Once again, it's the end of the semester and still no girl. I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I'm 23 years old, I've been trying for five or six years, I've been coming to this site for nearly three years and reading the information, but I've still yet to see any results. I've gotten phone numbers, but I've learned quickly that just because a girl gives me her number, it doesn't mean she's interested. I'm all out of ideas. What the hell am I dong wrong? After all, this isn't rocket science. Why is something that seems to come so easy for most everyone else is so hard for me?
Hello Friend,
If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.
It will be the most efficient use of your time.
And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.
Thank you for visiting and have a great day!
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- Thread starter krd
- Start date
THIAGO BRAZIL
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Messages
- 662
- Reaction score
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Affirm to yourself that you deserve a good woman in your life and everything will go ok. You already know how the game goes now play it right.
good luck
I know what you are saying, but it's hard to get out of the "I won't get any mindset" if you haven't been getting any in the first place. And keep in mind, I'm not necessarily trying to get any. All I want is for a girl to be interested in me and not see me as just another guy she talks to now and then. I see other guys get frequent hugs from girls and they always seem so happy to be in the guys' presence. I, on the other hand, might as well just be another piece of furniture.
I've tried to adopt the "I don't need a girl" mindset, but how do you make something that matters to you so deeply just stop mattering? I wish I could help how I feel, but I can't. When you've been in such a situation for so long and nothing ever seems to change, no matter what you do, it's hard to start believing "I'm the man." I think I have a lot to offer. I'm handsome, interesting and I believe I deserve a good woman in my life. Why doesn't anybody else feel the same way?
I've tried to adopt the "I don't need a girl" mindset, but how do you make something that matters to you so deeply just stop mattering? I wish I could help how I feel, but I can't. When you've been in such a situation for so long and nothing ever seems to change, no matter what you do, it's hard to start believing "I'm the man." I think I have a lot to offer. I'm handsome, interesting and I believe I deserve a good woman in my life. Why doesn't anybody else feel the same way?
THIAGO BRAZIL
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2001
- Messages
- 662
- Reaction score
- 3
I DO FEEL THIS WAY!
IT SUCKS!!!!!!!
this changes take time!
What I am working on is MY LIFE, almost forget that there are girls, date occasionaly a few chicks, just to keep going, and then when you realise there will be girls after you, because you have A LIFE.
Keep going. I know it sucks right now. Look at me, friday night 11pm and no chicks, no dates, no friends to go out. But I am working on ME, loneliness? yes, so emerge as a winner!
IT SUCKS!!!!!!!
What I am working on is MY LIFE, almost forget that there are girls, date occasionaly a few chicks, just to keep going, and then when you realise there will be girls after you, because you have A LIFE.
Keep going. I know it sucks right now. Look at me, friday night 11pm and no chicks, no dates, no friends to go out. But I am working on ME, loneliness? yes, so emerge as a winner!
StellarPKT
Master Don Juan
Krd,
It seems like you have a self defeating attitude which will most likely fulfil itself every single time you encounter the opposite sex. Its a same that things are the way they are, but there is no getting around it. I believe it was Pook who said, "As you think, so you shall become." The attitude has to come first before you can ever hope to have any success with women.
If a woman senses that you are weak minded, or a non-dominant male, she will not feel an attraction to you. You have to be ultra-confident, Like you KNOW that you are the best thing for this woman. I've been told by a woman that she knew just by the way I walked, talked, and carried myself that she knew I was special and wanted to see what I was all about. A confident air about you is like a magnet.
If you want a woman to be happy in your presence, then the best thing to do would be to make them laugh. Humor is just pure power with women. You make them laugh and they will instantly feel comfortable around you, and will want to come around you more often. There are posts on this website on learning the fine art of humor. Visit David Deangelo's site because he has a lot of good examples as well. Go out and figure out how to be funny if you're not already, read books, listen to tapes...its all about self help here. Usually humor is not always about what you say, but how you say it.
Another way for a woman to be happy in your presence is to make her feel good about herself. This does not mean being her emotional tampon while she vents her problems to you. It just means noticing little things about her that maybe nobody else would. It also means being supportive and listening sometimes, because woman all like a guy that listens. They like to babble a lot anyways so this should be easy. If a woman thinks the world as a toilet, and you make her forget all about that, then she will certainly want to come around you more often.
These are only a couple ways to become more successful with woman. I think one of your problems is your putting too much pressure on yourself. You get your hopes up over this ever elusive "girl" and you let this control your attitude. Let success in other areas of your life dictate your overall attitude. And this will show in the way you carry yourself. Your transformation must occur from the inside out. Change of attitude = Successful encounters with women.
It seems like you have a self defeating attitude which will most likely fulfil itself every single time you encounter the opposite sex. Its a same that things are the way they are, but there is no getting around it. I believe it was Pook who said, "As you think, so you shall become." The attitude has to come first before you can ever hope to have any success with women.
