nipping LJBF in the bud...

[pvf94]

Is it ever ok to do this?

this girl I've been chatting up sent me a text like she does here and there throughout the day. It was her saying she was a mess and she just hungout with her best friend and yadda yadda, she still feels like crap.

She flirts with me and we have sexual innuendo type discussions via text pretty often.


When I read her message about being a mess, I responded with something similar but more drawn out with this....."If your messed up about some guy save it, it wont appeal to me and I refuse to play big brother to a lady I find highly attractive"

It was more layed out in a better manner but that was the blunt end of it.

I had more reason then that to say what I did because of something she said the prior day....I wont elaborate, its not necessary... short and simple, she said something to the context of "I hate this ***** at my work" I responded with " well...it could only be 1 of a couple reasons"

she asked what reasons and I told her it was probably some guy shes hot onto that she liked or used to like or something....hit the nail on the head.

So I put my shield up, told her I won't take the ljbf crap, and to save her boy rants for some other sucker....all while blatently telling her I find her highly attractive.

was what I did Good or bad idea considering I'm trying to fvck her?

she does show interest in me...either that or shes an attention *****.

 

[Igetit!]

this girl I've been chatting up sent me a text like she does here and there throughout the day. It was her saying she was a mess and she just hungout with her best friend and yadda yadda, she still feels like crap.

She flirts with me and we have sexual innuendo type discussions via text pretty often.

As far as you two dating each other,it's ALREADY over with. In fact,it's been over with for some time,you more than likely just haven't realized it yet.

When I read her message about being a mess, I responded with something similar but more drawn out with this....."If your messed up about some guy save it, it wont appeal to me and I refuse to play big brother to a lady I find highly attractive"

It was more layed out in a better manner but that was the blunt end of it.

This statement of yours only made things worse. You just further put yourself into the hole.

So I put my shield up, told her I won't take the ljbf crap, and to save her boy rants for some other sucker....all while blatently telling her I find her highly attractive.

was what I did Good or bad idea considering I'm trying to fvck her?

It was bad,but what you don't seem to understand is that you telling her you foundt her attractive ISN'T THE ISSUE.




You told her that you weren't going to put up with her LJBF crap.



Well the fact that you even had to say that in the first place means that you got off track a looong time ago.



You don't get it. Her bringing her LJBF stuff to you ISN'T THE PROBLEM.
Her bringing her LJBF stuff to you is the RESULT of the problem.




If she's trying to LJBF you,that means whatever you did and said towards her LEADING UP TO THE LJBF screwed you up.




Telling her you found her attractive didn't derail you. You were derailed long before that line came out of you mouth.

she does show interest in me...either that or shes an attention *****.

So she does show you IOIs. Well that's good,however personally for me,there's only ONE IOI I care about,and that's when you ask a girl out and she says yes.


Did you get that IOI? Because to me,the others don't really matter.

 

[pvf94]

As far as you two dating each other,it's ALREADY over with. In fact,it's been over with for some time,you more than likely just haven't realized it yet.




This statement of yours only made things worse. You just further put yourself into the hole.




It was bad,but what you don't seem to understand is that you telling her you foundt her attractive ISN'T THE ISSUE.




You told her that you weren't going to put up with her LJBF crap.



Well the fact that you even had to say that in the first place means that you got off track a looong time ago.



You don't get it. Her bringing her LJBF stuff to you ISN'T THE PROBLEM.
Her bringing her LJBF stuff to you is the RESULT of the problem.




If she's trying to LJBF you,that means whatever you did and said towards her LEADING UP TO THE LJBF screwed you up.




Telling her you found her attractive didn't derail you. You were derailed long before that line came out of you mouth.


So she does show you IOIs. Well that's good,however personally for me,there's only ONE IOI I care about,and that's when you ask a girl out and she says yes.


Did you get that IOI? Because to me,the others don't really matter.

yes, If I ask her out she will give me days and times that she is available. I have went out with her a couple times. We just saw a movie last Monday, she was all clinging on me and **** it was a scary movie. And like I said, plenty of IOI's, I just figured I'd stop something before it came directly into light. And if it was...I'm waiting on her response to it. I'll update when I get it.

 

[Igetit!]

I have went out with her a couple times. We just saw a movie last Monday, she was all clinging on me and **** it was a scary movie.

Now I'm confused.

So you've already taken her out a couple of times.

Well,seems like you started off right,but along the way you dropped the ball.


I think I see where the problem occured.



You say that she texts you everyday. When she told you that she was "a mess",and how she hated someone on her job,she started using you as a emotional tampon.





And if you just went along with her emotional rants instead of changing the subject,then yeah,things got derailed into LJBF territory.



You can probably pull it back on track,but TELLING HER you won't put up with her LJBF crap won't do it.




You need to stir up some passion in her. That way,she won't try to use you an a emotional tampon. What she'll do is come around you and enjoy the feelings you create in her,thereby,taking her mind off work and other problems.




Generating attraction in her is easy. Some of what i'm about to say will sound nuts,but it'll do the trick.


1)If she brings up her emotional problems,just change the subject to something more fun and exciting. Just change the subject,DON'T TELL HER you won't take her LJBF crap.


