I'm not going to lie, I'm probably the biggest AFC at heart. I like talking to girls, even if it's about their relationship problems. I feel that maybe the story will go a different path, the sweet and romantic guy will get the girl. But deep down I know it's not going to work. I've been played by different girls, I am tired of this **** and am willing to transform myself into a DJ. It's hard though because I want to do everything she says, give her 100% of my time, etc. Was anyone else like me? You were an AFC and liked being an AFC, but realized going DJ is the only way to go?
Nice guy at heart, need help changing
- Thread starter lYlasTer
- Start date
You have what is called nice guy syndrome. Join the club. It manifests itself by exuding total AFC behavior. I found a site that really helps. I bought the book (From ebooks.com, $7) and it is incredible.
www.nomoremrniceguy.com
www.nomoremrniceguy.com
showtime17
Don Juan
yeah that link you posted is pretty good. i think i have the nice guy syndrome.
from the section of the site describing the nice guy syndrome: "Sound familiar? These are typical Nice Guy sentiments. A nice guy's primary goal is to make others happy. Nice guys have been conditioned to believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will be loved, get what they want, and have a smooth life.:
that's me right there. i dont know why, but i believe that you should treat others as you want to be treated and people will treat you like that as well. not true. from personal experience, people abuse this. they get whatever they want from you and then drop you like a worthless piece of shyte... based on looks, everything i should be having no trouble with girls. i am 6'1, 180 pounds, was one of the top sprinters in high school, recruited by unis. i work out and am "built".
however my problem is that i am just too nice, i say hi to everyone, even people i barely know. (they then look at me funny sometimes and try to avoid me, but all i am trying to be is friendly) i always help everyone when they need help..etc. i dont smoke, dont do drugs...etc.
however i cant get girls at all. most of them end up hating me. i dont know why. well it's probably cause of my easy-going nature and my niceness, but i've tried hard not to be like that, but i just cant seem to get past my nature. i am actually naturally ****y and funny...etc. but when you combine it with my niceness, it just doesnt work.
i wish i could sometimes be a jerk, not care if i hurt someone's feelings, but it's impossible. i sometimes seem to be making progress, but it all usually comes tumbling down. havent been able to get out of this bad circle. however i will continue working on it. hope dies last. at least you've identified the problem, now the goal is to change it. the question is how?
from the section of the site describing the nice guy syndrome: "Sound familiar? These are typical Nice Guy sentiments. A nice guy's primary goal is to make others happy. Nice guys have been conditioned to believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will be loved, get what they want, and have a smooth life.:
that's me right there. i dont know why, but i believe that you should treat others as you want to be treated and people will treat you like that as well. not true. from personal experience, people abuse this. they get whatever they want from you and then drop you like a worthless piece of shyte... based on looks, everything i should be having no trouble with girls. i am 6'1, 180 pounds, was one of the top sprinters in high school, recruited by unis. i work out and am "built".
however my problem is that i am just too nice, i say hi to everyone, even people i barely know. (they then look at me funny sometimes and try to avoid me, but all i am trying to be is friendly) i always help everyone when they need help..etc. i dont smoke, dont do drugs...etc.
however i cant get girls at all. most of them end up hating me. i dont know why. well it's probably cause of my easy-going nature and my niceness, but i've tried hard not to be like that, but i just cant seem to get past my nature. i am actually naturally ****y and funny...etc. but when you combine it with my niceness, it just doesnt work.
i wish i could sometimes be a jerk, not care if i hurt someone's feelings, but it's impossible. i sometimes seem to be making progress, but it all usually comes tumbling down. havent been able to get out of this bad circle. however i will continue working on it. hope dies last. at least you've identified the problem, now the goal is to change it. the question is how?
Damn we could be twins with our problem. I'm naturally ****y and funny, my best trait is I can put a smile on any girl's face and make her laugh. I can have a good conversation with girls, but I find that also to be a problem. I talk to them as if they were my best friends. I don't really have a style of talking for the girls,a nd for the guys. Maybe that's why I'm friend zoned so easily, girls are so laid back with me because I seem harmless. My solution is to go the ****y-funny routine to get their attention. Once you grab them is when you should SLOWLY show your nice side. I find that the nice side is better in spurts, nice guys lose because we OVERDOSE them with it!
Gangster Of Love
Master Don Juan
How old are you?
You sound like you're relatively young, so you can change your ways easier than an older man who's really conditioned to behave in nice, predictable way.
You sound like you're relatively young, so you can change your ways easier than an older man who's really conditioned to behave in nice, predictable way.
I'm 19, 2nd year of college. Recently broke up with first girlfriend in 2 yr relationship. Rejected by two girls because they view me as a nice friend. I got the knowledge with the website and the desire to change, I'm not going to be like this any longer.
Omid
Don Juan
You go for it, dude. Get active in extra-curricular college activities. There's nothing wrong being a little arrogant about yourself. Remember: there is no such thing as scarcity. Read the Bible, and go for it!
showtime17
Don Juan
yeah making girls laugh is something i can do pretty easily. i literally know tons of girls. however i just cant seem to get any farther. one problem is that most of the chicks i meet are usually already taken, plus i am in my last year of uni, so time is scarce. my friends always keep telling me to hook them up with some of the girls i know, however the problem is that i cant even hook myself up...lol. 
although another problem is that my constant niceness draws chicks away as well. they might seem interested at first and i make them laugh..etc., but after a while it seems like they start avoiding me. not all the chicks, but some.... i think the trick is to start avoiding them as well. for me that's pretty hard, cause whenever i know someone i automatically go up to them, say hi and talk for a bit, even if i dont know them that well. i guess it freaks some people out, but i dont know i am just naturally friendly. i have the ****y and funny thing down pretty good, however getting rid of the niceness still needs some work. i guess i gotta be a little more selfish....
although another problem is that my constant niceness draws chicks away as well. they might seem interested at first and i make them laugh..etc., but after a while it seems like they start avoiding me. not all the chicks, but some.... i think the trick is to start avoiding them as well. for me that's pretty hard, cause whenever i know someone i automatically go up to them, say hi and talk for a bit, even if i dont know them that well. i guess it freaks some people out, but i dont know i am just naturally friendly. i have the ****y and funny thing down pretty good, however getting rid of the niceness still needs some work. i guess i gotta be a little more selfish....