No contact makes you look butt hurt?

[devilkingx2]

isn't it rather irrelevant what she thinks?

 

[skinnyguy]

Who gives a $hit what she thinks. The point of NC is to not give a $hit about her and what she thinks and allow u to move on to focus on better grils.

Yes, but many guys use NC to get back a girl that dumped them. This is what I'm fundamentally against. If I got dumped, I would text the girl if I wanted because, hey, who cares what she thinks? Going NC shows that I'm making a concerted effort to not talk to her. Chicks pick up on that easily.

 

[GS750]

Depends. If I don't give a rats a$$ about her or what she thinks and don't care if I ever see her again, complete NC is the way to go. I'll BLOCK their number on my cell and that'll be it. If I don't want to burn a bridge, I'll reply to texts, but usually won't initiate. Keep the convo short and to the point (3-4 texts max) and go on about my business. I'm not big on ignoring someone who has done me no wrong and who I have no negative feelings towards. That's childish IMO. But that's just me.

 

[dk1990S111]

Yes, but many guys use NC to get back a girl that dumped them. This is what I'm fundamentally against. If I got dumped, I would text the girl if I wanted because, hey, who cares what she thinks? Going NC shows that I'm making a concerted effort to not talk to her. Chicks pick up on that easily.

exactly, shes going to know you are only ignoring her because she hurt you. I mean sure maybe you are busy, but not responding to several texts/calls itll be obvious that it is more than being busy.

I think NC is good for guys that want to get over a girl, if I would have been on this site when this chick left me I would have loved to have known about NC. Instead, she kept contacting me whenever she needed some male "attention". She strung me along and it took longer to get over her because of it. But once you are over her 100% I think NC is pointless and makes you look like you are still feeling hurt by her. As long as you are aloof (legitamitly) then there is nothing more alpha imo than replying but in a way to make her get the message that you couldnt be less interested in her, especially sexually.

This is just the way I see it.

 

[Trump]

I am all for avoiding your ex and not reaching out to them for anything. But when I get a text from my ex (like right now) I sit here thinking dont reply but then I cant help but feel like it will give her satisfaction of feeling like I am still butthurt and care. It almost seems to me that once you are over your ex and know that you wont be going back to her in a hundred years then in this situation I should just be aloof and respond but just make sure she knows that she is bugging me by texting me.

Point is that I dont want her thinking that I still care at all. But that could backfire and she could think I am responding because I care, even if I do act indifferent.

Come on bro. When a girl breaks it off and tells you to go hell, you disappear. To text her because you are worried what she may think is a little out of whack.

"Hi Cindy, I just want you to know that I don't care about you at all and I don't ever want to get back together with you, yet Im sending you this text to show you how much I don't care about getting back together, because I don't want you to think by not sending you a text that you may think I think I want to get back together with you. So to be clear Im going out of my to text you to show you that I'm not upset that we broke up, and that I don't want to get back together."

 

[sylvester the cat]

^ lol. He paints quite a picture , don't he?

 

[zekko]

Maybe it might make you look butthurt, but as everybody says, who cares what she thinks? The point is that you are cutting this cancer out of your life, because you don't have to deal with that kind of BS in your life.

Maybe she'll think you're butthurt. That doesn't mean it won't drive her nuts anyway. But it doesn't matter what she thinks. The point is to get your life back together, not to try to "game" her into coming back somehow.

 

[dasein]

Thread is one EXCELLENT reason not to get into these constant texting relationships, to call sparingly and briefly, and to reserve as much talktime as possible for face-to-face. Men of value do not have time to constantly chat on the phone and play the texty game, I don't care one whit the state of technology today. Do you think Donald Trump or any rich or single actor, athlete sits around chatting and texting with women he is f-cking? If she does a first rate striptease for you one night wearing your favorite rig, then sucks the chrome off and swallows, THEN send her a text or two the next day. Women put out all kinds of BS feelers post breakup as power plays and attention sops and between the lines nailed it in his post about what this is really about. It's about vanity and their self-absorption, not about you or your relationship. All about her and her wants.

One thing I have learned to be indisputably true in post breakups, sincere women (it could happen) who change their mind, want another chance, want to apologize, whatever, after a breakup, will almost always physically COME TO YOU, end up where you are, where you work, shop, exercise, drink. If not, they will call on the phone and leave specific VM. Texts are just noise and you shouldn't be responding to all of those while dating them anyway.

 

[dk1990S111]

Come on bro. When a girl breaks it off and tells you to go hell, you disappear. To text her because you are worried what she may think is a little out of whack.

"Hi Cindy, I just want you to know that I don't care about you at all and I don't ever want to get back together with you, yet Im sending you this text to show you how much I don't care about getting back together, because I don't want you to think by not sending you a text that you may think I think I want to get back together with you. So to be clear Im going out of my to text you to show you that I'm not upset that we broke up, and that I don't want to get back together."

Im not ever suggesting reaching out to an ex, fvck that. This is strictly about replying to a text she sends you asking a question or something.

More along the lines of

Ex: How have you been?
Me: Been great thanks

And thats it. Short and to the point and no asking how she has been or anything. I swear you guys dont understand what being aloof means. You dont care to carry on with the convo, just a simple reply to let her know you got the text but you dont care about putting effort into a conversation with her.

 

[sylvester the cat]

You dont care to carry on with the convo, just a simple reply to let her know you got the text but you dont care about putting effort into a conversation with her.

Either you're trolling or you just don't get it.

Nc tells her you don't care for a convo with her more than any so-called aloof response could ever do.

 

[dk1990S111]

Obviously an open mind is not too common here.

