Not sure how to read into this.

[Monkora]

This is a general social question not specifically I WANT TO ****.

Ok so I went out with this girl April - June last year, but remained friends afterwards and we hang out in the same small group (5 of us). She was really fickle, bailed on me all the time - flirted with my best friend in front of me, yea, I was a chump.

Anyway angsted over that for a while. Last couple of months I've been incresingly fed up with two in our group - one friend who I made out with when drunk and have since openly told this girl I dislike them.

I've started not letting people walk over me, not being a doormat etc...

anyway was going to go for a walk with this girl as friends but she bailed on me with a bull**** excuse "Oh, but I do that all the time" and all this ****. So I pretty much told her fine, I don't have to mess with that, I'll find someone else to do it with (never did) and didn't speak to her for a week. Then she messages me asking me if I was pissed - I just told her she was predictable and if she wanted me to smile at me then she shouldn't treat me like ****.

ANYWAY. I started talking to her on MSN again tonight. She disagrees with something I say so I back up my point and explain it - simple then I move on. She doesn't bother trying to explain her POV. Then comes out with.

12:52:29 AM Marge: Why are you such a ***** sometimes?
12:52:50 AM John: Ha!
12:53:15 AM Marge: What? You are!
12:53:34 AM Marge: And don't try and tell me that I am too because I'm not that stupid.
12:53:50 AM John: I just have my opinions, thoughts, feelings.
12:54:16 AM John: Not going to give them up just to have someone like me a bit more.
12:54:33 AM Marge: Yes, but you seem to go out of your way to make people feel bad.
12:55:11 AM Marge: About themselves. About the world.
12:56:36 AM John: Seem being the key word there.
12:56:51 AM Marge: And you take advantage of the fact that I'm naive and a doormat.
12:57:04 AM Marge: And neither of us is happy unless I just agree with what you say.
12:58:30 AM John: Examples? As to the second message. I'm perfectly happy with people having their own thoughts, I just explain where I'm coming from!
12:59:42 AM John: As far as I can see I've never had the opportunity or reason to walk all over you or take advantage.
1:00:10 AM Marge: haha.
1:00:19 AM John: That said... these boots are made for walking
1:00:37 AM John: But, explain?
1:02:01 AM Marge: Don't worry about it.
1:02:45 AM John: No - what?? Don't start saying that or expect me to be any different unless you explain where you're coming from.
1:03:29 AM Marge: I can't explain it or put it into words. It's just a way you make me feel sometimes. Maybe I'm imagining it.
1:06:41 AM John: right
1:10:57 AM John: I'm off msn for the night. Later.

I'm not sure what to make of this, no idea what she's on about. Could someone give me some insight?

 

[jeffthechef]

you say that you guys are still firends and that you don't want to take ****

so chances are you're coming off angry/offensive...it really depends on what led up to this..what the conversation was about..etc.

but there's also the possibility that she just wants to make you feel bad...wants you to apologize to her...

are you talking like a pessimist? do you tolerate her views?...assumming you're not...and that you are

then it's her...don't apologize...from what you've given, an apology is not warranted...but perhaps be a bit more optimistic, if you're not already...and don't try and change her views, if you currently are...cause women don't want you to fix/change her...they want you to understand them...i would have to see your whole conversation to really know if she's right or just mad at something else...

i talk to this one ex sometimes on aim...and she will point out the things she hates about me...subtly...so be aware...some women don't get over the past easily

 

[Monkora]

She dumped me, so I'm not sure whether she's getting over something. As far as I see it I'm completely in the right. But this **** happens to me all the time. If a girl is upset over me then suddenly I'm a complete bastard even though I was rational, not rude and made my intentions clear. I'll PM you the rest of the conversation, but can you respond her to give others an idea of what it was about, I'm just not comfortable posting the whole thing even with changed names. I can turn icy towards someone fast but I don't think of myself as a downer.