If a woman senses that you are weak minded, or a non-dominant male, she will not feel an attraction to you. You have to be ultra-confident, Like you KNOW that you are the best thing for this woman. I've been told by a woman that she knew just by the way I walked, talked, and carried myself that she knew I was special and wanted to see what I was all about. A confident air about you is like a magnet.
If you want a woman to be happy in your presence, then the best thing to do would be to make them laugh. Humor is just pure power with women. You make them laugh and they will instantly feel comfortable around you, and will want to come around you more often. There are posts on this website on learning the fine art of humor. Visit David Deangelo's site because he has a lot of good examples as well. Go out and figure out how to be funny if you're not already, read books, listen to tapes...its all about self help here. Usually humor is not always about what you say, but how you say it.
Another way for a woman to be happy in your presence is to make her feel good about herself. This does not mean being her emotional tampon while she vents her problems to you. It just means noticing little things about her that maybe nobody else would. It also means being supportive and listening sometimes, because woman all like a guy that listens. They like to babble a lot anyways so this should be easy. If a woman thinks the world as a toilet, and you make her forget all about that, then she will certainly want to come around you more often.
These are only a couple ways to become more successful with woman. I think one of your problems is your putting too much pressure on yourself. You get your hopes up over this ever elusive "girl" and you let this control your attitude. Let success in other areas of your life dictate your overall attitude. And this will show in the way you carry yourself. Your transformation must occur from the inside out. Change of attitude = Successful encounters with women.
Chubbs Peterson
Senior Don Juan
krd,
If you really indeed have all these things going for yourself (looks, personality, etc) don't give up. Some people master this sh1t at different ages. When I was your age I was in the same boat you are in right now. Now things are different. Sometimes people would give me the right advice but it was difficult to ABSORB the advice and figure out how to make it work for me.
Imagine you didn't know how to ride a bike and then someone tells you how. He describes everything involved: the mechanics, the need for balance, picking up speed, etc. Will you be able to get on a bike and ride it?
Of course not.
It takes practice and time. Some of us take longer than others. Stop worrying about getting girlfriend. Just keep practicing the methods that the DJ bible discusses and things will slowly start to change.
If you really indeed have all these things going for yourself (looks, personality, etc) don't give up. Some people master this sh1t at different ages. When I was your age I was in the same boat you are in right now. Now things are different. Sometimes people would give me the right advice but it was difficult to ABSORB the advice and figure out how to make it work for me.
Imagine you didn't know how to ride a bike and then someone tells you how. He describes everything involved: the mechanics, the need for balance, picking up speed, etc. Will you be able to get on a bike and ride it?
Of course not.
It takes practice and time. Some of us take longer than others. Stop worrying about getting girlfriend. Just keep practicing the methods that the DJ bible discusses and things will slowly start to change.
krd, I know what you are saying. Let me ask, answer if you want or ignore it, it's really not my or anyones business, and I respect any decision of yours on answering, really.
Virgin? yes or no? You I mean.
I ask b/c the emphasis I sense is on your question makes me ask.
Not trying to demean here man, but I 'know' my question could clear a bit up for me.
Virgin? yes or no? You I mean.
I ask b/c the emphasis I sense is on your question makes me ask.
Not trying to demean here man, but I 'know' my question could clear a bit up for me.
That's the best advice, don't make from girls a survival or death issue, always keep in mind that those guys successful are not
better than you in anything, that means succeeding with women is not rocket science so why r u burning urself, does that help u much? certainly not, that only makes things worser, and the women stuff becomes a vicious circle...I understand your need for a b1tch in ur life, but you need to force urslef a little bit to break the vicious circle...and make women an extra in ur life and a result of your power not a need in itself...like any other field of life...do what you shall do without thinking of the results..that is satisfy yourself first and success will come on its own as a result of your power...so stop being emotional and needy for women and keep practising the DJ rules and let the results come on their own without even thinking of them...take what I told u for granted from my experiences in life...
Jean Paul
Don Juan
Try saying to yourself: "It's not my fault, I've just been meeting the wrong girls.". It got the "I won't gey any" mindset out of my head. If you know from yourself that you're a cool guy then it's the girls fault if she can't appreciate you for who you are. Never change yourself for any chick!
I do try to concentrate on other areas of my life. I go to school, I've been involved with a few student organization on campus. I am a musician and performer, who recently put together a (temporary) band, and peformed my songs live at one of the dorms. I posted flyers all around campus (with my picture on them) told people I knew about it, including many girls that I talk to, but hardly anyone came. This summer, besides taking a few summer courses at school, I am currently considering getting a summer job and saving up my money so that I can buy a car. But as much as I always try to improve myself for the better, the issue always comes back around to girls, and I start to feel like everything I do doesn't make one bit a difference. It's still just not good enough. I can never get a girl to give a rat's behind about me.