You guys are having way to hard of a time understanding this:

You would reply to any other chick that texts you right? Ok so your ex texts you and you don't respond. You are making a conscious decision to not respond, which shows she still has an effect on the decisions you make, and not responding gives a very butthurt vibe.

Lets put this in another light. You break up with a chick. You decide a week later that you still wanna bang her so you text or call her asking whats up. She never responds. How does that make her look? Butthurt.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Obviously an open mind is not too common here.

You guys are having way to hard of a time understanding this:

You would reply to any other chick that texts you right? Ok so your ex texts you and you don't respond. You are making a conscious decision to not respond, which shows she still has an effect on the decisions you make, and not responding gives a very butthurt vibe.

Lets put this in another light. You break up with a chick. You decide a week later that you still wanna bang her so you text or call her asking whats up. She never responds. How does that make her look? Butthurt.

.......................

 

[sylvester the cat]

Obviously an open mind is not too common here.

You guys are having way to hard of a time understanding this:

You would reply to any other chick that texts you right? Ok so your ex texts you and you don't respond. You are making a conscious decision to not respond, which shows she still has an effect on the decisions you make, and not responding gives a very butthurt vibe.

Lets put this in another light. You break up with a chick. You decide a week later that you still wanna bang her so you text or call her asking whats up. She never responds. How does that make her look? Butthurt.

No. What the issue here is you claiming that a response shows you are not butthurt. And that by replying you think you can control what she thinks.

 

[dk1990S111]

No. What the issue here is you claiming that a response shows you are not butthurt. And that by replying you think you can control what she thinks.

:yawn:

All I know is I am not going to live in fear of replying to a damn text. Sounds beta as fvck to me. NC is a great tool, but if you cant move past the NC phase of a break up ie get to the point where you are not afraid she will start making you feel for her again, then you are not 100% over her in the first place.

 

[sylvester the cat]

:yawn:

All I know is I am not going to live in fear of replying to a damn text. Sounds beta as fvck to me. NC is a great tool, but if you cant move past the NC phase of a break up ie get to the point where you are not afraid she will start making you feel for her again, then you are not 100% over her in the first place.

Lol. I stay in regular touch with my ex. But that's not the issue. You are saying nc shows you are butthurt. That's what you're saying. I'm saying you're wrong. Being butthurt shows you are butthurt not whether or not you respond to a fvcking text.

 

[Mr.Positive]

It's really interesting the varying viewpoints in this thread. I think it really depends upon how much and how often you text. For example, I'm not a person who texts much. I respond to about half of them anyway, so if an ex texts me and I don't respond, it seems normal.

You can create expectations with your behavior. If you were glued to your phone texting all the time in the past. Then later, post breakup, you don't respond to a text, that would be out of character for you. She can interpret that any way she wants to boost her own ego.

If it makes her feel good to think you are butthurt by not responding, that's what she will think. If she hopes you are well, she will think you are busy.

If you do respond, a simple I've been busy, hope you are well response should seem appropriate.

But, bottom line, as others said, who cares what she thinks anyway. This topic is just interesting to discuss, imo.

 

[hudpes]

Suppose you're a DJ with not much beta in you and you just got dumped, possibly in that typical soft way of "let's take some time apart". So you feel down, go NC and a couple of days later you go out with friends, do sports and one day when you're grocery shopping there's this cute girl staring at bananas at a fruit stand. Because you're a slick old cat you throw her a bone and she grabs it. You go for a coffee and you realize she's actually making you feel good and you want to see her again not just to nail her, but to be with for realsies. You start dating her (exclusive, for all y'all American whipper snappers) and you are surprised she's so much better than your ex, you like every facet of her personality. You make eachother happy.


Now, in regards to the ex, does NC make you look butthurt?

I'm pretty sure that question does not even compute in your mind. It never pops up and if it did you'd be like, where did that come from? oh whatever. The ex is now irrelevant, and what she thinks of you is also irrelevant.

Point is, if you get your ex out of your head, you won't be asking questions like that. So get her out.

 

[dk1990S111]

No,

I don't text back uglies or fatties. Does that make one look butthurt?


The issue at hand here, is you are assuming she will think like a man. She will not. She will be angry you aren't texting her back because she is entitled and deserves your fawning and attention.


What it seems you are afraid of, is that what she thinks of you, or that it may hurt your chances of "getting back with her" someday.

This is not specifically about my situation. I am talking about this in general.

I have already said that I would never get back with this chick. I don't care what she thinks about me because it makes no difference in my life. But the post wasnt "should I care what she thinks" it is making an observation that you will look butt hurt if you dont reply.

If you and a friend got in an argument and then you text/call him a few days later and get no response what are you gunna think? Yes men think differently than women but not that different.

 

[sylvester the cat]

All people who don't respond to texts are butthurt.
OP does not respond to ex's text.
Therefore OP is butthurt.

Now. Honestly. Is this logical?

If someone doesn't respond to a text I don't think they are butthurt. I think they are just getting on with their life. But the point is it doesn't matter what you think or suspect because you'll never know because they never responded.

 

[zekko]

I have already said that I would never get back with this chick. I don't care what she thinks about me because it makes no difference in my life. But the post wasnt "should I care what she thinks" it is making an observation that you will look butt hurt if you dont reply.

Look, I'm civil with my exes. If she really makes no difference in your life, why are you bothering to go no contact with her? You go no contact to help yourself get over her OR to cut her out of your life because of her bad behavior. In either case it's irrelevant what she thinks, you're doing it for you. Sounds like you do care what she thinks though, because in your original post you said this:

Point is that I dont want her thinking that I still care at all. But that could backfire and she could think I am responding because I care, even if I do act indifferent.