No Leads

[Mr. Goods]

I graduate college in two months, and I have no leads. Nothing to work with. With my "gaming style," the shortage on time won't help. I need your help in trying to get creative and coming up with a "change up" for my game. I feel I have decent looks (in very good shape) and have an outgoing personality, but things aren't working.

Regarding my game: I feel my game is improving, but it's not close to how good I want it to be. For whatever reason, I am perceived as being "less" at first, whether it's in social circles or in class or at work (as in, "how did HE get here?"). However, as things get underway and the results begin to show, people begin to rely on me to get things done. This is great for the workplace, but not socially:
-I tend to do better over a period of time. This isn't good for dating, where you need to "wow" a girl almost immediately. I'm missing that certain "instant flash"...what are good ways of getting that given how I operate?
-How do I get people to initially believe? As I mentioned earlier, peers tend to assume I'm going to disappoint or that I can't do much at first. The underdog role is inspiring, but it gets frustrating when you are always the underdog.
-If it helps for the purpose of the thread, I am extremely calm/collected. I don't show much anger or frustration. I have a feeling people take this as me being boring, and my consistency/reliability/stability as being predictable. Also not good for creating attraction

Regarding my "prospects": Like the post title says, I have no leads. I have been on a couple of dates recently, but I'm not sure the girls were all that interested to begin with. One dating site says it takes "half a brain" to get a second date. I don't bomb the first date (I feel they go well, I don't say/do anything dumb), yet no one wants to see me twice. With these girls, I have an extremely small margin for error; friends of mine have no issues with a second date after the first one and they're not much different than me.
-Right now, the closest things to "prospects" I have is a HB7 in one of my classes who I only know a little bit (probability a little under <50% based on IOI I am receiving) and a distant cousin I rarely ever see (not blood-related) who is a HB9 who I will be seeing at a big family function next month (<50% because I don't know her too well and the situation still seems weird). I don't have any spinning plates.
-At the same time, I don't have opportunities to get to know many new girls every week. I see girls in my classes, and the people I see on weekends is usually the same crew.

While guys usually ask the girl out, pick up the check, and overall take the lead, an interested/attracted girl seems to initiate something (texts, conversation, etc.). This doesn't happen with me. I need your help with how to produce an "instant flash" that will quickly catch the attention of girls. It's like the "shock and awe" method, but this one would be for dating as well. C+F works and I do an ok job implementing it after reading about it here, but I still need that "spark."

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

As I mentioned earlier, peers tend to assume I'm going to disappoint or that I can't do much at first.

Perhaps it is the way you carry yourself? Walk with your head raised high, have a natural but masculine stance with your shoulders back and your chest out (to a reasonable degree at the very least).

Speak loud and clearly. No one likes people who speak unclearly or who speak low.

Don't look that much around you, it makes you look like someone who is on the watch for something.

What kind of clothes are you wearing? People don't understand how you got to where you are now. Maybe it is your clothing? Buy a nice pair of shoes, some new shirts or whatever.

What is your appearance like? Take caring of your skin, eyebrows, hair, facial hair etc. and using contact lenses instead of glasses can make for a more positive impression.

All this to a moderation.

How are you physically? Going to a gym, lose some fat, or get some muscles won't hurt either.

Remember, girls take notice of changes in appearances quickly or even instantly. You'll hear "Oh you've got a new haircut, how cool!" "Oh, you've got new shoes, they are awesome!" etc. You could get a new style and people will think "wow this guy has changed"

I have a feeling people take this as me being boring, and my consistency/reliability/stability as being predictable.

Have some fun!

Today I was eating yoghurt with cinnamon in it, and I raised the cinnamon bottle over the girl next to me, teased her and said "oh xxxnamexxx looks like you could use some cinnamon? Would you like some cinnamon dear?". Then she laughed. It wasn't really "trying not to be boring", or "trying to be funny". That doesn't put you in the right mindset for a fun day. We were both having fun just because.

Pick a girl friend of yours up and throw her over your shoulder and run around or something.

Create a little excitement in your life, do something that you think it's funny and creates joy inside you.

I mean, I've even played with a girl and I accidently dropped chocolate milk over the girls hair. Was she mad? No, she was impressed I could actually do such an outragious thing! And we were laughing and having a good time. And she was happy happy. Who would imagine?

When you were a kid didn't you try to have fun? Didn't you play catch, didn't you play in the trees, play hide and seek? We are still kids deep inside.

 

[Mr. Goods]

Perhaps it is the way you carry yourself? Walk with your head raised high, have a natural but masculine stance with your shoulders back and your chest out (to a reasonable degree at the very least).

Speak loud and clearly. No one likes people who speak unclearly or who speak low.

Don't look that much around you, it makes you look like someone who is on the watch for something.

