No Number, But I Still Got The Date?

[DharmaBear]

There's this HB 8 in one of my classes that I've been rapping with all semester. She's got a great sense of humor, is fun, and of course is beautiful. I've been DJ'ing more and more as the semester has gone (because I'm getting closer and closer to DJhood now). I asked her for her number a couple of weeks ago, because I wanted to tell her this story outside of class. It would have been more appropriate to do it that way, and besides - she said she really wanted to hear the story. Well, she said, "I'm not a phone person." She doesn't like to talk on the phone at all! BS! So, that was all I needed to hear. Her flirting meant little to me after that.

But, just last week, during the last week of classes, I figured what the he!! - I'll just ask her out. I'm not going to see her again, right? Guess what? She said yes! Not to one date, but amazingly to two "dates." Actually, tomorrow she's just supposed to come over to my house, hang out, and watch a movie. Then later next week we're having a "real" date.

Yet, she still won't give me her number (I've goofed on her a few times about not being a "phone person").

She told me a few weeks ago (after the number fiasco) that some younger dude she works with asked for her number, and she gave it to him only to have him never call her back. He only asked her for this after he told him that she had a non-sexual dream about him (she claims to tell everyone about her dreams - whatever). She wasn't happy about him not calling.

Anyone have any idea what's up with that? Shouldn't I be able to number close if she's truly interested? I do have the dates set up (assuming at this point she shows - if she doesn't then we all know the answer).

Thoughts?


-Dharma

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You aren't serious are you? She's going out of her way to see you and you are still worrying about a phone number? Would you rather just talk on the telephone instead? Keep up with your way of thinking and she'll realize that she did the right thing in NOT giving you her number.

 

[MindOverMatter]

"real" date?

what's a "fake" date??

 

[Pugsley_f5]

Franc's got a point, Fegeddaboudit

 

[Sexy_Malibu]

This is weird.

What if you had to cancel the date because of an emergency? How are you supposed to set up another date? How are you supposed to get in contact with her at all?

I understand not wanting to chat, but no # at all? That's weird. That's like what someone does when they're married. Pfft.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Sexy_Malibu
This is weird.

What if you had to cancel the date because of an emergency? How are you supposed to set up another date? How are you supposed to get in contact with her at all?

I understand not wanting to chat, but no # at all? That's weird. That's like what someone does when they're married. Pfft.

Emergencies do come up but we've all seen posts in this forum about women who seem to be interested in a guy and flaking for whatever reason. So often women give guys their number just because they are afraid to tell him that they aren't interested, it's easier just to ignore phone calls from him.

This woman gave a seemingly valid reason for not giving out her number but still agreed to meet with this guy. In my book it shows that she has integrity (especially if she shows up).

Too much time is wasted chit chatting on the phone and then not having anything to say in person. Do we really think that women have a better judge of chemistry over the phone over an in person meeting?

This is another reason why after a guy chats several times with a woman on the phone is unceremoniously dropped for seemingly no reason. Unbeknown to him, his girl's IL dropped because she became bored with him over the phone.

Phone numbers are a waste of time when setting up the first date. It's primarily used as a defensive shield and a crutch by women and men respectfully. Like I said earlier, women that bypass the step of telephone courtship tend to be more straightforward.

 

[DharmaBear]

Thanks for your responses.

By a "real" date, I mean tomorrow she's just coming over to hang out. Maybe watch a DVD. Is that considered a date? Later next week we're going out for something a little more serious, like dinner.

Anyhow.

She has my phone number. She's called me once before, when I got a cat a few months ago. She wanted to come over and see it. In fact, she said she'll call me tomorrow when she's done X-mas shopping to let me know when she wants to come over. As a budding DJ, I'm unsure of this. Not that I don't think she'll call (though she might not), but that she may call if off. Plus, this puts her in the position of control, which I don't like.

Could I have handled this situation differently?

At first I totally thought like you, Francisco. Now, after putting some thought to it, I'm not so sure.

The dates are set up, so that's good. It's just so bizarre she wouldn't give out her number. If you were really interested enough to go out with a guy twice (plus, I forgot to add, we've been to lunch and had coffee together a numbmer of times after class), wouldnt' you also give the number, too?


-Dharma

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What would having her number do for you exactly? You plan on caller her right? Its apparent that she wants to control the pace of her getting to know you WITHOUT A TON OF PRESSURE FROM YOU CALLING ALL THE TIME.

Does this put her in the drivers seat? Yeah, in a way. But you need to ask yourself "In the drivers seat of what?" You guys don't have anything going on with each other, she's just another one of your buds right now, so what. Stop sweating it, that's what she's keeping you from doing to her.

So tell me, why are you so interested in having her number? To you feel that you can make her more interested in you over the phone than in person? It seems as if you don't you trust your face to face DJ skills.

 

[xiola]

could be several things

1. she might be afraid youll "blow" up her phone (but then why go out with you in the first place)
2. she may live with a bf or something like that
3. she just really doesnt want to talk on the phone

just go on the date and not worry about it

b

 

[DharmaBear]

You guy's are probably right. If she cancels the dates, then we know, but if she shows she's obviously interested.

I guess I've always looked at it as a step-by-step thing: Meet, impress (DJ), number close, date set-up, etc.

Plus, the thoughts that I MIGHT actually need/want to call her, even if for a brief conversation, did cross my mind.

Nonetheless, I'm gonna quit sweating it until she comes over tomorrow. I'll focuson that and see what happens.

I admit I was a little worried it was a sign of low or moderate IL. Thanks for your help, guys.

-Dharma

 

[DharmaBear]

UPDATE:

So, if you've read this thread you know the chick was supposed to call me Sunday to "hang out" that day. More formal date to ensue later this week. Well, she never called. So, you guys who said I should be wary about not getting the number were right.

I saw her in class today for the final exam. She at at the other end of the room from me, bu that's cuz I came in late and the desks around her were taken. However, we always sit by each other in the same spot, which was different from where she sat today, so...read that how you wish. I think she was avoiding me. I tried to establish EC occasionally during the test, but to no avail. Not a biggie, as we were taking a final.

Anyhow, I saw her after class, and as soon as we made EC she came up and apologized and said she was so tired and lazy that day that she just put her sweats on and hung out at home all day. She says she didn't even take a shower.

Whatever. Sounds like low IL after all. I think she might be an attention *****.

I'm going on as if the second date ain't happening (though she says it is).

Thanks for your help, guys. Remember - the number should always accompany the date, or else she's not interested. Lesson learned.


-Dharma

 

[huge_guy_pimpin]

good u realized how naive you were acting.

what u gotta do now is simply pretend like its all good without putting any effort towards her, shows u da man aint phased by bull**** (not geting mad) and just date some other women god damn. finals are over!

 

[DharmaBear]

By the way, xiola, what do you mean by '"blow" up her phone?' I've never heard that before.

-Dharma

 

[IDISAGREE]

I have the similar thing b4. I asked for this chick's number in classroom but she didn't give it to me, but gave me MSN instead. She said that she feel "RESIST" when talking on phone. I was like whatever and two weeks later we went out for first date.

During the date I found out she was so weird, like she didn't wanna go to downtown, like she's hiding something.

I figured it out myself that she's already has a bf.

So watch out.