It's gotten to the point now where I'm starting to think that my situation is due mostly to bad luck. Maybe I'm doing nothing wrong, but the opportunties just never come at the right time. I always compare myself to the customer who buys a lottery ticket every week but never wins, apart from the guy who's never bought a ticket before and suddenly decides to on a whim. That guy ends up winning three million bucks, while the the other guy is still struggling to make ends meet. And there's nothing anyone can really do about luck. Either you have it or you don't.
And to answer crowes22's question, yes I am a virgin. I'm 23, hane never been on a real date and never even kissed a girl. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily bother me. I would much rather make the decision to wait until I find that one special person I care about. I know about all the risks pertaining to sex and I'd just as rather avoid all that. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't want a girl to want to sleep with me, kiss me or be attracted to me. If I'm gonna be a virgin, I want to be one by choice, not because I can't get a girl to want to come near me.
It's gotten to the point now where I'm starting to think that my situation is due mostly to bad luck. Maybe I'm doing nothing wrong, but the opportunties just never come at the right time. I always compare myself to the customer who buys a lottery ticket every week but never wins, apart from the guy who's never bought a ticket before and suddenly decides to on a whim. That guy ends up winning three million bucks, while the the other guy is still struggling to make ends meet. And there's nothing anyone can really do about luck. Either you have it or you don't.
And to answer crowes22's question, yes I am a virgin. I'm 23, hane never been on a real date and never even kissed a girl. Being a virgin doesn't necessarily bother me. I would much rather make the decision to wait until I find that one special person I care about. I know about all the risks pertaining to sex and I'd just as rather avoid all that. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't want a girl to want to sleep with me, kiss me or be attracted to me. If I'm gonna be a virgin, I want to be one by choice, not because I can't get a girl to want to come near me.
Hey there, krd, I'm new to this forum, so please don't be offended if I suggest anything that has been already said, or anything new and exciting that hasn't yet happened.
I don't believe in luck. So get that bad luck thing out of your head first. Do you think that belief supports you? Do you think making images in your mind of never getting the winning ticket helps? Is this a belief you want your friends to have? Or your son someday?
There will be too parts to our strategy: Cognitive and Action. If we do both I know you will learn a lot.
Cognitive: We are going to play a game. For a short period of time we're going to imagine an airhockey goal. You are the goalee. Every time one of these bullsh*t phrases pictures, sounds or feelings comes toward the goal you are to picture yourself knocking it away. So you are blocking negative pictures, sounds, feelings, smells, tastes, thoughts, and reasons. These include: "I can't..." "I'm unlucky..." "What am I doing wrong..." and metaphor such as the lottery ticket.
Now, before you play this game you really have to agree you will do it. That means getting everyone up there to sign off on it. Right now, by saying these things you believe you are protecting yourself, or learning.
In the stead of these negative patterns we will put in positive patterns that will still allow you to protect yourself, and to learn. In fact you've probably already learned them here on this DJ board. This includes advice like having a life, believing that you make your own luck, asking questions like "What can I learn from this?" "What can I do better next time?" "What do I need to prepare for in this situation so as to avoid harm?" "What do I need to write down so that I remember it?"
So on to the strategy:
Picture yourself with a girl. I know this is hard because you don't know what this picture would look like. That's okay. Her face can be obscured right now in the picture. But just picture the two of you laughing, and talking. Holding each other. If you start to feel sad at this point, put yourself into the movie. Associate yourself into the event so that it feels as if it's happening to YOU. Now feel how good it feels. Do this once or twice.
Picture yourself walking up to girls the right DJ way (whatever that is - Hey, I'm new!!) x10
Add yourself saying the right DJ things. Now anything in particular - so don't memorize a speech. In fact practice a different thing each time and see which ones work. Make sure you are OUT of the picture, watching yourself. x15
Add the great feelings you will get EVEN if you mess up a few times, by approaching the girl. Do this twenty times. (x20)
Now relax, and take a break
In fact, the first part of this exersize may take many days to do. The important part is putting in at least 85% each time you do it!
Action plan:
Use personal ads and online chat forums. You seem to be a good writer and have a lot of interests to talk about. Be funny, ask questions. Follow the 30-70 rule of ask-tell. Have an attitude of "What does it matter I'm just having fun online" Be outrageous and playful. See how many times you can get her to laugh.
When you get a taker, be smart about it, okay? There's a lot of wack jobs out there. Always be safe. However, equally true is that there are many good looking women who JUST LIKE YOU are trying to find a great guy like you. So say no to the ones who don't match your vision, but keep going after those that do.
If I am being a total moron and you have already done all these things, please let me know and I will think of something else.
Good luck
-Jon
-----------------
"Hello my name is Leon Phelps ... I have made love to many fine ladies. From the lowliest bus station skank, to the classiest, most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society ... bus station skank."
[This message has been edited by JonnyNice (edited 05-11-2002).]