What kind of clothes are you wearing? People don't understand how you got to where you are now. Maybe it is your clothing? Buy a nice pair of shoes, some new shirts or whatever.

What is your appearance like? Take caring of your skin, eyebrows, hair, facial hair etc. and using contact lenses instead of glasses can make for a more positive impression.

All this to a moderation. Just try to relax.

How are you physically? Going to a gym, lose some fat, or get some muscles won't hurt either.

Remember, girls take notice of changes in appearances quickly or even instantly. You'll hear "Oh you've got a new haircut, how cool!" "Oh, you've got new shoes, they are awesome!" etc. You could get a new style and people will think "wow this guy has changed"

Physically I feel very confident. While I'm not tall (5'7"), I am very muscular, go to the gym often, and keep in great shape. I do wear glasses on occasion (driving, etc.), but they aren't thick. I have an athletic frame. Clothes wise, I'm more mainstream. Blue jeans, casual shirt, Nike's, etc.

The point about carrying yourself is a good one. While I feel I present myself fine, I am not quite as aware of body language. This could be a contributing factor to the whole thing, but I do not feel it would be the main factor. I speak well, but sometimes become mumbly if I'm not as confident at the moment. My eyes move around a little, but when I am speaking with someone I make good, solid eye contact.

Good points though, things I will make sure I'm set with in terms of first impressions.

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

Regarding height, I'm 5 11" myself but I know plenty of guys who are smaller than me who get more girls than I do, so I really don't care so much about height besides my personal preferences.

Clothes wise, I'm more mainstream. Blue jeans, casual shirt, Nike's, etc.

So you dress okay like a regular guy. Maybe you can add a little bit flair? Mix it up?

One day go in a mix of hip and conservative clothing, then the other day go with more casual clothing? Mixing it up is good. Your goal should be your own well being and how you feel about yourself, but by mixing it up, girls might even think? "I wonder what he will wear today" and start to think of you.

 

[Mr. Goods]

It's an interesting idea, but I'll probably stick with what I'm wearing now. I feel comfortable in it, plus I'm not into fashion enough to try different styles of clothing.

As for the rest of my original post, any suggestions? I'm looking for something I may not have thought of or considered that could work when it comes to that "instant flash" or any of the other issues I described.

 

[Iceberg]

I need your help with how to produce an "instant flash" that will quickly catch the attention of girls. It's like the "shock and awe" method, but this one would be for dating as well. C+F works and I do an ok job implementing it after reading about it here, but I still need that "spark."

If it were as simple as instant flash, we'd all just load up our pockets with firecrackers and go nuts on the dancefloor.

What do you need instant flash for? It seems like you're saying that you're leaving college and you have no leads and thus, no connections. Sounds like a fresh start scenario if I've ever heard one.

I hooked up a bit in college, but when I really started going nuts with girls was the first two years after college. Why? Probably because while my focus in college was partying and women, my focus after college was myself and my career. I began working out more, pursuing more hobbies, building towards my career...Basically what I'm saying is, you need slowly-built confidence..not "instant flash".

You don't have to be in school for 4-5 days a week. You don't have to worry about your parents looking over your shoulder, judging your grades, etc. They'll just be happy that you're getting a paycheck. So go start some hobbies...work out more...run a half-marathon. Do some awesome things, and start believing that you're awesome. Start believing that women would be stupid to not date you, and that people would be foolish to doubt you.

There's nothing instant about it.

 

[kingsam]

you graduate college in a few months?

the most important thing is to concentrate on your grades... chill out about girls at the moment...
the most important thing you can do is looking for potential jobs/your future - especially in this economic ****e-hole ...

will you be moving back home soon? the post college blues can be tougth...esp living back with parents... :/

I am extremely calm/collected. I don't show much anger or frustration. I have a feeling people take this as me being boring,

be more self confident and assertive...proud of who you are, never apologise and stand up for you for your beleifs...

 

[Mr. Goods]

Thanks for the perspective. I do agree that grades and getting a job is #1 on my list right now.

At the same time, I'd like to kick the tires on the options I do have here at school the last couple of months. I haven't had much success recently, but continue to progress and improve myself the best I can. I feel I am getting a better grasp of "the game" than I did at the start of the school year, I'd like to end on a high note.

Actually, I haven't had a major success in awhile. Sure, I get a date, I get a random hook-up (just making out) because my friend puts in a good word for me, but never anything substantial. I've very rarely successfully escalated with a girl when my friends aren't around, and getting multiple dates has been challenging.

That's why I wrote the thread. While it's centered around girls and dating, it's also a social thing. One of my earlier points was how people seem to expect nothing from me, but are then "wowed" when I do something good...and this path always happens. Even when I play football with friends, I usually have a very good game...yet continue to get picked in the later part of the draft.