EDIT Screw it, here's the whole thing, I'll delete it later.

11:48:39 PM Hugo: entertain me.
11:50:23 PM Sage: HELLO!
11:50:31 PM Hugo: jesus christ
11:50:34 PM Hugo: entertain
11:50:36 PM Hugo: not frighten
11:51:19 PM Sage: Hugo, when have I ever been able to entertain you?
11:51:30 PM Hugo: Umm....
11:51:39 PM Hugo: ok, point.
11:51:43 PM Hugo: How are you?
11:51:58 PM Sage: I am ok.
11:53:13 PM Sage: How are you?
11:53:30 PM Hugo: I'm watching bad music videos
11:53:46 PM Hugo: But I'm pretty fab as it goes.
11:54:04 PM Sage: I'm not anymore.
11:54:17 PM Hugo: Why not?
11:54:32 PM Sage: Kaitlin's fb photos.
11:54:54 PM Hugo: Why what big eyes you have.
11:56:07 PM Sage: kdsjgkdfjhlgxf
11:57:00 PM Hugo: there's no-one to talk to.
11:57:24 PM Sage: Where?
11:57:35 PM Hugo: At home.
11:57:39 PM Hugo: On twitter
11:57:41 PM Hugo: on facebook
11:57:43 PM Hugo: and msn
11:57:53 PM Sage: Ouch.
11:58:27 PM Hugo: OH SRY DIDN'T SEE YOU
11:58:40 PM Hugo: was too mesmerised by the big bad wol... oh wait.
11:58:55 PM Sage: Hey Hugo.
11:59:40 PM Hugo: Hey... again?
12:00:37 AM Hugo: ****ing nudge
12:01:03 AM Sage: You know you love it.
12:01:14 AM Hugo: I have a nudge fetish - it's true.
12:01:30 AM Sage: It's ok. I have a hand fetish.
12:03:08 AM Hugo: what are you doing?
12:03:15 AM Sage: What?
12:03:40 AM Hugo: Not sure how to phrase that any differently?
12:03:52 AM Sage: Getting excited for HARRY POTTER!!!!!!!!!!
12:04:01 AM Hugo: for ****s sake.
12:04:11 AM Sage: Sorry.
12:04:12 AM Sage: I am.
12:04:16 AM Sage: Uh...
12:04:51 AM Sage: Yeah no I am just getting excited for it sorry.
12:05:00 AM Sage: How was that ad agency btw?
12:06:30 AM Hugo: Oh, it was pretty interesting.
12:07:08 AM Hugo: They basically have one huge office with all their people on macs, seperate rooms for the video people.
12:07:27 AM Sage: Higgins Heaven?
12:07:55 AM Hugo: Spent about 30 minutes with the manager, then spoke to a senior creative for an hour - I think I'd be happyish there.
12:08:12 AM Hugo: Higgins Heaven? No people have sex with me there.
12:08:15 AM Sage: So what are you going to do?
12:08:31 AM Hugo: How do you mean?
12:09:21 AM Sage: Next year.
12:10:07 AM Hugo: Oh, I'm not sure.
12:10:36 AM Sage: brb
12:10:42 AM Hugo: Like... I go on about the stuff I could do if I wasn't at school - but take the holidays for example, I haven't created anything.
12:10:58 AM Hugo: But I think if I had somewhere to go everyday, people to talk to, I'd be more motivated.
12:11:29 AM Hugo: Everyone wants you to have life experience though
12:11:40 AM Hugo: where do you get life experience then???
12:12:35 AM Sage: What IS life experience?
12:12:41 AM Hugo: exactly
12:14:46 AM Sage: Oh btw, "Higgins Heaven? No people have sex with me there." was a joke, right?
12:14:59 AM Hugo: Yea it was, people would have sex with me anyway.
12:15:46 AM Sage: O rly?
12:16:21 AM Hugo: I don't know, probably.
12:16:28 AM Hugo: I haven't put out a poll.
12:16:42 AM Sage: Facebook?
12:16:44 AM Sage: I'm on it.
Changed status to Away (12:16:47 AM)
Changed status to Online (12:16:48 AM)
12:18:42 AM Sage: And you're not allowed to answer.
12:18:53 AM Hugo: Damn.
12:19:46 AM Hugo: you going to comment?
12:20:16 AM Sage: Should I?
12:20:32 AM Hugo: well no-one else has
12:21:20 AM Sage: I'm getting Kaity on it. And what did you expect, it's past midnight.
12:21:33 AM Hugo: and we're all up.
