No contact strategy - advice please

[drellum]

Hi there - any advice will be gratefully accepted. I posted the following on another thread:

I went in NC 2 months ago. Did everything by the book etc. I've improved myself in all areas Mentally, physically and spiritually. I have reflected, felt sadness, dated, had sex and moved on.

I haven't been contacted and I didn't expect to. She acknowledged my need to go off the map - I know her and I know that she would not contact me no matter what she was feeling.

My question was (on another site): At some point do you push the door slightly open? Does this take control of the higher ground?

Whatever happens - whether we reconnect or not, I wouldn't like the thought of never speaking again!

I do believe that the point of NC is changing your mindset. It is about how you see the ex....what she is to you. Is she a potential new GF or an old GF who you spent time with.....in other words is she the past or the future.


So i sent the mail. I wasn't sure that i would get a reply but eventually I did.
It was a very nice, open email that said she had been thinking about me and glad we were back in touch. My question is how do I develop this?
Bearing in mind my new set of circumstances (new dating scene, lovers). Can I treat her as a potential new GF? If so, how?

Should I just stick with mailing for the time being and see how it unfolds?

D

 

[drellum]

Thanks for the reply.

Yeah, maybe you are right.

the plan was always to get her back but also to heal and move on. If there was an option to reconnect I would work at it - slowly if necessary. Happy enough with the occasional email to be honest and I'll probably leave it at that in the short term and continue with life.

 

[drellum]

Im not saying you cant be friends with an ex..cos u can..but if your thinking about getting involved with her casually again...it will just trigger the same old same old..and if it was all good to begin with you wouldn't have split. Im friends with exes but only friends, it would do my head in otherwise thinking always about where they were at and who they were with etc and reopen a can of worms. because the feeling you have for an ex never really go away but you can only keep them in check if you stay platonic.

yeah, I definitely don't Want to open the can of worms!

We had a very complicated relationship and under different circumstances I think we could have made it work. as I said in another thread, the NC was invaluable for me because it changed my mindset. I have moved on but acknowledge that maybe there is still, and maybe always will be an emotional handcuff. I'm happy just to be reconnected in cyberspace right now and able to lead a separate life. In the future? Who knows.