No dating!

[Mazeman11]

Looking back at the times when I had great success with women, I noticed something quite unique about these situations. There was absolutely no dating involved.

We saw each other and did activities together. But it never felt like the generic type of dating where the man and the women are already preprogrammed and are in the state of mind where they know they are on a "date" and should follow a strict, boring and painful set of rules which usually lead nowhere.

Being on a date is a very similar to being in a bar environment. It's a game and a pattern which is very predictable and places unnecessary pressure on both genders. I read in one of Gunwitch's threads that dating is a mistake but he did not elaborate much about it.

Exactly how do you break out of the "dating" mold and find different ways to get together with women and spend time with them?

 

[Mazeman11]

bump

 

[Bible_Belt]

A common approach is "I have to do ___. Come with me." You ask her someplace that you are already going anyway. Then it's not a date. Or at least it makes her wonder.

 

[Mazeman11]

Bible_Belt, any examples?

 

[xdreamz]

wtf is dates??

 

[Mazeman11]

bump

 

[tigerstyle]

Societal programming says that if you invite a girl (that isn't your friend) somewhere, anywhere, where it's just the two of you... it's a date. And most girls will think it's a date if this is the case, regardless of what you try to do to make it non "date-ish."

I have never tried what Bible_Belt mentions, though that seems like it could work -- you'd trick her into thinking that she's just tagging along with you to run an errand or something, and you can game her, but you've bypassed the whole "we are on a date" mindset.

The only other option that comes to mind is if you bring her along with friends for a game of bowling, or something, then isolate her. Might have the same effect of bypassing the dating mindset, but still giving you an opportunity to game.

 

[Bvbidd]

I never do dates, and when I have they expect too much from me. It's better to just ask them to come along with you.

 

[tigerstyle]

I never do dates, and when I have they expect too much from me. It's better to just ask them to come along with you.

When you say come along with me, do you mean in the "hey I'm going to the library, you should tag along with me" way, or like "hey I'm going to this show tonight, you should come?"

 

[Mental]

Looking back at the times when I had great success with women, I noticed something quite unique about these situations. There was absolutely no dating involved.

We saw each other and did activities together. But it never felt like the generic type of dating where the man and the women are already preprogrammed and are in the state of mind where they know they are on a "date" and should follow a strict, boring and painful set of rules which usually lead nowhere.

Being on a date is a very similar to being in a bar environment. It's a game and a pattern which is very predictable and places unnecessary pressure on both genders. I read in one of Gunwitch's threads that dating is a mistake but he did not elaborate much about it.

Exactly how do you break out of the "dating" mold and find different ways to get together with women and spend time with them?

I just offer. It never works, but I just offer. If they won't meet you as a "getting to know you" situation, then they won't do it as a date.

Actually, the first time, I try to invite her to a fun thing, but as part of a small group of people. But like I said, that never works either, so I'm thinking of changing my methods.

At the same time though, if she doesn't hang out, I'll usually go anyway, and if no one shows up...

 

[Bible_Belt]

Bible_Belt, any examples?

A have read several here on SS in FRs. Guys will take a girl to run errands with them. I have asked a girl to go help me pick out sunglasses when I was about to buy some. My last gf, when I first knew she liked me, I saw her sitting in the lounge at school. Our eyes locked from across the room, and I walked up to her....and said....."Hey, come and help me carry some stuff out of my truck." I had coolers of soda for a club meeting that were more than I could carry. Then she showed up at the club meeting!

On the first date, she should be wondering if it's a date. Then on the 2nd or 3rd, if you do end up going to a movie or meal (dessert is better)- make sure it is a movie that you genuinely want to see or a place where you actually want to eat. If I girl likes you, she will go anywhere you ask her - as long as you don't ask her where she wants to go! Anywhere you take her is better as long as you lead the way.