New territory for me. The LDR.

[LinkinParkROX]

Hey folks, I've been on this site a while, constantly learning the ways of the Don Juan. I've been getting laid left and right, scoring with all sorts of chicks. I've reached the stage where simple sex/hookups bore me; I seek a relationship. So far, I've applied Anti-Dump's machine to my life and I'm pretty sure I've found the girl of my dreams. High interest level, loads of kino, everything was perfect. As much of a sap as that makes me sound like, I do know the difference between puppy love/infatuation and real love; I'm pretty sure this is real. Anyhow, we just ended the best two weeks of our lives and now she's gone abroad to study.

She comes and goes every 6 months for 2 weeks, but besides that, she's doing a 3 year course, so this is a bit of a challenge. It's been 3 days since she left, and I can not stop thinking about her; it's driving me insane. I'm constantly checking facebook to see if she's online and stuff. I have this urge to go on facebook and send her a huge message about how much I love her and how much I can't stop thinking about her and all this AFC bull**** I've learned to avoid. What would you do in this situation?

What do you suggest I do? My DJ instincts tell me no contact, my possibly AFC instincts tell me otherwise. The thing is, I'm pretty sure this is the woman I'm meant to marry. I'm beyond casual lays, they're boring now. It's odd not talking to her and still hoping she maintains that high interest level, you know? She could just as easily lose interest now that she's abroad and go get with some foreign penis. That's besides the point. My dilemma right now is: 1) Take action, tell her I love her, talk to her every now and then, or 2) No contact, be a challenge, keep a big distance, and hope to maintain her high Interest Level.

I feel like all the Don Juan stuff I learnt has just been negated man, what the hell? Input, please?

 

[bigneil]

Definitely don't tell her how much you love her. You want to make her wonder what you are up to. Act like you would if you were seeing Megan Fox on the side.

I recommend somewhere between 1 and 2. Go with Limited Contact. That means you let her initiate and you don't reply on the spot all the time.

Send her a hand-written letter once a month - something simple. Enjoy the romance that LDR can bring like no other, but make sure to spin other plates because it's nearly impossible to maintain this relationship. Also understand that when a LDR ends, even if they claim to be dumping you at some point, it's not the same as being dumped in a local relationship. Don't take it personally. It was inevitable and the distance and lack of physical proximity is the real reason these relationships unravel. Perhaps someday you can pick up where you left off.

 

[sexysuave]

hmm

How long did you "date" this girl? I hope it's not only the 2 weeks you're talking about? If that's the case, than I say you're probably better off going no contact since you clearly have a oneitis for a girl that you can see once every 6 MONTHS. Look, I've done some long distance before (wouldn't recomend it, but hey back in those puppy love days I wouldn't listen to anyone telling me not to see this hot babe either, so I know this advice is hard to take), but I've never had to wait 6 months. Seeing her every month or two is more recommended, but that doesn't seem to be the option in your case. It's only been 3 days since she left, and trust me, the "outta sight outta mind" works wonders!! (unfortunately, this also means that whatever she is feeling for you will also diminish over time). I'm gonna take a wild guess taht this chick is probably ridiculously fine since you've got such a huge thing for her so quick, and her being so hot will not help things while she is away for 6 MONTHS at a time in some foreign country. She is most likely gonna end up meeting a new social circle and also get interested in some guys down there. I mean common, put your self in her position, if you were a good looking dude on her level, and were in some foreign country for 3 YEARS going to school, you would have a bunch of crushes left and right, it's how high schools and universities work, you usually always have a thing for few girls you meet out there and most people end up marrying people they meet in school.

Also, bigneil has a pretty good idea when he said "treat her like you're dating Megan Fox". That's actually golden lol. In other words, the 3 YEARS distance makes this almost impossible to work out (don't get me wrong man, there is ALWAYS some possibility. I did pretty good with my long distance and do know some people that eventually ended up together after some long distance, but it is VERY RARE. MOST of the time sh*t will eventually go wrong, sometimes even when one of the parties moves to be with the other. They realize that being together every day is nothing at all like their little long distance "oh I miss you so much baby, I wish you were here with me all the time', it's just not like that most of the time in person. So pretty much what I'm saying, the odds are heavily against you here my man. But treating her like you're "dating Megan Fox" is like ok, I know I'm not really gonna marry this girl, she has all these other things going now that are priorities in her life, but she has a great time with me when she sees me, so whenever she is in town, I will hang out with her if she's up for it and have a good time. And then, who knows, maybe when it's all said and done and she is back for good, AND if you're single at the time (I would NOT wait 3 years just for her though, as much as I wanna believe the whole "I KNOW she's the one" i'm having a hard time believing it's not just puppy love, especially if you guys have only hung out for a few weeks) maybe you guys can even end up together, but you are putting WAY too high of expectations on the whole thing if you look at it like that.

