New year and NO CONTACT no excuses.

[exhausted]

Second day no contact haha.
It's been off and on for 2 months.
More than anything just very disappointed and feel betrayed to give so much time and be fantastic to her and her kid and not be appreciated when it comes down to it. I feel Appreciation is displayed through actions not words. My fault tho, i have to take responsibility knowing she is bipolar and has princess syndrome, a spoiled brat as this girl can be down right mean. I am not mean natured to women as i have 3 sisters i am very close to, even fighting and playings sports violently all my life, i can separate the emotions and am composed where a woman who is bipolar or emotionally unstable can not.
I figured the problem some of us have not getting rid of a bipolar gf when we know we should and the reason is we really are very close in connection to them, really best friends on top of a gf. When they flip and then come back they are very open and show strength to get things back on track and are very loving and affectionate, well until the next time in a few days when the roller coaster resumes.
Its tough to cut off somebody u care for after 3 years even when u know its the best.
Though that is what I am doing as the bipolar episodes just did not stop. Wonderful and loving and normal for days to a week or two then BAM out of no where emotionally unstable flipping out over literally nothing, or something so little just to ask or talk. It is unreal what I put up with.
Once we went to Subway to eat and she had a subway prepaid card she received as a gift and was going to use it, the credit card machine was down, I only had 10 bucks and my cards, so only 10 bucks, so I asked her if she wanted for us to just split something, go 4 miles down the road to the next subway where we could use our cards or to another place to eat, she said just get what i want and she will figure it out, so I got a steak sub and we went outside and I asked what she wanted to do, she said nothing she wasnt hungry... I said lets go somewhere and get you something to eat, she said "no and dont ask me again" like a *****, I said ok, drove home and she goes in my room at 530pm and says she is going to bed for the night...I am thinking WTF? 45 mins goes by and she gets up and says she is going to her house, all in a frenzy mad and pissed.. I cant get a word in and just kind of stand back away from the fire ( my sis is bipolar so growing up if she had episodes as a kid i just left the room or house to get away from them) anyways she calls on her way home yelling at me telling me she has never dated a guy who didnt buy her dinner WTF?? I said, ugh, the card machine was down all i had was 10 bucks, offered us to split a footlong, go to the next subway or out to dinner elsewhere....( i always paid for dinners we were tog about a year when this happened but she had the giftcard and wanted to just use it) Anyways she was flipping and hung up on me. I went nc for like two days until she figured it out...

Anyways I think I just told this story to remind myself I am doing the right thing, I have probably 25 stories like this in nearly 3 years...

This time I can not feel bad or sad or care for her in any way, hard to let someone go even if they are crazy as shiiit and feel like a best friend but my God no one deserves this unstable abusive treatment...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

That's rough. Youre probably addicted to the ups and downs so will take some time to detox from that.

I dated someone like this, posisbly bipolar but also had the Narcissistic rage which is very similar. Started drinking alone and drinking around her whenever possible because she stressed me out so much. But she was my best friend(I thought...Obviously I wasn't hers) so I get it.

I had the same thing, the incredibly powerful selfishness and lack of concern during certain decisions would trigger a pain in me that I'd drink to unsuccessfully cover the wound. Caused a spiral of depression basically...

I've unraveled that by stopping drinking, NOT ONE DROP four months, turning my physical fitness around. Also transforming much of my thoughts and my life.

Everything looks and feels different without the sauce. Some of her BS that she was feeding me, I'd rationalize and fight with on the sauce. Without it I know I'm not supposed
to be going there, that it doesn't even make any sense and I shouldn't be arguing about that.

 

[exhausted]

That's rough. Youre probably addicted to the ups and downs so will take some time to detox from that.

I dated someone like this, posisbly bipolar but also had the Narcissistic rage which is very similar. Started drinking alone and drinking around her whenever possible because she stressed me out so much. But she was my best friend(I thought...Obviously I wasn't hers) so I get it.

Thanks.
Is that what it is addiction? Maybe right. I truly cared for her and i think what got me is my older sister is bipolar, heart of gold tho emotionally unstable like this so i understandthe problem thought i could help or deal with it. Tho the narcissism takes over and she wont take her meds,its everyone elses fault.