I don't believe in luck. So get that bad luck thing out of your head first. Do you think that belief supports you? Do you think making images in your mind of never getting the winning ticket helps? Is this a belief you want your friends to have? Or your son someday?
There will be too parts to our strategy: Cognitive and Action. If we do both I know you will learn a lot.
Cognitive: We are going to play a game. For a short period of time we're going to imagine an airhockey goal. You are the goalee. Every time one of these bullsh*t phrases pictures, sounds or feelings comes toward the goal you are to picture yourself knocking it away. So you are blocking negative pictures, sounds, feelings, smells, tastes, thoughts, and reasons. These include: "I can't..." "I'm unlucky..." "What am I doing wrong..." and metaphor such as the lottery ticket.
Now, before you play this game you really have to agree you will do it. That means getting everyone up there to sign off on it. Right now, by saying these things you believe you are protecting yourself, or learning.
In the stead of these negative patterns we will put in positive patterns that will still allow you to protect yourself, and to learn. In fact you've probably already learned them here on this DJ board. This includes advice like having a life, believing that you make your own luck, asking questions like "What can I learn from this?" "What can I do better next time?" "What do I need to prepare for in this situation so as to avoid harm?" "What do I need to write down so that I remember it?"
So on to the strategy:
Picture yourself with a girl. I know this is hard because you don't know what this picture would look like. That's okay. Her face can be obscured right now in the picture. But just picture the two of you laughing, and talking. Holding each other. If you start to feel sad at this point, put yourself into the movie. Associate yourself into the event so that it feels as if it's happening to YOU. Now feel how good it feels. Do this once or twice.
Picture yourself walking up to girls the right DJ way (whatever that is - Hey, I'm new!!) x10
Add yourself saying the right DJ things. Now anything in particular - so don't memorize a speech. In fact practice a different thing each time and see which ones work. Make sure you are OUT of the picture, watching yourself. x15
Add the great feelings you will get EVEN if you mess up a few times, by approaching the girl. Do this twenty times. (x20)
Now relax, and take a break
Action plan:
Use personal ads and online chat forums. You seem to be a good writer and have a lot of interests to talk about. Be funny, ask questions. Follow the 30-70 rule of ask-tell. Have an attitude of "What does it matter I'm just having fun online" Be outrageous and playful. See how many times you can get her to laugh.
When you get a taker, be smart about it, okay? There's a lot of wack jobs out there. Always be safe. However, equally true is that there are many good looking women who JUST LIKE YOU are trying to find a great guy like you. So say no to the ones who don't match your vision, but keep going after those that do.
If I am being a total moron and you have already done all these things, please let me know and I will think of something else.
Good luck
-Jon
-----------------
"Hello my name is Leon Phelps ... I have made love to many fine ladies. From the lowliest bus station skank, to the classiest, most sophisticated, educated, debutant, high society ... bus station skank."
[This message has been edited by JonnyNice (edited 05-11-2002).]
El MonoLoco
Master Don Juan
*YAWN*
Good morning everyone.
Lets see what I can do to calm you guys down a bit.
Krd you say, "Once again, it's the end of the semester and still no girl"
I say: you probably get good grades don't you? Thats a good thing. School is way more important for YOU right now.
"I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong"
Nothing if what I said above is true. Women aren't a priority for you and they should never be.
"I've been trying for five or six years"
You're keeping records? You've been trying to hard then.Relax a bit and watch for signals more carefully. You don't have to rush things.
"I've been coming to this site for nearly three years"
Wow, thats longer than I have.
"reading the information, but I've still yet to see any results"
Hm? Reading AND practicing are both essential to DJ success.
"I've gotten phone numbers, but I've learned quickly that just because a girl gives me her number, it doesn't mean she's interested."
Yes, this is true but not all girls are like that. Remeber you can't get down if you call some chick and she can't/doesn't want to go out with you on suchandsuch day. You have no clue whats going on in her life.She could have a test the next day and has to study. Or worse her pet goldfish just died. You never know and they never tell you. Its a b*tch I know but don't give up on the first swing. Take one more shot down the road if that doesn't work NEXT the ho and move on
"I'm all out of ideas. What the hell am I dong wrong?"
You only think you all out of ideas. But this site offers an unlimited supply so don't give up hope there my friend.And the only thing you are doing wrong is you're trying to damn hard. You need to relax and not depend on getting woman.Sure you may want them and they seem to not want you. But its all in your head, trust me. When YOU start to want them less THEY will start to want you more. Its wierd but it works that way. Women are backwards like that.
"After all, this isn't rocket science."
No its not rocket science but it is like science.You have to experiment over and over until the results you want appear. Most of the time they won't. And a lot of your theorys won't work.But some will just keep trying.
"Why is something that seems to come so easy for most everyone else is so hard for me?"
Some guys have a natural abitlity to interact with woman. I am definately not one of them.But it doesn't stop me.
