Hi Folks,
I'm a 28 year old single male and the kind of guy who was often passed over (and still continues to a degree, even by older women) to be passed over for superficial reasons for supposedly being too nice. What's particularly difficult for me is that I'm originally from another part of the world-Central Africa, and in my country, men who have their act together, are polite, play by the rules and don't cut corners are often highly sought after by women, as opposed to here in the U.S. where many view it as a weakness. In the past two and a half years, I've been taking serious steps to at least avoid being put into the so-called nice guy zone.
Unfortunately, I haven't had the best experiences with dating at all. My problems have ranged from talking to two, individual women and then later finding out that they are best friends to talking to a woman at my gym and later finding out that one of her best friends who recently got married dated my older brother. Talk about good luck.
In the past two months and just this week alone, I experienced some of the toughest dating situations of all. First, the woman who I met at my gym, despite being 35 years old, turned out to be very superficial and not what I imagined when I first met her. On our first date, we drank wine and went dancing and held each other tight and even held hands as if we'd known each other for a while. On our second date, it was lunch and a walk in a park, holding hands. After the second date, when I tried to get a hold of her, she left me a very lengthy message telling me how "busy" she was going to be in the next few weeks with her best friend getting married, upcoming Jewish holidays and her two-week vacation. I called her back and left a message on her voice mail and understanding the hint she seemed to be giving me, left the ball in her court, suggesting that if she ever felt like getting together again at some point, she should let me know. She herself had said in her message: "I don't know when we'll be able to get together, but maybe we'll talk sometime."
Weeks and weeks went by, and I never heard from her again. I was really hurting inside, so I felt it would be appropriate for me to call her and tell how I felt, about seven weeks later. Of course, she didn't pick up when the phone rang, like she normally does. She only used to return my calls-not once did she ever call me out of her own will to find out how I was doing. I told her that I felt very used and exploited by her and that all she needed to do was openly tell me after our last date that she didn't think we were a good match and that she had found someone she felt she liked better, so that I would have moved on with my life quietly. I was so upset that I told her that I hope she meets a man someday who will treat her just the same so that she'll learn a lesson. She sent me a text message saying she was sorry I felt that way and that it was never her intent to hurt me. I chose not to respond and it ended that way. I honestly wasn't expecting such behavior from a woman her age.
I began going to a gym at least three days a week since last spring. Hence, my physical build seems to have undergone some changes. My muscles are developing and my biceps, chest and shoulders are especially noticeable. All of a sudden, especially at the gym and when I do wear muscle shirts, I get looks from women who normally wouldn't have given me the time of day in the past.
Recently, I have begun resorting to talking to as many women as possible, but the hassle of it all and the possibility of facing rejection and continuing to be persistent hasn't been easy for me at all. This week alone, I talked to three women. Each of them told me they had boyfriends. One said she was actually moving in with her boyfriend, the other said she was involved in a longterm relationship with a guy but that I should feel free to stop by and say hello whenever I am in the area.
The third woman was perhaps the most shocking of all because she was the one I least expected to get the boyfriend response from. I noticed her at my gym in the past two weeks on days when I'm often there, and this week especially, our eyes kept meeting each other and I thought she was checking me out. Our eyes would meet each other's directly and she would look away. Then they would meet again and she would look away. So I took a chance and introduced myself to her, smiling and confidently, while she was on one of the machines. She smiled and it seemed as if her eyes lit up when I was talking to her and she kept on laughing at what I was saying. But then, when I took a chance and asked her out and asked for her phone number, she looked down at the carpet as if in deep thought:
"Hmmmmm...," she said. "Well...I work and I don't think my boyfriend would be too happy to hear that." I told her it was nice talking to her and before I walked away, she asked me once again what my name was and I repeated it to her and we shook hands. My question then is the next time I run into her, should I just walk past her without saying anything, or walk past her smiling and waving, or should I stop and try talking to her on a so-called friendly basis only?
I apologize for the lengthy post, folks. I'm just a guy who hasn't had the best of luck with most of the women I have talked to and approached.
