No personality?

[Life-Trainee]

I've come to think that I have low or no personality at all. I've not many strong opinions. Whatever goes, goes. I have general carelessness. I'm easy to please. Friends tell me sometimes that i should take a stand, show initiative. But i have a "whatever" kind of outlook on things. Heck, i'm even boring to myself sometimes. This bothers me because it puts me automatically into "non sociable" cathegory. I've started to make some waves, making suggestions where to go what to do to my friends etc. But i'm still far away from what I want to be(Whatever it is). Being a programmer is a lonely job sometimes, and shockingly I've become accustomed to it. Right now, to initiate any kind of "get together" with my friends involves driving 30-50 miles. And I dont have a car or money for one yet. So, i've become accustomed to my friends deciding everything for me. I just kind of go along all the time.
I know this probably stems from low self-esteem etc. My hope right now is when I finish college and get a fulltime job I'll be able to become more independent. I can't do anything that involves much money right now. And I can't get a fulltime job because of college. Frankly, i'm sick of seeing myself like this. What would you suggest ?

 

[ematsuda]

Be patient. Finish school and finish well. There's nothing wrong with being a programmer. If you're good at programming, you'll earn a very respectable living. The problem here seems to be your self esteem. You don't think highly of yourself right now. So work on that. Maybe work on your appearance so you feel more confident. If you're in school, there's many opportunities to work on your social skills. Call it practice and don't take it to heart. There will be good days along with the bad. So keep your chin up!

 

[DJ_Dork]

TO be honest, I don't like hanging around people who have no opinions. So I'll break it to ya, in 3 years if you CONCENTRATE on being a DUDE - you will have everything. Yeah it'll take you 3 years from the tone of your message.

 

[mateo_g]

Hello fellow programmer,

The life behind a computer can take its toll on people like us. We often find problem solving to be more entertaining than socializing with other people. We feel awkward in social situations, and are verys introverted; we keep things close to us and are not used to being the center of attention or focus of conversation.

This was a major reason for my AFC ways; every man has a different reason but this was mine. I'd spent so much time doing computer work and finding solace in it that I'd lost most of my desire to be out there among the living. It was a self-defeating mental attitude that was compounding over and over in on itself. I tried online dating to be convienent; quite a joke that turned out to be.

You should be proud that you found this site, it is a savior to guys like you and I. I sucked up my personal issues and dived into the bible. I read inspirational posts, and realized that I was not alone in this world. In mere weeks, I was changing. But I did still have the personality issue that you describe.

Here is what I did: I joined a yoga class (I was one of two men in the class, the other was married), I took salsa dancing lessions (i live in south florida, why not? Again lots of women), and I also joined a volunteer group that helps sick animals. Why? Because it was an easy way to accomplish a number of things:

1) I instantly was out of the house, among people; breaking down barriers and enjoying myself.
2) Most of the people in these kinds of situations were women, and you learn to just talk with them as if they are just any other person (and they are just like anyone else!). It was an easy transtition to ask some out, because you has something in common!
3) I instanly had some new adventures to talk about. When you are just chatting with a girl, she asks what you did yesterday, etc etc... you can tell them all about the time you helped save a sick alligator... blah blah, you get the picture. Get out and do stuff! That is what defines us as a pearson and creates personality!
4)You learn new skills. Imagine asking a woman you are trying to get to know better out for salsa dancing? Impressive, indeed!

See, you just need to go out, and fun for YOU! Learn things, get out of the hosue. Do not worry about women and conversations, these will improve the more you experience in life. Your outlook will change over time. You are doing this for yourself, remember~

I went from being a complete boring computer nerd to a guy who just likes to get out of the house , have fun, and charm the ladies. It is very easy to do! Keep your chin up, think positive, and get out there man!

 

[So pimp its scary]

What will it cost you if you don't change?

You know that it's a problem, but if you really want to change bad enough, you will find a way to do it quickly.

The thing is that the average programmer (I am one but I changed paths) is very similar to the stereotypical nerd... and nerds typically don't have the social skills... it will be something for you to work on, but if it helps, it's good to try talking more about the other person.

I highly recommend doing the DJ Boot Camp from beginning to end. Even if it takes 3 times for you to go from start to finish.

Keep us updated... whether or not you do anything.