Newcomer Trying to Finally Correct My Mistakes

[beasy]

Alright. First time posting hope ya'll can give me a hand. I'm the guy whose got the tools but can't ever seem to put them together. I've had a fair number of partners but I'm not ashamed to say it's been no skill on my part, just fortunate in the gene pool. I'm notorious for moving too fast with girls I'm interested in and tend to drive the ones I want away, settling for the lesser girls who express an outright interest in me. Make it stop!

Now for my current dilemma, I'm interested in this HB8.5, we've known each other a while and I've had my opportunities but just haven't been able to seal the deal. I might be kidding myself even trying for her given that I've confessed having a crush on her in the past... but oh well the AFC in me still sees an opportunity.

So, I go back and forth all day about whether or not to call her today.. I spoke with her online(Facebook) earlier sparingly, and she was aloof as she always is. (I've been reading the boards and will promptly stop IM'ing girls I want to talk to, obviously a bad look) I end up deciding to call her and she picks up. We talk for about 5 minutes and then she hands the phone off to her friend, without so much as a "hold on" or "here's (friend's name)." Obviously I'm offput by this and a little confused because the friend didn't even say it was her she just started talking. I talk to her casually for a few minutes and finally I cave and ask what happened to the first girl. She tells me:

"She's right here, do you want to talk to her?"

I'm thinking, 'Can't let this girl have the upper hand...." (Although I know and she knows she does)

So I respond:

"Haha no, if she doesn't want to talk to me that's fine. I was just calling to invite the two of you over for New Year's."

She then invited me out tonight with them to a local bar but they're in college whereas I recently graduated and have work in the morning so I won't be joining them so I said bye and hung up.

Questions:

Should I have let on that I was irritated or was that a little too passive aggressive?

Conversely should I have either let her know right then that it annoyed me she handed off the phone or maybe drop her a sarcastic text about it?

How would any of you have responded?

I left the possibility that I would come out open, knowing that I won't be. Would it be a bad move to text her something like "Hey thanks for the invite but I'm gona stay in and get some work done but let's be in touch about the weekend."

Finally, like I said I've known this girl for a little while now but we'd fallen out of touch for a couple years and recently started communicating again. I've showed my hand in the past and I'm trying to regain the mystery that'll get her blood boiling. ANY and all advice will be appreciate and humbly taken into consideration.

Thanks,

Beasy

 

[Igetit!]

Welcome to the forum.

Now let's get down to business...


Answer these questions...

Now for my current dilemma, I'm interested in this HB8.5, we've known each other a while...

HOW LONG have you known her?

I've confessed having a crush on her in the past

When you said this to her,what did she say in response?

And how long ago did this "confession" of yours take place?

So, I go back and forth all day about whether or not to call her today.. I spoke with her online(Facebook) earlier sparingly, and she was aloof as she always is.

You go back and forth about whether to call her or not.

How did you get this girl's number?

Under what circumstances?

I talk to her casually for a few minutes and finally I cave and ask what happened to the first girl. She tells me:

"She's right here, do you want to talk to her?"

I'm thinking, 'Can't let this girl have the upper hand...." (Although I know and she knows she does)

LOL,this one almost made my side hurt :crackup:.


Beasy,you can't kill something that's already dead.


You're worrying about trying to keep the upperhand but from everything I've seen so far,it looks like the "upper hand" was lost looong ago.



Hate to say this,but from everything I've read up to now,it's not looking too good.

Questions:

Should I have let on that I was irritated or was that a little too passive aggressive?

Conversely should I have either let her know right then that it annoyed me she handed off the phone or maybe drop her a sarcastic text about it?

How would any of you have responded?

NONE OF THIS STUFF MATTERS.


You letting on you were irritated,or possibly seeming passive agressive,or letting her know you were annoyed at her handing off the phone...


it all means NOTHING.




You want to date this girl,right? So let me ask you this...



Have you asked her out? You know,like on a date?


HAVE YOU ASKED HER OUT?




Her saying yes or no isn't the issue. Her response doesn't matter.