I'm a 28 year old single male and the kind of guy who was often passed over (and still continues to a degree, even by older women) to be passed over for superficial reasons for supposedly being too nice. What's particularly difficult for me is that I'm originally from another part of the world-Central Africa, and in my country, men who have their act together, are polite, play by the rules and don't cut corners are often highly sought after by women, as opposed to here in the U.S. where many view it as a weakness. In the past two and a half years, I've been taking serious steps to at least avoid being put into the so-called nice guy zone.
Unfortunately, I haven't had the best experiences with dating at all. My problems have ranged from talking to two, individual women and then later finding out that they are best friends to talking to a woman at my gym and later finding out that one of her best friends who recently got married dated my older brother. Talk about good luck.
In the past two months and just this week alone, I experienced some of the toughest dating situations of all. First, the woman who I met at my gym, despite being 35 years old, turned out to be very superficial and not what I imagined when I first met her. On our first date, we drank wine and went dancing and held each other tight and even held hands as if we'd known each other for a while. On our second date, it was lunch and a walk in a park, holding hands. After the second date, when I tried to get a hold of her, she left me a very lengthy message telling me how "busy" she was going to be in the next few weeks with her best friend getting married, upcoming Jewish holidays and her two-week vacation. I called her back and left a message on her voice mail and understanding the hint she seemed to be giving me, left the ball in her court, suggesting that if she ever felt like getting together again at some point, she should let me know. She herself had said in her message: "I don't know when we'll be able to get together, but maybe we'll talk sometime."
Weeks and weeks went by, and I never heard from her again. I was really hurting inside, so I felt it would be appropriate for me to call her and tell how I felt, about seven weeks later. Of course, she didn't pick up when the phone rang, like she normally does. She only used to return my calls-not once did she ever call me out of her own will to find out how I was doing. I told her that I felt very used and exploited by her and that all she needed to do was openly tell me after our last date that she didn't think we were a good match and that she had found someone she felt she liked better, so that I would have moved on with my life quietly. I was so upset that I told her that I hope she meets a man someday who will treat her just the same so that she'll learn a lesson. She sent me a text message saying she was sorry I felt that way and that it was never her intent to hurt me. I chose not to respond and it ended that way. I honestly wasn't expecting such behavior from a woman her age.
I began going to a gym at least three days a week since last spring. Hence, my physical build seems to have undergone some changes. My muscles are developing and my biceps, chest and shoulders are especially noticeable. All of a sudden, especially at the gym and when I do wear muscle shirts, I get looks from women who normally wouldn't have given me the time of day in the past.
Recently, I have begun resorting to talking to as many women as possible, but the hassle of it all and the possibility of facing rejection and continuing to be persistent hasn't been easy for me at all. This week alone, I talked to three women. Each of them told me they had boyfriends. One said she was actually moving in with her boyfriend, the other said she was involved in a longterm relationship with a guy but that I should feel free to stop by and say hello whenever I am in the area.
The third woman was perhaps the most shocking of all because she was the one I least expected to get the boyfriend response from. I noticed her at my gym in the past two weeks on days when I'm often there, and this week especially, our eyes kept meeting each other and I thought she was checking me out. Our eyes would meet each other's directly and she would look away. Then they would meet again and she would look away. So I took a chance and introduced myself to her, smiling and confidently, while she was on one of the machines. She smiled and it seemed as if her eyes lit up when I was talking to her and she kept on laughing at what I was saying. But then, when I took a chance and asked her out and asked for her phone number, she looked down at the carpet as if in deep thought:
"Hmmmmm...," she said. "Well...I work and I don't think my boyfriend would be too happy to hear that." I told her it was nice talking to her and before I walked away, she asked me once again what my name was and I repeated it to her and we shook hands. My question then is the next time I run into her, should I just walk past her without saying anything, or walk past her smiling and waving, or should I stop and try talking to her on a so-called friendly basis only?
I apologize for the lengthy post, folks. I'm just a guy who hasn't had the best of luck with most of the women I have talked to and approached.
I know how you feel dude. But after getting a LOT of help from guys in here, I no longer put up with this kind of stuff from women, and hopefully by following the advice from experienced DJs in here the frequency of this sort of stuff happening to us will diminish greatly. Read the "My Story" thread in this forum and you'll get a lot of good advice that I'm taking to heart.
