New Situation for Me. Suggestions

[klaz]

I've been seeing this girl (23) from Italy. Lovely young woman, that I really get on well with. She's over here in ireland, as part of work experience.

First date lasted 9 hours, and had plenty of kissing.
Second Date, less kissing, plenty of talking.
Third date, even less kissing, plenty of talking, flirting etc.
Fourth date, no kissing. Friendship gag.

She's fed me a line regarding not wanting to alienate her current friends, and how one of friends has changed her friendship with her since she joined one of our dates. She's also fed me the line about having a major breakup before coming to Ireland. Added to which she's a fairly devout Christian. She's also going home in two months and keeps saying she doesn't want to get hooked on me, and have to go home sad. Bla bla bla.

I've messed up here a good bit. Initially I went in with my mind focused on getting sexual with her. Not lecherous or anything, but rather being nice and confident. Somewhere along the way I lost that focus, and suddenly I've found myself slipping into the Friendship category. (which I'm resisting)

Now I've stayed completely honest with her from the start letting her know where I stand with all this. That I find her attractive, and I want to be more than friends. I've initiated the kissing and such, which is fine, but I'm not getting the responses I need to push this into acceptable terms with her. She seems to be hesitating too much about it.

I must admit I'm at a bit of a loss. I like the woman, and while I'm no-where near having a crush, I don't want to lose the opportunity of being with her, by being too forceful.

I'm meeting her tomorrow evening in her flat, to cook her dinner (her brother who doesn't speak any english from italy is over, so I'll be cooking for him too) before going out to a bar/club.

I have some idea of where to go from here, but some replies would be helpful to put my mind on track again...

So Any ideas?

 

[JackPrescott]

"If she isnt going to put out, dont do her any favors, or go out of your way for her."

Hows that?

 

[WestCoaster]

Problem isn't putting out, it's AFCing

Jack is wrong here. It has NOTHING to do with putting out but a FREAKING 9-HOUR DATE! And on the first date?!!!!

What the h-ll are you doing?! That date should've lated ONE hour, making her want you more.

You AFCed the entire way, kissing too much early, spending too much time with her early. Nine freaking hours? How about being a mystery to her? Once I read 9 hours, I knew you were history.

One of the first laws of DJism:

LESS IS MORE!

 

[joekerr31]

you've made her the prize.

women want attention about as much, or more, than we want sex.

you know the feeling you get AFTER you f*ck a woman ... for most of us we suddenly see her for who she really is. If we thought she was a 10, now we see shes really only a 8. all her seduction techniques lose their effect for about 1 hour after, and we are in total control of everything. then we get horny again and they regain some control.

when you shower a woman with attention, they start to look at you the way a man looks at a woman after sex. they will still like you, but it aint the same as before having sex.

and the only thing better than having direct attention is knowing that some guy out there is pinning over you and wanting to be with you.

i dont care if you are dating the hottest woman in the entire world.... YOU are hte prize. she is merely an enjoyable person to spend some of your time with .... THAT IS IT!

guys think they are being so nice and caring when they confess their emotions to a woman. all it f*cking does is make them want even higher levels of attention - and since you are already providing the highest amount possible in person (9 f*cking hours) they up the ante by making you pine for them when they aren't even around. its either that or you've over done it with the attention and she's tired of it.

remember, attention to women is like sex to men. I mean, if you f*cked some woman for nine hours, sure, it would be the f*ck of your life, but you probably wouldn't have any interest in seeing her for at least a week, because she SOOOO satisfied your craving that you don't need her for that for a while.

or its like imagine you bang a babe, get your rocks off twice, maybe three times, but she doesn't want to stop. it would be a real drag having to keep banging her when the tank is empty...what fun is that. so when guys smother a girl with attention, its jsut too much of a good thing. you can only eat so much apple pie before you puck, even if you love apple pie.

anyway, the advice here is the same as with all the other situations similar to this. BACK OFF. go find other girls. play her game....

tell her friends is cool with you. hang out with her for no more than 1-2 hours MAX. start eyeing other girls when you are out with her. Stop swamping her with compliments if you are, and start palling around with her like she's frank from the pub.

BE FRIENDLY AND A NICE GUY BUT DON'T GIVE HER THE ATTENTION SHE WANTS.

as a man you have the right to only give romantic-like attention to someone you are dating. she doesn't want to date, fine, she doesn't get that kind of attention.

go find a girl who does. but use this one as practice. use it as an opportunity to test your control over your own emotions. its also a good experiment and you'll get to see how easy it is to reignite their interest once you understand what it is they want and take it away from.

so many guys go 'ok fine, lets be friends' and then continue to shower the woman with compliments "wow, you look great in that new jacket." I mean, WHAT THE F*CK?!!!

treat her like a bud. she gets a new jacket and wants your opinion, your response "how much was it?' "Ah that's a good price.". She gets a new hair cut and asks your opinion "Looks good I guess. I don't know much about women hair styles though, so don't trust my word".

REMOVE THE TYPE OF ATTENTION SHE IS LOOKING FOR.

sh*t, within 1 day she'll be ready to take off her panties just so that you'll tell her she's beautiful again.

J

 

[WestCoaster]

It was lost on hour three on the first date, the woman knew she had him and you surrendered control over to her. Like Joekerr said, back off, that is the only way you'll salvage this. And heck, who wants to salvage it anyway? You're young, might as well quit this oneitis bullsh-t and date many others.

Next time, don't spend more than an hour on the first date, unless it's going incredibly well. Then spend 90 minutes and leave as the woman is desiring more time with you.

Some of the greatest rock/pop songs ever written are 2:30 seconds long ... a good group makes you wanting more of their music. The same applies to women.

You're obsessed, have oneitis, and overdid it way too much on the first date. The woman has control in this instance.

 

[The Anti Dr Phil]

JoeKerr: Bro, I'm over here dying in laughter after reading what you wrote. I'm cosigning everything you said, but I gotta say, the spin you put on that was hilarious.

 

[JackPrescott]

Re: Problem isn't putting out, it's AFCing

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Jack is wrong here. It has NOTHING to do with putting out but a FREAKING 9-HOUR DATE! And on the first date?!!!!

What the h-ll are you doing?! That date should've lated ONE hour, making her want you more.

You AFCed the entire way, kissing too much early, spending too much time with her early. Nine freaking hours? How about being a mystery to her? Once I read 9 hours, I knew you were history.

One of the first laws of DJism:

LESS IS MORE!

It's like this. If the POTENTIAL for sex exists, then continue to pursue. Once a women gives the LJBF "vibe" drop her like a bad habit, and "waiter, seperate checks".... A 9 hour date is generally reserved for a woman who you are already really, REALLY intimate with, and you both want to spend a lot of time together. First dates should not last 9 hours, in general. But less is truly more. Being a mystery is great, and if you can be a mystery, but show up with other women, you look like THEE MAN. Jealousy is the key here.

 

[MightyMate]

Tell her that shes very nice and important to You and You dont want to be friends. And kiss. After that have sex. Job done.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Originally posted by MightyMate
Tell her that shes very nice and important to You and You dont want to be friends. And kiss. After that have sex. Job done.

Word