No word after a week...

[InLawsHateMe]

.....her brother opened his big mouth again, this time she was there, and so I threatend to kick his ass, knowing that it was merely a stunt to scare him, but it backfired on me. She got pissed, and hasn't spoke a word to me for over a week. Her Mom called and said she loved me, and had heard that we got into a fight... I tried to call her once, voice mail came on, I didn't leave a message, emailed her once, no reply, so I stopped trying all together... what's f*cked up is, I had asked her to help me with this before MANY of times..... to control her brother before I put his lights out, but I guess it fell on deaf ears. I figured that since she was with us, she would put a stop to my threating him. I have bit my tongue for too long... I tried to tell her that it was best that he heard it from me, then from someone else who wouldn't be so kind... but she was too pissed to listen I guess...
She's pregnant with my child, but I'm tired of trying to help, with not even any consideration. At this point, we're done as a couple. I'm moving on, thank God we're not married.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe
l
She's pregnant with my child, but I'm tired of trying to help, with not even any consideration. At this point, we're done as a couple. I'm moving on, thank God we're not married.

I read your other post before, know the story. Man, that sucks, I feel for ya. Is there nothing you can do? She's all hormonal and emotional and stuff at the moment, maybe you can give her more time to cop on.

Yes, she needs to be reasonable with you regarding her brother, sounds like it could be time for one of those relationship make-or-break arguments.

In any case, I think you really need to talk to the girl in person.

I had a similar experience with my last GF - she became extremely moody and refused to talk to me - gave the whole silent treatment. Finally, 5 days later, when I practically forced her into talking to me, she told me what had been going through her mind - she was thinking crazy things, like that I did X so that she would deliberately look bad in front of my family. When we talked and I explained some of the actualy reasons for my actions, she realised that she had been completely paranoid, and her getting moody had blown it all up out of proportion. She apologised ennumerous times and admitted fault for the entire thing.

Since then I've realised that communication is the single most vital thing in an LTR, and that women are the worst communicators in the world despite what they think.

What happened a couple of days after the argument with her bro? Didn't you have an ultrasound appointment?

Good luck,
Osc.

 

[Ronin I]

Sorry to hear about all of this.

Can I ask how is it you find yourself around this little piece of sh!t so much?

Does your girl still live at home or something?

It's a shame that a relationship has to have problems like this because of such an outside influence.

I would be pissed if I was you too. Getting the silent treatment for a week+ is bullsh!t - I don't care what the offense.

Let us know how it turns out.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

I truly understand why she would be angery, but c'mon, it's not like I never asked her to talk to her brother about him being a dumbass 24/7. Never met anyone who personified the word ingrate, more than that little sh*thead. I taught his dumbass to drive a car, how to throw a football, play baseball, helped him with money and school, and for what? To be called a 'f*ckface' in front of in-laws. I have totally given up on trying to be a friend to this chump. Time after time, I had asked my gf to say something. We can go months with no problems, and usually when there is one, it's because of that little pr*ck. When I threaten to do bodily harm to him, it was in front of her, because I know, she would stop it. Still, I thought the threat of kicking his cherry ass would send a message that hopefully will wake him up to the fact that you can't go around and pick fights with adults in this world. Do that in a working enviroment, or anywhere, and he'll get hurt. Until he gets a job, and knows what it is to be around working ppl, he has no idea. Better for him to learn it from me then find out out there. Truly, if I really wanted to hurt him, I would have done it after all the other times he's tried to step up to me. But like always, I bite my tongue. If you have kids, then you know what I am talking about when it comes to teens. He is a kid who has had zero disapline in his life, and expects everything handed to him. Kids like him, grow up to hear 'filler up.' for the rest of his life, and I know he has more potential then that. I can give a rats ass anymore.
As far as her and I, we can't have a life together like this... I believe in total communication. I also believe in space, but if you are pregnant with my child, at least let me know you are ok, and you are getting everything you need. As the summer days go by, I wonder if this is a mistake....

 

[Oscar Wilde]

You need to clear the air with her and at least get closure. I'd bet quite a lot of money that yes, she's angry with you, but at the end of it all she doesn't want to split over this. Whether she's too proud to admit that is another issue. I know that my girl was too proud and that wrecked our relationship.

Force her to talk to you somehow, you guys need it. Use the mother if you can - get her on your side with reason and logic. Tell her the entire story.

 

[Quick]

That's why getting a girl pregnant unintentionally is my worst fear, far ahead of dying, and slightly ahead of drowning to death. You can't be a "DJ", because you no longer have control. You have to make this work at some level, and can't think only about yourself.

We talk about hormones and stuff, but let's face it, all of your problems with her are not caused by her pregnancy. It does make her even more unreasonable than she would usually be, but it's not like she's drunk or anything. If this girl wasn't having your child, you would have been out of there long ago, or you would at least of nexted her and let her come running back to you with a better attitude.

The problem is that you don't have the option anymore of simply walking away from a bad situation. Even if you don't marry her or anything, you'll still need to see her all the time in order to interact with your kid. Given the choice between being the absentee dad and marriage, you're best option is still to try to make things work with her.


