non girl related topic: are kids worth it

[Trainwreck]

I'm 24 and literally have no desire to have kids in the future. Is this going to change? Do yall regret having or not having kids?

 

[Urbanyst]

I'm still undecided but I'm leaning towards not having kids. It just seems like I can live a more rich, free and interesting life if I avoid kids and commitments in general.

 

[Masculinity]

Funny that you posted this thread; I literally posted something very similar in the mature man section, but it's not getting much action either. I guess it's socially unacceptable for a lot of people to think about not having kids. However, I'm in the same boat as you, thinking I don't want children and truly believe there are more of us who think the same way that there are people willing to admit.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/women-and-children.240205/

 

[Masculinity]

I'm very happy that I've got to 30 without paying any child-support, or being responsible for any kids. I'll have had the snip before my 31st birthday.

I can only speak for myself, because having kids is probably the most tricky issue that men face.

I grew up unsure whether I wanted them or not. Sort of 40/60 about it. Then, understanding women, understanding my lack of rights, and understanding the responsibility of it, took that to a 100% decision not to go there.

"The snip"?

 

[phil2015]

I've got 2 children, twins, aged 5, one of each, and they are totally worth it.
I have a fantastic relationship with them and they look forwards to the time they spend with me at my place.
Oddly enough, having children hasn't impacted on my dating or women being willing to date me.

However I concur with Deesade on this. I am thinking of getting the snip to prevent any further children

 

[homie]

I don't want to have kids because they will be alike me. That's kind of self-hating, but I did not get over it yet. Used to hate my father for me having all his deseases, defects and overall appearance which is not too good.

 

[Desdinova]

Here's my take on this... The snip is totally worth it. If there's a woman who wants to have children with you, then put the responsibility on her to save up the money for a procedure that will allow her to have children with you. If she's not interested in going along with the procedure or spending her own money on it, then she's not interested in having children with YOU. If she wants kids without a serious commitment to a man, she can go find her sperm donor elsewhere.

 

[Roober]

Two boys here (3 and 5) and it changes your life... dramatically... Like you, I didn't really want kids, or was completely unsure at your age. Around late 20's, as my life became much more settled, I began to want kids. I am extremely happy I did have them. Now, we did things the "normal" way, not the "oops, I am a fvcking idiot and didn't use protection" way. We were together 4 years, married for 4 more years, bought a house, paid all debt...... then "decided" to have kids...

Having children changes your perspective on just life in general
1. I used to spend my Sundays watching football. After kids that basically went away, just because they were distracting. However, now when I don't have them, I don't even turn on the TV on Sundays. It gave me perspective...
2. My boys are totally care free. They just like to have fun. They are alphas (as all young boys are) and don't even realize it. I think men can learn as much from young boys as SS. They don't give a $hit, make fun of everything, joke around, and have girls swarming around them (granted in a much different way)
3. If I had memories that are at the top of my list, most of them are with my boys, and they are only 3 and 5!
4. Patience, you have to learn to be patient
5. Caring for another human being (or two) gives you a part of life that those without kids will never experience. I am not sure how to really put it into words.
6. Kids make you want to succeed. You almost have to! You want to set a good example for them, show them what succes looks like
7. I get the opportunity to create two cool little alphas, teach them about women

The key is finding the right partner. My exwife makes a ton of money, so I wasn't ever going to have to pay child or spousal support, actually she pays me. Find a woman who...
1. makes more than you, or at least the same... think about why wealthy men won't get divorced. Same concept, but in reverse!
2. Is a giver! Most women like to pretend they are good mom's, but then plant their kids of front of devices all day...
3. Put the kids in daycare/preschool.. If mom stays home, she is not making any money, meaning you will pay her if she splits

I also knew I only wanted two kids, so had the snip just after my second. IT is very nice not to have to even think about that any more. If a woman tells me she's pregnant, it is her problem, not mine...

Kids are a big decision. Just like being a DJ, if you decide to do it, you need to do it for the right reasons and because it is something YOU want to do.

 

[Masculinity]

I've got 2 children, twins, aged 5, one of each, and they are totally worth it.
I have a fantastic relationship with them and they look forwards to the time they spend with me at my place.
Oddly enough, having children hasn't impacted on my dating or women being willing to date me.

However I concur with Deesade on this. I am thinking of getting the snip to prevent any further children

Are you still with the children's mother?