I used to have a poster that showed a pool stick breaking a set of racked balls it said:
" All you need in life are Balls and a few good Breaks."
To me it meant that if you got the balls (confidence) to go out and achieve whatever you wanted eventually something will work, a break.
So you say your starting a band too? Work on that musicians always get chicks. They love the fact that you have the balls to get up in front of people and do what you like to do. One suggestion for your next show. Pass out flyers in person. Go around and pass them out to any girl you see. This will help in approaching as its non threatening for both of you. Plus a conversation is going to happen because your band is new and people are going to be curious.This gives you mystery and we all know how chicks dig mystery.
hope that helps
Good morning everyone.
Lets see what I can do to calm you guys down a bit.
Krd you say, "Once again, it's the end of the semester and still no girl"
I say: you probably get good grades don't you? Thats a good thing. School is way more important for YOU right now.
"I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong"
Nothing if what I said above is true. Women aren't a priority for you and they should never be.
"I've been trying for five or six years"
You're keeping records? You've been trying to hard then.Relax a bit and watch for signals more carefully. You don't have to rush things.
"I've been coming to this site for nearly three years"
Wow, thats longer than I have.
"reading the information, but I've still yet to see any results"
Hm? Reading AND practicing are both essential to DJ success.
"I've gotten phone numbers, but I've learned quickly that just because a girl gives me her number, it doesn't mean she's interested."
Yes, this is true but not all girls are like that. Remeber you can't get down if you call some chick and she can't/doesn't want to go out with you on suchandsuch day. You have no clue whats going on in her life.She could have a test the next day and has to study. Or worse her pet goldfish just died. You never know and they never tell you. Its a b*tch I know but don't give up on the first swing. Take one more shot down the road if that doesn't work NEXT the ho and move on
"I'm all out of ideas. What the hell am I dong wrong?"
You only think you all out of ideas. But this site offers an unlimited supply so don't give up hope there my friend.And the only thing you are doing wrong is you're trying to damn hard. You need to relax and not depend on getting woman.Sure you may want them and they seem to not want you. But its all in your head, trust me. When YOU start to want them less THEY will start to want you more. Its wierd but it works that way. Women are backwards like that.
"After all, this isn't rocket science."
No its not rocket science but it is like science.You have to experiment over and over until the results you want appear. Most of the time they won't. And a lot of your theorys won't work.But some will just keep trying.
"Why is something that seems to come so easy for most everyone else is so hard for me?"
Some guys have a natural abitlity to interact with woman. I am definately not one of them.But it doesn't stop me.
I used to have a poster that showed a pool stick breaking a set of racked balls it said:
" All you need in life are Balls and a few good Breaks."
To me it meant that if you got the balls (confidence) to go out and achieve whatever you wanted eventually something will work, a break.
So you say your starting a band too? Work on that musicians always get chicks. They love the fact that you have the balls to get up in front of people and do what you like to do. One suggestion for your next show. Pass out flyers in person. Go around and pass them out to any girl you see. This will help in approaching as its non threatening for both of you. Plus a conversation is going to happen because your band is new and people are going to be curious.This gives you mystery and we all know how chicks dig mystery.
hope that helps
Yeah all that “get a passion in life other than women” is all good, but that isn’t directly what will get you any girls. You just need to keep focusing on the basic steps.
1) Approach
2) Number Close
3) Call for date
4) Work game during first date and try to get laid (you won’t always get laid on the first date but you have to TRY to… “aim for the stars”, that’s the key)
You’re correct in saying that numbers don’t necessarily translate into interest but this is what you have to remember, “If there is just a small spark of interest in her, you can develop that into a full-blown infatuation”.
So keep at getting numbers and making those calls. The only way to develop your skills is to grind through the experiences. You might even find them to be fun, stimulating, and exciting. You left out some of the details of your interactions (usual approaching time, places of interaction, responses, experiences, etc…), but if you’d like some helpful feedback, post them and the members will take a look at them and give you a few pointers.
One last thing, one of the best passions you can have that have a significant influence on the attraction level of the opposite sex is working on your health and fitness, and no, not vanity fitness, I’m talking about really sticking to a workout and diet regimen and making it a part of your life.
Dr.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Pimp (edited 05-11-2002).]
1) Approach
2) Number Close
3) Call for date
4) Work game during first date and try to get laid (you won’t always get laid on the first date but you have to TRY to… “aim for the stars”, that’s the key)
You’re correct in saying that numbers don’t necessarily translate into interest but this is what you have to remember, “If there is just a small spark of interest in her, you can develop that into a full-blown infatuation”.
So keep at getting numbers and making those calls. The only way to develop your skills is to grind through the experiences. You might even find them to be fun, stimulating, and exciting. You left out some of the details of your interactions (usual approaching time, places of interaction, responses, experiences, etc…), but if you’d like some helpful feedback, post them and the members will take a look at them and give you a few pointers.
