Newly Single problems, after being with a 9/10 for 3 years.

[ShortSpark]

Hi guys,

So this is my first ever post here, i'm going to try and articulate my problem as simply as possible, but there is going to be some waffle guaranteed.. here it goes:



So I recently broke up with my ex (say 2-3 months ago) as I guess I fell out of love, and I could feel myself wanting to be with other people (not just sexual, for dating, possible relationship etc) and did not want to disrespect her. She is an amazing girl, scandinavian, tall at 5'8 (tall for me as i'm only 5'9) and beautiful, I loved walking into a room with her, as everyone would be gawping over her, great for the ego right? Everything on paper says she is the perfect girl, but I don't even feel anything for her, even now, the thought of her being with over people doesn't even hurt much. Anyway the problem...

I consider myself as a half decent looking guy, nothing special, average build but kinda short (5'9) etc, i've always dated good looking women, but i've also been told that i punch above my weight by my peers. Now that I am single though i've lost a lot of self esteem, I live in London, and I have been using Tinder for dating (First time user). Suddenly i don't feel attractive (i know tinder is shallow and i should expect that if i'm not a 10). I'm not matching with 10/10 9/10s or even 8/10s. The majority are 5/10s and people i wouldn't even want to bang, I've been on about 6/7 dates, and half of them didn't look like their pics, and the ones that did, i ended up sleeping with on the first date and then it kind of ****s everything.

The most recent one i actually liked and she is like a 6.5/7. We ended up going back to mine, banged, something weird happened (on her behalf), and now she's distant, and for the first time in years, i'm checking my phone like a little biatch, seeing if she has text me etc, and I'm getting strung up on a girl that normally I wouldn't go for.

BASICALLY, is there anyone else out there who broke up with a good looking girlfriend, then found it hard to get back to dating the same caliber of girl? What did you do to improve your chances? Did you go to the gym and get ripped, to be more appealing? Did you shun tinder, and just go to bars etc to meet girls? How did you boost your self esteem and your ego, as reading back on this, this is obviously what i need? I know I shouldn't complain because i do get laid etc, but something is affecting me, and obviously that is why i'm here asking you guys!

 

[BeTheChange]

My ex was also up there with the best of them looks wise.

Expect to be rummaging through Tinder for a very long time before you find someone on your level in looks.Most likely, if you do find someone on your level she will be looking for a boyfriend. Girls get their heads gassed on there so even average girls log off thinking they're 10s. I'm also in London so I get your situation.

Diversify your source of meeting women. Online is decent for convenience but generally the quality of girls you can get will be higher in real life. Try new classes, join a few meetups, hit the bars with some mates twice a week and strike up a conversation on the tube. Easy.

The answer to your problems is simple. Get out there and spin plates.

 

[Bible_Belt]

3 words: animal welfare charity

Become involved with one of those and it will be the opposite of the sausage-fest that is on-line dating, as well as bars and clubs.

Girls who are hb8-10 want to believe that you are not with them just for their looks, so a shallow venue like a bar or OLD does not cater to that desire. But girls who are 5-7s want to feel like they are 8-10s, which is why they are on tinder.

 

[ShortSpark]

I had to look up 'Spin Plates' haha! But thats totally what I need, a circulation of numbers, so that anytime I feel desperation because of a flakey girl, i can quickly switch to another.

In regards to the tube chat, i've always seen it as a sort of taboo? Any advice?

Haha the animal welfare charity suggestion is amazing, i hate cats, but i love Pussaaay, i'm gona check it out!

 

[blind_one]

I consider myself as a half decent looking guy, nothing special, average build but kinda short (5'9) etc, i've always dated good looking women, but i've also been told that i punch above my weight by my peers. Now that I am single though i've lost a lot of self esteem, I live in London, and I have been using Tinder for dating (First time user). Suddenly i don't feel attractive (i know tinder is shallow and i should expect that if i'm not a 10). I'm not matching with 10/10 9/10s or even 8/10s. The majority are 5/10s and people i wouldn't even want to bang, I've been on about 6/7 dates, and half of them didn't look like their pics, and the ones that did, i ended up sleeping with on the first date and then it kind of ****s everything.

Don't sweat it m8, we have all been through it at some point. Lows can be really low sometimes.
As for OLD don't sweat it, if you don't have a decent stable of photos, it might be just like that. Used to do OLD recently, and after around 300 rating I was around 5.7. Now imagine that butter face fatties rate around 6 often times. I mean really ?

After I broke up with my GF I did not really look for anything, and all the girls seemed bland and I kept comparing them to her in my mind, which is normal and stops after some time. Keep going and I'm sure you will find that smoking girl you are yet to meet. Just put yourself out there with a positive outlook.

On the other hand , now that you have some extra time on your hands , invest in yourself, join a course, read fascinating book, take care of your body with dieting and workouts. That will raise both your real and percieved value and that can never be bad.

 

[skinnyguy]

Stop using Tinder. It will kill your self esteem.

You had a severe case of oneitis for 3 years and now think that no woman is as special as your ex. I usually don't advocate this but you should go out and bang anyone who's willing so you forget about your ex. This mindset you have is toxic and women probably sense your entitlement.

All in all, what you want won't be online.

 

[ShortSpark]

I usually don't advocate this but you should go out and bang anyone who's willing so you forget about your ex.

Totally hear what you're saying, but it's not banging girls that is the problem, as i've been doing that. I think it's more the fact, as like you said, maybe i feel entitled to hot women as that is what i'm used to? And now i'm down because i don't have it on a pedestal. Maybe it's because, when i was in the relationship I felt as if I could have anybody I wanted, when in reality it probably wasn't true. Saying that i believe having a hot girl on your arm, even if you are average looking makes women curious as to why?

Understand women. Understand this game. And understand yourself.

This is it in a nutshell, and i'm here to learn!

 

[NSX-R]

I was in the exact same situation as yours some time ago. I had everything but i wanted more experience and to gain experience you have to bang more than one women. First 4-5 months i was banging every attractive female i was seeing in my way . I wasn't thinking at all about my ex till one day (2 months after our break up) she texted me and she came into my mind.I ignored her. I was thinking that i might had missed a chance there but i didn't cared at all since i was banging other women and i was gaining the experience that i wanted. After some time i was feeling hollow . I said ,'' there are many other more important things than this'' . I went into monk mode for 5-6 months,joined the Gym , did some financial moves ,you know mostly self improvement in almost every aspect . No approaches and nothing except for a couple of plates .
Honestly? Single life is the best with a small difference. You have to keep spinin a couple of plates on the side though otherwise your little thingy down there is gonna fall down.
I'm 21 year old and I'm not intending to merry at least till my 30s. Fck ,as I'm thinking it right now ,I'm not intending to merry in my whole life. Life is too small to be exclusive to someone.

My question to you though is this: Do you need a gf or you do want a gf?

 

[BeTheChange]

I had to look up 'Spin Plates' haha! But thats totally what I need, a circulation of numbers, so that anytime I feel desperation because of a flakey girl, i can quickly switch to another.

In regards to the tube chat, i've always seen it as a sort of taboo? Any advice?

Haha the animal welfare charity suggestion is amazing, i hate cats, but i love Pussaaay, i'm gona check it out!

Best time to do a tube chat is on the way to a night out (like a Friday or Saturday evening) when the tube is less busy and people are more naturally in the mood to chat due to it being the weekend and there often being alcohol involved.

On a typical night to and from home my mates and I will get 2 or 3 numbers collectively from tube chats alone.