Here's my take on this... The snip is totally worth it. If there's a woman who wants to have children with you, then put the responsibility on her to save up the money for a procedure that will allow her to have children with you. If she's not interested in going along with the procedure or spending her own money on it, then she's not interested in having children with YOU. If she wants kids without a serious commitment to a man, she can go find her sperm donor elsewhere.

Do you have children, Desdinova?

 

[AlphaNate]

None of us knows if it's going to change for you.

I can tell you that I'm 35 and feel the same way. I like my freedom.

 

[Who Dares Win]

If we were in the 60s maybe but surely not now, too many factors couple togheter from law to culture to the economics.

 

[Krueg]

When my father, uncle and grandfather die. I'll be the last man in the family to carry-on my familys name. So a part of me would like my own kinds one day to possibly keep the generations going. But for right now, I'm not interested in kids.

 

[homie]

When my father, uncle and grandfather die. I'll be the last man in the family to carry-on my familys name. So a part of me would like my own kinds one day to possibly keep the generations going. But for right now, I'm not interested in kids.

Does it make any sense? I mean spreading your genes? What's the point of that?

 

[AlexKaiser]

Does it make any sense? I mean spreading your genes? What's the point of that?

As somebody who has a hilariously misanthropic view on population control, I have to admit yeah, the thought of passing on my own genes is appealing.

 

[dude99]

I'm 24 and literally have no desire to have kids in the future. Is this going to change? Do yall regret having or not having kids?

In a way your relationship you had with your parents might have a bearing on your desire to have kids or not.

I had a very abusive alcoholic father growing up, it made me grow very fast, but it is what it is, and because of my rotten relationship with him i never wanted kids of my own.

As deesade put it, i got the snip at 24 and haven't regretted never having kids. Especially when i see what a spoiled stain my nephew turned out to be.

 

[SuckItUp]

Depends on what you value. If we're being brutally honest kids are expensive as feck. That being said there is something to continuing the family line. In my case it's important due to my paternal family lineage. If it weren't for that I'd be less inclined

 

[The Duke]

I'm in my early 40's. Had a vasectomy over 10yrs ago. I haven't regretted it at all. I am too much of a kid myself and enjoy doing me. I would have to compromise my own life and desires for a kid and I'm just not willing to do that.

 

[BeExcellent]

You might find that you change your mind OP...you might not.

I have 3. It is a tremendous responsibility if you care enough to raise them properly and yes they are tremendously expensive. Braces for 3 kids runs about 18K, groceries are a ridiculous cost, private school costs thousands every year, there is clothing that they outgrow, sports equipment, musical instruments, lessons, summer camp and school trip costs, it is honestly endless; and nevermind whatever college is going to cost. Granted I am doing things more expensively than is necessary, but I am using my money to provide the best food, best education, best opportunities and best health care that I can afford to provide. I do this instead of travel myself, buy expensive things for myself and etc. And I make great money. Money has never been an issue at my house and THAT in and of itself is a tremendous blessing. I did everything I could to assure my family that financial struggle was NOT going to be an issue we faced. And is hasn't been. I can't imagine the instability financially struggling families must face. I just made certain that was not going to be my children's circumstance.

Once you have children life ain't about just you any more. Sure you can be a selfish person and have children, but you cannot be a selfish person and be a good parent. Those things are mutually exclusive.

The really challenging thing that I see is guiding children through the adolescent and teen and young adult years. The landscape is changing so rapidly now that kids are being exposed to things they do not have the mental maturity to handle, and yet they need to dissociate from the parents so keeping a communicative relationship between parent and child is tough. As I say all the time, it ain't for sissies.

Having said all that I also find it tremendously rewarding. It is a type of giving (often thankless) that a parent does from a deeply loving place. It is sacrificial in nature because it requires resources in the way of time, money, and emotional investment. It is a sort of love you'll never have for another adult, and it is an awesome responsibility that another person's very life is dependent upon you.

A rich life to me is filled with people whom you love and who love you. Starting with family and encompassing dear friends. But it is much more of a commitment than many realize. I think it's worth it and mine were all expected rather than surprises, but it is also exhausting, exasperating, wit's ends at times too. So it remains a deeply personal decision.

 

[NSX-R]

What you don't need today , you might do tomorrow.
So you can't really be sure if you really want kids or not.