Nice guy syndrome help.

[Raven80]

Hi everyone, can you give me some tips? I'm always acting like a nice guy and I really don't like it. Being nice all the time just feels like I'm communicating lower status, but every time I try to fight it, my subconscious mind screws me over and I end up doing something nice.

I'm always saying thank you and please for every little thing, always letting people ahead of me, even in conversation I feel that I let off that vibe. It's ok to be a little nice, but too much is even making me sick. So what are some good, er bad habits to start doing? Should I be more selfish and think more about myself?

 

[Desert Fox]

Just be more greedy/selfish/whatever you wanna call it.

Always look out for yourself as #1.

For 1 day, just filter everything through this lens: what can I get out of this?

And if the answer is little or nothing...don't do it...or change it into something where you can get more out of it than the other guy.

I've done that for a day...and now it's been like 10 days later, I'm still doing it, and I'm feeling good about it. Many people will call you a jerk for suddenly not being their ***** anymore, but I just laugh at them and tell them exactly how I've felt about their useless inferior deadbeat asses all along.

 

[Raven80]

Hmm, I like this advice, and it would be a fun experiment to try. What about attitude, when you meet somebody new, are you very friendly or, reserved? what to do there? not just with women, I mean as a whole.

 

[Desert Fox]

I am friendly and personable with people until they give me a reason to be otherwise.

When I meet someone I be myself, which is a basically a nice (but not supplicating) and generally positive guy. If they offend me or are wrong about something, I will again be myself and call them out on it. Nothing about their opinion makes it worth more than mine so I will voice my opinion.

The only hard thing about this is GETTING USED TO RESPECTING YOURSELF enough so you can speak up and speak your mind. Of course, you gotta play the game, don't say your boss's tie sucks when he's your goddamn boss, etc.

But in the beginning its weird standing up for yourself even when nobody is really puttin you down. We are so used to being put down that we begin to put ourselves down and start censoring our own valid and probably great thoughts in case they offend someone else. Forget all that crap man. Be yourself, you only got 1 life.

 

[Raven80]

we begin to put ourselves down and start censoring our own valid and probably great thoughts in case they offend someone else.

This is very true and something that I do a lot especially infront of new acquaintences, I always think what would their reaction be if I was to say this. I have improved this by being more outspoken and just letting go, but for some reason with some people it is harder to do, I'm sure I will get a better handle on it because it's something that I really want for my self, but it's going to take a bit of practice.

 

[radiodude]

There's nothing wrong with manners and decency. it only becomes a problem when you are getting taken advantage of as a result. You pleasant social manner isn't whats going to hurt you.

It's other things deeper in your character that clue a woman into your masculinity issues.

 

[KSUgamer]

You have a great quality Raven80, nice people tend to have more friends, get further in their jobs, and can have plenty of women. The reason for this is that you'll probably be fun to be around. Now there is such a thing as being too nice. You need to look out for yourself every now and then. Right when you are asked to do something you need to think what's in it for me. Determine whether this nice gesture will reward you more than it will cost you. Doing a little favor for a friend in need usually rewards you in the end, since they will feel obligated to do something nice for you later.

Ask for favors from people you've been nice to. They need to be small, unless you did a huge one for them. Always try to keep the playing field level when it comes to being nice, if people aren't being nice to you...you shouldn't be nice to them back. Always start off being polite to a person you've me and guage how nice you are with how nice they are.

If someone is being a **** to you, stand up for yourself and be a **** back to them. Usually these kind of people will respect you more after doing this. If you find another very polite person, reciprocate with them.

Never supplicate, doing something for a pretty girl just because she's pretty is one of the worst things you can do. You need to find a reason why you should be polite and nice with her. And you need to communicate what that reason is to her. Some good qualities you should notice are if she's generous, a good cook, good at cleaning, something along those lines...she needs to have helped you or done something for you that she's good at or something you're not good at.

You need to look after yourself also man. That's the key.

 

[Raven80]

Some really great advice here, thanks guy. I will definitely put it into action.

 

[tarotale]

find ways to be azzhole, douche, jerk. it did really help me to move from nice guy to a douche. well, didn't really help me get girls but fortunately i found out that balance was evertything in game. well, since you sir have nice guy syndrome, just remind yourself all the time to be an "azzhole". if you don know how to be an azzhole, search internet. btw, talking CF and always teasing, sarcastic, and being azzhole will help you a lot not to become nice guy.