanks a lot for your time to give me feedback, it's exactly what I need to hear.

I'm not really that inconfident, I'm just not sure how to act in the dating game (having been out of it for 1,5 years more or less and my ex had depression, so it was a whole different level of being around a girl with her compared to what I now recall it's actually like out there). I do feel like I would like to watch examples (inb4 Top Gun) on the whole situation on how to show her the interest. I've got some pretty good ideas from what you've said and what I've read and done earlier on, but visuals stick a lot better with me. Any tips?

But I'll read up on all of that during my days off and implement it all. I've been suggested by my friend to read what Poon King writes.

What struck me the most out of your comment, was the thing about her already liking me. That's actually what I think has always been my main problem, that I would always be wondering if she does. That part alone has helped lots. I'll definitely go read about inner game.

 

[DDG]

It's very likely that she will be working at the place where I knew her on from before. How do I go about dealing with her there? Should I just as usual (it's the norm for the group of people who meet. Business related) hug her and ask how she's doing, or do I hug her and move on to talk to other people?

My thought is it would be weird to everyone if I didn't hug her (it's the norm unless it's super busy / other things make it inappropriate). I also think not hugging her as usual would give the feeling of me being hurt and trying to distance myself to lick my wounds. Hugging her, I think, is definitely the best solution. But what then? Ask a question, wait for her reply and politely reply but also kill the conversation and say I have to go talk to so-and-so?

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Dont sweat it. Treat her like you did before. Hug, Chat, act casual, get on with what you would normally do.

Do NOT copy movies or learn pick up.
The whole idea of inner game is to be natural. Just be confident and relax. If you can accept that you are a sexual being then accept that as part of you.
Touch someone when YOU want to. Kiss someone when YOU feel like it.

Women will forgive you going for it far quicker than never making the attempt. That is how you get friendzoned.

 

[DDG]

Thanks. That's also what I've found would be the best.

This whole situation has sparked some major reflection in me, I realised how I fell into the routines of past me; the goodhearted but insecure and inconfident guy. I realised that I'm now much more than that but never had the time to realise it in the short period of being on my own before this girl showed up in this way.

I think I know what I must do, at least it feels right. And it's not old me, who wanted security, love and connection so bad that he pushed it away. It's new, confident me. Thank you all for your help, your advice has been great. I might just return back for more some time (or to let you know how things goes, if there's a care for that. I know I'm just another user on the internet and you have no direct need to care for it).

Happy new years everyone.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I wish you luck. We have all been where you are. If you think my advice is useful feel free to pm me or start a conversation.

Enjoy the ride. If it is not fun.... Why do it?