Newbie's Paradox: A lack of success with women leads to a lack of confidence with women. A lack of confidence with women leads to a lack of success with women. The vicious cycle, at first, appears to spiral further into failure.
I was watching some of PUA Tyler Durden's DVDs from The Blueprint Decoded and gained some great insight on how to break out of this vicious cycle.
If you have little to no previous success with scoring girls, your first few sets will obviously go pretty badly. You may come off as timid, awkward, and lacking in self-confidence. You will give off bad vibes and negative "microbehaviours". This is perfectly natural, as your experience with women (or lack thereof) will reinforce a lack of belief in yourself. In other words, you have no inner game, and this becomes externalized through your behaviour. A lack of "reference experiences" or "evidence" [that you have scored in the past] is necessary to build inner game. But the question is, how do we gain this evidence if we are stuck in the Newbie's Paradox?
Ever been at a club or bar and seen a guy hitting on a girl? The interaction is going smoothly, the girl is laughing and giving off IOIs like crazy, and you KNOW that that dude will be tapping that later. The guy is absolutely confident in himself. To be more exact, he possesses UNWAVERING BELIEF in himself. This means:
1) He is fully aware that he will score that night but
2) He is completely indifferent of the outcome with the girl
He has reached the point where hitting on a girl is as natural and automatic as drinking a glass of water when you're thirsty.
For newbies, however, their anticipated responses (aka. assumptions) to how the girl react will be failure, as this is what their reference experiences have taught them.
So what is the first step, you ask? To start trying, of course. In the beginning, things will go roughly. You still may not have scored yet, but, through trial and error, you will improve slowly, but surely. However, you will keep getting negative reference experiences, stood up or flaked on by girls, feeling crushed, rejected, and humiliated, etc.
At first, you cannot gather evidence that you're a DJ player pimp, BUT you can gather evidence that it truly DOES NOT MATTER what anybody thinks of you, especially girls. Eventually, something 'clicks' inside of you: The Indifference Threshold.
"THE HALFWAY POINT BETWEEN FEAR & TOTAL BELIEF IN ONESELF IS INDIFFERENCE." The broken pieces of your inner game slowly come together in a harmonious fashion, and a loss of outcome-dependence and neediness occurs.
At this point, your results turn from negative to positive. Confidence emerges. Reference experiences become positive, and therefore confidence becomes authentic. Your mental system gradually becomes bombarded with such experience, and incongruence transforms into congruence. You no longer have to "fake it 'til you make it."
When trying to attract girls, your mind is always pinging for past experiences with girls, which then influences you to act out what you believe is normal and permissible behaviour. If you're a total AFC, you anticipate that the interaction will fail, it will show in your microbehaviours, and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But when you pass the Indifference Threshhold, your state changes from stifled to unstifled. In other words, you achieve UNWAVERING BELIEF in yourself. The goal, in that case, is not to achieve confidence, but INDIFFERENCE. As you approach more and things begin to click, "microbehaviours" change, one after another. Your body language changes from fidgety and anxious to strong and robust. Your voice changes from quiet, nervous, and tinged with desperation to loud, assertive, and confident. You stop playing things safe, and become shamelessly sexually-forward with the girl.
You gain trust in yourself, and you gain, more importantly, trust in a foreign set of bearings (i.e. a scenario involving an attractive girl you've never met before). This is where the path to becoming a DJ begins.
Thoughts?
I was watching some of PUA Tyler Durden's DVDs from The Blueprint Decoded and gained some great insight on how to break out of this vicious cycle.
If you have little to no previous success with scoring girls, your first few sets will obviously go pretty badly. You may come off as timid, awkward, and lacking in self-confidence. You will give off bad vibes and negative "microbehaviours". This is perfectly natural, as your experience with women (or lack thereof) will reinforce a lack of belief in yourself. In other words, you have no inner game, and this becomes externalized through your behaviour. A lack of "reference experiences" or "evidence" [that you have scored in the past] is necessary to build inner game. But the question is, how do we gain this evidence if we are stuck in the Newbie's Paradox?
Ever been at a club or bar and seen a guy hitting on a girl? The interaction is going smoothly, the girl is laughing and giving off IOIs like crazy, and you KNOW that that dude will be tapping that later. The guy is absolutely confident in himself. To be more exact, he possesses UNWAVERING BELIEF in himself. This means:
1) He is fully aware that he will score that night but
2) He is completely indifferent of the outcome with the girl
He has reached the point where hitting on a girl is as natural and automatic as drinking a glass of water when you're thirsty.
For newbies, however, their anticipated responses (aka. assumptions) to how the girl react will be failure, as this is what their reference experiences have taught them.
So what is the first step, you ask? To start trying, of course. In the beginning, things will go roughly. You still may not have scored yet, but, through trial and error, you will improve slowly, but surely. However, you will keep getting negative reference experiences, stood up or flaked on by girls, feeling crushed, rejected, and humiliated, etc.
At first, you cannot gather evidence that you're a DJ player pimp, BUT you can gather evidence that it truly DOES NOT MATTER what anybody thinks of you, especially girls. Eventually, something 'clicks' inside of you: The Indifference Threshold.
"THE HALFWAY POINT BETWEEN FEAR & TOTAL BELIEF IN ONESELF IS INDIFFERENCE." The broken pieces of your inner game slowly come together in a harmonious fashion, and a loss of outcome-dependence and neediness occurs.
At this point, your results turn from negative to positive. Confidence emerges. Reference experiences become positive, and therefore confidence becomes authentic. Your mental system gradually becomes bombarded with such experience, and incongruence transforms into congruence. You no longer have to "fake it 'til you make it."
When trying to attract girls, your mind is always pinging for past experiences with girls, which then influences you to act out what you believe is normal and permissible behaviour. If you're a total AFC, you anticipate that the interaction will fail, it will show in your microbehaviours, and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But when you pass the Indifference Threshhold, your state changes from stifled to unstifled. In other words, you achieve UNWAVERING BELIEF in yourself. The goal, in that case, is not to achieve confidence, but INDIFFERENCE. As you approach more and things begin to click, "microbehaviours" change, one after another. Your body language changes from fidgety and anxious to strong and robust. Your voice changes from quiet, nervous, and tinged with desperation to loud, assertive, and confident. You stop playing things safe, and become shamelessly sexually-forward with the girl.
You gain trust in yourself, and you gain, more importantly, trust in a foreign set of bearings (i.e. a scenario involving an attractive girl you've never met before). This is where the path to becoming a DJ begins.
Thoughts?