2)If she starts to give you LJBF crap,TELL HER to shut up,to come over to you and to kiss you. I know this sounds nuts,but trust me,it'll stir up emotion in her while simultaneously taking her mind off of whatever she was trying to use you as a tampon for.


3)If she tries to use you as an emotional tampon,TELL HER you like the way she looks in whatever she's wearing,then TELL HER to turn around so you can get a better look at her.


If you do decide to say these things to her,put some bass in your voice. Talk like a MAN,and MEAN IT.



Try these suggestions out. You might as well,or just slowly sink into friendzone territory.

 

[pvf94]

very nice suggestions...similiar to things I would do but that was much more bold. I like it.

Also, she just got back to me and said not to worry about it it wasnt do to some guy she had just worked a long week on top of school and she was stressed.

I responded, "you know I give pretty incredible massages"

she said, "im gonna have to take you up on that very soon"

I said "You sure? Its full body... "
she said " mmm "

 

[pvf94]

and she just asked me "How was your night anyhow boo?"

Shes white..not gangster or anything...isn't "boo" a term of endearment?

 

[horaholic]

As far as you two dating each other,it's ALREADY over with. In fact,it's been over with for some time,you more than likely just haven't realized it yet.




This statement of yours only made things worse. You just further put yourself into the hole.




It was bad,but what you don't seem to understand is that you telling her you found her attractive ISN'T THE ISSUE.




You told her that you weren't going to put up with her LJBF crap.



Well the fact that you even had to say that in the first place means that you got off track a looong time ago.



You don't get it. Her bringing her LJBF stuff to you ISN'T THE PROBLEM.
Her bringing her LJBF stuff to you is the RESULT of the problem.


Telling her you found her attractive didn't derail you. You were derailed long before that line came out of you mouth.

Im going to respectfully disagree here. Girls dont just decide in a split second that a guy is freindzoned, thus undateable. There is a short window, where she starts feeling like hes a friend, but isnt totally FZ'd yet. This happens when a guy isnt stepping up and making the moves, so the girls gives up and treats him like a friend.

Maybe he could have been more tactful when he told her those things, but I dont think it was a bad move. Whats wrong with letting a girl know that you wont accept just friendship? It actually shows dominance if delivered right. Granted its better not to say anything, and SHOW it, by making bold moves though.

A guy can postpone the FZ if he avoids the things that land him there, like emo conversations. If she was just starting to pull that shyt, he not in the fz YET, IF he puts a stop to it immediately, like the OP did. You cannot end up in the freindzone, if you dont act like her friend. What it does mean though, is that her IL is dropping, and the man needs to build attraction, then ,make a freaking move, already.

OP I think you can definitely turn this around, but have very limited time. You need to make a bold move, BUT you need to spike some attraction first.

 

[xdreamz]

i try to use my mom as an emotional tampon... she just changes the subject really fast and i get a little annoyed because i see she is trying to chhange the subject when i want to talk about these kind of things.


i think everyone here is tripping out on the LJBf zone and they're going to think listening to a girl's problems is actually going to screw their chances with a woman. for example i myself have had a girl talk about her problems with an abusive boyfriend this and that, well after talking to her more she ended up telling me that we should go to bed and she threw herself on me. On top of that i've had another girl go on about similar issues (people she doesn't like at work) after she became my girlfriend. how is she going to LJBF me if i''ve sexed her already. so does that mean she wanted to end the relationship, well i ****ed her more times after that so i don't see any LJBF zone here.

but i'll give u a benefit of a doubt, maybe that is her way of using you for the interest you have in her. i would just listen to it and say a story about how something similar happened to me. or i would just ignore it. maybe i'll say 'that sucks' or something. the other guy's suggestion is good, to subtly change the subject into something more exciting. anyways, it seems like you're overreacting to normal things in attempt to protect your ego. it's like if a girl rejects my kiss do i accuse her of not wanting to kiss me because of other men? i rarely have girls bring about her problems to me, but the only ones that have I've pretty much sexed, and they were easy ones at that.

 

[pvf94]

Yea...I didn't strike when the Iron was hot twice....I do believe her IL is dropping. But I by no means think it is too late...next time I HAVE to do something more then kino. I'll move in for the kill...maybe tomorrow.

 

[Igetit!]

Yea...I didn't strike when the Iron was hot twice....

So you two times missed an opportunity to increase her interest in you.

Why?


Were you scared to make a move,or just didn't realize the opportunities were there until after they had passed?

I do believe her IL is dropping. But I by no means think it is too late...

I think it can still be turned around,but you'll have to do something more bold,more dramatic,even to the point of pissing her off if necessary.


I think the suggestions I gave should help do the trick...you'll just have to do them SOON.



I'd just launch into it. I wouldn't even give her time to start up with that LJBF trash.

I'll move in for the kill...maybe tomorrow.

If I were you,I'd do it the very next time I interact with her.



Either that,or AVOID HER until you can do it,because whatever you've been doing before you came here and made this thread is what got you into this situation.



So you contining to be around her with those same "pre-thread" behaviors will only make things worse.



So either avoid being in her presence,or go all out.

 

[pvf94]

Sounds like a plan....ya, I knew I could of done something but I wussed out...no excuses I just didn't strike when I really should have.

 

[Giles]

LJBF is such a pain. U gotta strike when she wants it. If you fail so what at least you don't have to listen to all that blah blah blah that you don't care about.