12:21:45 AM Sage: Oh yeah and if you go into that poll thing...... hahahahhaahaha sorry about that.
12:22:07 AM Hugo: huh?
12:22:15 AM Sage: nevermind.
12:22:26 AM Hugo: no no, what?
12:23:51 AM Sage: Well you know how there's those poll things on facebook and you have to earn coins to find out what people say about you? I just said "yes" to all of the questions so I could get coins fast and and find out who had a dream about me. So there might be a thing that says I want to do stuff to you. IDK. Or maybe I said you'd look good in a mini skirt or something.
12:24:48 AM Hugo: Oh right.
12:25:23 AM Sage: COMMENTS!
12:25:29 AM Sage: Kaity and Saggins.
12:25:38 AM Hugo: So... those translate to 'no'
12:26:53 AM Sage: k#kaitlin says:
......yes.
12:27:15 AM Sage: Do you want your friends to say they want to **** you? (if we are still your friends.)
12:27:29 AM Hugo: Yes, yes I do.
12:28:25 AM Sage: I wish I could tell when you're being serious sometimes.
12:29:35 AM Hugo: does it make that much difference?
12:29:49 AM Sage: Hahahahahahaha yes.
12:31:07 AM Sage: So were you?
12:31:19 AM Hugo: Yes.
12:31:32 AM Hugo: (You STILL can't tell if that was serious or not though!)
12:31:39 AM Sage: I don't believe you.
12:31:46 AM Sage: Haha I am predictable.
12:31:55 AM Hugo: **** yes.
12:32:35 AM Sage: Ok ok, don't have to be mean about it.
12:33:11 AM Sage: WHY HE WAS ANNOYED WHEN CHLOE LIKED HIM ASSUMING SHE WOULD HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE SHE LIKED.
12:33:18 AM Sage: This is my question for you.
12:34:30 AM Hugo: Someone wanting have sex with you isn't annoying - what's annoying is random texts, pointless conversations, and awkwardness.
12:34:43 AM Hugo: correlation doesn't mean causation.
12:35:33 AM Sage: So you would've had sex with her?
12:35:50 AM Hugo: No.
12:36:26 AM Hugo: think of it this way
12:36:33 AM Hugo: You want people to think you're pretty yes?
12:36:46 AM Hugo: But you wouldn't think all those people were pretty too.
12:37:29 AM Sage: No.
12:37:37 AM Hugo: no to what?
12:38:03 AM Sage: Do you think that I think that way?
12:38:15 AM Hugo: Everyone thinks that way.
12:38:33 AM Hugo: Why else do people pick their clothes individually
12:39:02 AM Hugo: why do you dye your hair, get it cut a certain way, why do people do all this?
12:39:13 AM Hugo: Well there's not medical reason.
12:39:15 AM Hugo: Soo....
12:39:19 AM Sage: So they can feel better about themselves.
12:39:31 AM Hugo: and they feel better about themselves because
12:39:34 AM Hugo: they look better
12:39:44 AM Hugo: and want other people to think they look better.
12:40:06 AM Sage: Can't you just do something because you feel like it?
12:41:07 AM Hugo: yea, sure, but most of the time that isn't the reason.
12:41:12 AM Hugo: Or you feel like doing it
12:41:25 AM Hugo: BECAUSE you want to look differently/a certain way.
12:44:48 AM Sage: Right.
12:45:25 AM Hugo: you know I'm right.
12:45:42 AM Hugo: wow, that analogy had to be explained indepth
12:46:29 AM Sage: I still think I'm right not I'm no good at proving a point.
12:46:35 AM Sage: ** but
12:48:25 AM Sage: Why do you like to make people sound so terrible?
12:48:42 AM Hugo: I never said it's a bad thing.
12:48:50 AM Hugo: That's you thinking that way.
12:49:14 AM Sage: I think a lot of people would agree with me that it's not a good thing.
12:50:08 AM Hugo: I mean your point of 'To make you feel better about yourself'
