No contact didn't work.

[fidel_03]

Hey guys,

7 months ago I started dating a girl. We fell madly in love. We'd talk for hours and see each other several times a week. She took my virginity a few months in (I'm 25). She told me she loved me, I was best thing to ever happen to her, etc. She kept asking when I would propose. Eventually, she became more and more distant studying for MCAT. She eventually would go days without talking to me. She didn't act different when I saw her, which dwindled to once a week, so I was confused. I try reasoning with her but she says I was being too clingy and needy. Mind you, I talked to her maybe three or four times a week. I saw her maybe once a week at this point. We stopped having sex too.

She takes her MCAT and I don't see or talk to her for days afterwards. Fed up, I break up with her (I should've seen her. She is on summer break). We fight for a couple days about it, and I try to win her back and told her I made a mistake. She said we would stay broken up. She asked for her things back and to talk. She comes over crying, says she still loves me and wants to get back together eventually but not right away. She asks for space. She leaves her things at my house.

We go a month no contact. EDIT: During that time, she tells her brother we would work out as a couple if I quit being needy and if I contacted her, since I was the one who broke up with her.

I finally contact her and she says its best if we end things and refuses to talk to me or give me closure.

Side note: A mutual friend said she has been talking to a guy out of state and it seems they might date or be dating. It's only been a month since she's broken up and we were obviously serious.

Questions:
She's just rebounding, right?
Why didn't no contact work in this situation?
Is there a chance I could win her back (if I wanted to)?
What are your general thoughts?
What should I do?

 

[BeDJ]

'She says she loves me, but can't be with me right now'

This HAS to be the break up anthem!

Anyways, you felt that she was distancing herself from you toward the end of your relationship. This made you PURSUE her more, in reality it was a major test on her part to see if she really needed you in her life. You gave her reason to believe that she could do better. Sh!tty how these 'logical' girl 'reasoning' work, right?

Gentlemen, when a girl asks for space, you give it to her. You give her as much SPACE as your own options will allow. She WANTS to see you with other women! Once you are with other women, she wants you back. It's a Catch - 22 for her. If she met a real DJ, those words will never be in her vocabulary.

Over and done with. But to sarcastically answer your questions:

No, of course not, women don't rebound.
No contact didn't work because she still loves you.
Yes, you can win her back by doing everything you did to try to get her back.
General thoughts? Continue to do what you're doing.
I think you should propose to her now.

 

[adam225]

Move on. If she wants you back she'll make it perfectly clear to you. If a relationship seems like to much hassle then it most likely is.

 

[fidel_03]

Forgot to mention: She told her brother we would work out as a couple if I quit being needy and if I contacted her, since I was the one who broke up with her.

 

[zorg198]

Dude , You should move on and see other girls because you want to and not to show her off! if you think like this it will not work, improve yourself and move on for your own purposes...

Joe.

 

[Greasy Pig]

No contact only works if the woman still has feelings for you or a desire to make the relationship work.
If she's feeling nothing, no contact will not have enough effect to reanimate her desire for you. She'll actually appreciate the distance and use it to justify breaking it off for good.
You said yourself she had grown distant and it's true, she broke up with you mentally months before the deed was actually done.
Time to move on from this one and use this experience to better yourself. From now on no contact is to help you move on, not win her back.
Your aim should be to become the best man possible so that the next time she sees you you'll be fit, strong and drowning in women fighting to be on your dyck. Only then is she most likely to reach out, but you should be so busy bedding other women that you won't give a crap.

 

[henrea4]

Questions:
She's just rebounding, right? I hate to be "that guy" but when you started noticing distance, that's probably when this other person came into the picture. I wouldn't necessarily call that a "rebound".

Why didn't no contact work in this situation? Because she found someone else.

Is there a chance I could win her back (if I wanted to)? No clue. Depends completely upon her.

What are your general thoughts? I feel bad for you. This kind of thing sucks. Just stick to NC. Like someone else said, if she still has feelings for you, NC just might help her see that she's made a mistake. Plus, you're probably hurting a lot. Not being in contact with her will help (even though at times it's really hard to see that).

