"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

new study concluded what we already know,,most men dont know what women want..

librito

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I believe this is true because I didnt know when women gave me indications of interest until I came to this site.

here is the study and the link...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20080320/sc_livescience/cluelessguyscantreadwomen


More often than not, guys interpret even friendly cues, such as a subtle smile from a gal, as a sexual come-on, and a new study discovers why: Guys are clueless.


More precisely, they are somewhat oblivious to the emotional subtleties of non-verbal cues, according to a new study of college students.


"Young men just find it difficult to tell the difference between women who are being friendly and women who are interested in something more," said lead researcher Coreen Farris of Indiana University's Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences.


This "lost in translation" phenomenon plays out in the real world, with about 70 percent of college women reporting an experience in which a guy mistook her friendliness for a sexual come-on, Farris said.


Some might think the results come down to "boys being boys," and so even the slightest female interest sparks sexual fantasy. But the study, to be detailed in the April issue of the journal Psychological Science, also found that it goes both ways for guys - they mistake females' sexual signals as friendly ones. The researchers suggest guys have trouble noticing and interpreting the subtleties of non-verbal cues, in either direction.


The study's funding came from the National Institutes of Mental Health and the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.


Flirting or not?


To unravel it all, Farris and her colleagues examined non-verbal communication in a group of 280 undergraduates, both men and women with an average age of 20 years old.


The students viewed images of women on a computer screen and had to categorize each as friendly, sexually interested, sad or rejecting. Each student reported on 280 photographs, which had been sorted previously into one of the categories based on surveys completed by different groups of students.


Overall, women categorized more images correctly than men did. When it came to friendly gestures, men were more likely than women to interpret these to mean sexual interest.


More surprising, the researchers found guys were also confused by sexual cues. When images of gals meant to show allure flashed onto the screen, male students mistook the allure as amicable signals.


So ladies trying to brush off a guy at work or the gym may need to be, uh, more direct. Men in the study also had more trouble than women distinguishing between sadness and rejection.


Programmed for sex


The results help to tease out the underlying causes of guys' flirt-or-not mistakes. One common explanation for reports of men taking a friendly gesture as "she wants me," is based on men's inherent interest in sex, which is thought to result from their biology as well as their upbringing.


Following this idea, men and women would be aware of the same behavioral cues, but men would have a lower threshold for what qualifies as sexual interest. In contrast, women would wait for compelling evidence before labeling a behavior as sexual interest.


However, Farris and her colleagues didn't find this to be the case. Rather than seeing the world through sex-colored glasses, men seemed just to have blurry vision of sorts, overall. For instance, the college guys sometimes mistook sexual advances as pal-like gestures.


"I would say that there are many factors that could relate to men demonstrating insensitivity to women's subtle non-verbal cues," said Pamela McAuslan, associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, who was not involved in the current study. These factors would include socialization, gender roles and gender stereotypes, she said.


For instance, "women are supposed to be the communicators, concerned with relationships and others ... men are supposed to be less concerned with communication and to be constantly alert for sexual opportunities," McAuslan said. "This could mean that men in general may be less sensitive to subtle non-verbal behavior than women."

That doesn't mean such men can't learn to read cues or that all men are clueless decoders of women's gestures.

"These are average differences. Some men are very skilled at reading affective cues," Farris told LiveScience, "and some women find the task challenging
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

DonGorgon

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Why should we focus on what women want... why dont they do a study on why women dont give men what they know we want????

I am tired of feminists and gay men running the world and making life hard for us straight men...

It this simple:

We want sex.
Women want confusion
 

Huffman

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True enough, but you can't tell the media. You'll get shot down in an instant.

Which is exactly the reason so many guys are clueless. Because they are being kept clueless.
 

“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”

You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.

I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.

Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.

These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.

Read more...

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Life is about negotiation. I don't really see the media being for or against men or their needs, but the pendulum does swing back and forth on major issues and their popularity. It doesn't mean you have to live by societal rules, ultimately we create our own realities and perceptions so it really doesn't matter what the bigger world says is right (or wrong). I've held my beliefs through some crazy idea pitches through life. Hold strong on yours, can't be bothered to worry about what everyone else thinks as you don't and never will have control over anyone outside of yourself.

Either play by the rules or secretly bend them to suite your needs!
 

00Kevin

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DonGorgon said:
Why should we focus on what women want... why dont they do a study on why women dont give men what they know we want????

I am tired of feminists and gay men running the world and making life hard for us straight men...

It this simple:

We want sex.
Women want confusion

no I don't agree that men just want sex. That statement alone plays into the very thing that the feminist and gays are trying to promote. They want everyone to think that men are all about sex.

Please don't fall into their trap and help distort the image of Man.
 

Jitterbug

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This is such a typical "research" in this man-hating world - placing all the blames and negativity on men.

When communication fails, both parties have some responsibility in letting it happen. You can't blame it all on one side.

For every guy that mistakes a friendly gesture for an indicator of sexual interest, I can find you a gal who wonders "why doesn't he ask me out? why doesn't he call when he said he would?"

Women are just as clueless. Feminist researchers like those keep reinforcing the message to them that all men want is sex. That is so very wrong. While it's a very important thing on our list, it's far from being the only thing. If all a woman could offer a man is sex, guess what she'll be treated like.
 

taiyuu_otoko

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This study is worthless. First of all, they never said WHO chose the gestures as friendly or not. What specifically determined a sexual look vs. a friendly look? Where they actually friendly or sexual looks or were they girls told to "look like you want him?" Also, females are extremely prone to reverse, or backwards rationalization. For example, a girl flashes a guy a sexy come hither look, the guy comes hither, turns out to be a chode, then she re-classifies her "come-hither" look that she gave to be one of only friendliness, so she doesn't have to admit she gave a "come hither" look to a chode.

