calimartin
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2005
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I hope this post will stop the endless posts on the subject forever so that internet bandwidth can be freed up for better things.
Let's put to rest this nice guy vs. a--hole debate for good, shall we?
1. The "NICE" Guy -- First off, anyone who is complaining about being nice and being frustrated that you are not getting chicks, for jiminey cricket's sake, please STOP TRYING to be nice. Yes, TRYING. You are NOT nice. You are only being nice to manipulate people in to getting what you want instead of being direct. So stop pretending to be nice and acting the victim screaming bloody murder that 'nice guys finish last'. Deep down, you know how bad you were, are, have the potential to be. Being nice doesn't have to require effort, struggle. etc. If you are struggling to be nice that means you are trying WAY too hard to be nice. Here's news that should be relief: you can exist effortlessly, and people will still except you. Don't be anymore nice to a hot chick than you would to your mom, grandma, etc.
Why do you think no religion explicitly says you have to be nice? Religion guides people how to be happy in wake of suffering, not how to be "nice". What do you think the phrase "Jesus died for our sins" means? As my Priest says, you sin in your thoughts as well as your actions. If you are being outwardly nice and inside you are angry, impatient, etc., you will never get what you want.
So save your energy for better things than being nice: become more creative, workout, be cleaner, make your boss look better, save a life, be heroic to the point where you feel you've earned the right to be yourself, but most certainly do not waste any time being nice in your own little deluded head.
2. "A--HOLE" -- So am I saying be an a--hole? Go around the bar punching everyone in the back of the head to get chicks? Of course not!
When someone gives you advice and says be an a--hole, they are really saying be LIKE an a--hole. They are saying, embody the qualities of an a--hole that everyone likes: being sure of one's self, confident, etc. But how did a--holes become associated with these qualities? Why aren't nice guys associated with these traits? This is not so evident, but once you read this it will make perfect sense:
You are in a bar. You see a guy acting like a "nice guy", trying to move in on a girl and getting rejected. On the other side of the bar you see an a--hole work it with a group of girls, each girl vying for for his attention. Two guys, in the same space (bar) in the same time. Ask yourself, how did these two guys get to be at the same place in the same time? What is respective trajectories of energy that have these two people intersecting realities? If two of these people are stars, which one do you want to latch on to? Who is wasting their energy and will be sucked in to the orbit of a celestial body, and who is making effective use of his energy and will get to his intended direction? We live in a society. We are not self-sufficient, we are all dependent on each other. There are certain rules which we must follow to some extent, or else we become outcasts, lose your job, become imprisoned, starve to death, get murdered, get executed, whatever, and never make it to that bar to mack on those chicks!
See, if you don't obey the rules of society, you are the REAL a--hole. The guy in the bar who you think is an "a--hole" really isn't, he's just someone who isn't trying as hard to be someone who he isn't. It's easy to see this (confidence, etc) in "a--holes" than it is in nice guys because everyone wants to be treated nicely, so every guy has the idea that the nicer you are the more people will like you and better things will happen to you. Just like everyone has the idea that the more money you have or the better looking you are the happier you will be (SIDE NOTE: and don't we all know looks and money AREN'T what women are attracted to??). It's the same idea, it's better to be in balance of those traits than have too much of it. On the other hand, everyone looks at the "a-hole", and in the back of their mind they are like wow this is someone who has clearly worked society in a way that he can be himself and still be successful with respect to societal norms. He is being an "a-hole" at this bar and is right next to this "nice guy" but they have totally different ideas about reality. So how bad could he really be?
Next time you see an "a--hole" ask yourself: really, how bad is this guy? Is he like Charles Manson, or a wife beater or a sociopath? Or do you have more in common with this guy than you would like to admit?
Can you be nice and get girls? Of course, but only if that is the genuine you. You came to this board because something was out of balance in your life. Ask yourself, are you trying to change who you are? Or are you trying to find out WHO you REALLY are?
Let's put to rest this nice guy vs. a--hole debate for good, shall we?
1. The "NICE" Guy -- First off, anyone who is complaining about being nice and being frustrated that you are not getting chicks, for jiminey cricket's sake, please STOP TRYING to be nice. Yes, TRYING. You are NOT nice. You are only being nice to manipulate people in to getting what you want instead of being direct. So stop pretending to be nice and acting the victim screaming bloody murder that 'nice guys finish last'. Deep down, you know how bad you were, are, have the potential to be. Being nice doesn't have to require effort, struggle. etc. If you are struggling to be nice that means you are trying WAY too hard to be nice. Here's news that should be relief: you can exist effortlessly, and people will still except you. Don't be anymore nice to a hot chick than you would to your mom, grandma, etc.
Why do you think no religion explicitly says you have to be nice? Religion guides people how to be happy in wake of suffering, not how to be "nice". What do you think the phrase "Jesus died for our sins" means? As my Priest says, you sin in your thoughts as well as your actions. If you are being outwardly nice and inside you are angry, impatient, etc., you will never get what you want.
So save your energy for better things than being nice: become more creative, workout, be cleaner, make your boss look better, save a life, be heroic to the point where you feel you've earned the right to be yourself, but most certainly do not waste any time being nice in your own little deluded head.
2. "A--HOLE" -- So am I saying be an a--hole? Go around the bar punching everyone in the back of the head to get chicks? Of course not!
When someone gives you advice and says be an a--hole, they are really saying be LIKE an a--hole. They are saying, embody the qualities of an a--hole that everyone likes: being sure of one's self, confident, etc. But how did a--holes become associated with these qualities? Why aren't nice guys associated with these traits? This is not so evident, but once you read this it will make perfect sense:
You are in a bar. You see a guy acting like a "nice guy", trying to move in on a girl and getting rejected. On the other side of the bar you see an a--hole work it with a group of girls, each girl vying for for his attention. Two guys, in the same space (bar) in the same time. Ask yourself, how did these two guys get to be at the same place in the same time? What is respective trajectories of energy that have these two people intersecting realities? If two of these people are stars, which one do you want to latch on to? Who is wasting their energy and will be sucked in to the orbit of a celestial body, and who is making effective use of his energy and will get to his intended direction? We live in a society. We are not self-sufficient, we are all dependent on each other. There are certain rules which we must follow to some extent, or else we become outcasts, lose your job, become imprisoned, starve to death, get murdered, get executed, whatever, and never make it to that bar to mack on those chicks!
See, if you don't obey the rules of society, you are the REAL a--hole. The guy in the bar who you think is an "a--hole" really isn't, he's just someone who isn't trying as hard to be someone who he isn't. It's easy to see this (confidence, etc) in "a--holes" than it is in nice guys because everyone wants to be treated nicely, so every guy has the idea that the nicer you are the more people will like you and better things will happen to you. Just like everyone has the idea that the more money you have or the better looking you are the happier you will be (SIDE NOTE: and don't we all know looks and money AREN'T what women are attracted to??). It's the same idea, it's better to be in balance of those traits than have too much of it. On the other hand, everyone looks at the "a-hole", and in the back of their mind they are like wow this is someone who has clearly worked society in a way that he can be himself and still be successful with respect to societal norms. He is being an "a-hole" at this bar and is right next to this "nice guy" but they have totally different ideas about reality. So how bad could he really be?
Next time you see an "a--hole" ask yourself: really, how bad is this guy? Is he like Charles Manson, or a wife beater or a sociopath? Or do you have more in common with this guy than you would like to admit?
Can you be nice and get girls? Of course, but only if that is the genuine you. You came to this board because something was out of balance in your life. Ask yourself, are you trying to change who you are? Or are you trying to find out WHO you REALLY are?