Get this my son had an atv accident in July, life flighted for life saving surgery, 11 days later we are still hospitalized in a rehab facility, well his mouth and hands go numb so they send us to the ER via ambulance, we are in the ER from 5pm till 330 am. My sis was with me thankfully tho my son had scans and tests and even a spinal puncture to retrieve cerebralspinal fluid (horrible pain)

Long story short my sis works midnight shifts and slept till 3 pm that day, i had been staying in rehab with him in his room and up all night helping him all week so i have been up like 30 hours straight, so my sis is good but im exhausted she decides to stay and i go to my moms after we got transferred back from er to the rehab facility, my ex calls at 8am and i tell her i ended coming to sleep at my moms. She goes CRAZY on the phone and accuses me of cheating on her being w a girl. Im like wtf im at my moms her is my mom on the phone. She breaks up w me.
9 hours in the er terrified my son has another brain bleed or had a stroke and this ***** breaks up w me when i need her most.
25 stories lije this.
Sometimes i ask God what i did to have this girl come into my life, i was happy and 35. Now im 38 and out of shape. Ha. Damn it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks.
Is that what it is addiction? Maybe right. I truly cared for her and i think what got me is my older sister is bipolar, heart of gold tho emotionally unstable like this so i understandthe problem thought i could help or deal with it. Tho the narcissism takes over and she wont take her meds,its everyone elses fault.

Get this my son had an atv accident in July, life flighted for life saving surgery, 11 days later we are still hospitalized in a rehab facility, well his mouth snd head goes numb so they send us to the ER via ambulance, we are in the ER from 5pm till 330 am. My sis was with me thankfully tho my son had scans and tests and even a spinal puncture to retrieve cerebralspinal fluid (horrible pain)

Long story short my sis works midnight shifts and slept till 3 pm thst day, i had been stsying in rehab with him in his room and up all night helping him all week so i have been up like 30 hours straight, so my sis is good but im exhausted she decides to stay and i go to my moms after we got transferred back from er to the rehab facility, my ex calls at 8am and i tell her i ended coming to sleep at my moms. She goes CRAZY on the phone and accuses me of cheating on her being w a girl. Im like wtf im at my moms her is my mom on the phone. She breaks up w me.
9 hours in the er terrified my son has another brain bleed or had a stroke and this ***** breaks up w me when i need her most.
25 stories lije this.
Sometimes i ask God what i did to have this girl come into my life, i was happy and 35. Now im 38 and out of shape. Ha. Damn it.

Right! She didn't want to feel one bit of discomfort or concern her emotional state with your feelings! Out of shape can be rectified. Make a commitment, then one day at a time like a alcoholic.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

They cause cortisol stress hormone, leads to weight gain. She probably was cheating on you fyi.

She sure probably was! Concerned about the other guy emotionally but not you. He probably knew the game and strung her along always ensuring a lack of attention on her and you basically get to pay for him screwing her. But she still was conjugating with you, so not sure. A lot of women will be with one person primarily and won't have dueling c0cks...

 

[exhausted]

She sure probably was! Concerned about the other guy emotionally but not you. He probably knew the game and strung her along always ensuring a lack of attention on her and you basically get to pay for him screwing her. But she still was conjugating with you, so not sure. A lot of women will be with one person primarily and won't have dueling c0cks...

Not being naive but i dont think so. She lives with her parents and we communicated enough to where i knew her whereabouts all the time, not like she would go mia or anything.
Her problem she didnt get to move in with me, is bipolar, emotionally unstable and a spoiled brat.
She had been chasing me in every way for months now but i put an end to it, the constant breakups and outbursts would not stop. .plus the crossing line of respect.

I had to draw the line as it doesnt stop. .that is what i told her, she said i am pouting not getting back w her and doing xmas tog and i skipped her kids xmas school play, i said its not that i am pouting its that i am done her bs never stopped she never got better.

She will wake up one day and be hysterical for a long time when she realizes what shes done to this.
For now of course she is mad and blames me, narcissism.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Last year I came out of a 5+ year relationship. Finally realized she was totally selfish and a narcissist.