One last thing, one of the best passions you can have that have a significant influence on the attraction level of the opposite sex is working on your health and fitness, and no, not vanity fitness, I’m talking about really sticking to a workout and diet regimen and making it a part of your life.
Dr.
[This message has been edited by Dr. Pimp (edited 05-11-2002).]
Page
Master Don Juan
Crowes is right. Listen to him.
Chubbs Peterson
Senior Don Juan
krd,
Dr. Pimp makes a REALLY good point.
And it relates directly to your self esteem, which is part of the issue here.
Whether you know it or not, part of the problem is that your desire to lose your viginity hinders your ability to just go out and have fun with girls. Probably, you are too preoccupied with the idea of finally having sex that it makes if difficult to carry out the DJ program. It puts women in the position of having extra high value to you. Believe me, I know how that feels.
So you have to begin to think that YOU are the prize, not them. How do you make yourself the prize? By continuing to do shows and do stuff you like. Just because you did ONE show at your dorm and not many people showed up, you're ready to throw in the towel. You gotta keep doing more shows. You've gotta make yourself highly VISIBLE as a person who is making things happen.
Getting back to what Dr. pimp wrote...Getting a girl's number means that she has some degree of interest in you. Remember, girls take a while to warm up. You have to slooooowwwwly pursue her sometimes. That's how you can turn the spark of interest into a flame and then eventually a four-alarm fire.
If you have problems warming her up yourself, there are other ways to do it. And that has to do with establishing a good reputation and getting girls to talk about you. Did you see that movie "American Pie?" I forgot the name of the character, but there was the one dude who had all the girls in school talking about him as he walked down the hall. He basically had someone spread good rumors about him and all the girls in his school were interested. That REALLY works in real life. Figure out ways that you can get your name out there. Keep trying to build your name as a musician on campus.
And keep getting those numbers.
You've got some good advice, Jonnynice, especially from a guy who's new to this forum. But as many DJ's here have said, keeping such advice in mind and actually using it in real life situations are two different things. It's always harder in the real world, because things never actually hapen the way you see them in your head. A girl may come out with something you didn't expect her to say, or fail to say or do something that is crucial to making your next move, and you get thrown off.
As for personal ads and chat forums, I'm reluctant to try those. In my criteria for choosing a girl, I admit that looks are definitely on the list, and with the Internet and personal ads, there's no way of telling what they actually look like. Even if they do send you a photo or something, how do you know if the picture is actually of them?
I have tried an online dating service before, and actually got as far as talking to a girl on the phone. In asking her where she worked, she just happened to mention the same place my mom works at. But neither my mom, nor anyone at her workplace, had ever heard of the girl. I found that to be strange and a little creepy. Which brings up another point. Without initially meeting someone in person, it becomes a lot harder to tell whether or not they are in their right mind. After that call, I stopped hearing from the girl altogether. That experience kind of soured me on the idea of personal dating services.
El MonoLoco, although I am indeed a college student, my grades are not necessarily all that great. In fact, one of my goals at the beginning of the semester was to do really well in school, so that if a girl needed help in studying or something, I could assist her. But here I am at the end of the semester, and I've really lost my motivation. Now that finals are approaching, I'm just hoping I can get a passing grade in all my classes. Also, because I'm a music major, most of the other people I go to school with are musicians too. So it's become a bit harder for me to stand out in that respect, too. But I do like your "passing out flyers" idea. One girl recently did that in one of my classes for her last shows with her band. Because of prior commitment's I couldn't make it, but I wonder how many people actually went that night.
Dr. Pimp, of the four steps you've presented, I actually have the first two down, although I haven't practiced in awhile. I kind of figured that this semester, it would be better for me to just let things flow naturally (although that hasn't gotten me anywhere, either). The problem always seems to come at the third step, where I have to call her up. First of all, if I see her in school frequently, I'd much rather talk to her in person. When I call someone on the phone, I always feel like I am somehow invading their privacy, and I get nervous. Most of the times when I have attempted, I could never seem to reach her. And I don't want to try to many times, or it'll make me seem too desperate and scare her off, especially if she's got caller ID. I'm not saying I won't try again in the future, but I'm just explaining the reality of what tends to happen to me in such instances.
Chubbs Peterson, like I've explained, losing my virginity is NOT what I am trying to do right now. I just want to be able to know that a girl could actually find me attractive and desirable. I've not yet had that proven to me, and by getting a girl to go out with me, I'll finally be able to find out for sure. And though slowly pursuing her is all well and good--I'd much rather do it that way--if I don't hurry up, another guy will take her out from under me if she's the least bit attractive. Moving fast is something that just doesn't come naturally for me. Plus, I've found that most women who are even just a little bit attractive, seem to be in an exclusive relationship. Nobody shops around anymore.