Also, even if they were genuine looks given by women, OF COURSE women are gonna be better at judging them. They guys are 20 y/o for kristsakes, and on average they have approached maybe half a dozen women cold in their lives.

This "study" is so non-scientific (trust me I've a B.S. in Physics and was an Engineer for 10 years) its not even funny. Pure agenda driven nonsense. Ignore.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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DonGorgon said:
Why should we focus on what women want... why dont they do a study on why women dont give men what they know we want????
Because there aren't too many men willing to stick to their guns about what they want. Men will put up with crap more often than not just for the attention of a woman. Scroll through a days worth of posts in the forum and you will find countless threads about how a guy is supposed to put up with the crap of a woman instead of the few threads about how to select a quality woman. Madness...
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

Read more...

DonGorgon

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00Kevin said:
no I don't agree that men just want sex. That statement alone plays into the very thing that the feminist and gays are trying to promote. They want everyone to think that men are all about sex.

Please don't fall into their trap and help distort the image of Man.
ummmm, my point is that we all want sex but men have a harder time getting it cause there are too many of us giving women plenty of power to pick and choose who they will f.
 

DonGorgon

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Because there aren't too many men willing to stick to their guns about what they want. Men will put up with crap more often than not just for the attention of a woman. Scroll through a days worth of posts in the forum and you will find countless threads about how a guy is supposed to put up with the crap of a woman instead of the few threads about how to select a quality woman. Madness...
Quality women are in such short supply and there is no motivation for women to be of quality cause there are so man y desperate men that women can get away with being almost the devil and till have 10+ men begging for an f...
 

DonGorgon

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Jitterbug said:
...I can find you a gal who wonders "why doesn't he ask me out? why doesn't he call when he said he would?"
Most times She is only wondering that about the same top 5% of men that all women take turns f'ing (The richest and or best looking) so we still end up with 99% of the male population being considered not good enough by most of the female population...
 
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taiyuu_otoko said:
This study is worthless. First of all, they never said WHO chose the gestures as friendly or not. What specifically determined a sexual look vs. a friendly look? Where they actually friendly or sexual looks or were they girls told to "look like you want him?" Also, females are extremely prone to reverse, or backwards rationalization. For example, a girl flashes a guy a sexy come hither look, the guy comes hither, turns out to be a chode, then she re-classifies her "come-hither" look that she gave to be one of only friendliness, so she doesn't have to admit she gave a "come hither" look to a chode.

Also, even if they were genuine looks given by women, OF COURSE women are gonna be better at judging them. They guys are 20 y/o for kristsakes, and on average they have approached maybe half a dozen women cold in their lives.

This "study" is so non-scientific (trust me I've a B.S. in Physics and was an Engineer for 10 years) its not even funny. Pure agenda driven nonsense. Ignore.
Well first off that is a report on the study, not the study itself so you can't really say the study itself is flawed. I'll see if I can't get a copy of the actual report and see their method. I am pretty sure they asked participants to create different looks what they felt were sexual and what they felt were neural or conveyed some sort of emotion. That way it does determine if men can or can't tell what the person emoting the expression was actually feeling. Plenty of other studies show the same thing, men are not good at reading facial emotions, they have less focused brain on emotions and often can't read body language well at all. It's not just this study, there are plenty of others.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

martinM.

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DonGorgon said:
ummmm, my point is that we all want sex but men have a harder time getting it cause there are too many of us giving women plenty of power to pick and choose who they will f.

Shouldn't everyone have the power to pick and chose who they have sex with?
 
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Alright I read through it and I can see underlying cues as to the MOTIVATION of the study. There are some undertones that the author is researching a sort of method by which incidences of unwanted sexual advances could be presented to men and so help them (and in turn women) avoid being approached or affected physically by men. So yes, that press release and in-tern article that "men are clueless" could very well have some feminist undertones even though I otherwise agree with the CONCLUSION of the study for the fact that many studies show the same thing. Men aren't naturally pre-disposed to being able to read emotion and nonverbal language. I hold my position, that men who study body language are much more adept at reading it then women who have never studied body language. Read the study for yourself and decide. Pay particular attention to key parts of the introduction and discussion and also check the reference list critically and see what her motivation is for conducting the study.

MOTIVATION can be detached from the CONCLUSION and good science can be run by people with backwards thoughts processes.

I still give the researcher the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she has the best interest of both sexes in mind. She is both trying to help men read women better, help women acknowledge that they deliver poor nonverbal messages and help both sexes avoid unwanted encounters.
 
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I wrote an article and am currently speaking with the author of the study. I seems there may have been some misfortune with the title "clueless" and she may be interested in setting the record straight. See my comments here:

http://www.bodylanguageproject.com/articles/men_dont_understand_no.htm

and I've asked her to write a rebuttal if she is interested so we shall see what comes of it. I'll be posting back in that article any rebuttals.

From the AUTHOR of the STUDY:

Christopher,

Thank you for the link to your website. You've done a nice job of making the human ethology findings accessible. The "clueless guy" headline in the popular press was unfortunate as we have never approached gender differences from a deficit perspective. Rather, friendliness and sexual interest are internal motivations that are remarkably difficult to discriminate.
best,

Coreen
 
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