New world record set for worst AFC moment

[WestCoaster]

Haven't posted in awhile but had to post this: The worst AFC moment ever.

Friend of mine from college (divorced within the past year) e-mails me and tells me he's madly "in love" with this gal he "met" on E-Harmony. Actually, they haven't met ... more on that later.

He travels from Bozeman, Montana, to Chico, California to see her. (I Mapquested it: 978 miles one way.) When he gets there, she's not there! No note, nothing!

OK, he e-mails me and says her kid was sick or something and she had to go to the Bay Area ... yeah, riiiiiiiiiiiight. She probably looked through the peep hole and didn't like what she saw.

So I think it's over, right? He e-mails me again and says they are talking on the phone, all is well and he's "never felt this way before over any gal, even his ex-wife when they were in love." NEVER MIND THAT HE HAS NEVER MET HER FACE TO FACE!

Ooooooh boy. This is so bad that I literally had no comment on my e-mail to him. I was too pissed. I just said, "I'd be careful" or something stupid. I literally was too dumbfounded to cyber-slap him upside the head. You can't deal with morons.

I'm convinced all this internet dating -- combined with a massive dose of being an AFC -- is extremely unhealthy. Just amazing.

So far, I've heard of no one who has topped that story.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I'm so glad this in an anonymous forum...

I've never done anything as crazy as your friend, but I've come close. I don't know about other men, but back in the day here is why I used to do things like "not take a woman's hint":

1.) I'm a very direct person, what I say is what I mean and what I mean is what I say.

2.) I (used to) assume a basic level of human dignity from those around me.

3.) Everyone is probably guilty of this: assuming that others do things for the same, or for similar, reasons that you do them.

So I was (am) a direct person, and I used to assume that others are usually direct. With men, most of the time this is true. Obviously with women it is not. My own directness made me blind to just how indirect others can be.

My other big problem was assuming that others would act with a similar level of human dignity that I would. Actually, I assumed that women acted with a higher level of human dignity than I would (yes I bought the propaganda line). My life experience since then has told me just how wrong I am and just how cold-blooded and vicious most people actually are.

In the past I would have assumed (if I were your friend) that if someone didn't want me to come visit them 900 miles away, they would have the decency to say so because I would have done the same for them. Again, obviously we all know just how wrong I was.

I think the most dangerous and destructive part of being an AFC is how 'good traits', like treating others with dignity or treating others with the kindness we would like to be treated with, is turned on us. It's dangerous because it makes it harder to break out of the AFC mentality and see people for what they really are. It's destructive because if you keep extending your hand in kindness to others and you get burned for it, eventually you can learn to be the most cynical of anyone.

Without naming names, I suspect at least a few of our regular forum members were once 'sensitive souls' who were burned enough times and eventually embraced various levels of cynicism. Actually, since Pook is a former member I don't mind mentioning him. Considering how his blog went, I think it's safe to say he's embraced some form of cynicism in his life.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I've got one that comes close. Not AFC because the principle is female, but same idea.

I live in Japan, and used to hook up with people over the internet to do language exchange. half and half english and japanese.

I started talking to this one woman over skype, who told me she was really depressed because she just broke up with her boy friend. She described the relationship, how it was like a movie when they first met, they fell in love, everything was magical, story book romance, then their relationship changed, he kept telling her how she should behave, and act, which led to fighting, which led to many many breakups and makeups and deep professions of love for each other. Then she started talking about how many problems their families might have, as she is japanese and he is canadian. how she was totally torn on what to do, on the one hand she loved him dearly, and on the other hand, their differences etc etc

After listening to her for about twenty minutes, I finally realized all of this had happened purely over the internet.

She had never left japan and he had never left canada.

I remember ross jeffries somewhere saying that love is mostly an effect of self hypnosis, and the above case seems to support that.

 

[jophil28]

He travels from Bozeman, Montana, to Chico, California to see her. (I Mapquested it: 978 miles one way.) When he gets there, she's not there! No note, nothing!
.