Another obstacle is the fact that I don't live in a dorm, so I don't have the same interaction that other students have in such living situations. It's much easier to hook up if you both live in the same building (or even on the same campus). Even so, I agree with you that I've got to continue to play more shows, and I plan on doing just that in the coming semesters, not only to get girls, but also because it's what I love to do, and I may eventually wnat to make a career of it.
Anyway, I appreciate your advice. It just bugs me that after all this time, I still can't seem to get a girl to show any interest in me for more than half a second. I only hope that one day the advice I've learned on this site will start paying off. But it hasn't happened yet.
As for personal ads and chat forums, I'm reluctant to try those. In my criteria for choosing a girl, I admit that looks are definitely on the list, and with the Internet and personal ads, there's no way of telling what they actually look like. Even if they do send you a photo or something, how do you know if the picture is actually of them?
I have tried an online dating service before, and actually got as far as talking to a girl on the phone. In asking her where she worked, she just happened to mention the same place my mom works at. But neither my mom, nor anyone at her workplace, had ever heard of the girl. I found that to be strange and a little creepy. Which brings up another point. Without initially meeting someone in person, it becomes a lot harder to tell whether or not they are in their right mind. After that call, I stopped hearing from the girl altogether. That experience kind of soured me on the idea of personal dating services.
El MonoLoco, although I am indeed a college student, my grades are not necessarily all that great. In fact, one of my goals at the beginning of the semester was to do really well in school, so that if a girl needed help in studying or something, I could assist her. But here I am at the end of the semester, and I've really lost my motivation. Now that finals are approaching, I'm just hoping I can get a passing grade in all my classes. Also, because I'm a music major, most of the other people I go to school with are musicians too. So it's become a bit harder for me to stand out in that respect, too. But I do like your "passing out flyers" idea. One girl recently did that in one of my classes for her last shows with her band. Because of prior commitment's I couldn't make it, but I wonder how many people actually went that night.
Dr. Pimp, of the four steps you've presented, I actually have the first two down, although I haven't practiced in awhile. I kind of figured that this semester, it would be better for me to just let things flow naturally (although that hasn't gotten me anywhere, either). The problem always seems to come at the third step, where I have to call her up. First of all, if I see her in school frequently, I'd much rather talk to her in person. When I call someone on the phone, I always feel like I am somehow invading their privacy, and I get nervous. Most of the times when I have attempted, I could never seem to reach her. And I don't want to try to many times, or it'll make me seem too desperate and scare her off, especially if she's got caller ID. I'm not saying I won't try again in the future, but I'm just explaining the reality of what tends to happen to me in such instances.
Chubbs Peterson, like I've explained, losing my virginity is NOT what I am trying to do right now. I just want to be able to know that a girl could actually find me attractive and desirable. I've not yet had that proven to me, and by getting a girl to go out with me, I'll finally be able to find out for sure. And though slowly pursuing her is all well and good--I'd much rather do it that way--if I don't hurry up, another guy will take her out from under me if she's the least bit attractive. Moving fast is something that just doesn't come naturally for me. Plus, I've found that most women who are even just a little bit attractive, seem to be in an exclusive relationship. Nobody shops around anymore.
Another obstacle is the fact that I don't live in a dorm, so I don't have the same interaction that other students have in such living situations. It's much easier to hook up if you both live in the same building (or even on the same campus). Even so, I agree with you that I've got to continue to play more shows, and I plan on doing just that in the coming semesters, not only to get girls, but also because it's what I love to do, and I may eventually wnat to make a career of it.
Anyway, I appreciate your advice. It just bugs me that after all this time, I still can't seem to get a girl to show any interest in me for more than half a second. I only hope that one day the advice I've learned on this site will start paying off. But it hasn't happened yet.
First of all, if I see her in school frequently, I'd much rather talk to her in person. When I call someone on the phone, I always feel like I am somehow invading their privacy, and I get nervous.
A while ago there was some advice from one of the members on how to handle this exact situation. He said that if you talk to her regularly, you should skip the phone call and ask her out in person. Makes complete sense to me.
I know it takes a lot of effort to learn all the advice on this board, but that’s the effort you and every other newbie has to put in so that quality contributions can be added to our board. I suggest you become an “armchair DJ” for a while to help you with your articulation and thought processes regarding Don Juan philosophy.
Oh yeah, and what’s this about invading privacy? Don’t give yourself those types of excuses. Make the call and don’t give a fukk. Trust me, you’ll be able to step up to the challenge. If you can’t, you have gained the valuable experience that I was talking about.
Being nervous is understandable. A great way to guide you through the first phone conversation is to write up an outline of potential topics and key questions. Also think about what types of questions she may ask you that will be relevant to your questions and mentally prepare answers she would eat up.
You might not even need to use the outline after the first few key questions if the conversation develops into something she wants to talk to you about. I know it seems schemish to have a pre-made phone convo, but it will surely help you focus your thoughts and warm up your game for the real deal. When you become a pro, you’ll be able to reflect on your past phone convos without having to prepare anything because you’ll have your pimp experiences to guide you.
