No contact, good for this situation?

[Kal0051]

Met this girl a few weeks ago, hooked up with her the first night. The next week I suggested we hang out, she agreed but said she doesn't think we should sleep together right away. Whatever, not all interested in dating her but she seemed to like me so I thought maybe I'd give her a chance. I suggested we go see a movie since there was one I wanted to
see and I hate going to the movies alone. She said she's all for it. Fast forward to the day we planned, she cancelled like an hour before hand with a reasonable excuse. Still went to the movie. But she sends a bunch of texts saying she hoped I wasn't mad, she was sorry, says I'm a great guy. She suggests we go out a couple of days later (I'm busy so I say no). I send her a texts that says "Maybe I'll see her when I'm hanging with mutual friends".

My main concern is that it was rude to give such short notice. Should I just cut contact now?

 

[DonJuanit0]

Doesn't people really have some things coming that they don't except? Ok, it is bad if you get cancelled on a date but it's not always for a bad reason! You yourself said it was a reasonable excuse! I suggest you give her one more chance and see how it goes... Unless you don't give a shi1t about her which I don't think so cause you wouldn't have posted here so... Good luck, have fun!

 

[Igetit!]

Met this girl a few weeks ago, hooked up with her the first night. The next week I suggested we hang out, she agreed but said she doesn't think we should sleep together right away.

I'm not sure what it is you wanted with this girl. If it was just sex,just a one night stand,then I guess you got what you wanted.

Whatever, not all interested in dating her but she seemed to like me so I thought maybe I'd give her a chance. I suggested we go see a movie since there was one I wanted to
see and I hate going to the movies alone. She said she's all for it.

This is what I mean.

You said that you're not interested in dating her,yet you suggested the two of you go and see a movie.

Umm...isn't that a date?

So you're not interested in dating her,but you ask her out to the movies.


You'll never get what you want if you don't know what you want.

Fast forward to the day we planned, she cancelled like an hour before hand with a reasonable excuse.

A "reasonable" excuse.

Well if it were something that just happened at the last minute,something unpredictable like any emergency (car accident,fire,etc),that's understandable. But if it was something like her wanting to see a friend she hasn't seen in a long time,or she has an appointment she has to go to,that's bogus man.



She could have let you know what was up waaaay further in advance than an hour.

Still went to the movie. But she sends a bunch of texts saying she hoped I wasn't mad, she was sorry, says I'm a great guy.

Whenever a girl tells a guy she hopes he isn't mad and apologizes,to me she's saying that because she feels guilty about something.



Why is she apologizing and saying she hopes you aren't mad if she had a legitimate,"reasonable" excuse for not being able to make the date you set up?




I guess it's good she suggested another time for you two to get together,but did she set a definate time,or just say "a couple of days later"?

Should I just cut contact now?

Normally,this would be a simple question to answer,but in this situation it's not because you haven't been clear and stated what it is you want from this girl.



If you want to date her/possibly have a relationship with her,I'd go ahead and contact her...that is,if at least 2 or 3 days have passed since you two last talked.


Call her up and suggest another date. If she declines,THEN start the no contact.



If all you're after is just sex,you may need to find another girl. Seems to me like this girlhad a bit of buyer's remorse from sleeping with you on the first day of meeting you,hence the "I don't think we should sleep together right away" remark.




That's honestly why I think she flaked out on you. You remind her of what she did. She knows if you two get together again that you'll be expecting sex.

So she thinks you think she's a slvt/easy.


Emotionally that's how she feels. So she avoids you to avoid feeling slvtty.



Instead of having sex with her,then trying to take her out,you should have taken her out FIRST. Talk with her,spend some time together.


Then she would have felt like she somewhat knew you,had some type of connection with you. That would have given her justification for sleeping with you so soon.


It'll be easy to help you out once you decide what it is you want.

 

[Kal0051]

I'm not sure what it is you wanted with this girl. If it was just sex,just a one night stand,then I guess you got what you wanted.

At first all I wanted was a hook up and possibly a fb while I look for a girl I want a LTR with. Basically a casual plate.

This is what I mean.

You said that you're not interested in dating her,yet you suggested the two of you go and see a movie.

Umm...isn't that a date?

So you're not interested in dating her,but you ask her out to the movies.


You'll never get what you want if you don't know what you want.

when I said I wasn't interested in dating her I meant having a LTR with her. I'm cool with hanging out with her and having fun. Might as well give her a chance, who knows, maybe I'll find I actually like her more.

A "reasonable" excuse.

Well if it were something that just happened at the last minute,something unpredictable like any emergency (car accident,fire,etc),that's understandable. But if it was something like her wanting to see a friend she hasn't seen in a long time,or she has an appointment she has to go to,that's bogus man.