What should I do? Leave her alone for now. Unfortunately she's moved on and has no desire to be with you at the moment. You had a problem with clinginess before...chasing her now will do nothing but prove that you haven't changed.

Try to let her come to you, but don't sit around and wait for it to happen because it might not. Yeah, much easier said than done. Just TRY to concentrate on yourself and work out the issues you know are preventing you from having healthy relationships. It's really all you can do at this point. Good luck, my friend.

 

[PlayHer Man]

People constantly forget the true purpose of NC.

NC is NOT a tool for getting a girl back --> Its a tool for leaving on your own terms. The purpose is to rid yourself of a toxic relationship and walk away with your dignity.

If you're using NC as a tool for manipulation.. then you might as well have a vagina and be in high school. NC is the first step in the healing process and if you're not going to do it 100% then don't do it at all.

Men waste a lot of time on toxic women who they have no future with. NC is the difference between chopping off a finger vs. letting your dog chew it off. Its coming off one way or another. Both options are painful.. but at least chopping it off is FASTER and you can start healing immediately.

Chop off your toxic relationships.. don't let the woman chew it off slowely herself (because she will).

Remember --> Women decide to end a relationship long before actually doing it. They don't like abrupt endings so they do the "fade away". Slowly and painfully killing the relationship. Like adding a few drops of poison to someone's morning coffee every day for 2 months until they drop dead.

 

[fidel_03]

According to her friends, she has been having a really tough time. They also told me she is not over me. When we broke up, she says she did not see it coming at all and she is telling everyone she still doesn't understand why I broke up with her.

I wasn't using NC to manipulate but simply giving her space and time to realize what she's missing. If I was being clingy, how else was I supposed to react? I couldn't contact her, in my mind. I wanted to show her I wasn't. And during the relationship, I gave her an unbelievable amount of space. I never texted or called first. I saw her three or four times the last couple months and talked to her a few times a week. I did, however, fight with her twice about being so distant.

I'm 95% certain she did not initiate anything with this guy before things were through. They apparently started texting just a couple days ago.

It's just been tough because I've never had a girl not come running back asking to talk or for a second chance. I haven't gotten a single call or text since the breakup. Not a single thing. Has anyone ever heard of a girl doing that? Because I've never had it happen before.

 

[AlphaGuy]

It may be due to following few reasons:

1:- She was never that much into you.
2:- She believe that you still "NEED" her.
3:- She may also be using NC against you.
4:- Maybe you've to wait, I've had a female friend who got her BF desperately running back after 3 months of NC.
5:-

It's okay if you've done high AFC mistakes in past, it's never too late, the thing which matters is what you do now, not what you've done in past. You can't change your past, but you can surely act and correct things now. It's possible to get an ex back with NC (Providing that you stick with it and change yourself as well)

Did you somehow acted with this girl like she's welcome to come back to you anytime? If so, its the reason. You should create a "fear of loss" in her mind.

 

[henrea4]

It's possible that she's just wanting you to sweat a little. I mean, you did break up with her. Maybe she's just trying to make you earn your way back into her heart. Just spitballing ideas here....

 

[fidel_03]

She was definitely into me. You can always tell, right? She said I love you first, was asking when I would propose, wanted to take a vacation with me, wanted me to move with her to med school, etc. She told her parents all of that stuff too. #2, 3, and 4 I don't know.

As for your last question: kind of. When we broke up, I told her I would be open to working things out. She said she wanted space, so we didn't talk for a month. Yesterday was the first time we talked since and I told her I wanted to give us another chance.

I will see her from time to time since our families are friends. Is the protocol still to be very confident and happy? Say hi and keep it short? One time after we broke up, I ignored her and she said it devastated her.

 

[nismo-4]

Enter Judge nismo.

Hey guys,

7 months ago I started dating a girl. We fell madly in love. We'd talk for hours and see each other several times a week. She took my virginity a few months in (I'm 25). She told me she loved me, I was best thing to ever happen to her, etc. She kept asking when I would propose.

Damn!

Eventually, she became more and more distant studying for MCAT. She eventually would go days without talking to me. She didn't act different when I saw her, which dwindled to once a week, so I was confused.

