New to sober game.

[Notmattdamon]

Hi!

Im new here so i'll start with presenting myself.

I'm turning 28 in a month, i'm a serial entrepreneur, some of my business are starting to take off, but it has been a lot of work to get start. Money is starting to coming in, so I can live a decent lifestyle. Im pretty proud about that, and i own it. I do a lot of stuff, im a pretty intresting person, i have a high level of education and readed as least a book per week for the past 5 years.

Anyways, i had sex with a lot of woman back in my early 20's, then settle down with a girl, move with her, try the long distance thing (she had in internship for 4 months), cheated on her, and we broke up 2 years ago. I dated other girl after, but well less attractive womens.

When i met her, i was in shape (going a lot of bjj). Then broke my knee and got fat. I have a good 30-40 pounds to lose.

Im also sober now. I had my load of problems with alcool and cocain abuse, partying way too much, rockstar style (i also play music pretty well haha).

So here i am now. I'm single, and i don't want to commit or sacrifice anything for anyone but myself. I do not give a **** if you thing this is selffish.

But i had good game, but alcool and drugs were my game. I liked party girls. Now this is over, ive been sober for 9 months, i seriously i do now have the need to go back to substance abuse, im pretty happy the eay things are, and i just don't think about it anymore.

So, im getting a little shy with womens, especially since i put up 40 pounds. Im not that self confident anymore.

I sober kissed a girl last month, for the first times in probably all my life. I dont remember any first kiss with a woman that i wasnt ****ed up.

So my brain by itself, associated sex to alcool and drugs... and it kind of worked for a time. But i wasnt happy and i needed to get sober. I did it for myself, nobody else.

So here i am. More shy then even, less self confident because im fatter, and well, without the booze or the drugs to smooth things out. All by myself haha.

I also work like crazy, meaning aroung 80 to 100 hours per week. I do not have that much time to meet people.

In the past 9 months, i quit alcool, drugs and cigarette. I brought to sucess businesses that were almost bankrupted because of my abuses. I do thing that i am capable of anything after that.

I made a choice today that all my morning, everyday of the week, will be spent on my wellbeing, starting with sports (i still do sport every week but i est too much).

Advices, ideas, anything?

 

[Serenity]

I've reflected on the drugs (alcohol since I haven't done anything else) and confidence issue in the past, I concluded that if I can do the stuff I did when drunk I can do it without too. I never quit drinking, because I didn't abuse it, I still drink and go out occasionally. However, back then I noticed that I was a lot less shy while drunk. Being sober I barely even looked at women, that's how shy I was. Looking at it from the outside it didn't matter whether I was drinking or not, because objectively speaking out was still just me fooling around. It doesn't look worse if you let yourself go while sober.

If you really put yourself first then you shouldn't have an issue with being afraid of others judgement of you. Ignore your shyness, look for something more fun within you and entertain that instead. Do what you really want to do, even if it might feel a bit scary. The fear marks the areas you need to grow, embrace it.

 

[Notmattdamon]

Well, 9 months inst that early haha. I am not going to wait 2 years. My sobriety is under control, l change mu minsdet and relation to alcool and drugs, i go out to bars and party with friend, and seriously have no craving, and i know i wont drink again. But i can wait a bit too before getting back to dating and all that **** if necessary.

For the being fit part, im starting calry counting today, and hitting the gym hard. Ill make a workout plan and a tracking system, then ill get started on that today.

Any thoughts on getting fit, nutrition and workouts?

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Being sober when out makes conversations much easier. The only hurdle to get over is breaking the ice and learning to keep the conversation going. It comes naturally after a few times and you'll find people will actually start up chatting with you quite quickly if you put out the right vibe.

What you will also realise is that drunk people can actually be a bit annoying and sketchy. They don't remember conversations you had 10 minutes before. But that being said, it's easy to work people out in that scenario because their inhibitions are down and your perception is still on point. The secret is to enjoy sober life as if you are a bit tipsy.

As deesade said, if you are working on personal improvements, don't take women too seriously. If you need to lose weight, then do it. I recently heard it said that tattoos are more acceptable that obesity. If you think about it, the two things tell different stories about the person. Some people can't help being overweight, but many can.

 

[greatsnake]

First of all, congratulations on breaking those habits and wanting a different lifestyle!

You already have the work ethic down, so channel that quality towards working out, as it will help you lose weight (which is something that you'd like to change), increase your self-esteem and confidence in a healthy way.