I'll end with this, the best way to figure out if you can work with someone who you're seeing LD, is for one of you to move and be with the other. You say that you "know for sure" she is the one you want to marry? Well, does she feel the same? Because if she doesn't, it doesn't matter two sh*ts how you feel about her. Now, if she DOES also feel the same about you, you can always straight up move to where she is at and be with her there for 3 years until she is done with school. See??? How do you feel about that??? LOL that's a true test right there buddy. You talk about all this certainty and everything and how you're CERTAIN taht she's the one. Well if you're so certain, and you know she feels the same about you, then really the BEST thing to do is get your ass up and move out there! Tell me what thoughts are going through year mind as you're reading this? Are you still SO CERTAIN? What things worry you? What things are stopping you from doing this? And I'm not even kidding here. If you are REALLY so sure like you say you are, and SHE FEELS THE SAME ABOUT YOU (big big key here lol), then just go over there and be with her. It will be an adventure, you will probably learn a new language, get a job out there that will get you by and also if possible maybe you can do some light schooling too, never too late to add more education to improve your self. But, somehow, I don't think that you are THIS CERTAIN!? Let us know

 

[Rogue]

I just entered into a long distance relationship on July 4th—which is ironic, giving up my independence on independence day. It's my first time in this territory and my one week of experience doesn't make me some sort of expert, but the one thing I do know: the dynamics of attraction still apply. Always remember the three A's: Anxiety Amplifies Attraction.

Never be the first to say "I love you." Let her wonder but not explicitly know for a fact how much you're thinking about her. My girl has told me several times she constantly is thinking about me, but I have not spilled the beans how much I think about her.

She comes and goes every 6 months for 2 weeks… The thing is, I'm pretty sure this is the woman I'm meant to marry… She could just as easily lose interest now that she's abroad and go get with some foreign penis.

Understand: there's a 99% chance your relationship is doomed. Mine is, too. It comes with the territory.

My girl is two states away from me and I can afford to indulge in airline tickets or interstate road trips once a month, but six months is too far out of sight, out of mind. One period of six months is tolerable, but for three years?—no. Not for me, not for her.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, you're setting yourself up for absolute misery.

You need to spin other plates (I hate that term, but it applies) for your own sanity and survival.

It is very VERY rare for a long-distance "relationship" to work, and I put that word in quotes because you really can't have a true relationship when you're so far away from each other.

Circumstances can change in a heartbeat, and a woman acts on emotion, not logic. That means if she feels lonely and starts to get attention from some guy, she will probably succumb. I think I saw in another thread that you are very young, and believe me, women in your age group have their heads competely up their asses. They have no understanding of right and wrong, honor and logic. They do what "feels" right at any given time, and are therefore massively un-trustable.

You said you just had the best two weeks of your lives. You mean you've already decided she's the one you'll marry after two weeks of knowing her? Or am I mistaken?

You don't even know her, and she doesn't know you. All you know is the person who is on her best behavior and trying to impress you, and it's the same for her. It takes one full year of active dating a person (2 or 3 times per week) to even start to know who a person really is. At exactly the one year mark, you realize just how nuts the other person is, and she realizes just how nuts you are (we're all nuts in our own ways).

Then the decision is made on both sides whether or not the nutty part is acceptable or not and the relationship moves to the next level (love starts to take root above and beyond self-love and lust).

You are infatuated with her feminine ways, the attention she gives you, and the fantasy of spending your life together with her. Unfortunately, your reality is that she is far away from you and you can't get to know who she really is. You must start going out with other women. You can always keep her on a back burner to see how it goes, but you need to protect yourself from pining away for her. It will eat you up and destroy you. Good luck!