Women who are interested in you won't confuse you.

I try reasoning with her but she says I was being too clingy and needy. Mind you, I talked to her maybe three or four times a week. I saw her maybe once a week at this point. We stopped having sex too.

I want the jury to see that you admit that you are guilty of communicating on logic. Women run on emotions. Not logic. Why the f**k you think women date jerks as opposed to nice guys? You have also been paying a fine of decaying attraction.

She takes her MCAT and I don't see or talk to her for days afterwards. Fed up, I break up with her (I should've seen her. She is on summer break).

She probably broke up with you already.

We fight for a couple days about it, and I try to win her back and told her I made a mistake.

The mistake is you are being NEEDY AND CLINGY!!!

She said we would stay broken up. She asked for her things back and to talk. She comes over crying, says she still loves me and wants to get back together eventually but not right away.

Crying because she banged her new guy, throws you false hope, and eventually is when she's ready to stop sloring. Maybe in 2043. She's saying "We are never ever, ever getting back together again!"

She asks for space. She leaves her things at my house.

I NEED SPACE MEANS IT'S OVER! EJECT MOTHERF**KER!

We go a month no contact. EDIT: During that time, she tells her brother we would work out as a couple if I quit being needy and if I contacted her, since I was the one who broke up with her.

Just quit being clingy and needy dammit! The one who needs the other more has the least power. More need, less power. You in a nutshell. Fix it.

I finally contact her and she says its best if we end things and refuses to talk to me or give me closure.

You princess was in another castle months ago dumbass. And you sent her to one by your neediness.

Side note: A mutual friend said she has been talking to a guy out of state and it seems they might date or be dating. It's only been a month since she's broken up and we were obviously serious.

They are. Oh trust me, they are.

Questions:

She's just rebounding, right?

No, she found a better man.

Why didn't no contact work in this situation?

No contact is a move for a man to move on, not to win a girl back. Oh, your question. She moved the hell on from your desperate ass.

Is there a chance I could win her back (if I wanted to)?

A snowball's chance in hell. Just upgrade yourself.

What are your general thoughts?

You got a lot to learn about how attraction works. Stop being desperate.

What should I do?

Moving on, forgetting this girl, upgrading yourself, and spinning more plates is the best thing that is for you.

As for your new post:

She was definitely into me. You can always tell, right? She said I love you first, was asking when I would propose, wanted to take a vacation with me, wanted me to move with her to med school, etc. #2, 3, and 4 I don't know.

Judge by actions, not by words.

As for your last question: kind of. When we broke up, I told her I would be open to working things out. She said she wanted space, so we didn't talk for a month. Yesterday was the first time we talked since and I told her I wanted to give us another chance.

You have it more for this girl than she does for you. That is you being desperate.

I will see her from time to time since our families are friends. Is the protocol still to be very confident and happy? Say hi and keep it short? One time after we broke up, I ignored her and she said it devastated her.

That was a ploy to get you running back like a beta chump, which you did. The protocol is to be indifferent.

Read between the lines.

NC can get a girl back if she has a lot of attraction for you, and that's before a better man comes along.

Case closed. Exit the courtroom.

 

[fidel_03]

It's possible that she's just wanting you to sweat a little. I mean, you did break up with her. Maybe she's just trying to make you earn your way back into her heart. Just spitballing ideas here....

I'm not so sure. Then again I have no idea what she's wanting altogether. She says she wants to focus on school and that things between us would never be the same again.

 

[JoeMarron]

People constantly forget the true purpose of NC.

NC is NOT a tool for getting a girl back --> Its a tool for leaving on your own terms. The purpose is to rid yourself of a toxic relationship and walk away with your dignity.

If you're using NC as a tool for manipulation.. then you might as well have a vagina and be in high school. NC is the first step in the healing process and if you're not going to do it 100% then don't do it at all.

Men waste a lot of time on toxic women who they have no future with. NC is the difference between chopping off a finger vs. letting your dog chew it off. Its coming off one way or another. Both options are painful.. but at least chopping it off is FASTER and you can start healing immediately.