Get back in the gym. Life your azz off.

Start dating other women, spin plates.

Absolutely no contact.

Give yourself some time to deal with the fallout. You will keep realizing things and saying: "why the fvck did I put up with that."? Forgive yourself and promise to never do it again. Then look forward, not backward.

-Augustus-

 

[Serenity]

Sounds bad. I have super strong boundaries now, but 3 years ago I was swimming in the sh!t. My mother was extremely unstable and I just wouldn't take her sh!t anymore, she was trying to bring hell down upon me when I rebelled. Which didn't exactly help her accomplish influence over me, it had the opposite effect.

I occasionally talk to her today, but I don't let my guard down. I care about her in the way that I wish she gets well, but recognize I can't do sh!t about it and it must be entirely her choice and effort. As I said my boundaries are super strong, I won't let the slightest bullsh!t pass anymore. She absolutely hates when I shut her out, but that's what I'll do if she doesn't respect me. I'll leave/hang up and go ghost for as much time as suits me, that unpredictable element right there she also hates. I'm in absolute control through my boundaries.

It's not a good relationship, but it's my mother after all. She doesn't bother trying to give me sh!t anymore, she knows I'm dead serious in my threats about just vanishing from her life. The only reason I even bothered trying to re-establish some contact is because she's my mother, had it been an ex girlfriend she'd be dead to me and no fvcks given.

Nobody should tolerate being treated like sh!t, there's no excuse for that, not even mental disorder. No disorder makes it OK to be an a$$hole, just no.

 

[exhausted]

Sounds bad. I have super strong boundaries now, but 3 years ago I was swimming in the sh!t. My mother was extremely unstable and I just wouldn't take her sh!t anymore, she was trying to bring hell down upon me when I rebelled. Which didn't exactly help her accomplish influence over me, it had the opposite effect.

I occasionally talk to her today, but I don't let my guard down. I care about her in the way that I wish she gets well, but recognize I can't do sh!t about it and it must be entirely her choice and effort. As I said my boundaries are super strong, I won't let the slightest bullsh!t pass anymore. She absolutely hates when I shut her out, but that's what I'll do if she doesn't respect me. I'll leave/hang up and go ghost for as much time as suits me, that unpredictable element right there she also hates. I'm in absolute control through my boundaries.

It's not a good relationship, but it's my mother after all. She doesn't bother trying to give me sh!t anymore, she knows I'm dead serious in my threats about just vanishing from her life. The only reason I even bothered trying to re-establish some contact is because she's my mother, had it been an ex girlfriend she'd be dead to me and no fvcks given.

Nobody should tolerate being treated like sh!t, there's no excuse for that, not even mental disorder. No disorder makes it OK to be an a$$hole, just no.

Man thats rough.
I agree no one should deal with abuse.
Im no *****, boxed my whole life since 6 years old and still spar and train to stay in shape, however, i told this girl that she was emotionally and mentally abusive and verbally and she was.
Ive never dated a girl with such a mean mouth she could be down right horrible to where i was more shocked than mad.
And then she loved me more than life itself!!
Wtf.
I dont get it.
Well actually i do, bipolar.
I dont yell at girls or call names.

 

[EyeBRollin]

quickest way to get over a woman is to bang a hotter one.

 

[Serenity]

Man thats rough.
I agree no one should deal with abuse.
Im no *****, boxed my whole life since 6 years old and still spar and train to stay in shape, however, i told this girl that she was emotionally and mentally abusive and verbally and she was.
Ive never dated a girl with such a mean mouth she could be down right horrible to where i was more shocked than mad.
And then she loved me more than life itself!!
Wtf.
I dont get it.
Well actually i do, bipolar.
I dont yell at girls or call names.

Yeah, my mother would completely flip sometimes. It just eventually became impossible to buy into it, I knew it wouldn't last for long. I started seeing it for what it was, it wasn't love, it wasn't selflessly motivated at all. She was playing super nice to continue taking advantage of me, it was done simply to not lose me. Once she saw a shred of trust from me she would go back to constantly asking favors and throwing sh!t if I declined or didn't do it well enough.

