Not happy with the way she's treating me. Do I go no contact or call her out??

[gimmeyofonenumba]

it's been 5 months now. Recently she's been coming across as negative and disrespectfull(not answering or responding to my txts). Also doesnt initiate contact like she used to, I know she's lost some respect for me, and I've been pissed off about this situation. We've had sex multiple times, and she's raved about the orgasm, I thought that alone had it in the bag, guess not. My question is, do i proceed with no contact or just call her out for being disrespectfull, and tell her I wont tolerate it?

 

[mahoney]

dont go no-contact go lower-contact - just pull back a bit on the contact so it evens out a bit more about who is contacting - then on the occasions when she contacts dont be weird or brusque or short - make it she is glad she contacted

as for calling her out on it, don't use words like negative or disprespectful, they are too vague and all-encompassing - if you want to bring something up with her, think of something actually specific that is annoying you and say that you're a bit put out that she does this thing.

what are the specific things anyway? if its not responding to txts, i think you should let that drop, dudes are way too focussed on texts on this forum, and overuse them

its basically like just be a bit more measured in your response, no contact or calling out on everything she does are kind of a bit much, be a little more composed, lower contact rather than no contact and address specific issues rather than this whole "you are being disrespectful" stuff - address the actual thing it is that she is doing and dont blow it up bigger than it needs to be - most problems are actually quite small if you don't let them take over

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

she did her disrespectful thing of ignoring my questions about planning or next date, recently she just hasnt shown much effort, or is somewhat short and negative when i text, before it was all fun and joking. I agree with your advice. but im not convinced thats going to work in the long term. What do you think if i just let her initiate from now on, and be somewhat short with her, as she is with me. Then like you said, everyonce in a while when she contacts, i really reward her, by being fun and talkative and attentitive.

 

[mahoney]

Back off a bit so she is initiating more of the contact, but don't be short with her . ie make one change not two

If she contacts AND you are short with her that's counterproductive, if you've succeeded in getting her to do more of the contact the don't punish her got it by being short with her!

Plus if she's being negative then more shortness and negativity from you is not going to help

So basically it's the same thing I always say - less contact but better contact. Shift the power a bit so shed contacting more, and reinforce it by making sure contact is good, don't be weird or short with her

 

[st_99]

Its a good topic and question but a complicated one I think.

I think the most important thing to find out first is what type of person
is she in general. Does she disrespect other platonic people? Her friends, coworkers, the waitress at the restaurant?

If she is a bad apple in general then she is just showing her true colors, its just at first was the early stage of dating where nobody is 100% themselves. Then you need to accept her or move on because she probably wont change for anything.


If that is not the case and she is genuinely a nice person then she has gotten too used to you, lower interest, no mystery, too comfortable or whatever. Then you'll have to shake things up a bit, have some fun with it and see what happens.

Most importantly you have to have the mindset that you can take or leave her in whatever your reaction is. Thats key but hard to do if you're in love with her or whatever. Total NC IMO is too awkward and unnecessary. Its too dramatic, like you're married or something.

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

good feedback guys. st you bring up a very good point, we're at the stage where the "perfect in the others eyes" is wearing off. She is in fact a tad bit lacking in manners, I'll typically thank a waiter at a restaurant and she wont. She'll pickup the phone right in front of me without sayin excuse me. Perhaps she is really just clueless of ettiquette and manners? if thats the case and I need to shake things up, which I may agree, what ideas do you have for shaking things up? thanks.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

This type of situation is difficult. You can't change other people, so you're not going to be able to change her behavior. The best thing you can do IMO is tell her how you feel about her attitude, furthermore, show her that you won't except it and say that if she won't respect you, maybe you two should see other people. Don't be a jerk about it because that will give her reason to resent you later on. So overall, be a man about it but at the same time don't hurt her feelings.

 

[Fred_Scuttle]

Women are a dime a dozen. Never put up with any crap from them. She knows she can do it to you so that is why she does it. Cut her loose and be free. Look for another girl that will give you less problems if you can find one of those. Look for a needle in a haystack.

 

[ProDJ26]

People only do to you what you allow them to do...