Wow, so he couldn't find a mindgaming,attention wh0ring single mother to diss him in his home town?
Whats the population of Bozeman ?

 

[STR8UP]

Without naming names, I suspect at least a few of our regular forum members were once 'sensitive souls' who were burned enough times and eventually embraced various levels of cynicism.

You don't have to with me. I'll own it.

Although I prefer to look at it more as "realism" than "cynicism".

 

[Magma]

Man, I just got back from Bozeman. Want me to slap him for you next time I'm there?

 

[Kevin Feng]

That's pretty AFC I guess, but I will say this, people that do massive amounts of that type of internet dating are just people that are afraid to approach to begin with.

"Pick up is 90% balls, 10% strategy" - Asian Playboy

If you are willing to make the approach and get over your approach anxiety, you can really save yourself a lot of time and in this case, driving.

I feel horrible for your friend and I had a friend in a similar situation but probably worse. He actually flew out to see a girl and when he arrived, she was busy bangin some other dude in the hotel bathroom.

-Kevin

 

[KontrollerX]

"Without naming names, I suspect at least a few of our regular forum members were once 'sensitive souls' who were burned enough times and eventually embraced various levels of cynicism."

Heh heh, I'm with what the poster aliasguy once said or rather had in his sig...

"Cynicism is just a dirty word for pattern recognition."

 

[piranha45]

My cousin, who I used to respect hugely, was hideously AFC two years ago. He met an American girl online (he's based in Greece) and they got 'intimate' for a year. He then paid for her to come out to Greece, set him back a lot. Not only was she fat, she was rude, obnoxious and really not that grateful. Let's just say he had an epiphany, and got rid of her, before she got rid of him. They haven't spoken since and as far as I understand, he doesn't care for pleasing women, and now several of his mates sisters all fancy the socks off him.

Women, hey? You want them and they run away. You don't want them and they flock you.

you're 17, why are you posting in the mature man forum? It clearly says you have to be 25 or older to post here. I notice you disregard it constantly. The other teens have enough discipline to stay off here; you're not special in that regard.

 

[Pacific]

Sad but true...

Luthor Rex hit the expectations piece squarely on the head......assuming females (or anyone) will do the right thing has caused me to become cynical. Its just hard to embrace the fact that most everyone is so selfish these days......but you must.....and have zero expectations.

 

[ketostix]

This is a different story from the AFC one. But I did hear of a successful story from someone I know about a relationship from eHarmony. Basically the guy never had a GF before and was a computer nerd always studyin. He met a girl on eHarmony in another state 1000miles away and he went out to meet her. Supposedly she's tall, thin and pretty and has a MS in genetics or something and makes good money. They've been married for several years now. I guess the moral of the story is there's nothing wrong with casting your net wide if you have to-nationwide or international wide. I still think eHarmony is mostly prone to examples of extreme AFCism more than not.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I played with that over expensive and over hyped eharmony. Garbage is the best word for it. Some average a$$ women on there thinking they are Miss Universe.

To travel that far to only get dissed has got to sting. Your friend has to over look it because of how bad he was done.

 

[WestCoaster]

Wow, so he couldn't find a mindgaming,attention wh0ring single mother to diss him in his home town?
Whats the population of Bozeman ?

Great line! Yeah, if you're going to get game-played by some 'ho, shop local, you can find them anymore. Bozeman has around 50K I believe, maybe less. I'm sure he could find some psychos there.

* On the question of sensative souls/AFC, yep, I used to be one. This website helped, and a dumping that was the last straw for me. I've also done the drive-to-her-house deal, my bad story was a couple hundred miles for a gal I'd recently broken up with ... I can't type anymore, it was in my embarrasing AFC days. I'm still trying to find my nuts on the highway!

 

[jophil28]

Great line! Yeah, if you're going to get game-played by some 'ho, shop local, you can find them anymore. Bozeman has around 50K I believe, maybe less. I'm sure he could find some psychos there.

From a local population of 50K, he would have around 400-500 clinically qualified BPDs, plus an assortment of other female sub-clinical loonies, single mothers on welfare, drug dependent bar attendants, hookers, escorts and aspiring models, plus all the local users, losers, abusers and cruisers.