A while ago there was some advice from one of the members on how to handle this exact situation. He said that if you talk to her regularly, you should skip the phone call and ask her out in person. Makes complete sense to me.
I know it takes a lot of effort to learn all the advice on this board, but that’s the effort you and every other newbie has to put in so that quality contributions can be added to our board. I suggest you become an “armchair DJ” for a while to help you with your articulation and thought processes regarding Don Juan philosophy.
Oh yeah, and what’s this about invading privacy? Don’t give yourself those types of excuses. Make the call and don’t give a fukk. Trust me, you’ll be able to step up to the challenge. If you can’t, you have gained the valuable experience that I was talking about.
Being nervous is understandable. A great way to guide you through the first phone conversation is to write up an outline of potential topics and key questions. Also think about what types of questions she may ask you that will be relevant to your questions and mentally prepare answers she would eat up.
You might not even need to use the outline after the first few key questions if the conversation develops into something she wants to talk to you about. I know it seems schemish to have a pre-made phone convo, but it will surely help you focus your thoughts and warm up your game for the real deal. When you become a pro, you’ll be able to reflect on your past phone convos without having to prepare anything because you’ll have your pimp experiences to guide you.
Taz
Senior Don Juan
Krd, you said you're going to get a summer job? Please take into consideration my post in the tips about becoming a waiter. This will give you loads of practice in communication (the most important trait, way more than looks). Plus, there will be tons of hot chicks working there with which you can have some dating potentials with. Look to the future man, the past is completely irrelevant.
Jake Steed
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 10, 2001
- Messages
- 865
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Hey, krd, I've been following your posts for quite some time now. I have to congratulate you on your persistence. You have definately gotten your ass out there in the field and approached girls, which is far more than the fvck-head AFCs do.
Right now you're just down in the dumps. We all get like that now and then. I know this has been said many many times, but I agree with crowes, that you need to work on improving yourself for YOU, not girls.
one of my goals at the beginning of the semester was to do really well in school, so that if a girl needed help in studying or something, I could assist her. --krd
See, you've explained you only wanted to do well in school to meet chicks. You should be in school to pursue your PASSION. Right now, it's all about them. But it should all be about YOU.
You need to find your PASSION. Your PASSION is something bigger, more important to you than anything else, especially better than girls. This will be the thing that drives you to get up in the morning and stay up late.
After you find your PASSION, you need a few other "side" passions. Like a sport or a hobby--something you can excel at. Something that will make you say, "Thank god I don't have a date tonight. I can finally work on my _____."
Take "finding a girl" down a couple notches on the importance scale, so that you truly don't give a fvck. Then go out with your best DJ friends--ones that score the most--and go clubbing/do social stuff. While out, experiment with different approach styles. Try new approaches, just for the fun of it. It should be just for your entertainment. Be the alpha male. Performing your music is a step in the right direction.
Try to be a different "you". What I mean by that is, for a month or so, change your style (clothing, hair, listen to different music, etc.) Try to experience new things in life. If you're a skater, dress a little preppier and comb your hair. If you mostly listen to classical music, pick up some metal or hip hop. Mix it up.
The reason I suggest all this is, you need to break out of the routine you've created around you. Life sounds kind of redundant for you now, and you need to do something about it. For the next month, krd, try to have as many new experiences as you can.
Jake
Right now you're just down in the dumps. We all get like that now and then. I know this has been said many many times, but I agree with crowes, that you need to work on improving yourself for YOU, not girls.
one of my goals at the beginning of the semester was to do really well in school, so that if a girl needed help in studying or something, I could assist her. --krd
See, you've explained you only wanted to do well in school to meet chicks. You should be in school to pursue your PASSION. Right now, it's all about them. But it should all be about YOU.
You need to find your PASSION. Your PASSION is something bigger, more important to you than anything else, especially better than girls. This will be the thing that drives you to get up in the morning and stay up late.
After you find your PASSION, you need a few other "side" passions. Like a sport or a hobby--something you can excel at. Something that will make you say, "Thank god I don't have a date tonight. I can finally work on my _____."
Take "finding a girl" down a couple notches on the importance scale, so that you truly don't give a fvck. Then go out with your best DJ friends--ones that score the most--and go clubbing/do social stuff. While out, experiment with different approach styles. Try new approaches, just for the fun of it. It should be just for your entertainment. Be the alpha male. Performing your music is a step in the right direction.
Try to be a different "you". What I mean by that is, for a month or so, change your style (clothing, hair, listen to different music, etc.) Try to experience new things in life. If you're a skater, dress a little preppier and comb your hair. If you mostly listen to classical music, pick up some metal or hip hop. Mix it up.
The reason I suggest all this is, you need to break out of the routine you've created around you. Life sounds kind of redundant for you now, and you need to do something about it. For the next month, krd, try to have as many new experiences as you can.
Jake