What matters is whether you've shown you're interest or not.




My question was,"Have you asked her out?".

Not if you've complimented her
Not if you've told her you like her


You can't just tell a girl you like her and expect that to "magically" turn into a date.



You gotta ask her out,you gotta risk rejection.

 

[beasy]

I appreciate the tough love man haha it's exactly what I needed to hear. I read the post from your signature and it was eye opening.

To answer your questions:

I've know her for about 4 years, the last 2 of which we've been out of touch.

Her response to me telling her I had a crush on her was to smile and kiss me on the cheek when we were drunk in a bar.

I've had her phone number for a while because she's a close friend of a friend and we used to hang out years ago. We fell out of touch because we went to different Universities and she had a boyfriend so I figured why bother. Apparently he cheated on her and is out the picture but I'm not sure what the status on that is.

You're right about the last part as well, no I haven't asked her on a date and I guess I'm grasping at straws trying to figure out what trivial communication means. She has expressed a desire to hang over the winter holidays and, like I said, her friend invited me to come out with them tonight.

To break it down, I know this girl thinks I'm a good looking guy but:
a. we've been friends in the past when she was occupied with other love interests
b. i haven't been able to put together the kind of game to get a girl like her, not necessarily her because I understand she very well be lost already, to move from just thinking I'm cute to really having butterflies in her stomach when we're together.

I'm usually a private person but I'm laying it all out here because I CAN get girls, but I want QUALITY girls, and that requires effort on my part that I haven't been able to master.

I think, in fact I know, I have a lot to offer I'm just struggling to take that message out of my head and put it into heads of las femmes.

Haha any advice/criticism is welcome and wanted.

Thanks again.

 

[Igetit!]

To answer your questions:

I've know her for about 4 years, the last 2 of which we've been out of touch.

So you've known her for four years,and was out of touch for two of them.


That means for the other two,you were in touch with her.


I don't know what exactly went down during all that time,but if you're still trying to date her NOW,4 years later,then whatever you did didn't work.


And being around her for two years WITHOUT DATING HER is a friendzone default.

Her response to me telling her I had a crush on her was to smile and kiss me on the cheek when we were drunk in a bar.

So she didn't recipricate. She didn't mention anything about having feelings for you,just gave you a kiss on the cheek.


Not good my friend,not good.

she had a boyfriend so I figured why bother. Apparently he cheated on her and is out the picture but I'm not sure what the status on that is.

If you two went to different universities and lost touch for 2 years,then how did you know her boyfriend cheated on her?

Who told you that? And please...PLEASE,don't say she did.

You're right about the last part as well, no I haven't asked her on a date...

Why not?

It's been 4 years. What are you waiting on?

She has expressed a desire to hang over the winter holidays and, like I said, her friend invited me to come out with them tonight.

Having a desire to "hang out" with you and you being invited to tag along with her and her friend are both different from her wanting to "date" you.


Your goal is for you and her to spend time together that has a romantic intent to it,that SHE KNOWS ABOUT.



I'm not sure you "hanging out" with her over the holidays or you tagging along with her and her friend to go to a bar qualify as a romantic date.

To break it down, I know this girl thinks I'm a good looking guy

This is irrelevent.

Why do I say this? Well come on,it's been four years,right?

If you being "good looking" would make her date you,it wouldn't take this long to make it happen.

a. we've been friends in the past when she was occupied with other love interests

BAM...game over. But I....GAME OVER I SAID.


So you were friends with her WHILE she was dating other guys.

And no doubt she came and told you about some of the issues and drama she was going through with these other men,right?


Well,that settles it.

GAME OVER my friend.



Time to move on to the next one.

b. i haven't been able to put together the kind of game to get a girl like her, not necessarily her because I understand she very well be lost already, to move from just thinking I'm cute to really having butterflies in her stomach when we're together.

Well don't worry about this,there's enough info here to get you passed the "you're cute" to causing butterflies in the tummy to women,but NOT WITH THIS GIRL.


This girl is a done deal.