I did end up calling a lot of names, saying a lot of things I'm not proud of and finally telling her to fvck off with those words exactly. I had a few massive outbursts of pure rage from all that time suppressing my frustrations about her. After I was done venting I basically ignored her for an entire year, just to prove it wasn't a bullsh!t threat. She probably tried calling 200 times and sending countless texts with excuses, (false) apologies and sometimes the occasional threat with namecalling etc. I did not answer once, to anything.

This is what it took to control the beast, it's better to just GTFO.

 

[exhausted]

Yeah, my mother would completely flip sometimes. It just eventually became impossible to buy into it, I knew it wouldn't last for long. I started seeing it for what it was, it wasn't love, it wasn't selflessly motivated at all. She was playing super nice to continue taking advantage of me, it was done simply to not lose me. Once she saw a shred of trust from me she would go back to constantly asking favors and throwing sh!t if I declined or didn't do it well enough.

I did end up calling a lot of names, saying a lot of things I'm not proud of and finally telling her to fvck off with those words exactly. I had a few massive outbursts of pure rage from all that time suppressing my frustrations about her. After I was done venting I basically ignored her for an entire year, just to prove it wasn't a bullsh!t threat. She probably tried calling 200 times and sending countless texts with excuses, (false) apologies and sometimes the occasional threat with namecalling etc. I did not answer once, to anything.

This is what it took to control the beast, it's better to just GTFO.

Wow that sounds like my ex, where u said she would be nice to get u back around and then flip again.
Its understandable to finally flip yourself.
I would go nc and ignore her a bit which she hated but i just couldnt be around it and i would eventually go back at her in a fight about how inappropriate or wrong she was for acting like that in which she would immediately turn ot around and say i was putting her down saying she is horrible and ****ty......WTF. unreal thst she would be so terrible to me and when i would state she was wrong for it she would turn it around as she is the VICTIM and i was putting her down.

Another very consistent theme was she would do or say something terrible to me and i would get mad at her and she would get mad at me for being mad or unhappy w her.

I have never in my life met a girl who is mad at me because i am mad at her for something she did. What in the holy fuuck??!

Im glad to be off the rollercoaster but i admit i am having a tough time because despite it all we were very close.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Wow that sounds like my ex, where u said she would be nice to get u back around and then flip again.
Its understandable to finally flip yourself.
I would go nc and ignore her a bit which she hated but i just couldnt be around it and i would eventually go back at her in a fight about how inappropriate or wrong she was for acting like that in which she would immediately turn ot around and say i was putting her down saying she is horrible and ****ty......WTF. unreal thst she would be so terrible to me and when i would state she was wrong for it she would turn it around as she is the VICTIM and i was putting her down.

Another very consistent theme was she would do or say something terrible to me and i would get mad at her and she would get mad at me for being mad or unhappy w her.

I have never in my life met a girl who is mad at me because i am mad at her for something she did. What in the holy fuuck??!

Im glad to be off the rollercoaster but i admit i am having a tough time because despite it all we were very close.

I was just talking about this same thing with a co-worker. A female angry and retaliating at me, because I'm angry with her for hurting me in this or that way.

 

[exhausted]

Last year I came out of a 5+ year relationship. Finally realized she was totally selfish and a narcissist.

Get back in the gym. Life your azz off.

Start dating other women, spin plates.

Absolutely no contact.

Give yourself some time to deal with the fallout. You will keep realizing things and saying: "why the fvck did I put up with that."? Forgive yourself and promise to never do it again. Then look forward, not backward.

-Augustus-

Well i know why i put up with it but i should have known better to think she would improve. She is diagnosed bipolar been to psych 6x prob given meds but never takes them. Says nothing is wrong with her.
Add on top of it her history was of numerous horrible decisions. Horrible. I was foolish not judge, i should have assessed and bailed early. I had just lost my dad months prior and now i onow this effected me greatly as i was looking for any ray of light.

 

[exhausted]

quickest way to get over a woman is to bang a hotter one.

