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No contact policy?

Lateralus

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Well.. it's quite a long time ago I came here asking for advice to be honest. But here I am! Actually I've not been doing very bad these days concerning women... had a few successes so far. But the one I'm into right now is giving me a pain in the ass. Or better: I'm giving myself a pain in the ass.

We met on a very innocent party of a friend's kid. It was sort of a garden party with no alcohol involved, so no party hardy going on there. We chatted and she gave me a ride home afterwards. I liked her so I added her on facebook and started sending messages a little, and it turned out she liked me as well. Soon enough I asked her phone number, called her one night and took her out with some friends. We had a good night and she invited me at her home. We didn't do much except talking , and I left shortly afterwards.

She started texting me as hell, so few days later I invited her for a walk in the forest. It started out as a joke, but an hour later we were walking. Just chatting up a little... one of her friends later confessed she had a great time with me in the forest.

The next day, in the evening, there was a great party in town and she wanted to meet me there that evening. I was just drinking some beer with my friends at a certain spot and a few hours later she came over with her friend. Her friend had to go home, so she brought her home and came back to me afterwards. She immediately bought us drink for two, with two straws, so we could both drink it. I was like... hell yeah! We had a great night, having fun and chatting about all kinds of things and had fun "escaping" our friends together. I brought her home afterwards and we kissed and touched a little. Then she said: "Well... listen... if I'm going to behave a little strange these days, please don't mention it." I was like: What the hell is that supposed to mean!!?" But whatever.

Her texting increased even more. I was waiting for her to behave "a little strange" but it didn''t happen. But one thing I know for sure: the last week I met a beautiful and fun girl I really like and we had a great, almost too good to be true, time so far... at the same time she admitted she is a little distant, shy and has some trust issues... (concerning the last one: I think every woman has haha). I joked about her being my potential new BFF, and she got a bit agitated and told me she is "not into BFFs".

I have been reading about interest level.. well it was skyrocketing now. But things can change very very fast! I got a mixed feeling after our next evening together.

So since her friends were going out and me and my friends also on the same night, we decided to meet each other in the city centre (where all the pubs and clubs are). I was kind of nervous because she was with all her friends, but I tried not to care. Meeting her friends was not very bad... furthermore, when they left she sticked with me. I took her to a club where she started to tell me a story:

She was going on vacation for two weeks (which I already knew of course) to a certain place with her friends (a group that consists mostly of couples) in a certain country, where they had gone before a few times. Nothing special... but here it comes: last year she met a guy there and they had a short long distance relationship. But she dumped him, she said, but he works at the hotel where they always stay and she was reluctant to see him again. I reacted like: "I understand... no problem." And that's exactly how I felt at the time. Can't stop things from happening so hey.. what's to worry about? She added: "I just wanted you to know this. I think honesty is very important, so that's why I had to tell you. But I'm not into him anymore that I can assure you."

It felt kind of good, and I actually liked her even more after this. So I took her home and we landed in bed. And that's when the shy, distant and strange behaviour came up. She was into kissing, but she resisted me taking her clothes of. I said a bit joking: "It's ok... actually I think it's GREAT not to do this". She said: "Well if we do it right now, I know exactly what you have taken me home for..." I laughed at loud, agreed and at the same time that killed it for me. So we fell asleep after a bit cuttling.

Next day I went to work and she went home.. preparing for her vacation. I was a bit confused about everything, basically felt AFC and just let it all go. Her texting started again... and got even a little bit deep, when she told me some details about her past and stuff. The serious conversation became very superficial, just talking and joking about her preparing for her vacation and me being stuck in this rainy country.

When she was gone, everything changed. I was the one texting her first, asking her whether she had arrived well or not, I was the first one texting her after two days asking if she was having a good time but got a bikini photo as answer (good). When I sent her a photo in response (I was also at the beach that day) I got very curt responses, like "hah" and "haha". It was the first time I felt she was not interested at all in talking to me. Then the conversation went dead and it has been silent for one day. So I just said to myself: "Well, she is on vacation... let's just leave her alone now."

I really have mixed feelings about this situation because:

- She is on vacation 2 weeks and we actually just met.
- Her texting was very frequent but dropped to a minimum after she left the country (we're using whatsapp, so it's free).
- She is staying at a hotel where her ex works.
- The last conversation was kind of awkwardly blunt.
- She did not want to have sex with me that night.
- She was mentioning "strange behaviour"... what's that supposed to mean?

So therefore I decided to apply the "No Contact Policy" and see whatever happens.

What do you think?
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
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I think you are overthinking a woman in whom you have not properly fostered feelings of romance and sexual attraction.

That's not to say you couldn't. She probably liked you at first blush. But you got off to a "nice" start with her and it never deviated from there. A lot of texting, talking, and hanging out, but I only see a few kisses and touches here and there. You let her sleep in your bed and cuddle without any sex. Big mistake.

She was basically communicating to you "I want you to take charge and find a way to nail me" and you failed. So she then communicates that she will be having sex while on vacation, whether with that "ex" or another guy. You can take that to the bank my friend.

In any case, you're asking about "No Contact." Short answer, yes, but it doesn't apply in the classic sense. You are not trying to get over a breakup. Instead, spin more plates and put her on "Low Contact." Pull way back as you have made yourself too available and too friendly to this woman. Find other women so you don't care so much about just this one. Not to insult you but YOU sound like the girl and she sounds like the guy right now. Hope that makes sense.
 

Lateralus

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Thanks for taking to effort to read the whole story.

Concerning the sex... I should have taken charge? Well... guess so. But she was physically in this case: pushing me away multiple times (not in a playful manner) when a tried some stuff. So I have to rape her or something? I'm not into that stuff... and if she says something like: "Well if we do it right now, I know exactly what you have taken me home for..." She can have it her way.

About the vacation thing.. you're probably right. I don't expect her to have feelings of monogamy for me... and I certainly don't have it for her too.
 

samspade

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Lateralus said:
Concerning the sex... I should have taken charge? Well... guess so. But she was physically in this case: pushing me away multiple times (not in a playful manner) when a tried some stuff. So I have to rape her or something? I'm not into that stuff... and if she says something like: "Well if we do it right now, I know exactly what you have taken me home for..." She can have it her way.
Whoah, back up. Not advocating rape. If she says no or pushes you away then back off for sure. Your failure was in the buildup, and then in handling her tests. You didn't build a sexual rapport with her before taking her home. If she wouldn't have sex, you should have dismissed her and told her you need to get some sleep or that you have other plans.
 

Lateralus

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Whaha, ok. Thanks for your answer. I do take charge with women... but I've never experienced a woman who is in my bed to behave like that... so I just did the right thing: let her be. I ddin't want to come off as a needy horny idiot who, despite her "no", would still do several desperate attempts to get in her pants anyway.
 

Cremasta

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Too much thinking here...

She's on holidays with friends and hopefully she's a fun person, doing fun things with those friends. Do you really want a girl who goes away on holidays and then spends the whole time sending messages to people back home?

Leave her alone for now, go find something else to do.
When she comes back just start where you left off.
 
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