"Not caring what other people think", the ultimate coping?

[latino158]

In addition to being told to just be more "confident", I think arguably the most useless and cliched piece of dating advice is to adopt a "don't care attitude", or "not care what other people think of you" to make you more desirable to the opposite sex. This advice is ridiculous because as a man when you are interacting with a woman you have an interest in, you do actually care what she thinks about you, and pretending "not to care" is the ultimate form of coping, if you ask me.

Think about it carefully, if you "didn't care" about the outcome, then why would you take a daily shower?, brush your teeth/use mouthwash?, wear nice smelling cologne/after shave?, wear fashionable clothes?, stay in shape? etc. Why do so many men get involved in body building? (yes, I acknowledge that some men join gyms for their health), simple, it's to impress women because most men who have even a quarter of a brain in their head, know that they need to look their best in order to have a chance with women.

So this "not caring attitude" or "not caring what other people think of you" notion is bull****, this mindset only works for the good looking Chads/slayers who know that even if a woman rejects them, they know that a yes is just around the corner.

 

[Mike32ct]

In addition to being told to just be more "confident", I think arguably the most useless and cliched piece of dating advice is to adopt a "don't care attitude", or "not care what other people think of you" to make you more desirable to the opposite sex. This advice is ridiculous because as a man when you are interacting with a woman you have an interest in, you do actually care what she thinks about you, and pretending "not to care" is the ultimate form of coping, if you ask me.

Think about it carefully, if you "didn't care" about the outcome, then why would you take a daily shower?, brush your teeth/use mouthwash?, wear nice smelling cologne/after shave?, wear fashionable clothes?, stay in shape? etc. Why do so many men get involved in body building? (yes, I acknowledge that some men join gyms for their health), simple, it's to impress women because most men who have even a quarter of a brain in their head, know that they need to look their best in order to have a chance with women.

So this "not caring attitude" or "not caring what other people think of you" notion is bull****, this mindset only works for the good looking Chads/slayers who know that even if a woman rejects them, they know that a yes is just around the corner.

You and I agree on a lot of things. I was thinking about this too lately. I used to be in the "don't care what others think" camp, but as I grow and evolve (even at my age), I revise my theories along the way. I'm seeing that, to some extent, it DOES matter what other people think. It's called your REPUTATION.

Don't dwell on or obsess about what others think. But it does matter that you present yourself in the most favorable light that you can for that given situation.

And yes, you are correct that not caring what women think works better for a very good looking guy. Many of his "flaws" would be forgiven anyway. A less attractive guy has to be MORE conscious of his presentation and his reputation because he will be judged more harshly.

 

[BlindFury]

In addition to being told to just be more "confident", I think arguably the most useless and cliched piece of dating advice is to adopt a "don't care attitude", or "not care what other people think of you" to make you more desirable to the opposite sex. This advice is ridiculous because as a man when you are interacting with a woman you have an interest in, you do actually care what she thinks about you, and pretending "not to care" is the ultimate form of coping, if you ask me.

Think about it carefully, if you "didn't care" about the outcome, then why would you take a daily shower?, brush your teeth/use mouthwash?, wear nice smelling cologne/after shave?, wear fashionable clothes?, stay in shape? etc. Why do so many men get involved in body building? (yes, I acknowledge that some men join gyms for their health), simple, it's to impress women because most men who have even a quarter of a brain in their head, know that they need to look their best in order to have a chance with women.

So this "not caring attitude" or "not caring what other people think of you" notion is bull****, this mindset only works for the good looking Chads/slayers who know that even if a woman rejects them, they know that a yes is just around the corner.

Are you a chad / slayer? Or an entitled all or nothing control freak who just projects an image onto others of being the people who are getting everything that should be yours and yours only? Caring too much what you think everyone thinks all the time is an exercise in insanity.

Everyone should work out, groom and dress their best, do their best in school and at work, as well as being socially open and free to be the best person they can be while realizing not everyone is going to like or dislike them regardless. That's life. If we all were top models with perfect lives who got whatever and whomever whenever we wanted life would be boring and depressing.

You must be tired of the echo chamber of slvthate and need to hear opposing views. If you're convinced in what you believe then stick with that support group of reassurance over there. None of you have even convinced yourselves in what you claim to believe as otherwise you'd all log off and just accept being hopeless.

 

[sharkbeat]

You shouldn't let what others think to get to you. But a lot of guys take the don't-care attitude too far.

 

[Meisterman]

Why it's important to be yourself and not care what women think of you in a relationship.

Women crave validation. If they don't receive it from you it will drive them crazy and they will try everything they can to lure you in. Sex, conversation, flirting, you name it. And the longer you go without identifying and responding to her dysfunctional and psychotic behavioral patterns, the crazier she will get and the more she will like you.

Once you give in the challenge is over and she's programmed to seek someone else who is more of a "challenge." Girls never really want YOU. They just want a version of YOU in order to make THEM feel a certain way about THEMSELVES. It's never just about "you."

You may think she will never lose interest when it is at it's highest. And it is often at this point where it all comes crashing down.

I consider it like a rubber band analogy. The farther and farther you pull it back, common sense says the farther it goes back the less chance it has of going forward. But once the band SNAPS at its breaking point, it flies forward instantaneously ahead of where it started.

That what it's like for girls. You may think they want you when they're crazy over you, and they even may think it too. But really they want the validation and praise of you. They want to win you over. Until they do they can't just walk away.

But as soon as you give in and start straying from the nature made man-qualities that were inherent within you and attracted her to you in the first place, you become a man who is now more worried about losing something (I.e the woman) and it begins to show. All of a sudden you're not the guy anymore that she fell in love with. All because you tried to make her NOT lose interest. Instead of being a mentally strong, independent, free thinking and free moving man, you are whipped and attached to woman and you turn into a beta champ before your eyes without realizing it (usually when her attraction is highest).

Then the rubber band snaps instantly. Last night all she could talk about was ****ing you. Now she won't even answer your texts. Why? Because you demonstrated that she's above you, so it's too easy. There's no thrill. No chase. No excitement.

Once she reaches the pinnacle of a safety net and feels like there is no chance you would ever leave her, she can leave you feeling guilt free and without a second thought. In fact, the WORSE you crash after the break up makes her feel even BETTER about making the move thinking it's the right one. Again, because she knows you care.

But what if she left and you agreed and amplified, went on and remained happy, hell even happier, without her? She may not show it but she will be second guessing herself, her attraction will grow. Next time you talk to her, regardless who initiates, you'll appear more of a man than you were when she left you. Which in turn would put you back on top in the hierarchy.

If she's above you it'll never work. Only when she perceives you as above her to raise her own value /self esteem. It wouldn't make sense for her to date someone who doesn't offer her more than she offers herself.

Never get caught up in her emotional whirlpools. Beneath those whirlpools there is a calm wind and sea. That is you, the man. Although in her world it's like a roller coaster of drama and excitement, to you it's just another day in the office. And that's what she loves. How you manage to do it and remain so unphased. It's attractive as hell. Never lose that swagger and she won't leave you until she knows for sure she ruffled your feathers a bit with her games.

 

[FairShake]

Care less what people think about you.

 

[Stugots26]

It's like I always say...

I used to care about other people's opinions of me...until one day...

I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.

 

[MOTU]

Anything taken to the extreme is absurd.