That helps especially if if is consistently.
Sadly im a caring person. Its a damn curse.

 

[exhausted]

I was just talking about this same thing with a co-worker. A female angry and retaliating at me, because I'm angry with her for hurting me in this or that way.

Isn't that just inanity?
I have never dated a girl b4 who did something legitimately wrong and i was unhappy or upset about it and she get mad and mistreat me because i was not happy for a min.
She would yell at me or put me down...."get over it already" "your a *****" haha. That was my favorite, i fought a bit and played minor league baseball clearly this wasnt the case ha.
Her anger and rage trumped logic and common sense all the time.

Last time i was with her she picked me up and we went to the mall and coming back to my house she goes crazy because we dont live together and this driving to separate homes is bs, her 5 year old with us and she is yelling and screaming at me like crazy slowing down on the highway and pulling off halfway in traffic to kick me out of the car as i said nothing but stop yelling at me in front of ur kid its unacceptable then she starts mocking and mocking what i say like a jr high bully. Wtf..... i told her the only reason she is mocking me is becauae she is a chick or she would get stomped ( i said this whispering to her so her kid wouldnt hear) but i never retaliated because i wont fight in front of the kid . Not acceptable.
So as she drops me off she breaks things off. I said good im not being screamed to like that. She drives around block then comes back to my house runs in gets all her clothes she had in drawers and leaves.
Then messages all night and the next day and calls complaining i wont talk to her and cant understand why and is mad at me i wont get over it and get back with her and blames me for 3 weeks. Its over now but she is mad at me.

 

[Serenity]

Wow that sounds like my ex, where u said she would be nice to get u back around and then flip again.
Its understandable to finally flip yourself.
I would go nc and ignore her a bit which she hated but i just couldnt be around it and i would eventually go back at her in a fight about how inappropriate or wrong she was for acting like that in which she would immediately turn ot around and say i was putting her down saying she is horrible and ****ty......WTF. unreal thst she would be so terrible to me and when i would state she was wrong for it she would turn it around as she is the VICTIM and i was putting her down.

Another very consistent theme was she would do or say something terrible to me and i would get mad at her and she would get mad at me for being mad or unhappy w her.

I have never in my life met a girl who is mad at me because i am mad at her for something she did. What in the holy fuuck??!

Im glad to be off the rollercoaster but i admit i am having a tough time because despite it all we were very close.

The feeling of being close is an illusion, it's really an addiction. They're dangerous to be close with, because they'll play your vulnerability against you. Someone who shows love will not do that, even if they're mad at you.

I have fully processed my experiences with this, in the end you'll feel the opposite of close. I can't relate at all to my mother anymore, at least not emotionally although I can intellectually be aware of what's going on. She doesn't live in reality, she has her own little mental bubble she lives in. That's why their words and actions often don't align, they're really out of touch with reality.

 

[exhausted]

The feeling of being close is an illusion, it's really an addiction. They're dangerous to be close with, because they'll play your vulnerability against you. Someone who shows love will not do that, even if they're mad at you.

I have fully processed my experiences with this, in the end you'll feel the opposite of close. I can't relate at all to my mother anymore, at least not emotionally although I can intellectually be aware of what's going on. She doesn't live in reality, she has her own little mental bubble she lives in. That's why their words and actions often don't align, they're really out of touch with reality.

Why is this an addiction??
I recall having the feeling of misery or grief turn when things would get back on to a feeling of peace or happiness that i guess was the addiction.
How in the hell does an expected normal feeling of daily happiness/peace or just resolving the issue become an addiction to yearn for that I would stay around through this up and down miserable bs?

What i realize is lost on her is her inability to comprehend or own the fact thst screaming at me in front of her kid is unacceptable. Instead she is mad at me for not accepting those actions.

 

[Serenity]

@exhausted Because you feel like sh!t when you're not with her and feel good when you are. Just like an alcoholic with and without alcohol or a drug addict with and without their drug. Basically addiction is when your feelings try pulling you towards something that's clearly not healthy.

That is the roller coaster and the only way out is realizing this pattern, which you have. What kept you in it until that point was addiction.