12:50:34 AM Hugo: You feel better about yourself because people on the whole like style, fashion, good looks, hygiene.
12:51:09 AM Hugo: So even though you're not directly doing it for them - everyone else's perceptions of people have influence you to accept those things as positive.
12:51:17 AM Hugo: Gah - forget it.
12:51:55 AM Sage: mmm, I couldn't possibly understand.
12:52:09 AM Hugo: probably.
12:52:29 AM Sage: Why are you such a ***** sometimes?
12:52:50 AM Hugo: Ha!
12:53:15 AM Sage: What? You are!
12:53:34 AM Sage: And don't try and tell me that I am too because I'm not that stupid.
12:53:50 AM Hugo: I just have my opinions, thoughts, feelings.
12:54:16 AM Hugo: Not going to give them up just to have someone like me a bit more.
12:54:33 AM Sage: Yes, but you seem to go out of your way to make people feel bad.
12:55:11 AM Sage: About themselves. About the world.
12:56:36 AM Hugo: Seem being the key word there.
12:56:51 AM Sage: And you take advantage of the fact that I'm naive and a doormat.
12:57:04 AM Sage: And neither of us is happy unless I just agree with what you say.
12:58:30 AM Hugo: Examples? As to the second message. I'm perfectly happy with people having their own thoughts, I just explain where I'm coming from!
12:59:42 AM Hugo: As far as I can see I've never had the opportunity or reason to walk all over you or take advantage.
1:00:10 AM Sage: haha.
1:00:19 AM Hugo: That said... these boots are made for walking
1:00:37 AM Hugo: But, explain?
1:02:01 AM Sage: Don't worry about it.
1:02:45 AM Hugo: No - what?? Don't start saying that or expect me to be any different unless you explain where you're coming from.
1:03:29 AM Sage: I can't explain it or put it into words. It's just a way you make me feel sometimes. Maybe I'm imagining it.
1:06:41 AM Hugo: right
1:10:57 AM Hugo: I'm off msn for the night. Later.

 

[jeffthechef]

hmm...you're doing what i did with one of my gf/ex's...

she liked intellectual conversations...deep ****...and it would get heated...this was mainly after we broke it off...and i would usually end up having the same situation as you

i say something...she may not understand...i say to just forget it...she takes offense because she thinks that i think she's too dumb to understand

so how do you fix it?...think less about convincing her...don't make things complicated...don't get too deep into the subject...or if you have trouble with not debating/getting complicated...then don't engage in such subjects at all

however, this is the key point...remember

Let her believe she's right. Let her "win"

every now and then..show off your intellect...cause most girls will appreciate it...but when you do, don't do so through debate/argument unless you can control yourself...but in the end, women just want to be right/understood...don't condescend...don't accidentally condescend...keep things, for the most part, simple...perhaps you can get deep with a girl that you've been with after a long time...

but perhaps it'ld be more fun to discuss SEX...always gets interesting...but this was your ex...so keep things light and fun with the next girl..get deep later on

 

[Monkora]

I'm not sure if my pride would let me I mean, I think this girl is a friend getting closer, it's not one of my goals to fvck her (although I would). Thanks for the tip. Do you have an IM of some sort, yahoo, msn? If so, could you please PM it to me so I can chat to you?