Chop off your toxic relationships.. don't let the woman chew it off slowely herself (because she will).

Remember --> Women decide to end a relationship long before actually doing it. They don't like abrupt endings so they do the "fade away". Slowly and painfully killing the relationship. Like adding a few drops of poison to someone's morning coffee every day for 2 months until they drop dead.

Exactly. Why the hell did it take nine posts for someone to say this? fidel burn this post into your brain and burn this chick out. There could be all kinds of reasons why she broke up with you but the fact is she's gone now and there isnt a damn thing you can do about it.

Go NC for eternity and game new chicks. It is much easier and fufilling to build something with a new chick than to waste time with this one. Of course like most youre probably gonna ignore everyone's advice and pursue her anyways but after you fail for awhile perhaps you'll see the wisdom in what we're saying. Move on and read the DJ Bible again if you have already.

 

[fidel_03]

Enter Judge nismo.



Read between the lines.

Case closed. Exit the courtroom.

This guy lives out of state. She's only met him once, so there has been nothing physical for sure going on. Also, they only started texting a couple days ago I found out.

I didn't know the game before, so chill. I was always unintentionally alpha because I never gave a **** about any girl before. Then this girl came along.

And this possible new guy won't ever compare to me. Period.

 

[zinc4]

No contact is not meant to get the girl back...it is meant for you to move on and to grow stronger as a person........once again...it is not meant to get the girl back...

 

[fidel_03]

Exactly. Why the hell did it take nine posts for someone to say this? fidel burn this post into your brain and burn this chick out. There could be all kinds of reasons why she broke up with you but the fact is she's gone now and there isnt a damn thing you can do about it.

Go NC for eternity and game new chicks. It is much easier and fufilling to build something with a new chick than to waste time with this one. Of course like most youre probably gonna ignore everyone's advice and pursue her anyways but after you fail for awhile perhaps you'll see the wisdom in what we're saying. Move on and read the DJ Bible again if you have already.

Joe, you're right. Don't lump me in with most though. I can follow sound advice.

No contact is not meant to get the girl back...it is meant for you to move on and to grow stronger as a person........once again...it is not meant to get the girl back...

No contact was right in this situation! I stand by that. I did not need to be texting her after we'd broken up. It would only further prove that I am, in fact, clingy and it would serve only to annoy or bother her. We all can agree on that, right?

As far as for when I see her, which I will since our families are friends, what do I do? I've read that I should be happy and confident, as if I've completely moved on. I should keep it short with her too, I know. I've followed this advice so far. But there was one time after we broke up where I didn't say hi and it ruined her night, according to friends.

 

[JoeMarron]

Joe, you're right. Don't lump me in with most though. I can follow sound advice.



No contact was right in this situation! I stand by that. I did not need to be texting her after we'd broken up. It would only further prove that I am, in fact, clingy and it would serve only to annoy or bother her. We all can agree on that, right?

As far as for when I see her, which I will since our families are friends, what do I do? I've read that I should be happy and confident, as if I've completely moved on. I should keep it short with her too, I know. I've followed this advice so far. But there was one time after we broke up where I didn't say hi and it ruined her night, according to friends.

I certainly hope you can. I've seen too many posts her of dudes doing the exact opposite of what everyone tells him. Yes nc was right. When a woman becomes distant you get even more distant. Yeah it would be silly to pretend you dont see her in public. Dont go out of your way to speak to her though. If she talks to you keep it brief. Act as if she's a stranger who youre indifferent towards. Who the fk cares if her night was ruined? Her emotions should be irrelevant to you right now.

 

[fidel_03]

I certainly hope you can. I've seen too many posts her of dudes doing the exact opposite of what everyone tells him. Yes nc was right. When a woman becomes distant you get even more distant. Yeah it would be silly to pretend you dont see her in public. Dont go out of your way to speak to her though. If she talks to you keep it brief. Act as if she's a stranger who youre indifferent towards. Who the fk cares if her night was ruined? Her emotions should be irrelevant to you right now.

Well that's the thing. Honestly, I want to ruin her night now.