Yeah, shop local guys, save gas and do your bit for climate change..

 

[The Bat]

I'm convinced all this internet dating -- combined with a massive dose of being an AFC -- is extremely unhealthy. Just amazing.

So far, I've heard of no one who has topped that story.

Agreed. Hell, you have guys right here on this forum and other "gurus" trying to preach that online pimping is the greatest thing ever since Mystery's painted fingernails and 2 gallon hat.

I have a story that I heard this weekend from a guy who I knew from way back. He is a typical Christian who believes in "second chances" specifically with women who got tired of wh0ring around and are now looking for a baby daddy.

He meets a girl who lives about 1000 miles from him (what's with all these 1000 mile gaps LoL). Of course, he went and visited her a whopping 2 times. I guess he spent the day with her...did not have sex but did everything else. He also spent the day with her 2 kid....


......


WTF? Hold on.....back up for a second....

That was my exact reaction....2 kids?!? How old is she? 24...?!?

How old is the oldest kid?

You ready?

9!

So, she had the first kid at...15?

"Yeah man. But you know, people make mistakes. And I love the kid so I will have no problem with him when married...."

:cuss:

This is the point where the ambulance showed up to revive me from my heart attack.

He wants to marry the girl?

And he has only met her in person twice?

On top of that, she has 2 kids...? First one she had when she was 15...?

But wait a second, it gets a LOT better.


She doesn't want to move if they get married.

At this point, I wish I had Rollo's posts about compensation memorized so I could deliver it in James Earl Jones voice...

The smoking gun was the fact that he doesn't even have a job yet...he is just doing odd jobs and living with his parents for now.

I simply used THAT fact to explain to him how ridiculous the entire thing sounds.

"Get a job first, dude. Get yourself a career. Establish yourself first. Worry about marriage, girls, and kids later. Because if you can't even support yourself, how are you going to support everybody else?"

Hallelujah!

 

[Mr. Me]

What happens is that both men and women build a fantasy idea of what the other person is like. The more they email and IM, the more they feed that fantasy. They envision this is the greatest person ever. Consider that they don't see the day to day warts and boils of everyday life with that person, just skimming out the best when they are in contact for a few hours a week, with their best foot forward. Behind a phone and with hundreds of miles in between, there's the buffer of space in which they can be the other person's fantasy lover.

I think the level of their fantasy love in fact represents the depth of their loneliness and desperation more so then anything else.

>> But I did hear of a successful story from someone I know about a relationship from eHarmony. >>

It can happen, but it's rare. Odds dictate against it. Just because some people may survive a six story fall doesn't mean we ought to not think twice about walking off a roof. So in most cases, LDR with sight unseen people is a waste of time and effort.

Consider too that sites like eHarmony are the last refuge for many who can't find a partner locally, or even in the same state of residence, or have any business being in a relationship, which accounts for why they're not in one, so the majority of them are rejects. Once in a while there'll be a cool, attractive person joining a site like that, but they won't last long once they've joined. They'll either find someone somewhere or get repulsed from their experience online and quit it.

About eHarmony: find a partner suited for you based on 48 points of compatibility yadda, yadda. Point of fact is you don't need 48 points of compatibility. You just need the ability to be compatible, there's a big difference. For even when you share a bunch of common interests and a slew of personality traits and all that, if she looks like Bea Arthur's younger sister, you're just not going to be interested, right? But if she's hot enough, you're gonna overlook that she doesn't like sports as much as you do, true?

 

[MatureDJ]

Well, he went to her place, it's her turn to show up at his place.

But this sounds like a bunch of BS. He is a huge AFC.

 

[Luthor Rex]

"Yeah man. But you know, people make mistakes.

I know two alcoholics and one guy with a heroin problem (it's because of where I work). BOTH of them have used the phrase "people make mistakes" in regards to how their lives have been fvcked up by substance abuse.

Not all mistakes are equal, believing otherwise is usually just an attempt to rationalize bad behavior.