Not on a date but when she mentions ex's, how to make her stop talking about them?

[big weezy]

I've gotten into this incident a few times now and I need know how to get around this.

Say I meet a girl in a coffee shop and start talking but dont neccessarily make my intentions super clear. If I see her again a week later and she comes up to me to say hi and i move seats to chat to her a bit but then the convo switches and she starts talking about her ex's or former love interest she's still interested in and wants insight.

how do i deflect this? and get her to stop talking about them without seeming rude.

i know i've become friendzoned and i dont know how to stop her from talking about her ex or ask for advice. Bear in mind it's not a date. I just don't want to fall down the trap of friendzone by listening to her talk about her ex.

 

[Demonicale]

I had this with a girl recently, talking about her ex all the time ... i did'nt say anything as i did'nt wanna come across as jealous or anything ... but now i wished i told her to stfu about him lol ...

She "let's be friended" me a day after our 3rd date telling me she went bcak with her ex ... the same **** who owes her 10k and cheated on her lol

 

[Twitch]

I want a suave answer how to stop this as well.

I would say:

On a date- "If you are so concerned about him why are you with me?" Then just not say anything more on the subject. If she rambles ignore her and have fun.

 

[getready]

As far as I'm concerned, the reason she is talking about her ex is because she doesn't see you as dating material. You already said that you know you were friendzoned- that's a redflag right there. If you know that, why were you still talking to her? It's very hard to get out of the friendzone without coming off as a creep. The problem is how you approached from the start. I'm guessing you ddin't make your sexual intentions clear and so she just sees you as a friend. And what friends do is talk about their ex's. She is just using you as an emotional tampon, telling you her problems to make you feel better. You cant make her stop talking about her ex.

 

[big weezy]

As far as I'm concerned, the reason she is talking about her ex is because she doesn't see you as dating material. You already said that you know you were friendzoned- that's a redflag right there. If you know that, why were you still talking to her? It's very hard to get out of the friendzone without coming off as a creep. The problem is how you approached from the start. I'm guessing you ddin't make your sexual intentions clear and so she just sees you as a friend. And what friends do is talk about their ex's. She is just using you as an emotional tampon, telling you her problems to make you feel better. You cant make her stop talking about her ex.

I meant by her talking about her ex and me not stopping it made me friendzoned because i didn't do anything to 1 stop it and 2 raise interest after stopping it, partly because i can't do 1.

I'm friendzoned now, however if i managed to stop her talking about her ex cos i feel like it's a last ditch test that if you fail then you're in the friendzone, if you can somehow stop her talking about her ex in a manly way and then from there raise the IL then you could be back in there.

you're right about the emotional tampon though. man i should have left after 10 mins to sit elsewhere and hit on some other girls in the the coffee shop, i just supplicated her with attention thinking i could change her mind.

 

[jophil28]

I meant by her talking about her ex and me not stopping it made me friendzoned because i didn't do anything to 1 stop it and 2 raise interest after stopping it, partly because i can't do 1.

I'm friendzoned now, however if i managed to stop her talking about her ex cos i feel like it's a last ditch test that if you fail then you're in the friendzone, if you can somehow stop her talking about her ex in a manly way and then from there raise the IL then you could be back in there.

you're right about the emotional tampon though. man i should have left after 10 mins to sit elsewhere and hit on some other girls in the the coffee shop, i just supplicated her with attention thinking i could change her mind.

You need to do some serious work on your thinking processes. Several of your assumptions about why you are in the FZ are just plain wrong.
Read GetReady's reply and try to absorb what he is saying.

 

[Bible_Belt]

how do i deflect this? and get her to stop talking about them

Who cares? Your ego, maybe, but her talking about her exes has no relation to your chances of having sex with her. I have had girls talk about ex-boyfriends before, during, and after sex. I never cared; I just considered having to listen to them talk to be the price of the sex.

Never pay attention to a woman's words, even when they annoy you. Her actions are all that matter. And if she is talking to you, then that is an action that indicates interest. Obviously, you have to escalate before she yaks on forever, but don't hold her to any sort of standard in regard to the things she says...only to the things she does.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

To the O.P. next time a girl starts talking to you about their ex's you flip it right back at them. Tell them they need to try harder to get their ex back as they sound like they wouldn't have anything to offer you anyway being the last guy didn't want them so why would you?

They'll either:

A) Try to qualify themselves to you. And you can challenge them as to "Why they feel that way?"

or

B) They'll look for advice from you on the Ex situation to which you tell them: "I don't have any for you friend." And you've gotten your answer as well as friendzoned them. It may throw them for a loop, but either way you've turned it on them.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

She's not interested in you.

If she thought you were hot, she wouldn't be talking about her ex. Next time, only approach women that give you favorable eye contact.