She could have let you know what was up waaaay further in advance than an hour.

It was a reasonable reason to cancel but she knew it hours before, so that makes it really rude to wait that long. So maybe it wasn't a reasonable reason to cancel last minute.

Whenever a girl tells a guy she hopes he isn't mad and apologizes,to me she's saying that because she feels guilty about something.



Why is she apologizing and saying she hopes you aren't mad if she had a legitimate,"reasonable" excuse for not being able to make the date you set up?




I guess it's good she suggested another time for you two to get together,but did she set a definate time,or just say "a couple of days later"?

I assume she was guilty about cancelling at the last minute. And she did give a definite time (or at least a definite day). But like I said I was busy that day.

Normally,this would be a simple question to answer,but in this situation it's not because you haven't been clear and stated what it is you want from this girl.



If you want to date her/possibly have a relationship with her,I'd go ahead and contact her...that is,if at least 2 or 3 days have passed since you two last talked.


Call her up and suggest another date. If she declines,THEN start the no contact.



If all you're after is just sex,you may need to find another girl. Seems to me like this girlhad a bit of buyer's remorse from sleeping with you on the first day of meeting you,hence the "I don't think we should sleep together right away" remark.




That's honestly why I think she flaked out on you. You remind her of what she did. She knows if you two get together again that you'll be expecting sex.

So she thinks you think she's a slvt/easy.


Emotionally that's how she feels. So she avoids you to avoid feeling slvtty.



Instead of having sex with her,then trying to take her out,you should have taken her out FIRST. Talk with her,spend some time together.


Then she would have felt like she somewhat knew you,had some type of connection with you. That would have given her justification for sleeping with you so soon.


It'll be easy to help you out once you decide what it is you want.

Hopefully I gave a bit more information.

 

[Igetit!]

At first all I wanted was a hook up and possibly a fb while I look for a girl I want a LTR with. Basically a casual plate.

Well,whatever it is you wanted with this girl,you still went about it the wrong way.


I know this my be foreign to the forum,but you actually need to take into consideration things from the female's point of view.


You slept with her on the same day you met her. So how do you think she thinks you see her?


NO WOMAN wants to feel like a slvt,wheither she be an girlfriend/LTR,a FB,a "friend" with benefits,wife,or whatever.



Bottom line is if you wanted something...ANYTHING past a one night stand,anything to where you two would see each other in the future and have sex more than once,then you made a HUGE ERROR by sleeping with her the first night. Period.



Trust me,she "feels" it. Again,that's why she told you you two shouldn't sleep together again right away. She wanted to hang out with you and spend more time with you to develop some sort of comfort level first.




It's not that she didn't want to have sex again,she just wanted more of a connection with you first. Doesn't have to be a deep one,but it has to be something.




If you told your friends you slept with her the first day you met her,it'd be hi-fives all around.She'd be embarrassed for her friends to find out she slept with some guy she doesn't even know within a few hours of meeting him.



So WHATEVER it was you wanted,you started off wrong.



If you manage to get her out with you again,DON'T TRY TO HAVE SEX WITH HER.



Go out,spend time together,talk,actually speak to her as a person instead of just some place to put your...well,you know.




You're somewhat in damage control mode now.


You'll have to connect with her as a person,while at the same time maintaining the initial attraction you originally created in her.
So you WILL HAVE TO kino her. A hug,a kiss,some flirting,etc. The problem is you can't go too far with it,or you'll activate her ASD...AGAIN.



Too much kino,you risk making her feel slvtty,too little,and you may risk the friendzone,however,I HIGHLY doubt you'll fall into the friendzone.


Since you've already slept with her,she's seen you're sexual side,so the ljbf...I wouldn't worry about.



So if you can get her out again,be flirty and sexual,but DON'T MENTION SEX or try to push things too far.

 

[Kal0051]

Yeah, I get what your saying. I did figure that was what she meant when she said she didn't want sex right away. So I guess I'll still keep contact with her. Still think her giving me absolutely no notice was very rude though.

 

[Allurre]

To me, it sounds like she was genuinely sorry and that you were a bit disappointed to offer her a second chance.

However, to cut off contact is good. If she was really down with you, she'd offer a movie date another time, or date in another form.

 

[Kal0051]

To me, it sounds like she was genuinely sorry and that you were a bit disappointed to offer her a second chance.

However, to cut off contact is good. If she was really down with you, she'd offer a movie date another time, or date in another form.

she did offer another time, actually a couple of different times (I couldn't go the first time she suggested, so she offered another time, which I also couldn't go to). I guess I was a little pissed at the rudeness of her cancelling on me with such short notice when she knew all day that she probably wouldn't be able to go.

I should add but she's already tried to contact me since I've made this thread. Haven't got back to her yet.