Her method of problem resolution is crap. All the problems that existed before she runs and hides are still there when she comes out of hiding, except there's more anger less trust and a lot of time wasted. When you finally do get in contact with her, you need to let her know clearly that it isn't a valid option. Tell her that you're willing to work on any problems that come up if she is, but you can't fix anything without her help, and you aren't going to try to. You still need to be the bigger person and the calm one. If I were you, I would call her once a day, and each time leave the same message until she talks to me. Something calm, and to the effect of caring about her and being worried.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Quick... unless you have been following this for some time, please stay out of it.... I had already mentioned to her BEFORE, that this was the next step.. that I was goign to try to scare him.... please Quick, stay out of this... I know youmean well, but you don't know the story....forget the DJ crap, forget what you know.... you sound like the second coming of Edge or something.... this is about a teenage kid, who is permitted to act like a b*tch, who is on a path to pumping gas for the rest of his life, who's only understanding is picking fights with adults. Let me tell you something Quick.... I don't care how old you are, the streets don't care how old you are. If you want to talk sh*t, better be able to bring it then, if not, keep your mouth shut. THAT, is the facts, whether you think it's right, or wrong, it's for real. Try telling that to a 16 year ld kid when he's got a gun in your mouth. That he needs to act his age... if you want to talk like a man, better walk like one.

Like I said, I'm all about communications.. what? you don't think I've tried to explain to her that any problems needs to be discuss? Now or later, it needs to be discuss? It has been said....
Lord knows I'll take care of my babies... that doesn't mean I have to like their mother.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

You're quite a bit mad ILHM, and that shows. You need to chill a bit.

I can see where Quick is coming from, he's got a point too.

Originally posted by InLawsHateMe

Lord knows I'll take care of my babies... that doesn't mean I have to like their mother.

Yeah, unfortunately it does. And this is not about her.

Look, at the end of the day, the brother is not your responsibility. Let the stupid little brat get himself in some serious trouble - that's his problem. At that stage you can decide whether it's worth the risk trying to bail him. But for now forget him.

Back to the real issue here - you need to get an message through to this girl. That's what's important.

Sit back, listen to some music, have a beer or a smoke & think about it all calmly.

What's the best resolution from all this? You, single, your ex a single mother and her bro laughing cos he's a worthless piece of sh!t?

Or you & her in a great relationship with her bro being ignored and pumping gas in a different state.

To get there you need her to be calm and talk to you like an adult. And you also need you to be calm.

Good luck dude, we're with ya.
Oscar.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Thanks, but I'm done with her.....

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

No you're not.

M.A.C.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Matt ala Casanova
No you're not.

M.A.C.

Done... I'm moving on... she don't want to talk things out, I'm moving on...

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Someone on this forum needs to clear their PM box.

M.A.C.

 

[Ronin I]

InLaws,

I feel for you and what you're going through. From your posts you definitely sound really pissed off and rightfully so. If the woman pregnant with my child disappeared for a week I would be f*cking pissed. We both know you don't deserve that sh*t - but as hard as it seems try to relax. Anger clouds your judgment.

I think it was Thomas Jefferson that said "If you are angry, before you say (or do) anything count to 10. If when you get to 10 you are still angry, count to 100".

Anyway, my point is that while you have every right to be pissed don't let your anger and frustration own you.

 

[DankNuggs]

I don't know the story ILHM, but it doesn't matter, you allowing this immature little boy to break up a relationship with the mother of your child is a cop out...He should have no factor at all, and you should be adult and man enough to ignore him... He is an unimportant factor that you have claimed to be the sole reason for breaking up a relationship that is bringing a child into this world...

Being a man doesn't mean breaking out your belt to show a child how to respect his elders...He has parents, and your about to be a parent...Worry about your own child...You need to do whatever you have to to make this right...and by the sound of it, your turning your tail and running...

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
I don't know the story ILHM, but it doesn't matter, you allowing this immature little boy to break up a relationship with the mother of your child is a cop out...He should have no factor at all, and you should be adult and man enough to ignore him... He is an unimportant factor that you have claimed to be the sole reason for breaking up a relationship that is bringing a child into this world...

Being a man doesn't mean breaking out your belt to show a child how to respect his elders...He has parents, and your about to be a parent...Worry about your own child...You need to do whatever you have to to make this right...and by the sound of it, your turning your tail and running...

Christ, why do people reply to this when they don't know what's going on. I am so tired of dumbf*cks trying to be bleeding hearts about this when their main problem is they can't f'n read!

For the last time... B]I have tried everything humanly possible[/B] to not let her brother interfere with our relationship! PLEASE, until you have dealt with teenagers, do not reply!!! ...you handle your way, I'll handle mine, and I'll bet my left nut that he will see me as a friend when he gets his head out of his ass. CHRIST! HE IS NOT BREAKING UP THIS RELATIONSHIP!!! SHE IS!!!! ...call it whatever you want, she ain't talking to me, I'm moving on. Maybe some of you clowns would stick around, not I.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Guys, the man is beyond help right now.

InLaws, being insane with anger and abusing people who are giving you good advice is understandable, but certainly not being a DJ - you should be able to rise above it.

You'll look back in a couple of years time and regret what you did in this situation if you just walk away now.

Save the abusive response, it's unnecessary.

Best of luck man, I hope it works out and you 2 are back together in a couple of weeks time. For the sake of your son or daughter, that's what needs to happen.

Osc.